The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

As I'll likely be too busy tonight spending time with family, tomorrow spending time with my girlfriend, and spending time with my dad on New Year's watching college football games, I thought I'd wish all my readers a very Happy New Year! I hope that 2013 treats you better than 2012 or any other preceding year did! Be safe and have fun!

Michael Vick was back in at quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles today, as Nick Foles was out with a broken hand. However, for how awful the Eagles defense played, it wouldn't have mattered whether Vick, Foles, or Johnny Unitas was the team's quarterback today, as the team lost 42-7 to the New York Giants to finish the season at 4-12. Vick was quite rusty early in the game, as he completed only 2 of his first 5 passes (for 19 yards) and that included one interception. However, he finished fairly well, completing 17 of 32 passes for 178 additional yards and a touchdown. Overall, the offensive production was very average, if that. The team ran the ball with more success than they did a week ago, rushing for 110 yards on 27 carries (4.1 avg.), probably helped some by Vick's 5 carries for 25 yards (5.0 avg.). Like last week, tailback LeSean McCoy was one of the team's greatest receiving threats, catching 5 passes for 61 yards (12.2 avg), but like last week, only ran th

Philly did everything they could to play the role of spoiler last week against in-division rival Washington, before falling to the 'Skins by the final score of 27-20. This dropped the Eagles to 1-10 in their last 11 games and 4-11 overall. Throughout the contest, all three phases of the Eagles' game appeared pretty average. Their defense, while continuing to play better than they had been mid-season, still allowed Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III to have a very efficient day - posting a quarterback rating of 102.4. Albert Morris also ran the ball fairly efficiently for the Redskins, running for 91 yards on 22 carries (4.1 average), and a touchdown. The Eagles' special teams were average to slightly below average. Their coverage units have been poor throughout the course of the season, but have shown some signs of improvement in recent weeks. That progression seemed to come to a halt in this game.  Offensively, Nick Foles, while breaking his hand, played fai

So, I just read that according to the pastor of the Cowboy Church of Virginia - Raymond Bell - stroking horses can "cure" people of their homosexuality.  Yes, this is why while riding on and stroking their horses in "Brokeback Mountain," Jake Gy llenhaal and Heath Ledger constantly gave each other the classic "why-can't-I-quit-you" look. It's rumored that Mr. Bell also believes the following: That walking dogs can cure one of cancer, that swimming with dolphins can rid one of herpes, and that doing a duet with a T-Rex can bring about world peace. Scientists now firmly believe that speaking to the pastor of the Cowboy Church of Virginia will diminish one's intelligence. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/29/raymond-bell-cowboy-church-of-virginia-horses-gay_n_2381028.html

Ever hear or even use this phrase when discussing matters with a person who is more difficult to talk to than a snowman is to melt in sub-zero temperatures? I've been guilty of this. "It's like talking to a brick wall!" However, I think I've changed my mind on the usage and meaning of this phrase, for whenever I'm in such a discussion with a person, I now think to myself, "If I were only speaking to a brick wall, I wouldn't receive such stupid responses." I may now post a personal ad that reads, "Seeking brick walls to talk to, especially regarding politics and religion."

I'm heading out of town tomorrow to spend some time with family, so I'll be unable to blog for the next week. I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas or if they celebrate a different holiday, a wonderful holiday season. I wish everyone safe travels, to have fun, and I hope Santa Claus wasn't overly liberal with his giving of coal this year!

1. Peyton Manning (Denver): The Broncos have gone from one of the worst to one of the best offenses in the league this year - scoring 30 or more points in 9 of their 14 games and in 7 of their last 9. They scored 30 or more just twice all year last year, in 18 total games (two playoff games). For as great as Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady are, not even they do what Peyton Manning does behind center. The guy is the best. He took an average Denver offense and made them one of the very best (and in just one season). 2. Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay): I would have ranked him 1st last year in his once-in-a-lifetime Madden kind of season. His receivers haven't helped him out a great deal and without much threat of a run game, the pressure has been placed firmly on Rodgers' shoulders. While he may not be my top quarterback at this juncture, he's still in the top three (along with Brady), without question. Also, unlike Manning or Brady, Rodgers can run for a first down here and there w

The entertainingly absurd right-wing comments pertaining to guns never seems to end. The most recent? Incoming Texas State Representative Kyle Kacal said the following: "I've heard of people being killed playing ping-pong - ping-pongs are more dangerous than guns. Flat-screen TVs are injuring more kids today than anything." That's right, ladies and gentlemen. It's not people with guns we need to worry about. It's people with "ping-pongs" we need to worry about. It's falling television sets we need to worry about. In 2011, over 19,000 were killed via gun and 29 people were killed by way of falling televisions in this country. 19,000? 29? A 655 : 1 ratio? Yeah, that's the same thing. As a matter of fact, the 1 in the ratio outweighs the 655. It's math - Texas style! I have not seen any reports about ping-pong-related deaths, but in light of Mr. Kacal's comments, the FBI has now placed Forrest Gump atop its Most Wanted List http://

Where have gun control debates been in the past 5-10 years? Where has just that term - gun control - been in the past decade? For as many awful gun-related crimes and killings as there have been over these past ten years, it feels as if the term and potential legislation surrounding it have decided to hibernate for a decade, and only now is deciding to awaken. Whenever I get into a debate regarding gun control, it feels as if a majority of the country look at me in fear and simultaneously shout back, "It's our 2nd Amendment right! ::mumbles something:: ...militia... ::grunts:: Yeah!" What many of these people have had implanted in their brains is that ANY form of gun control would be another step toward the government talking over - that it'd be the start of tyranny. However, if you break things down with these people - don't refer to it as "gun control laws" - and specifically go through different forms of action concerning gun control, most see

In a new CNN poll, 53% of Americans - including 22% of Republicans - feel that the Republican Party is too extreme. The Democratic Party, meanwhile, is believed to be "generally mainstream" by 57% of Americans. It can't be a good thing when nearly a quarter of a party feel their party is too extreme. This is what I've been saying all along, though. The biggest reason why I find it to be so much easier to write satire at the expense of the Republican Party than the Democratic Party - and I'm sure this plays a large factor with the likes of Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Saturday Night Live , and company - is because of how extreme they've become. The Democratic Party looks more and more to me like the Republican Party from the 1970s, whereas the Republican Party has come across like a hybrid of a crazy drunk uncle and Jim Jones. If the party genuinely wants to be seen as less extreme, they'll make it their mission to eventually cross off "moderate Rep

I don't typically post about this kind of thing, but thought it may aid at least one person out there who may be in a relationship and uncertain if he/she wants things to continue. Due to an awful relationship from what seems like my distant past, the moving transition from Nebraska to Ohio that took place 4+ years ago, and a mysterious two-year illness I battled, it took an extremely long time for me to date again or even get interested in it. After I began feeling well again in early 2011, I suddenly felt a new-found sense of joy, aspiration, hope, and appreciation I hadn't felt before. I felt a drastic change in myself following my healing from the ailment. I can only imagine what others saw. Prior to my recovering from the illness, I had always been extremely shy and insecure around women I liked. I feared rejection if I were to ask them out. I feared making things awkward if they said no, and wondering if we'd be able to maintain a friendship. I feared getting my f

I found this bit of news to be funny. New York Jets starting quarterback Mark Sanchez, coming off a horrendous performance in the team's Monday night loss to the Tennessee Titans, will be benched the rest of the year in favor of... third-stringer Greg McElroy! Backup Tim Tebow is being passed over for Greg McElroy. Vegas odds still have it at 1 : 1 that Tebow will get mentioned more on ESPN in the coming week than Peyton Manning, Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James combined!

The latest defense I've heard from die-hard gun enthusiasts in response to the Newtown shooting is, "Some people are crazy. Whether they have a gun, a knife, or scissors, they would have found a way to have killed those people." This is in response to the Newtown, Connecticut shooting, where the shooter killed 26 people, mostly with a Bushmaster .223 semi-automatic. So, do these individuals have a point? Whether the perpetrator of Friday's killings had a Bushmaster .223 semi-automatic, a knife, or a pair of scissors, would we still be mourning the loss of 26 individuals in Newtown, Connecticut - including twenty 6- and 7-year old kids? I'm sorry, but as the other defenses have been, this is incredibly weak also. While it's true that if the perpetrator of Friday's shootings had a knife or a pair of scissors instead of a gun, he could very well have harmed or even killed a few of those 26 individuals. However, the chances are slim to none he would have b

Upon driving home late the other night, I was extremely tired. In hindsight, while I made it home without any problem, I think that perhaps I shouldn't have driven. I hadn't been drinking at all, but upon driving home, I started to wonder what similarities there were between driving drunk and driving tired. The following day, I did some research and unsurprisingly - for me at least - there are more similarities than differences between driving drunk and driving tired. In both cases, one's reaction time is slower than is typical, and while driving tired may be legal, it may be just as dangerous if not more dangerous to drive tired than drive drunk. So, I guess my advice for everyone is, unless you must, I'd highly recommend not driving tired. If you must, perhaps make certain to consume caffeine about thirty minutes prior to leaving to provide you with a boost. I'll include a link with more on a study comparing the similarities between driving drunk and driving tired

In light of the tragic elementary school shooting, which ended with twenty-six casualties (excluding the shooter) - twenty of which were 6- and 7-year old kids - most of the country has tried figuring out who or what to blame. This is extremely common when tragedies strike. When the Columbine school shootings occurred, the media was quick to blame violent video games and musician Marilyn Manson. There was little to no evidence to suggest this, especially with regard to Manson, since it was later discovered the two shooters didn't even like his music. However, it made the nation feel some sense of collective relief, in being able to solve the riddle, as well as push responsibility as far away from themselves as was possible. Following the Friday shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, there have been three main areas of blame: 1) Lack of mental health services/funding 2) Lack of gun regulation 3) Violent video games Those have been the main three areas of focus, especially for liber

In terms of national news, it has been a very sad couple of weeks when it comes to gun violence in this country. From former Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Javon Belcher shooting and killing his girlfriend before ending his own life to the mall shooting in Oregon to the elementary school shooting in Connecticut a couple days ago, it has been a very sad couple of weeks. Following each and every one of these tragedies, gun control advocates have been told, "Now's not the time to talk about gun control," while gun enthusiasts have simultaneously been attempting to defend gun rights and usage in this country - some going so far as to insinuate that guns are being unfairly scapegoated. Of all the gun defenses I've heard or read about in recent days, two have to be my favorite. They are: 1) "Think criminals care about gun control? Regardless of the laws, they'll find a way to get a gun and kill as intended." and 2) "Gun control laws won't elimi

What is it about these idiot males either currently in or running for a position of power and believing they're experts on women's bodies and rape - more so than even the women themselves? We had the likes of Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock, and other Republicans making absurd statements about rape. Now it's California judge Derek Johnson's turn. It has just been reported that in 2008, Judge Johnson said the following during a case involving one Metin Gurel being charged with rape: "I'm not a gynecologist, but I can tell you something. If someone doesn't want to have sexual intercourse, the body shuts down. The body will not permit that to happen unless a lot of damage is inflicted, and we heard nothing about that in this case. That tells me that the victim in this case, although she wasn't necessarily willing, she didn't put up a fight." This comment sounds eerily similar to Todd Akin's, when he said, "From what I understand from

For the ninth time in ten games, the Philadelphia Eagles lost - falling to the Cincinnati Bengals 34-13 Thursday night, to drop their record to 4-10 on the season. As I was quick to note following last week's win for the Eagles, guided by a solid performance by rookie quarterback Nick Foles, while the guy has shown steady improvement in his starts thus far and potential to be an NFL starting quarterback, it's much too early to accurately evaluate the guy. While it seems like most ESPN talking heads were shouting in their best Leonardio DiCaprio voice from Titanic ("I'm king of the world!") that Nick Foles was the Eagles' savior, I wasn't yet convinced of this. This is why I'd make for a terrible ESPN personality. I need to see consistency and longevity before I scream to the world that a player will be great or a bust. When Cam Newton got off to the statistically-grand start a year ago, I said it was too early to fully evaluate the guy. When Matthe

Well, I received the proof copy for my seventh book - LOL at the GOP - Volume 2: 47% Awesome 100% of the Time  - today, but due to my not being completely satisfied with it, will have to edit it some more and order another proof copy before I spread it to the masses. Unfortunately, with the holidays just around the corner and my traveling out of state for Christmas, the book may not become available until early next year. I'll be certain to update readers when that does happen. Thanks for checking in on these updates and for your patience. It's greatly appreciated.

Iowa Republican Representative Steve King had quite the words with regard to Benghazi yesterday, when he said: "I believe that it's (Benghazi) a lot bigger than Watergate, and if you link Watergate and Iran-Contra together and multiply it times maybe 10 or so, you're going to get in the zone where Benghazi is. I don't think the public has any idea, and I tell you, I don't either, of the chronology of the events - what took place, and who was where doing what and why. And all the way down through - we still haven't seen an autopsy report on the ambassador yet. Simple questions that you would ask in the first 24 hours have not been asked yet." That's right, ladies and gentleman. Benghazi is "a lot bigger than Watergate, and if you link Watergate and Iran-Contra together and multiply it times maybe 10 or so, you're going to get in the zone where Benghazi is," says a guy who has this to say regarding his knowledge of the event - "...

Richard Mourdock - an Indiana Republican who lost to Joe Donnelly in his Senate bid last month - has recently sent the following fundraising e-mail via his finance director, Ashlee Walls: "After a bitter, hard-fought campaign, many Republicans all over the country were forced to accept defeat rather than celebrate victory. In our case, we found our campaign caught in the liberal media crosshairs. Never has Indiana seen a more obvious example of media bias by reporters more interested in defeating conservatives than reporting the news..." In the e-mail, Walls also added, "We fought back and invested heavily in a last-minute push to combat the slew of false accusations Democrats and the liberal media churned up to distract voters." Right... What were these false accusations? During a debate, when asked about a woman being impregnated through rape, Mourdock responded with the following words: "I struggled with it myself a long time but I came to realize th

It's being reported that prior to the election, former Texas GOP chair and current Texas Eagle Forum president - Cathie Adams - said the following: "...No. I'm telling you, Barack Hussein Obama has got to have a teleprompter because he fried his brain on drugs." The teleprompter joke and argument has got to be one of the stupidest thrown around by the Republican Party. I have to shake my head and softly chuckle to myself whenever I hear or read a Republican criticizing President Obama and his use of teleprompters. The sad (well, sadder) part is it seems many die-hard Republicans eat it up (not literally, of course). My question is why? While former Republican President George W. Bush wasn't fond of teleprompters, he did use them at times. Former Republican President George H.W. Bush has used teleprompters as well. Former Republican President Dwight Eisenhower used teleprompters. Believe it or not, but former Republican President Ronald Reagan used tele

For the record, I have absolutely nothing against the Indianapolis Colts or their rookie quarterback Andrew Luck. If anything, I'm pulling for them this year, largely due to the unfortunate situation concerning their head coach Chuck Pagano and his battle with leukemia. However, I think Luck's been given far too much credit for the team's success this year. This was also the case on Sunday in the Colts' 27-23 win over the Tennessee Titans, as Luck completed just 16 of 34 pass attempts (47.1%) for 196 yards (5.8 per attempt), 1 touchdown, and 2 interceptions, for a very poor quarterback rating of 50.6. He was also sacked four times, which amounted to a loss of 25 yards. I have to give the Colts credit for finding ways to win this year, going from the #1 draft pick last year to 9-4 and playoff bound this year. However, they have played one of the easiest, if not the easiest schedule in all of football this year. In their 9 victories this year, they came against teams wi

They did it! Finally! No, the Eagles didn't win the Super Bowl, but they did win on Sunday after losing eight straight games - defeating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on the road by the final score of 23-21. The last-second win improved the Eagles to 4-9 on the season. In what has been a trend this year for the team, the dramatic win by the Eagles on Sunday gave the team four wins by a combined six points. Statistically speaking, the team fell off a bit on special teams, had a mixed showing on the offensive side of the ball, but did show some improvement on defense. Tampa running back Doug Martin was pretty effective in the ground game, but long gains were limited, as the team rushed the ball 32 times for 136 yards (4.3 per carry) and a touchdown - their long gain being 14 yards by Martin. The pass defense improved quite a bit, holding Bucs quarterback Josh Freeman to just 189 yards passing on 34 attempts (5.6 per). The quarterback did throw two touchdown passes, which helped to off

There is a reason why when I write political satire, I typically focus on the Republican Party, and it's exactly the reason given by the centrist, bi-partisan, well-respected longtime political observers Thomas Mann and Norman Ornstein in a recent article. As was outlined in the tandem's book, It's Even Worse Than It Looks: How the American Constitutional System Collided With the New Politics of Extremism , "...The Republicans are worse..." Before going into further detail about the two men's commentary, allow me to give readers some brief background on them. Thomas Mann is a centrist who has worked for about three decades as a congressional scholar at the Brookings Institution (also centrist). Norman Ornstein, who has worked at the American Enterprise Institute (conservative-leaning) and is also a congressional scholar - has worked with Mann on tracking Congress since 1978. So, no - these are not two left-wing ideologues looking to place the Republican Pa

A study conducted by the International Humanist and Ethical Union (IHEU) just recently reported that atheists and other religious skeptics are often times not treated equally in societies around the world. This is especially the case in some Islamic countries, where such individuals can be put to death. While the punishment may not be nearly as severe in some European countries and the United States, such individuals are still often times not treated equally. As the report states: "...In Greece and Russia, the Orthodox Church is fiercely protected from criticism and is given pride of place on state occasions, while Britain bishops of the Church of England have automatic seats in the upper house of parliament. While freedom of religion and speech is protected in the United States, the report said, a social and political climate prevails 'in which atheists and the non-religious are made to feel like lesser Americans.' In at least seven U.S. states, constitutional pro

The more stories I read and hear about organized religion, the more difficult it's becoming to see myself joining any unless some drastic changes are made. Just recently, 92-year old Bill Brennan - a Jesuit in Milwaukee, Wisconsin - was punished because last month he celebrated Mass with one Janice Sevre-Duszynska of the Association of Roman Catholic Women Priests. That's right - Catholic clergy can get punished for supporting women priests. My question for the people whom felt Brennan and others like him deserve punishment is "What would Jesus do?" Call it a hunch, but I'm guessing Jesus wouldn't say, "Well, for priests who molest little boys, I feel we should hide that for many years and try to deny that ever happened. For the clergy who show support for female priests, however, I think we need to go public with that right away, denounce their atrocious actions, and punish them severely!" Something feels contradictory with these people'

I FINALLY finished my seventh book last night and will be receiving the proof copy before too terribly long here. With the holiday(s) being just around the corner, the shipment may take a little longer than it would normally, but I'm hoping it'll arrive within a week or so. Assuming I'm fully satisfied with the proof copy, LOL at the GOP - Volume 2: 47% Awesome 100% of the Time  should be available in a week or so - just before Christmas and the New Year! I'll be sure to post another update when that occurs.

In a very tragic report, one Joseph V. Loughrey accidentally shot and killed his 7-year old son Craig Allen Loughrey at a gun store over the weekend when his 9 mm handgun discharged as he was getting into his truck. In light of this, I have to wonder what the NRA's response would be to this tragedy. Just the previous weekend when former Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Javon Belcher shot and killed his girlfriend before doing the same to himself, the NRA spoke out saying if Belcher's girlfriend had a gun, she wouldn't have died that day. They went on to basically say, as they so often do it seems, that if everyone had a gun, we'd all be safer. What about with regard to this most recent tragedy at a gun store in western Pennsylvania? Should the 7-year old boy have been armed? If he had a gun, would he still be alive today as well? But that's different, right? Because it was an accident, unlike the previous weekend's tragedy in Kansas City. Accident or not, a 7-yea

It was recently reported that Mitt Romney attended the boxing match between Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez this past weekend. As claimed by Pacquiao publicist Fred Sternburg, Romney spoke with Pacquiao in his dressing room before the fight and told the fighter, "Hello Manny. I ran for president. I lost." Romney has never been one to appear very smooth with human interaction. However, this may be one of the most awkward-sounding lines he's ever publicly uttered. Is this how Romney is going to introduce himself from this point forward? "Hello X. I'm Mitt. I ran for president. I lost." How is another supposed to respond to such an introduction? "Hello Mitt. I'm X. I can't say I ever ran for president, but if I did, I'd probably lose as well." or "Hello Mitt. I'm X. Sooooo...how about those Patriots?" or "Hello Mitt. I'm X. You ran for president of what exactly? Hair club for men?" o

Former George W. Bush White House Press Secretary - Dana Perino - had some "interesting" comments regarding the Javon Belcher incident on the Fox News show The Five . Here's how part of the back and forth went: Perino: "I think it skirts the issue that women are victims of violence all the time..." Co-Host: "They should have guns!" Perino: "Well, maybe, or make better decisions." Again, this was in reference to the tragedy which occurred this past weekend with regard to former Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Javon Belcher, who murdered his girlfriend and then shot and killed himself. The co-host's reaction is an all-too common one in conservative circles, I've found. "They should have guns!" According to some of these people, the world would be much safer if EVERYONE was armed. In church, on an airplane, at a bar, in a nursing home, at a nursery, etc. - everyone should have a gun. It's like with fast food. With

In light of former Kansas City Chiefs player Javon Belcher killing his girlfriend and then shooting and killing himself, NBC's Bob Costas made a few pro-gun control remarks at halftime of Sunday night's game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys. Gun control is a rather divisive issue, so as could be anticipated, Costas has received his share of support and criticism for his on-air remarks. While I haven't seen any gun control advocates posting statuses regarding Costas, I have seen a few anti-gun control individuals posting pictures with commentary on them. One has Costas pictured alongside O.J. Simpson and asks Costas "How about knives?" In another, Sam Elliott is portrayed with the following words written across the screen: "Do you really think criminals will obey gun control laws?" I understand people believing in their right to own guns, but do these uber-gun rights enthusiasts realize what they're saying when they post such thi