The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Well, I think I'm now officially done with work until the new year, so I thought I'd just wish all of my readers a Happy New Year! Hopefully, 2014 is better than 2013 or any year preceding it! Stay safe, have fun, and best wishes for the coming year!

Ann Coulter - To be named the sexiest transgender alien in the new magazine Almost Human Rob Ford - To consume more Coca-Cola than cocaine Mitt Romney - To audition for the part of Johnny 5 in a remake of the film Short Circuit Rick Santorum - To introduce a new cologne featuring his last name and the tagline, "Rubbing Santorum on your body never smelled so good." Dane Cook - To tell a knock-knock joke that lasts under 25 minutes Adam Sandler - To star in a film which is watched by more people from the ages of 15 to 17 than those 13 to 14 Megyn Kelly - To search the world for the real Santa Claus to prove the fictional being is white Eli Manning - To win the Super Bowl on Madden on rookie level with his New York Giants Tim Tebow - To win a contest called Can You Throw a Football Better Than a 3-Year Old? Ted Cruz - To prove Obamacare was responsible for the Holocaust Weatherpeople - To be right 5% of the time Chuck Norris - To prove he can do one of the

Saturday Game: Kansas City at Indianapolis Pick: Kansas City - I would have been much more confident with this pick about a month or so ago. The Colts appeared to be reeling after the Reggie Wayne injury and were so inconsistent, I could have flipped a coin on them week in and week out. Still, their lack of a running game and a sub-part to average defense has me leaning toward the Chiefs in this one, whom are essentially coming off a bye week. Having the 5th seed all locked up prior to their regular season finale against the San Diego Chargers, head coach Andy Reid sat all his key starters to rest up for the team's first round playoff game. While the good Colts could very well show up at home in this game, I'll give a slight edge to the well-rested Chiefs. I'll take Kansas City by 4. Result: Indianapolis 45 Kansas City 44 Record: 0-1 Game: New Orleans at Philadelphia Pick: Philadelphia - This is an incredibly difficult pick for me to make. While I'm sure mo

It seemed only fitting that the Philadelphia Eagles' crazy regular season ended the way it did - with a 24-22 road win against the Dallas Cowboys to win the NFC East and head to the playoffs to face the 11-5 New Orleans Saints at home. While the Cowboys were severely hampered by injuries entering the game, one has to give credit to back-up quarterback Kyle Orton and the much criticized Cowboys defense for playing pretty well in a losing effort last night. Orton threw for 358 yards and two touchdowns, while the Cowboys defense limited the Eagles to 366 total yards of offense. Overall, the Eagles offense was mediocre and inconsistent throughout the game. While they looked explosive at times, they looked almost lost at others. Numbers wise, Nick Foles had another very efficient outing. He completed 17 of 26 pass attempts for 263 yards (10.1 per), and two touchdowns, for a rating of 124.4. He did lose a fumble deep in Eagles territory, which led to a Cowboys field goal. While Foles

- Kyle Orton can do a perfect Tony Romo impersonation, where he can play well for 59 minutes, but with a chance to win the game in the final minute, he throws an interception. - There's a reason why blue is the most prominent color for the Detroit Lions. It's because they have a tendency to blue-ball their fans by teasing them for 59 minutes before finding a way to lose at game's end. - In just one game, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers proved he's the MVP of the NFC. Without Rodgers, Packers fans tend to cover their faces with cheeseheads. With Rodgers, these same fans wear these ridiculous "hats" with pride. - The San Diego Chargers are grateful they don't have to face the Kansas City Chiefs again this coming weekend. With their starters playing, the Chargers beat the Chiefs' back-ups by a field goal in overtime on Sunday. Just imagine what would happen if they faced Kansas City's starters. In that scenario, Chiefs coach Andy Rei

Here's the URL to my Facebook business page. I update it fairly regularly, but still haven't put forth a great deal of effort yet in researching matters and attempting to make the most out of it. In any case, it can be perused here: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki?ref=hl Up next is my Twitter page. I'm still not 100% certain what I'm doing on there yet, but feel I'm gradually getting the hang of it and am up to 5,819 followers. I update it daily with many of my own tweets, but also by retweeting some others'. It can be found here: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki Lastly, here's my Tumblr page, which I've neglected quite a bit recently, but if you're at all curious, you can find it at the following link: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/rozzy81

For new readers (and regular ones, I suppose), here's some information pertaining to my books. All eight of my books can be purchased in paperback form at the following site (and others): http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?type=&keyWords=craig+rozniecki&x=7&y=5&sitesearch=lulu.com&q= The six books I've written and released in the past 2+ years (yes, I've been on a roll) can be purchased for much cheaper in Kindle form at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_22?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig%20rozniecki%20kindle&sprefix=craig+rozniecki+kindle%2Caps%2C228&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Acraig%20rozniecki%20kindle As always, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me by either commenting on this blog or e-mailing me at CRozniecki@gmail.com. Unless I'm out of town, I'm typically very good at responding rather quickly.

As I do every year, I'll be heading out of town to spend time with family over Christmas. Due to that, I won't be able to write much, if at all, over the next few days. I hope all of my readers have a very fun and safe week! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

I read a story earlier this year about a woman in Tennessee naming her child Messiah. While I believe the woman has a right to name her child this, I have to wonder why in the world any parent would want to name their child Messiah. Talk about pressure... While the mother is at it, she should name her other kids King, Champion, Winner, and Best. If the child makes a name for himself, though (good or bad), he could make for some humorous headlines, such as the following: - "Messiah Prays to Self After Scoring a Touchdown" - "Messiah Wins Best Rap Album at the Grammy's" - "Messiah Caught in a Love Triangle with Mary and Cinnamon" - "Messiah Caught Stealing Panties from Victoria's Secret Again" - "Messiah Stars in the Porno Moan My Name " - "Messiah Arrested for Streaking Around a Church" - "Messiah Comes Out of the Closet" - "Messiah Shunned By Church for Supporting Abortion Rights"

From the two teams' first drives, where the Chicago Bears went three-and-out and the Philadelphia Eagles scored a touchdown, the now 9-6 Eagles dominated the Sunday night game at home against the now 8-7 Bears. Through a little over three quarters of action, the Eagles lead 40-11. They've been so dominant in every phase of the game, they currently lead the Bears in time of possession by over 9 minutes (28:58 to 19:43). For anyone who has been watching the Eagles all year will know, if there's one stat the team has not fared well in this year, it's time of possession. Offensively, the Eagles, outside of a lost fumble by tight end Brent Celek, have been nearly flawless. They've converted 27 first downs, gone 5 for 9 on third down, 1 for 1 on fourth down, generated 451 yards of offense on 60 plays - 225 through the air and 226 on the ground. They're also 5 for 5 scoring touchdowns inside the red zone. Nick Foles has completed 21 of 25 pass attempts for 230 yard

Sunday Game: Carolina at Atlanta Pick: Carolina - To put it simply, Carolina has something to play for and Atlanta doesn't. Carolina has a great defense and Atlanta doesn't. I'll go with the Panthers by a pair of scores. Result: Carolina 21 Atlanta 20 Record: 1-0 Game: Green Bay at Chicago Pick: Green Bay - I picked Chicago earlier in the week, but said I could very well change my mind if Aaron Rodgers was named the starter for this game. As of this afternoon, that very thing happened, so I'm going to stay true to my word and go with Aaron Rodgers and the Packers over the awful Bears defense. Packers by 4. Result: Green Bay 33 Chicago 28 Record: 2-0 Game: Baltimore at Cincinnati Pick: Cincinnati - Both of these teams play much better at home than on the road. Given that and the fact Joe Flacco isn't 100%, I'm going to go with the Bengals by 10. Result: Cincinnati 34 Baltimore 17 Record: 3-0 Game: Houston at Tennessee Pick: Tenness

- If the ultimate goal for teams was to lose via last-second field goals, the Detroit Lions would be on their way to the Super Bowl. - Seattle has moved from unbeatable to almost unbeatable at home. - Peyton Manning broke the record for touchdown passes in a season with 51, while his brother Eli Manning has 25 interceptions to his credit, which isn't even a personal record. All Peyton wants for Christmas is another Super Bowl ring and all Eli wants for Christmas is for his brother and defenders to stop making him look bad. - When the Dolphins have to travel from an area that has 75 degree temperatures to Buffalo in late-December, it's probably wise to bet that Miami will score fewer points than the temperature at game-time. - If this were Thanksgiving, Carolina quarterback Cam Newton would be giving thanks that he can put together just one good drive against a 10-4 New Orleans Saints team and lead his team to a victory due to the strength of the Panthers defense. - Th

While I've awarded a handful of people as Douche of the Day (no, not on the same day), I honestly hadn't given much thought to an award for Douche of the Year. I had read and heard so many ridiculous statements, they all kind of blended in with one another after a while - that is, until today. Earlier today, GOP Illinois Congressional candidate Ian Bayne decided to weigh in on the Phil Robertson- Duck Dynasty debate, when he said this: "In December 1955, Rosa Parks took a stand against an unjust societal persecution of black people, and in December 2013, Robertson took a stand against persecution of Christians. What Parks did was courageous. What Mr. Robertson did was courageous too." That's right, ladies and gentlemen - Ian Bayne actually compared Phil Robertson's recent actions with Rosa Parks' actions back in 1955 and beyond. While I have given George W. Bush and Rick Perry, in particular, a hard time for not coming across as the brightest crayons

Ah, how I'm loving all of these Duck Dynasty  debates, centering around star Phil Robertson's controversial interview with GQ  magazine, where he made remarks which upset both the LGBT and African-American communities. He basically said that homosexuality is akin to bestiality, that gays are going to hell, and that blacks were happy being slaves. No, I'm not sure if this man's IQ is above 70 either. In any case, Duck Dynasty die-hards and hard-core evangelical conservatives have come together to stand up for Robertson's First Amendment rights! Free speech, they've been crying out time and time again! Others have said, "You see? This just goes to show you that the country is going down the tubes and the liberal media controls all!" I hate to burst their bubble, but they're wrong. This is not a free speech matter. If it was a free speech matter, the government would have punished Phil Robertson. They'd have come after him, and depending on how

The bowl games are about to get underway, so here are my picks with confidence points attached to each (1 being my least confident pick and 35 being my most confident pick): 1 - Maryland (over Marshall): This game features two polar opposites. Maryland's offense has been lacking all year, but they have a fairly stingy defense. Marshall has one of the better offenses in the country, but a defense which ranks near the very bottom in the country. In games such as these, I tend to favor the good defense over the good offense, since a bad defense can tend to make a bad offense look halfway decent. Also, while Maryland has struggled in the second half of the season, this game is pretty much a home game for them (Annapolis), so while I'm not at all confident in this pick, I have to give the Terrapins a very slight edge. Result: Marshall 31 Maryland 20 (Record: 0-1, Pts.: 0 (of a max 1)) 2 - Missouri (over Oklahoma State): This game I find to be interesting, yet uninteresting fo

Led by the Tea Party, the further to the right the GOP travels, the more it appears they're devoid of reality. When it comes to the problems of this world, it'll help more to pray than to actually do something about them. When it comes to gun violence, films, music, and video games are more to blame than the actual device which injured or killed people. Interpretation of scripture trumps scientific evidence to the contrary. Conspiracies take precedence over fact-checking. Yes, in the modern day Republican Party, it's felt like the story of the Easter Bunny is more widely believed than that of Gandhi, and here's a story which attempts to depict just how cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs they've become. Setting: A group of Republicans sitting around a table in a conference meeting room Ted Cruz: "Okay, guys - here's the deal. I've set up four stations around the room. You'll each draw a slip of paper out of this top hat, in honor of Abraham Lincoln, to find

Republican Georgia Representative Jack Kingston had some interesting things to say at the Jackson County Republican Party this past weekend, as he's trying to become the party's nominee in Georgia's 2014 Senate race. There he said the following about installing a federal school lunch program for children in families that are at or below 130% of the poverty line: "But one of the things I've talked to the secretary of agriculture about: Why don't you have the kids pay a dime, pay a nickel to instill in them that there is, in fact, no such thing as a free lunch? Or maybe sweep the floor of the cafeteria -- and yes, I understand that that would be an administrative problem, and I understand that it would probably lose you money. But think what we would gain as a society in getting people -- getting the myth out of their head that there is such a thing as a free lunch." That's right. A man who is partially responsible for the government shutdown, whom w

Have you read any stories recently about how bad the smog is in China? It's been so bad, even some late-night talk show hosts have jokingly said, "While you can see the Great Wall of China from space, you can't see the Great Wall of China in China." Well, never fear according to CCTV (China Central Television), which has attempted to place a positive spin on it all. According to CCTV, there are five reasons the Chinese should be cheerful about the smog: 1) "The pollution crisis 'unifies' Chinese people because it is so widespread" 2) "It is making China more equal because the smog is affecting both the rich and the poor" 3) "It raises citizen awareness and is a reminder that China is 'the factory of the world'" 4) "Chinese people are better humored in a crisis and have already made up 'smog jokes'" 5) "The population is more educated now - they have  improved knowledge of meteorology"

Russia is on quite the flaming hot streak when it comes to its anti-gay rhetoric and behavior. Russian priest and actor Ivan Okhlobystin continued this lovely trend when he made the following comments during a "spiritual talk" this past Sunday: "I would have them all stuffed alive inside an oven. This is Sodom and Gomorrah, as a believer, I can not remain indifferent to this, it is a living danger to my children! I don't want my children thinking that being a faggot is normal. This is gay fascism! If a man can not choose an appropriate person of the opposite sex for reproduction -- that is a clear sign of mental abnormality, then he needs to be deprived of that right to choose." This man thinks that homosexuals should all be stuffed inside an oven, yet believes there's gay fascism going on? Something tells me that's a "clear sign of mental abnormality..." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/17/ivan-okhlobystin-gays-oven_n_4456165.html

It's just another day, and I see another pro-gun Facebook meme being posted which has failed-in-Critical-Thinking-class written all over it (figuratively speaking, of course). The meme says the following: "When there's a bombing,  we blame the BOMBER. When there's a drunk-driving accident, we blame the DRIVER. Why, when there's a shooting, do we blame the GUN?" Both of these comparisons fail miserably. First off, creating a bomb is illegal. Wonder why Congress doesn't push for more bomb-control legislation? Because there isn't a need for any, since making bombs is illegal. It is legal for most people of a certain age to purchase and own a gun. This is why some members of Congress have pushed for stricter gun-control laws. This lack of logic brings back memories of my Critical Thinking professor, where he would blurt out, "Fail!" at such a lousy comparison. With regard to driving, like with purchasing a gun, it i

Due to his policies as Mayor of New York, the homeless have not been Michael Bloomberg's most ardent supporters. Just recently, the New York Times featured a series on a homeless family in New York City, where the central piece of the story was 11-year-old Dasani. When asked about this family and story, Mayor Bloomberg responded with this: "This kid was dealt a bad hand. I don't know quite why. That's just the way God works. Sometimes some of us are lucky and some of us are not." While I would strongly agree that some of us are luckier than others, his seeming shrug of the shoulders when saying, "That's just the way God works.," irked me a great deal. Instead of taking some ownership, that quote says to me, "There's nothing I could have done about it. Just place your faith in an invisible man and hopefully a miracle will ensue." It could also be interpreted as, "It's not my fault. It's God's. Take it up with h

While I've never personally watched the show, I think I hear more people talk about the "reality" show Duck Dynasty than I hear them talk about anything else, including their kids. Well, based on recent remarks made by star of the show Phil Robertson to GQ magazine, it appears as if some regular viewers may opt to start watching something else instead. In the interview, Robertson made the following statements: - [When] "everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong ... sin becomes fine." - "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there - bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." - "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers - they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right." - "It seems

Here's the URL to my Facebook business page. I update it fairly regularly, but still haven't put forth a great deal of effort yet in researching matters and attempting to make the most out of it. In any case, it can be perused here: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki?ref=hl Up next is my Twitter page. I'm still not 100% certain what I'm doing on there yet, but feel I'm gradually getting the hang of it and am up to 5,591 followers. I update it daily with many of my own tweets, but also by retweeting some others'. It can be found here: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki Lastly, here's my Tumblr page, which I've neglected quite a bit recently, but if you're at all curious, you can find it at the following link: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/rozzy81

For new readers (and regular ones, I suppose), here's some information pertaining to my books. All eight of my books can be purchased in paperback form at the following site (and others): http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?type=&keyWords=craig+rozniecki&x=7&y=5&sitesearch=lulu.com&q= The six books I've written and released in the past 2+ years (yes, I've been on a roll) can be purchased for much cheaper in Kindle form at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_22?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig%20rozniecki%20kindle&sprefix=craig+rozniecki+kindle%2Caps%2C228&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Acraig%20rozniecki%20kindle As always, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me by either commenting on this blog or e-mailing me at CRozniecki@gmail.com. Unless I'm out of town, I'm typically very good at responding rather quickly.

Just last week, Fox News host and barbie-lookalike #94 on their channel - Megyn Kelly - had this to say about Jesus and Santa Claus, in response to a writer suggesting we should replace the white Santa Claus image with something that has a greater mix of colors, such as a penguin: "For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa. But Santa is what he is. Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change, you know? I mean, Jesus was a white man too. He was a historical figure, that's a verifiable fact, as is Santa - I just want the kids watching to know that." After receiving a great deal of criticism for her comments and hearing late-night talk show hosts crack jokes about her, Kelly then responded with this: "Humor is part of what we try to bring to this show. But sometimes that's lost on the humorless. Queue the firestorm controversy over my d

Sunday Game: Miami at Buffalo Pick: Buffalo - While both teams have been difficult to figure out this year, I like how Buffalo matches up with Miami at home. Miami's offensive line has struggled all year, and with the Bills solid pass rush, Ryan Tannehill may feel the need to force a few balls into coverage, which could very well result in turnovers. In the likely cold Buffalo weather and their superior rushing attack, I give them the edge at home, far, far away from the 75-degree temperatures in Miami. Buffalo by 4. Result: Buffalo 19 Miami 0 Record: 1-0 Game: Minnesota at Cincinnati Pick: Cincinnati - Minnesota's performance against the Eagles was an aberration. They'll face a much tougher defense on the road against the Bengals in this one. Also, while Cincinnati has been very average on the road, they've excelled at home, as they're unbeaten there. I like the Bengals in this one by a couple of scores. Result: Cincinnati 42 Minnesota 14 Record: 2-

According to Larry Pratt - head of Gun Owners of America - guns don't kill people; gun-control laws kill people. Appearing on Fox News Sunday , host Chris Wallace asked Pratt if the lack of stricter gun legislation that has been passed by Congress since the Newtown shooting was a victory for the gun lobby. In response, Pratt said this: "We're not really going to be able to talk about a victory until we get rid of the laws that prohibit people from having guns to protect themselves in schools and in other places. Every one of our mass murders in our country has occurred in places where guns are prohibited." Allow me to break down Mr. Pratt's logic: 1) Guns don't kill people; gun-control laws kill people 2) "Every one of our mass murders in our country has occurred in places where guns are prohibited." 3) These mass murders happened via guns 4) Even though these mass murders happened via guns, guns don't kill people 5) The only way

The Republican Party may have reached a new low with the let's-talk-crazy-about-Obamacare rhetoric when North Carolina State Senator Bob Rucho tweeted the following message this past Sunday: "Justice Robert's pen & Obamacare has done more damage to the USA then the swords of the Nazis,Soviets & terrorists combined." After receiving criticism for his ridiculous tweet, Rucho responded by tweeting this: "Those that tweeted, put your thinking caps back on: 'The PEN is mightier than the SWORD.' Edward Bulwar-Lytton, 1830. But surely you knew that." I'm thinking Senator Rucho is void of anything resembling a thinking cap. Yes, according to him, it would make perfect sense to go up to a family member of a 9/11 victim and tell them, "Hey, the pen is mightier than the sword." Victims of the Holocaust: approximately 11,000,000 Victims under Stalin: approximately 40,000,000 Victims of the 9/11 terrorist attack: approximately

Like many others of his party, Rick Santorum has decided to join the crazed Obamacare conspiracy circle, where the members join hands, drink spiked Kool-Aid, and sing the new song "Kumbaya Against Gays" in unison. At a Young Americans for Freedom event last Friday, Santorum said the following during a speech he made: "It's actually a pretty clever system (Obamacare). Take care of the people who can vote and people who can't vote, get rid of them as quickly as possible by not giving them care so they can't vote against you." I could tear this conspiracy theory apart a number of different ways, but will decide to go the logic route this time. What Rick Santorum is implying is that Obamacare will take care of those whom can vote, but will kill those whom can't vote as quickly as possible, so that these very people can't vote against you. Let's think about this for a minute, which is approximately sixty seconds longer than Santorum obvi

To my surprise yesterday morning, I received an email with the subject title of, "Douche????" from a name I didn't recognize at first - Thomas Ritter. After I read his email, which I'll get to in a minute, I had to backtrack on recent writings of mine, before finally searching my blog for "douche." Low-and-behold, I stumbled across the name Thomas J. Ritter - a fifth-grade schoolteacher in the state of Texas. On December 4th, I read an article about Mr. Ritter which prompted me to write a blog about it. You see, Mr. Ritter sent President Obama a critical letter with regard to the Affordable Care Act, where he said this: "This bill has caused such a divisive, dirisive [sic], and toxic environment ... The reality is that any citizen that disagrees with your administration is targeted and ridiculed. I hesitated to write for fear of some kind of retribution. I watched you make fun of tea baggers and your press secretary make fun of Ms. Palin which wa