Skip to main content

The Trump Bible!

BREAKING NEWS: I've just gotten a hold of the Trump Bible! Since he's never read a word of the actual Bible, it's no surprise to see these are books listed in his version of it:

Bold Testament
- Genocide
- Exes Suck
- Cussing Levites
- I Know Numbers; I Have the Best Numbers, Believe Me
- Dude, You’re Hot on Me
- Joshua Tree
- Fake, No Good, Corrupt Judges, Who Are Only Out to Get Me
- Baby Ruth
- One Samuel Adams
- Make That Two Samuel Adams
- One Kings
- Two King
- One Criminals
- Two Criminal
- Not Better Than Ezra, Believe Me
- Nehemiah Was a Bullfrog
- Tobit or Not Tobit
- Hey Judith
- The Esther Bunny
- One Mack Daddies
- Two Mack Daddy
- Between Jobs
- Psalm Trees
- Proverbs: I/Me/My/Mine
- Eh, That Shit’s Nasty
- Banned to Play Any Song or Songs at My Rallies
- Wisdumb
- Honey Siracha
- Isaiah the Best Words
- Jeremiah Wrong
- Lame Plantations
- Baruch, Baruch, Baruch Is on Fire
- Ezekial? Never Knew Him
- Coffee-Boy Daniel
- Hosee? See Ho
- The First Joel
- Amos & Andrew
- Oba Bing Bing Bong Bong Bing Bing
- Jonah Ark
- Be Like Micah
- Nahumpty Nahdumpty
- HabaKKuK
- Zephaniah Is a Ten
- The Orange of the Word Haggai
- Czar Zechariah
- Malachi Band

Nude Testament
- Mad Matt
- Marky Mark
- Luke of Earl
- Johnny Be Great, Not Good, Great, So Great, Like Really, Really Great, Bigly
- Acts of Kindness Are Stoopid
- Roman Noodle
- One Corinthians
- Two Corinthian
- Galapagos
- Free Mansons
- Phillip and Ian
- Colonoscopies
- One Dress Alone Agains
- Two Dress Alone Again
- One Tiny Tims
- Two Tall Tim
- Tits ‘R’ Us
- Pokemon
- I Don’t Care If Hebrews or Shebrews, I Don’t Drink Beer, Okay?
- Jughead James
- One Petey the Parakeets
- Two Petey the Parakeet
- One Jimmy Johns
- Two Jimmy John
- Three Jimmy John
- Rude Jude
- Condomnation
#MAGACultMorons #Snark

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"