The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I just discovered another Lulu.com coupon code that will give the buyer a 25% discount off my books. This code will only be good through Friday, July 29th. The coupon code is: TIME305. The 20% off coupon code is still available and is: 2011SURVEY. Through August 15th, you can get 15% off of your purchase with the coupon code: MYBOOK305 With the 25% off, the books will cost the following: The Kind-Hearted Smartass (paperback): $10.80 http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-kind-hearted-smartass-%28uncensored-version%29/16255616?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/3 The Kind-Hearted Smartass (download): $2.70 http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/the-kind-hearted-smartass-%28uncensored-version%29/16255617 The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck (paperback): $10.50 http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-kind-hearted-smart-aleck-%28censored-version%29/16257451?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/6 The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck (downl

This poem can be found on pages 117-118 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". The book can be bought on several sites, the cheapest of which would be at lulu.com (20% off with coupon code: 2011SURVEY). It can be bought on paperback or download. Here's the poem: I fly in the sky, Never wanting to come down, I feel the ultimate high, As I float up in the clouds, My eyes close and tighten, As words fly out of my mouth, My arms raise high above my head, To where no one else can reach, I zone out into nothingness, Everything around me ceases to be, This is no distraction to my life, So much pleasure from the screen I do receive, One after another, I feel a numbing in my soul, Blurred vision, stupidity, loss of consciousness, Indifference rules in my world, I give myself up, All that I stand for, For a few moments of pleasure, Regardless of consequences, My eyes wide open, Arms fall into place, I feel withdrawal, I feel guilt,

This can be found on pages 81-82 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". A smile as warm as the sun on a hot summer day, A heart as cold as the serial killer who takes others' lives, The American home with the white picket fence, seemingly perfect, Until you walk inside and know not all is right, The rich and the beautiful, The satisfied and the happy, The lucky and the fortunate, The desperate and the lonely, The content bum lying on the streets, The celebrity in solitude looking for somebody, The musician waiting for the drug to keep him going, The passionate hard-working minorities living in poverty, We think that we're wise,, But only to the fool, By wearing a disguise, And never allowing another to see the real you, Misconceptions are made in large quantities, Because we hide who we really are, Our senses lie to us aplenty, To give off an artificially perfect image to others.

This one can be found in my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey," on pages 42-44. Together and happy, Waiting and watching, Head sinks down, Longing and wanting, When I walk through, The lights won't turn on, I've got nothing left inside, Nothing left to go on, Search me and frisk me, Indifference rules in my world, I see everyone else holding hands, happy, Here I am, with no one, all alone, Put your arms around me, Hold me and squeeze me tight, I don't care who you are, Let's get and make things right, I walk the streets at night, Sad and lonely am I, Wanting to give up, As I hold my arms up to the sky, Co-dependent to the bone, Insecure to the core, Please come and whisk me away, Save me from myself.

This poem can be viewed on pages 29-30 of the book "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". A fresh start, A new beginning, Time to move on, To forget everything, The sun is bright, The light has shone, Coming through the clouds, After being dark for so long, Time to pick up, To start over again, Opportunities lie ahead of me, As a whole new life begins, The potential is infinite, The sky is the limit, For what I choose to do with my life, For my love, passion and happiness, The breeze blows gently through my hair, Down on me, I feel the brightness from the sun, A fresh start, a new beginning, A new day and life has begun.

This poem can be found on pages 17-18 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". The beat and rhythm, Shades and touch, The rhymes and flow, The big red splotch, Beautiful on the eyes, Coherent or not, Beautiful to the heart, Emotionally affecting, The blind man on the piano, The deaf woman singing solo, The armless individual painting a picture, The child in a wheelchair writing a best seller, Ever expanding, Infinite possibilities, The mind, heart and soul in unison, Forming a beauteous equation, No rules can be written, There is no right or wrong, No limitations can be made, No boundaries in art.

This poem can be found on page 39 of the book "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". A whisper in the distance, From a far off place, Unknown is the source, Unknown is the time and place, A voice in the distance, Unable to make it out, Only a few others notice, The rest go on and walk off, Screaming with all his might, Unable to get the words out, Feeling that all is hopeless, Feeling that all is lost, I scream for the world to hear me, But only one voice am I, Caught in a crowd of billions, The whisper in the distance becoming a longing cry.

This poem can be found on pages 83-85 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". When times are hard and rough, Go back to something familiar, Something you know well, Something comfortable, It'll make you feel at ease, Like all your problems went away, It'll be like a drug of sorts, It'll be your escape, Hiding from all your worries, Hiding from all your cares, Hiding from all your problems, Hiding from all your fears, It's convenient, It's easy-access, You know it'll comfort you when you need it, Keep you warm inside, Turn it on when you want to, Stash it away when you don't, Using it solely for your own benefit, When there's nowhere else to go, A security blanket to hide under, When problems arise, A security blanket to stash away time and time again, When your pain subsides, Use me all you want to, Until I'm your security blanket no more, To run to and hide under, And there's nowher

This poem can be found on pages 98-99 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". The objective is subjective, The subjective not objective, Truth being relative, To each and every one of us, The world was once flat, Then discovered to be round, What was once lost, Has now been found, The objective is subjective, Religion coming in bunches, Hindus, Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, So many slices to the pie, Variation of opinion from minimal to extreme, What makes one right? And another wrong? The objective is subjective, The subjective not objective, Ideas and beliefs ever expanding, Truth and facts ever abating, Truth being relative, To each and every one of us, The subjective not objective, The objective is subjective.

This can be found on pages 127-128 in the book "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". The air in which I breathe, The home where I live, The eyes from which I see, I take all these things for granted, The sounds in which I hear, The roof that provides me shelter, All that I seemingly don't need, I take all of this for granted, The tiring jog I take every day, The dollars I waste on gas, All the studying that cause me headaches, I take it all for granted, A smile gleams across my face from ear to ear, Every morning in which I wake, How can I be so selfish to accept all as the norm? To take for granted what many others lack? To take for granted is a sin, One in which I hope never again to commit, How privileged am I to be where I am, How grateful I am to live the life I live.

This poem is on pages 141-143 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". I block out all those around me, I block out all from entering, The force being too deeply buried, The wall impenetrable, The lies cannot enter my realm, The love and hate shall not either, Protection from the world around me, As I fear the very worst, Protection from ignorance and lies, Protection from dishonesty and bitterness, Protection from insults and pain, Protection from the breaking of my heart, I feel the shield all around me, There to protect from all potential pain, Wanting to melt into nothing, Yet afraid to do such a thing, I wish to spread my arms, Close my eyes, For one to show me the love, For one to overpower and penetrate the shield, So that I may feel again, So that I may cry, So that I may not fear again, So that I may smile.

This poem can too be found in the book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey," on pages 140-141. Begged and bribed, Pellets coming my way, Running about, doing tricks, Just a rat in a cage, Grabbed by the tail, Laid about on the scale, How much will I receive this time? We shall wait and see, Placed in my cage, Trapped, with nowhere to go, Climbing the walls, Wanting to get out, I hit the bar repeatedly, Get fed bits and pieces at a time, Until I get sore and tired, And don't have any more stamina left inside, I sense the eyes around me, Watching my every move, Should I stand here and ignore their wishes? Or do what they want me to do? The cage surrounds me, Every second of every day, How I want to be free at last, And not be just another rat in a cage.

This poem can be found on pages 151-153 of the book "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Emptiness I feel inside, A numbing sensation from head to toe, I thereby seek all around me, To find what can make me feel complete, secure and (w)hole, I can't find this through family, I can't find this through faith, I can't find this through friends, I can't find this through me, I need to be filled up, To regain all of these lost feelings, Whether it be through love or lust, Even if only for a few minutes, A temporary fill-up, I need more of this, So I don't go back to feeling numb, So that I may temporarily feel more complete, It was only temporary, It was only through lust, The numbness has overtaken me, To the point of me not feeling anything at all, Please, come and take me, Wherever you may be, Come and mend my broken heart, Make me whole and complete.

This can be found on pages 174-175 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". The seed of life, It shall never die, The seed of growth, To the heavens and skies, Firmly planted, Into the soft, moist soil, Strong and sturdy, All year round, It provides shade, To keep one cool in the heat, Provides a resting ground, To lean and depend on when in need, Able to withstand the rain and storms in spring, The scorching heat in summer, The drastic changes in autumn, The bitter cold and snow in winter, The seed of life has been planted, It shall grow endlessly, The spirit and memories will forever remain, From this life into the next.

Right now, the cheapest option(s) is at Lulu.com, because of a coupon code I found for it, which takes 20% off the total price. I'll attempt to find such coupon codes where the book(s) is(are) available, but for the time being, I only know of the one at lulu.com. The coupon code is: 2011SURVEY (also, I didn't seen an expiration date, so I haven't a clue as to when that is. I could guess, but don't have my tarot cards with me at the moment, so I am not feeling very confident about my prediction. If this doesn't work, I have access to another code for 15% off. The code for that is MYBOOK305 and expires on August 15th). With the 20% off discount, purchasing downloads of the following books would cost as follows: The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s (download): $2.88  http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/the-kind-hearted-smartass-%28uncensored-version%29/16255617 The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck (download): $2.56 http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/the-kind-hea

Three of my four books are now in the top 100,000, including one of the new two: "The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck (censored version)" (2011) - 149,246 "The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s (uncensored version)" (2011) - 96,347 "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey" (2006) - 57,336 "The Serious Scale of Sarcasm: More Balanced Than a Drunken High-Heeled Clown On a Tight Rope" (2007) - 39,666 Let's keep those numbers going in the right direction, meaning down, I suppose! (http://www.lulu.com or can be purchased elsewhere)

This poem I just wrote a couple nights ago. It's a more personal poem than most I've shared thus far, as it revolves around my health struggles from May 31, 2009 until mid-December of 2010. A key turning point was at the end of May of 2010 when I met a woman, whom inspired me to write this poem. Pushed into a dark hole, Unable to find my way out, Farther down the hole I fall, Not knowing when I'll stop, Numbness fills my body, Pain has overtaken me, Unable to walk, travel, work, Wishing I was unable to breathe, I fall further down the hole, My mood does likewise, Seemingly hitting rock bottom, Until I saw your face, A light shines through, A rope is thrown down, As I climb to the top, What I felt was lost has been found, A smile gleams across your face, As you reach your hand to lift me up, We embrace as if we've known each other for years, Even though we just met, The numbness exits my body, As sensations which were vacant are not anymore,

This one can be found on pages 61-62 in "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". For anyone whom has read and enjoyed these poems, you can find and purchase the book at several different sites, the cheapest of which is at Lulu.com. "Fantasyland" Languages created through the years, Constructing lines to form letters, Sounds connected to each one, Scrambling them all up and calling them our own, Who came up with what? How did it come to be? Why did they get to decide? Who decided on this authority? Born into a made-up world, Taking for granted that all is real and true, Living in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Giving in to life's temptations for pleasure and personal use, The world was here long ago, Inhabitants making it up as they go, Being born and never having a clue why things are, Having to accept everything as just so, Here lies ingenuity, Here lies the ignorance of man, Here we all are waiting and watching, Welcome t

This poem can be found on pages 146-147 in "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Waiting quietly, In our dark hole, The light outside during the daytime, A guide for us to know where to go, When we walk out of the dark, We only put ourselves at risk, Obstacles and traps spread all about, Never knowing when one will strike us, We are allowed to live peacefully and freely in private, But can't do so publicly, The cats will meow and roar, They'll then lock us up and throw away the key, They lock us up, Surrounded by metal bars are we, For not following the norms, For not being another mindless member of society, Little mice stuck in our holes, Afraid of having a voice of our own, Little mice afraid of the cat, Fear and paranoia surround us as we give in to their wretched grasp, Followers come and go, Leaders are remembered, For what they believe they will stand, And not be another cowardly mice of man.

This poem can be found on pages 162-164 in "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Innate, In-born, Natural, Looked down upon, Faults Flaws, Insecurities, Fears, Perfection unexisting in the natural world, The natural world is flawed, Why must one feel guilty? For being who they are? Perfect resides in im perfect ion, As all that is seemingly perfect is not, The alluring and beautiful woman with skeletons hiding, The handsome wealthy man with a drug addiction, For a man to believe perfection exists, Is an im perfect ion of its own, Wanting to believe the lies, And hide from the truth, Perfect resides in im perfect ion, As it can only be, For we are all natural, We are all human, They set us apart from one another, Should be learned from and not denied, Im perfect ions are what make us who we are, What make us such a diverse, beautiful and fascinating creature.

This can be found on pages 164-166 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Morals and values, Rules and ethics, Guidelines and boundaries, A set of standards, Threatening humans, To keep them in line, Infiltrating fear, So that they may abide, King, Ruler, President, Leader, Fitting to one's culture, Fitting to one's geography, Fitting to one's government, Fitting to one's history, All others are deemed inferior, Incompetent, Deemed immoral, Inaccurate, Philosophies of life, To the ultimate truth, Different roads and pathways taken, To find the solution, Differences in courses taken, But we all start and end the same, Interconnected to the ultimate truth, No matter our culture, geography, government or history.

This one can be found on pages 40-41 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Different from all others, Stand out in a crowd, Unable to blend in, Not wanting to know how, All alone in this world, Isolated from the rest, Trust depeted, Undergoing multitudes of tests, Strapped down tightly am I, Closely observed, An experimental droid, An alien in this world, Alien to this world, Alien to this life, Alien to my girl, Alien to my life, Alien are my surroundings, Alien are the faces, Constant tests and experiments, Constant adaptations and changes.

This poem can be found on pages 32-33 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Been there, Done that, Heard of it, Said it, What is there left to be said? What is there left to do? Every action and word enacted, Copied and pasted unto you, Our lives are constant imitations, Constant emulations, Constant mockings, Constant plagiarism, Every word in this poem is plagiarized, Every word of every single day, What is a new experience to me, Is old for another, What's new? How I never understood that phrase, Absolutely nothing, This is the land of the plagiarites.

This poem can be found on pages 24-26 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". All so similar, Yet all so different, Innate characteristics, Held against us, Color of one's skin, Sexual preference, Gender, Geographic location, All components of the whole, Working with one another, Life is incomplete, Without each other, Each component is needed, For the earth to rotate properly, Without each essential part, We would have nothing, We are each one of the whole, No one superior to another, Innate traits are irrelevant, Even sexual preference, gender or skin color, We are a circle of friends, Hands held with smiles gleaming across our face, Each is a component to the whole, We are one, the human race.

1) If my daughter gets sick, what will you do to ensure she has a quick recovery? A) Whatever the doctor says B) Give her a call button and tell her that she can use it at any time C) Do all the work she would have done had she been feeling well D) Hand her a trash can, recipe book, a Cosmo Magazine and $5 as you walk out the door saying, “I’ll see you in a week after I return from Vegas with my other b*tches” 2) What would you do to treat my daughter to a romantic evening? A) Dinner and a movie (chick flick) B) Make her a candlelight dinner C) Recite poems you’ve written for her by the fireplace D) Get drunk, take her to a strip club and continually point to her and shout out, “Give her a $20! She’s better than these other ones! Give her a $20 and see what she can do!” 3) What is your favorite physical feature of my daughter? A) Her smile B) Her legs C) Her hair D) Her big beautiful 34D eyes 4) Where would you take my daughter for your honeymoon? A) Hawaii B) Paris

Here's the last poem I'll be sharing tonight (morning, I suppose, depending upon the time zone). It can be found on pages 20-21 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". The face of an angel, Her wide eyes sparkle, Loyal and honest to the core, Her innocent smile and demeanor, Strong-willed and dedicated, Kind and generous to others, She holds her head up high in confidence, With her, tasting the sweet and never the sour, Her intellect reigns supreme, An imagination like that of a child, Creative and artistic is she, The most genius person I know, An alluring and magnetic glow surrounds her, Everyone helpless to smile when she is near, She brings the best out in everyone, With her winning personality and sense-of-humor, One that can always be trusted, Trusting of me at the same time, She gives as much as received, Everything mutual and balanced, She likes to be selfish at times, But knows when to give me space, She accepts me for w

This poem can be found on pages 121-122 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Held by the strings, Never in place, Our head and arms dangling, At their mercy, Guided on the stage, Directed where to go, How to act, What to wear, With each repetition, Performance becomes easier, Practice pays dividends, To a sense of mastery, Held by the strings, Just a puppet in life, How it's time to break free, To find my own path, The strings have broken, My head looking forward, The door is wide open, The master in control.

This one can be found on pages 82-83 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". I blend in with my surroundings, Trying not to stand out, Paranoia sweeps over me, As I look around, My colors change, With every friend that I see, Not knowing what I want, Being how others want me to be, I act like a thug in front of one, A punk in front of another, A geek with my friends, A saint in front of my mother, Blending in with my surroundings, I roam around, A chameleon am I, Never to be seen or found.

This can be found on pages 79-81 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". Look at me now, As I walk down, All eyes are on me, The center of attention, My long, shiny hair, Entrancing eyes, My sexy curves and figure, Beauteous smile, Look at me, Stand up and stare, Drool as I pose for you, My beauteous smile, sexy curves, long shiny hair, The cameras are flashing, All eyes are on me, A new star has been born, I am all that you see, As I walk off the stage, An emptiness begins to emerge, I feel naked and hollow, When out in the real world, Disengaged with deep conversation, Frustrated with academics, I can't look at myself in the mirror, Without feeling a lack of self-worth, Don't look at me now, As I sit and cry alone, My body on constant display, My potential and happiness have been sold.

This poem can be found on pages 66-67 of "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey". A midnight ride, Into the darkness I go, Life passing before my eyes, No matter how fast or slow, Each entity I envision, Brings about numerous memories, Regardless of how strong the correlation, I feel something burn inside of me, I drive slowly, To take them all in, Bu, pain overtakes me, My foot pounces on the gas, A knot builds in my stomach, My pulse begins to race, My mind momentarily stops functioning, As I feel the aches and pains, Please take them away, Let them all go, Erase them from my mind and conscience, Toss them out the window, Driving down memory lane, Wanting it all to be a thing of the past, The road never-ending, Those attempting to escape will forever be lost.

As you could probably guess, this can be found in my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey" (pages 63-64). I give you a call, Expecting nothing, The phone rings constantly, No one answering, Only time I hear your voice is on the machine, I contemplate leaving a message, Pessimistic of getting a call back, Frustrated of the inequitous effort, I dial your number, A busy signal comes up, Discovering that you were certainly home, Just had no need nor desire to talk, No matter how many times I call, There is no getting through, You seem so distant and far away, Even though I lay right beside you.

Like the other two, this poem can be found in my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey" (pages 58-60) Logged on, Into the fantasyworld, All whom I talk to, I may never know, Signed in, Ready to live a life away from my own, Wanting to forget about my life, Wanting to start over, Every word I type is ambiguous, Every word I read has no tone, I can make of it whatever I wish, From a fantasy to true love, Like a fictional character in a story, I can make of you what I want, Let visions fill my head, Let my imagination go to work, Logged off, Back to reality, Away from the fantasyworld, Away from my dream, Signed off, Away from reality, Denial of all around me, Wanting to sign off indefinitely.

Here's a poem I wrote, entitled "Helpless," which can be found on pages 36-37 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey" (2006). This poem revolves around my lifelong battle with epilepsy and attempts to give the reader a sense of what it's like to endure a seizure. Living on a timeline, Every sixty seconds in a minute, Every sixty minutes in an hour, Never knowing when it'll come, I try to go about life as I typically would, Relax, smile, and have fun, But tense and saddening emotions come over me, As I'm taken over by someone, I feel it in my head, Everywhere in my body, Wanting it to pass, But knowing what lies ahead of me, My eyes close tightly, My hands clench, Sweat dripping off my face, Feeling like an out-of-body experience, My mind has lost all consciousness, All focus, All concentration, All responsiveness, I lay there like a vegetable, Unable to think, Even though I'm breathing, And am wide

Here's a poem I wrote, entitled "Shallow," which can be found on pages 34-35 of my book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey" (2006). Everything's very surface, Very easy from here, I can stand and not worry, Not have to think or fear, I can look and see everything, Not have to move a muscle, If I go out any further, That could mean a world of trouble, I slowly walk out, More difficult with each step I take, I'm now in over my head, Did I make a critical mistake? This is too deep for me, What was I even thinking? I can no longer see, The sharks could be after me, It's hurting my eyes when I open them, Why does it have to sting? I hate having to close my eyes, Everything is fake and imaginary, I need to walk back to the shallow end, This is just too much for me, Life is easier this way, When you're not having to think.

Well, two days after my surgery and it appears as if the Vicodin is finally kicking in. I was so drugged while in the hospital, perhaps it took a couple days for those lovely pain killers to exit my system, making it possible for the Vicodin to actually be effective. In any case, it has left me feeling a bit on the high side, so I won't be blogging too much today. Hopefully the sensation will wear off before too terribly long, so I can get back to writing. I hope everyone reading this is having a great Saturday. I think it's time to relax on the couch and watch some movies, while listening to Pink Floyd, of course.

Well, I just checked out the main site where my books are being distributed (Lulu.com) and am hoping the trend continues. My first book, "Seasons Come, People Grow: A Poetic Journey" (2006), is currently ranked in the top 60,000 (57,273). To my surprise, it's sold a couple copies here in the past week, 5 years after it was published. My second book, "The Serious Scale of Sarcasm: More Balanced Than a Drunken High-Heeled Clown On a Tight Rope" (2007), is in the top 40,000 (39,817) and a copy was purchased just yesterday. My two most recent efforts have got some catching up to do, but were just published a couple weeks ago and I still have a lot of work to do to spread word about them. At this current juncture, however, "The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck (censored version)" is ranked at 149,055 and "The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s (uncensored version)" is ranked 119,862. I'm wanting to keep this improved-ranking trend going. If the paperback c

For any readers that have taken a gander at my books and thought to yourself, "Huh, I bet (so-and-so) would like this" or purchased and read a copy and actually enjoyed it (them), I'd love to get word around to as many people as possible. I've sent e-mails, plan on sending letters to people I know, will be creating a webpage, involving myself in as many social networking sites as I can, attempting to contact bookstores and local newspapers, agents, etc.The more the "good word" is spread, the better the chance it is for me to persuade the before-mentioned people to take a look at my book(s), represent it (them), read it (them) and/or sell it (them). I'm hoping to get word out to the before-mentioned people and through the multiple online networks before taking part in an inevitable book signing I'll have at a local pub. Any and all help is greatly appreciated. I gave forth a great deal of effort after completing my first book ("Seasons Come, Peop

I just saw that three more books were bought (downloaded) in the past couple hours. I haven't received any notice from friends or family, but have seen that my blogs about these very books have been viewed several times in recent days and was curious if one or more of my readers purchased them. If that is the case, I just wanted to say thank you for taking an interest and that I sincerely hope you enjoy the book(s). Also, feel free to write me either at this blog or the e-mail addresses I list in the About the Author section at the very end of the book(s) with any comments or questions you may have.

(6 out of 6 stars) "The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck book, written by Craig Rozniecki, was so funny. From the very beginning Commentary, which was hilarious, to the last pages of Friendly-Fire. I laughed so hard at the Bush Quote Commentary that people began to give me disapproving looks. Of course, I was in a hospital waiting room at the time, so they may have had a legitimate reason, I suppose. The reading of this book sure made the waiting time go by quickly for me and I had a much better time as well. I recommend this book to anyone who likes to laugh, has an understanding and appreciation for the smart-aleck sense of humor, and who likes to poke fun at just about everything. Glenn Beck fans are not included in this list, although those that love to poke fun at him are."

Well, I just returned home from the surgery. I was told that it went very well  and by a couple women that I was "magnificent." I'm not sure what they were referring to, but I may have to press charges in the near future. I was placed on Vicodin, Motrin, an anti-biotic (whose name I am unable to pronounce at this current juncture) and heroin. I've been told to not shower for 48 hours (this frightens me and is sure to frighten others much more than myself, even my dogs), to not drive for 1-2 weeks, to not work out for some time (I'll try to find a way to work around that...2 lb. dumbbells are my specialty anyway), to not involve myself in any acts of gang violence for a week or two and to see the doctor in a couple weeks to check up on things. I'm to refrain from fatty foods until then and so long as I'm not taking my pain killer, I may engage myself in the act of drinking adult soda pops. Well, I think that's about all the news I have

I just thought I'd let readers know that I'll be going in to have surgery today (gallstone), so chances are that I will either write a blog tonight while extremely high off, I'll call it "pain medication" (maybe because that's what it will be) or will have to update my blog in the coming days when I'm ready. Wish me luck or wish the doctor(s) skill or something along those lines!

What I'd give to be a weatherperson, to get paid for being likable, looking nice, pointing to a blank screen and knowing full well that I will be wrong to some extent 99% of the time. Just the other night, they were calling for a 30% chance of isolated thunderstorms. So, according to them, there was a 70% chance we wouldn't get these storms. It rained and stormed off and on from midnight to nine in the morning. I think we'd be just as accurate in thinking the opposite of what weatherpeople tells us. The percentages have to equal 100, so since they said there was only a 30% chance of isolated thunderstorms, there's actually a 70% chance. If there's a 100% chance, then okay, we can count on there being some precipitation. If they don't mention rain at all, then alright, there's no chance. However, if they say there's a 10% chance of rain, get your umbrellas ready, because what they're really saying is that there's a 90% chance of precipitati

A movie about your life is being made…what should they call it? The Complex Polak and His Son Pedro What is the cosmic consciousness telling you today? It’s telling me to be one with nature, with all those in this universe, with my sign, with this gal, Cinnamon, whom works on the street corner downtown. Have you ever been to Nebraska’s Testicle Festival? Been there? The festival is in honor of me. How do you spell “hippocampus”? Hippopotamus How often do you talk to your family? My friend thinks I’m weird because I talk to my dad every day and end the phone call with “I love you.” Most every day, but I end the conversation by saying, “Word.” Smooth or crunchy peanut butter? That’s a tough one. I think I may go with the smooth, as it is a reflection of how I talk to the ladies. What do you think is your most attractive feature? My feet, followed by my nose and that big red spot on my… Who was your first crush? John Wayne Have you broken any bones? If so, how? I broke a baby