Skip to main content

If Life Were A Tweet...


I gave Twitter a try, two opportunities in fact. While I think it can be a useful tool for a business in spreading word about the Twitter-web and circulating certain information, I think it's a mentally-handicapped way of communicating with other people. Genuine thoughts and feelings shouldn't be condensed to any number, let alone just 140 characters. Limiting one's thoughts and feelings in such a manner may not be a crime on Twitter, but it certainly is in my mind. To illustrate the level of ridiculousness and mentally-handicapped-ness that is The Twitter, below I will list a series of well-known statements, phrases and quotes which are quite commonplace in people's lives at some point or another and condense them into tweets (140 characters). Here we go...

After one's arrest for streaking around a church on Easter Sunday, the cops would say,

"You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Do you understand?

Anything you do say may be used against you in a cour"[1]

When making the misstep of marrying a woman whom cheated on you with Tiger Woods, you will say,

“I, (Groom), take (you) (Bride), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, i"[2]

Before reciting the ever-so-altered Pledge of Allegiance, alter it again by saying,

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible,"[3]

Just before the ball game, remember to stand up, remove your cap, place your hand over your heart and sing,

"Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright s"[4]

If one resides in New York, be sure to also follow the before-mentioned steps after "The Star-Spangled Banner" and sing,

"While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,

Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free,

Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,"[5]

Finally, for you guys out there, if you're about to propose to a woman and before doing so, you want to fully express just how much you love her, be sure to win her heart and guarantee a yes from her end, say the following,

"I have to tell you something. These past two years have been the greatest of my life. I've never been so happy. You bring out the very best"

If life were a tweet…

[1] Speaking of cops, wasn’t it Ice-T whom wrote the song, “Tweet the Police”? I think he was…
[2] Tweeting one another = the first sign of love
[3] In the future, I can see elementary-school classes being taken over the internet and every day before school, they have to recite the “Tweet of Allegiance”.
[4] “Oh, say, can you tweet…” Yes, but I choose not to do so.
[5] God bless tweeting…
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun
2 comments
Read more

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i
Post a Comment
Read more

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"
Post a Comment
Read more