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If Life Were A Tweet...


I gave Twitter a try, two opportunities in fact. While I think it can be a useful tool for a business in spreading word about the Twitter-web and circulating certain information, I think it's a mentally-handicapped way of communicating with other people. Genuine thoughts and feelings shouldn't be condensed to any number, let alone just 140 characters. Limiting one's thoughts and feelings in such a manner may not be a crime on Twitter, but it certainly is in my mind. To illustrate the level of ridiculousness and mentally-handicapped-ness that is The Twitter, below I will list a series of well-known statements, phrases and quotes which are quite commonplace in people's lives at some point or another and condense them into tweets (140 characters). Here we go...

After one's arrest for streaking around a church on Easter Sunday, the cops would say,

"You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Do you understand?

Anything you do say may be used against you in a cour"[1]

When making the misstep of marrying a woman whom cheated on you with Tiger Woods, you will say,

“I, (Groom), take (you) (Bride), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, i"[2]

Before reciting the ever-so-altered Pledge of Allegiance, alter it again by saying,

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible,"[3]

Just before the ball game, remember to stand up, remove your cap, place your hand over your heart and sing,

"Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright s"[4]

If one resides in New York, be sure to also follow the before-mentioned steps after "The Star-Spangled Banner" and sing,

"While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,

Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free,

Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,"[5]

Finally, for you guys out there, if you're about to propose to a woman and before doing so, you want to fully express just how much you love her, be sure to win her heart and guarantee a yes from her end, say the following,

"I have to tell you something. These past two years have been the greatest of my life. I've never been so happy. You bring out the very best"

If life were a tweet…


[1] Speaking of cops, wasn’t it Ice-T whom wrote the song, “Tweet the Police”? I think he was…
[2] Tweeting one another = the first sign of love
[3] In the future, I can see elementary-school classes being taken over the internet and every day before school, they have to recite the “Tweet of Allegiance”.
[4] “Oh, say, can you tweet…” Yes, but I choose not to do so.
[5] God bless tweeting…

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