Cliché Central

So many words and phrases can be taken in several different ways. There's the: Literal, figurative, perverse, among other approaches of interpreting words or phrases. Cliché's are very ambiguous, I find. Have you ever known of someone whom only speaks in cliché's? They try sounding intelligent and end up sounding like a walking and talking cliché' whom is without any thoughts or ideas of their own? So, I find it especially humorous to illustrate a cliché’s ambiguity by turning it around unto the individual whom stated it.

Here are just a few examples of ambiguous words and phrases that I'm sure we've all read or heard a time or two in our lives. I’ll then utilize the tool known as sarcasm to showcase the ambiguity which resides in all of the following words and phrases.

That’s music to my ears - I know, we all have different musical tastes and as the saying goes, "to each their own”. But when I hear the phrase, "That's music to my ears," I notice that often times, it has nothing to do with music at all. Sometimes it doesn’t even pertain to a noise or sound, which really gets me wondering.

What is music to some people? If the Detroit Tigers win a single game, you'll hear some Tigers' fans say, "Yeah, that is music to my ears!" Did the fat lady sing into their ears for a change when they were ahead at the end of a game? Was that the music of which they were speaking? Was it the drunk guy behind them who was yelling at the umpire and spilling beer all over himself as he celebrated after the Tigers scored a run? Or was the guy whom uttered the phrase, was he the drunk guy that I just described?

Music to my ears? Oh, let's see, Beethoven, Frank Sinatra, Def Leppard, Ray Charles, Queen, among many others. But after hearing Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me,” I'm not going to say, "Hey man, that's music to my ears!" Really? Well, no shit there, Sherlock! I thought it was music to your eyes, to your pancreas, to your amygdala. So, think to yourself when you hear a person utter the infamous phrase, "That's music to my ears," and ask yourself, "Why or how in the world could this be?" That's what I typically do, followed by a giggle, making that other person wonder what planet I'm from, of which I’m still not certain. They're going over some lab tests and I'm supposed to hear back on Monday.

You crack me up - "You crack me up" has been a phrase that I've never understood. "You make me laugh," now, I find that to make more sense, but "You crack me up”? Whenever someone says this to me, I always look very closely at their skin and check for some cracks and wrinkles that suddenly appeared and to this day, it has yet to occur.

 "You make me laugh," "You make me giggle" and "You make me smile” are all statements I can tolerate when I hear them. However, "You crack me up," leaves me a tad worried about what I poured into the other person’s drink and if it's going to have that serious of an effect on the individual. This has yet to occur, so I can say without any hesitation that I've lucked out in that regard. I hope you all have as well.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence - "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" is a phrase so ambiguous, that I like to refer to it as ambiguously ambiguous, if that makes any sense. This may make a little bit of sense if one were to have a fence, first of all.

If one says this cliché' to a child, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, my dear," then the child might be wondering to himself about this fence, where it was and what exactly was on the other side. You know how curious kids can be, so be very careful when saying this to the young ones.

Even if everyone in the world were to have a fence, the chances of this phrase being accurate would be slim to none. What, is there a lawn check going on four times a year, door-to-door, with lawnologists scientifically evaluating the genuine greenness of the grass? Who decides what is truly green and what is not, anyway? Probably someone who is color blind and when asked, "Well, how do you know the true greenness of the grass?", he or she would respond, "Well, it’s because I am color blind that I was selected to be a lawnologist, for my eyes cannot show bias. Every lawn looks the same to me. I just let this GCD (Greenness-Checking Device) do all the work and I take the results straight to the government officials."

How effective would this GCD be, though? Is there a certain place in the world or a certain greenness somewhere that sets the peak of how green grass can be? Because if one were to take this phrase literally, first of all, there are only so many fences. Secondly, the earth is round last I checked, so even if this lawnologist were to travel all over the world, going from lawn to lawn, taking samples of every blade of grass out there, he would eventually end up where he first started.

The exact time (as if there were such a thing) is supposedly tracked in Greenwich, England. I wonder where such a location would be for the perfect grass. Arizona? Las Vegas? Saudi Arabia? Australia? How about good ol’ Poland? All the Polak jokes would then cease to exist, because they would have come up with the perfect grass. That can also be taken ambiguously, however.

When people talk about grass, what else could they be referring to? Ah, yes, an herbal supplement, to be used for medicinal purposes only, of course. One may never know when Mary Jane will make an appearance in their yard. I can see it now - a child comes home following an awful day at school. He then tells his mother all about it, every last detail. The mother gives him a big hug and says to him, "You know, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Remember that, okay?" The young lad suddenly cheers up and runs next door to his friend's house.

Little young Bubba then tells Tommy, "Tom, my mom said the grass is greener on your side of the fence."

Tommy replies, "No way. We've got grass over here and it's better than the grass you guys got?"

So, the two young scoundrels go on a grass hunt, because of the silly old cliché', "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

           

All’s well that ends well - "All's well that ends well." You know, the only word I can think about with this phrase is death and really, how honest can that statement be if it pertains to death? How does it end well? In one's sleep? Winning the lottery? Having sex? Playing solitaire at a frat party? How does that justify that all is well? It's ended. It’s over. It's done with. Does it really matter how it ended? Now that it’s over, no matter how "well" it ended, how does that suggest all was well in one's life?

When I hear this phrase, I visualize a mammal named "Lucky," because he or she could never catch a break (in the figurative sense, he got several breaks in the literal sense). Lucky was hit by a car twice, pick-pocketed by a blind man, waived by the Detroit Tigers and just because it ended "well," all is well? All is well for whom, I ask? Was Lucky loaded with money? Did he win the lottery at one point in his life and since it ended well with him hitting the jackpot, all is now well for those closest to him, as they split the winnings?

In case you haven't noticed, this cliché' leaves me feeling rather inquisitive. "All's well that ends well”? Even though everything that occurred throughout the course of one’s life was not well, the end has come, all is gone and since the end was well, "All's well that ends well"? Ah, I tried to make sense of it. "All's well that ends well" when writing about this silly phrase. There, now I've finally found a use for it!

I’ve had a whale of a day - The "I've had a whale of a day" saying has always made me wonder. When one seems excited, happy or thrilled about something and they scream out, "I've had a whale of a day," then I'm very happy to see and hear their up-beat attitude through their facial expressions, body language and tone of voice, but in turn, my face gets the look of a man lost on the road, reluctant to ask for directions.

A whale of a day, what does that mean exactly? They had the extreme munchies and were able to fulfill those hunger cravings through a large, cheap buffet somewhere? They went swimming in the ocean all day? Perhaps they feel blue, grey or white, in taking on the color of the specific whale of which they’re speaking? No, that wouldn't make sense, unless they displayed the polar opposite expression from before and appeared to be down. If they were to then utter the line, “I've had a whale of a day," perhaps they would be speaking of feeling blue (blue whale), grey (humpback) or white (beluga).

So what does it mean when one utters this very phrase in a happy-go-lucky tone? They munched on some scrumptious plankton that day? They met a few other nice whales whom they mingled with and received phone numbers from? They just returned from a Whale Club or Whale Happy Hour at the local pub? I do not have any answers to these questions, but for the next person who tells me that they've had one whale of a day, I'm going to start asking them random questions to find out for myself what this exactly means.

I’m pooped - I just love it when another comes home from a long day at school or work and says the words, "I'm pooped." I then proceed to look up, with a disgusted expression on my face, wondering how this could possibly be. Ah, that's right, in this day and age, it simply means, "I'm tired."

How we concocted the formula of tired = pooped, I'm not quite sure. Perhaps a math teacher taught it somewhere, but I definitely never learned it.

Does a person realize what they're actually stating when they tell another, "I'm pooped”? Anymore, I just come back with, "Yeah, and I'm urinated. What's your point?"

Some don't understand that at first, so I have to spell it out for them, which, depending on the person, can take a great deal of time. But for the most part, those who know me well enough know exactly what will be emanating from my mouth when they tell me that they're pooped.

Those are some rather disturbing visuals that one is displaying for another when expressing that they're pooped. “I'm tired” or “I'm sleepy” would work just fine when it comes to having as little ambiguity as possible, but when one expresses that they're pooped, that can cause some problems.

Being "pooped" sounds like quite the dilemma to me. When one says that they’re pooped, bust out the lovely smelling incense or candles and immediately suggest for the person to take a shower. That's about all the advice I can give. Good luck to all whom run into this predicament in the future.

One man’s junk is another man’s treasure - This next phrase made me laugh rather loudly the first time I read it, because I know what it's intending to mean, but, well, it's "One man's junk is another man's treasure”. I know what that's supposed to mean. A wealthy man may just toss some leftovers to the side, that being his junk in this case, when another man would find those very leftovers and scarf them right down, that being his treasure.

But, come on people, especially guys out there, if one were to say to you, "You know what they say, one man's junk is another man's treasure," what would you immediately be thinking about? Not the leftover food, right? No, an "I-can't-believe-he-said-that" look would come across one's face, imagery not that of leftover food would make its presence known in one’s mind and a slight chuckle may be released into the air.

Ah, yes, "one man's junk is another man's treasure”. While one man is making use of that junk and referring to it as a treasure, the other is not making any use of it and is just referring to it as junk. No matter if one is making use of that very junk he wants to be seen as a treasure or not, the ladies are still going to still perceive it as junk - guaranteed!

For Pete’s sake - Many questions arise when I hear this next saying - “For Pete’s sake!” Now, it is no coincidence I believe, but most of the people whom say this know no one by the name of Pete. So, this peaks my curiosity.

Who the hell is this Pete character? Why is it for his sake? What did he do? Is Pete a universal figure or icon? Is it short for the Disney character, Peter Pan? Are we universally showing sympathy for Pete Rose all of a sudden?

Many don’t seem to like it when they say, “For Pete’s sake” and with a serious look on my face, I ask, “Pete who?” But I have that serious look on my face for a reason. I seriously want to know who this guy is and what his story entails.

If I were talking to a friend about something and they responded with, “For your mother’s sake,” that would perhaps make sense to me. But if they were to say, “For Pete’s sake, Craig,” then I would have no idea what in the world they were talking about or who in the world they were talking about, I should say.

Pete is obviously a legend of some sort. I am not familiar with he nor his story and one day, just one day, I want to be able to hear someone tell me, “For Pete’s sake,” and for me to be able to confidently respond with, “Yes, indeed ma’am, for Pete’s sake! Cheers!” Call me a pessimist, but I don’t see this happening anytime soon, so from this time forth, I’m going to start a new trend for some person out there whom I don’t know. When a person is annoying me and I just want to burst, I’m going to say, “For LeRoy’s sake!” We’ll see how that new trend comes along. If you start hearing friends or family members saying this, just remember who started it.