The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I just learned of the awful, tragic news that a former high school classmate and friend of mine passed away on Christmas night, after battling brain cancer for 3 years. She was just 40 years old.  It's come to my attention that she was heavily involved with BrainTumor.org, an organization whose mission it is to fund research to prevent any victims of brain cancer in the future. Cancer isn't a partisan issue. We've all unfortunately been affected by it at some point or another, and this sad trend will continue until we find a cure. Cancer isn't prejudice; it affects all age groups, races, genders, orientations, etc. This is one time where we can all come together to support a common cause and hopefully be able to finally put an end to this horrific, heart-wrenching, debilitating disease. Please, if you have $1, $5, $10, or more to spare, donate to this cause, so that we can finally say cancer won't kill us, for we killed cancer. - https://secure.braintumor.org/site/D

In Week 16 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ...the Cowboys' beat-down of the Washington Football Team (WFT) was so bad, WFT has been forced to drop the "F" from its name. - ..., if things continue at their current pace, the New Orleans Saints will start left guard Calvin Throckmorton behind center next week. - ...the Carolina Panthers have successfully disproven one-third of Flonase, for the combination of Cam Newton and Sam Darnold has shown that 2 really isn't greater than 1. - ...the Los Angeles Chargers are less predictable than a David Lynch film set in Nebraska during tornado season. - ..., if Baker Mayfield had one more pick against the Green Bay Packers on Saturday, he would have had a handful of snot. - ..., due to their game on Sunday, police officers will now tell drivers to utter the phrase "Sucky Seahawks collapse in snowy Seattle on Sunday" five times fast when giving sobriety tests. - ...the only people who cared about the Detroit/Atlant

In Week 15 of the NFL season I learned that... - ...Brandon Staley's TikTok password is "GoForIt." - ...Kliff Kingsbury needs to go back to college almost as much as Urban Meyer needs a punching bag for his feet. - ...Urban Meyer's happy place is an underground fiery pit he calls heaven. - ..., if winning ugly were a beauty pageant, the Pittsburgh Steelers would be Miss Philippines. - ..., with or without Bourbon, the Jacksonville Jaguars will lose. - ..., after watching the Atlanta Falcons quarterback run, it's only a matter of time before we see the sequel to "The Tortoise and the Hare" on the bookshelves - titled, "The Sloth and the Ryan." - ..., against the rest of the league, Tom Brady proves 40 is the new 20, but against the New Orleans Saints, he shows it's possible for 40 to be the new 70. - ..., after reporting that 20+ players of theirs had contracted COVID, the Washington Football Team will now be nicknamed the Washington Outbrea

In Week 14 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ..., following his handshake with former assistant Mike Vrabel, the phrase "resting bitch face" will now be known as "resting Urban face." - ...Kyler Murray is in love, for from the first to the last play of the game on Monday night, he was falling for Aaron Donald. - ..., according to Cris Collinsworth, Aaron Rodgers is the most honest person of the year. With that kind of rationale, Cris Collinsworth has been named the sexiest person of the year. - ...Cam Newton is like "The Sixth Sense" of quarterbacks. He's good the first time, but quickly loses his appeal the second go-round, and this time, Haley Joel Osment sees old people. - ...COVID is so bad, Aaron Rodgers is being called upon to be everyone's team doctor. - ..., as OBJ did his touchdown dance celebration, it's been reported that 4 out of every 5 cops watching the game drew their weapons, as they thought an unarmed black man had just ar

On October 21st of this year, I wrote a blog titled, "Common Sense Trumps Analytics," where I criticized NFL coaches for obsessing over the analytics spreadsheet; treating it like a Bible; and using it as an excuse if things go awry - even when the decision made absolute no sense whatsoever. Well, two Hall-of-Fame coaches have just chimed in on the subject, and guess what? They completely agree with me. Two-time Super Bowl-winning coach Bill Parcells said on the subject: "This analytics stuff, I don't care for it. This is a 'get-off-my-lawn' guy talking. When you start talking about analytics, everybody's an expert. I saw this happen in boxing when they came up with the CompuBox - this guy had so many punches and so many power-punches, so therefore he should win the fight. It made everybody an expert. In reality, there's more criteria than just punching. Like ring gamesmanship. When I was coaching, I went for it on fourth down quite a bit. I wasn'

College GameDay analysts - Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit in particular - have been none too kind to the Cincinnati Bearcats this season. UC, of the American Athletic Conference, finished the season 13-0 and became the first group-of-5 team to get invited to the college football playoff.  What was Herbstreit's initial reaction? On ESPN's selection special, he said this: "But I'm confused. What about that narrative that the Group of Five wasn't allowed to get in? I heard there was a lot of buzz out there that the committee would never put a Group of Five (team) in. It's weird. They must not have gotten that rule." After receiving backlash for his comment, he doubled-down on Twitter with this post: "After SEVEN years of b*tching and complaining from a vocal minority that the CFP system is rigged and the 'small guy' will NEVER GET A CHANCE-haven't heard much from ya last couple days. Everything okay? What's the next conspiracy theory?? Can

Tis the season to give, carol, drink eggnog, donate, be merry, all that crap. Oh, I forgot one, it's also the season to lie. As children, we're often told a story of a jolly, bearded, obese man named Santa Claus and, if we're good, he'll provide us with presents under a tree within our homesteads in the wee morning hours on Christmas Day, but if we're bad, may just place coal in our stockings. Then a few years down the road, if we haven't figured it out already, we're informed that the story isn't actually true. Okay, so my son is now 3, and I've decided I will not be sharing the big lie with him, for several reasons. 1) Trust. I don't want to lie to him. I want him to trust me. Some say, "Oh, it's just Santa. It's a harmless little lie." No it isn't. Studies have fairly consistently shown that kids who are taught the big lie by their parents are more inclined to be liars themselves when they grow to be adults. They're a

Interesting story. Yesterday, I stumbled upon a recent Upworthy article, which shared actor Wil Wheaton's response to a question about whether we can separate artists from their art. As long-time readers should know, I've consistently spoken in favor of separating artists from their art. If a work of art positively affects a person, why should said person feel shame if the artist is a criminal or just simply an a$$hole? Given this, I was pleasantly surprised to hear Wheaton's take.  He said: "I have been precisely where you are, right now. In fact, we were just talking about this a few days ago, as it relates to a guy who wrote a ton of music that was PROFOUND to me when I was a teenager. He wrote about being lonely and feeling unloved, and all the things I was feeling as a teenager. He grew up to be a reprehensible bigot, and for years I couldn't listen to one of the most important bands in my life anymore. But this week, someone pointed out that he was one membe

I just received the following comment on episode 168 of my podcast ("I Feel Snitty"), entitled, "Karen Rodgers Has a Dream": "Craig, this is great. King of Snark! Sorry it took me so long to get around to listening! I cracked up on 'vaccines all kill, we've all had them...do the math!'" The episode can be heard here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/karen-rodgers-has-a-dream/

In Week 13 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ...there are three guarantees in life: death, taxes, and Andy Reid winning after bye weeks. - ...the Detroit Lions have proven, if you believe in yourself, and are facing a prevent defense in a goal-to-go situation, anything is possible. - ..., if Santa really is the ultimate gift-giver, he is in fact black, and goes by the name Lamar Jackson. - ...Joe Mixon even fumbles in touch-football. - ..., based on their performance Sunday night against the Denver Broncos, it's become apparent the Kansas City Chiefs receivers are serious investors in Butterfingers. - ..., given his seeming obsession with "Top Gun," the question now is, "Will the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback wind up being Maverick Minshew or Goose Minshew?" Too soon? - ..., since it was the Green Bay Packers' bye-week, this was the only week of the season where Dr. Aaron Rodgers only passed COVID on Sunday. - ..., if Jimmy Garoppolo starred in a porn

As I'm tired of the bias which comes along with being a sports analyst and "the eye-test," I decided to create a computerized ranking system, which takes bias out of the equation. It combines the three most integral parts of grading a team's quality, in my opinion, and in descending order of importance: record, strength of schedule, and level of domination. The formula is: win % x 100 x 1.75 + opponent win % x 100 x 1.50 + average margin of victory x 1.25. For example, if a team went 6-6, the win % is .500. Multiply that by 100 and you get 50.0. Multiply that by 1.75 and the product is 87.5. The same goes for opponent win %, except you'd multiply 50.0 by 1.5 and get 75.0. Lastly, if this team averages to win each game by 5.5, after multiplying that number by 1.25, you'd wind up with 6.875. Add 87.5, 50.0, and 6.875, and the final power number for this hypothetical team would be 169.375. I should note, for every FCS opponent a team played, their record formula

In Week 12 of the NFL season I learned that... - ..., no matter how many points the Detroit Lions might be up, you've got them right where you want them. - ..., after the season, Detroit Lions head coach Dan Campbell will form the cover band Beers For Tears. - ..., given the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback's level of speed, the slowest animal in the world will now be referred to as the Slothlisberger. - ...Clark Griswold has a better chance of winning at blackjack than an NFL analyst has at accurately predicting what the Las Vegas Raiders will do on any given week. - ...Ryan Tannehill without Derrick Henry is like an elderly Neo without a blue pill; it just doesn't work. - ...Cam Newton has proven you truly don't know what you have until it's gone, comes back, and totally sucks the second time. - ...Kirk Cousins has shown the world one potential side effect of not getting vaccinated is attempting to handle balls under big men's butts that aren't there. - ...