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What I learned in Week 16 of the NFL season

In Week 16 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the Cowboys' beat-down of the Washington Football Team (WFT) was so bad, WFT has been forced to drop the "F" from its name.

- ..., if things continue at their current pace, the New Orleans Saints will start left guard Calvin Throckmorton behind center next week.

- ...the Carolina Panthers have successfully disproven one-third of Flonase, for the combination of Cam Newton and Sam Darnold has shown that 2 really isn't greater than 1.

- ...the Los Angeles Chargers are less predictable than a David Lynch film set in Nebraska during tornado season.

- ..., if Baker Mayfield had one more pick against the Green Bay Packers on Saturday, he would have had a handful of snot.

- ..., due to their game on Sunday, police officers will now tell drivers to utter the phrase "Sucky Seahawks collapse in snowy Seattle on Sunday" five times fast when giving sobriety tests.

- ...the only people who cared about the Detroit/Atlanta and Jacksonville/NY Jets games besides their fans were... Just kidding; they don't have any fans.

- ..., due to his propensity to start strong and end poorly, Kliff Kingsbury shall now be nicknamed the Hungover Hare.

- ...the Baltimore Ravens' defense is so bad, team fanboy Ray Lewis murdered them on social media.

- ...Ben Roethlisberger runs like a gazelle...if that gazelle had one leg, were intoxicated, and went by the name Stumbles.

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