Trump's campaign promises vs. what he meant

Trump's campaign promises vs. what he meant

Promise: "On Day 1, 'we will begin the largest deportation operation in American history.'"
What he meant: "On Day 1, we will change 'Gulf of Mexico' to 'Gulf of America,' which will make all Mexicans want to leave America for their homeland, out of bigly anger."

Promise: “My very first day back in the White House, I will terminate every single open border policy of the Biden-Harris administration, and we will seal the border.”
What he meant: "My very first day back in the White House, I will force the allegedly bordering-nation of Canada to be the 41st state of these great United States."

Promise: “We will drill, baby, drill.”
What he meant: "I'll continue trying to silence women from coming forward about me drilling them, with or without their content."

Promise: “We will end inflation and make America affordable again.”
What he meant: "Grocery prices will never come down, but that's just all part of God's plan or something."

Promise: “'I will terminate the Green New Scam,' and end the electric vehicle mandate."
What he meant: "I'll be the going-greenest president in the history of the galaxy! You can't go greener than stealing Greenland from the Danish, and starting a war with an ally in the process!"

Promise: “'We will pass massive tax cuts for workers' that include no tax on tips."
What he meant: "We will pass massive tax cuts for billionaires who hire illegals to work for a lower price, which is a genius, genius business move, I might add. This will kill two birds with six stones - as, like, it'll, you know, it'll be the thing. It'll create jobs for the millions of billionaires in this country and force illegals to leave America, since they'll be working for billionaires in America already. Did I already say genius? I'm going to say it again - genius!"

Promise: “I will revoke China’s most favored nation status.”
What he meant: "I will revoke China's most favored nation status, because 'China' doesn't exist. It's actually 'Jiiina.'"

Promise: “I will pass the Trump Reciprocal Trade Act, that means that if China or any other country makes us pay a 100 or 200 percent tariff or tax, we will make them pay a reciprocal tariff or tax of 100 or 200 percent immediately, right back.”
What he meant: "I don't know what a 'tariff' is, but some people are saying they're good, great, tremendous things. It sounds like 'terrorist,' but it's not. That means it's a 'synonym,' folks - things that sound the same, but mean totally different things. And people say I'm not smart. I know the best words, believe me!"

Promise: "Shortly after regaining the Oval Office, 'I will have the horrible war between Russia and Ukraine settled … quickly.'”
What he meant: "Shortly after regaining the Oval Office, I will have the horrible war between Russia and Ukraine left up to someone else - how about the states? Isn't that what we all want? The states deciding what to do when our ally gets invaded by our anniversary or whatever?"

Promise: “I will prevent World War III.”
What he meant: "I will prevent World War III by starting wars with all of our allies. Who needs friends when you have followers? ...and clicks and likes and community notes?"

Promise: “I will restore peace through strength.”
What he meant: "War is peace, and there's going to be lots and lots of peace, if you catch my grift."

Promise: “In my next term, we will build a great Iron Dome missile defense shield over our country, a dome the likes of which no one has ever seen before, and it will be entirely made in the USA.”
What he meant: "In my next term, I will make it a point to see all the 'Iron Man' movies. I hear they're pretty good."

Promise: “I will not cut one penny from Social Security or Medicare, and I will not raise the retirement age.”
What he meant: "I will not cut one penny from Social Security or Medicare, but will hire lots of people to bust out some machetes and cut trillions of pennies for me, literally."

Promise: “I am going to keep you out of wars.”
What he meant: "I am going to keep you out of wars - unless you're in the military, and then you're going to be going to wars: left and right, up and down, middle, diagonally, Southwest, Delta-Northwest, North-South, everywhere."

Promise: “We have people at the top [of the military] that are woke, and they’re all gone. We are going to get rid of them so fast.”
What he meant: "If you want to be in our military, you're going to need to be asleep. You can only fight, lead, and triumph if you're in a deep slumber. Period."

Promise: “We are going to rebuild our cities into beacons of hope, safety and beauty better than they’ve ever been before.”
What he meant: "We are going to rebuild our cities by getting rid of windmills, because they kill too many land-whales, dinosaurs, and Dodo birds. That's not me talking; it's science."

Promise: “We will take over the horribly run capital of our nation … and clean it up, renovate it, rebuild it.”
What he meant: "Like on January 6th of 2021, we will take over the horribly run Capitol of our nation, and clean it up, renovate it, and rebuild it, because remember, folks, January 6th was the most peaceful protest in the history of protests."

Promise: "I will sign an executive order that cuts federal funding 'for any school pushing critical race theory, transgender insanity and other inappropriate racial, sexual or political content onto the shoulders of our children.”
What he meant: "I don't know what 'critical race theory' is, but I think it's critical racists, like me, who have a lot of theories... I lost my train of thought. What is 'critical race theory,' anyway? Whatever it is, it sounds bad, very, very bad. Oh, and I will sign into law that the only person who can be transgender is Rudy Giuliani."

Promise: "I will defund any school that has a vaccine or mask mandate."
What he meant: "There was a farmer had a dog, and Polio was his name-o. P-O-L-I-O, P-O-L-I-O, P-O-L-I-O, And Polio was his name-o."

Promise: “I will keep men out of women’s sports.”
What he meant: "LeBron James will never hit another home run in the WNBA again!"

Promise: “I will fully uphold our Second Amendment.”
What he meant: "Like the Bible, I've never read the Second Amendment, but also like the Bible, I hear it's good. It's also much shorter than the Bible, which is long, very, very long. I don't like long things. Two Corinthians is still my favorite book in the Bible, though. My second favorite is probably Judas or Netanyahu."

Promise: “We will protect innocent life.”
What he meant: "We will protect innocent life by making it easier for people to shoot and kill our children. It's all about the kids, folks. They are our future, or so I'm told."

Promise: “We will restore, very quickly, free speech.”
What he meant: "We will restore, very quickly, free speech, by making it illegal to protest things I like. You'll then have to pay a fine. You heard it here first, folks - you can only have free speech if you make people pay for protesting things you like."

Promise: “I will secure our elections.”
What he meant: "I won, so our elections are secure."
#MAGACultMorons #YouveBeenConned