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The Top Ten Potential Announcements from Donald Trump at 2 pm Today

The Top Ten Potential Announcements from Donald Trump at 2 pm Today

10. After bench-pressing a 1-lb. dumbbell, he'll look straight into the camera and declare, "I'm the strongest man in the world, bigly."

9. Attempting to prove he's in good health, he'll give the hokey pokey his best effort, but will be unable to turn himself around. He'll then claim the hokey pokey is "rigged."

8. He found Jesus, while staring into a gold mirror.

7. That he'll soon be joining Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy in the film, "Weekend at Donnie's."

6. That he's sick, and the only way to cure what he has is via horse-dewormer and injecting disinfectant.

5. To quell speculation, he'll announce that the Epstein Files can't be released, because he's being audited.

4. He's renaming the 'Indian Ocean' the 'Cleveland Ocean.'

3. He'll release hard evidence, which will distract the public's attention from the Epstein Files: He has video of J.D. Vance f*cking a couch.

2. When he dies, Mexico has agreed to build and pay for his coffin. (Fact-check: True)

1. (drumroll) After 79 years of non-stop searching, he finally found Waldo.
#WhereIsTrump #TrumpDead


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