How to Review Muse in 2022

I just heard a Muse song and I love it! Absolutely love it! It's like old-school Muse - what I've been wanting to hear for so long! No complaints! None! I'm in love!

Well, okay, I mean, I guess if you want to get technical, there was that time in the song where you hear that one doohickey, followed by the thingamajig, and then there’s that doodad which comes out of nowhere in the background, and goes “Pow!” What's with the doodad? Is that supposed to be there? It kind of takes away from the thingamajig, doesn't it?

Also, let's not kid ourselves - when Matt sings "I" in the verse and "was" in the chorus, am I the only one who hears the similarity to “Creep,” when Thom sings, “I wish I was special”? Look, I love Matt and the boys, but if they want to stop being labeled as Radiohead-copycats, they gotta cut this crap out! Just sayin’!

Speaking of rip-offs, anyone else hear Dom on the drums, Chris on the bass, and Matt on the guitar? You know who else has done that? Hanson.

You know, the more I think about this song, the more I don't like it. This sounds like old Muse, just as I've been desperately wanting for years – and letting the world know about it, mind you, but it sounds too much like old Muse. I want new old Muse - you know, like the band combining sounds from the past to create something new, which sounds like nothing from the past. Okay, rereading that, I’m not sure I’m making myself clear. What I mean is I want Muse to make an old Muse-sounding song - like this one, but for it to be a new song - like this one, only different than this one, but kinda like this one too. Okay, I think that clarifies things.

Having said that, I’m just going to be frank; this doesn't sound like Muse at all. I mean, opera sounds like Muse. Classical sounds like Muse. Electronica, metal, pop, R&B, and dub-step sound like Muse. But a retread of Muse? Naw. The only way this could have sounded like Muse is if it had gone in a more country-jazz-Fred-Durst-with-an-accordion type of direction.

Oh, and why doesn’t this feel and sound like the time I first saw Muse in concert? Is the band THAT out-of-touch with their fans that, when they release a new song, they don’t automatically place every listener at a concert of theirs performing the song? When I buy a Muse album, I don’t want to just listen to the music, I want the music to teleport me to a concert of theirs at Wembley, free of charge, sandwiched in between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman, wearing a shirt which reads, “Black Holes and Teleportations.” Since that doesn’t occur, I don’t know, the song just kinda feels empty to me.

Lastly, and I don't know if Matt realizes this or not, but when he does that heavy-breathing thing, he sounds just like my next-door neighbor, Ralph, whenever he works in his marijuana garden. It’s actually quite disturbing how eerily similar they sound to one another. Does Matt know Ralph or something? Is he mocking him? If so, that's not very nice. Ralph can't help it. He gets a little high every morning and pretends he's doing Olympic hurdles while in his garden. Of course he's going to start breathing a little heavily at some point. I hope that's not it. If so, I will have lost all respect for Matt and will stop listening to the band.

So, yeah, this new song sucks. I guess I'll just have to go back to listening to tunes from the good old days - when I was younger, trimmer, and got my weed from a guy we called Herbie Hemlock, instead of Ralph next door.

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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