For whatever reason, when it was announced my favorite band Muse would be releasing their 9th studio album - Will of the People - on August 26th of last year, I decided to start ranking each and every song I've heard of theirs. After listening to their most recent effort several times through, I think I'm ready to release my months-long project unto the masses. Before I do, please note that I've included everything from singles to B-sides to covers to instrumentals to demos, but did not include live jam-sessions, preludes, or demos which are shorter than a minute in duration. Also, every song listed is my favorite rendition of it. For example, if Muse had a song called "Probe Me Please," and there were multiple versions of it, I'd naturally only list my favorite of the bunch - the full-body rendition. Lastly, I know we'll have differing opinions here and there, but let's try to be respectful toward one another. I've spent a lot of time on this and attempted to make it fun by adding bad jokes or puns; random, yet humorous tangents; and/or interesting tidbits for each song. So, here it is - the longest, funnest (yeah, I'm going to call that a word), bestest (that's going to be a word today too) Muse countdown in history. Dun. Dun. Dun.
My Muse Countdown
155. Forced In (5/10): Eerie, but monotonous, overlong, and dare I say, forced. I don’t hate the song, but it’s definitely my least favorite in the band’s catalog.
154. Aftermath (5.1/10): Solid intro, but things seem to go south after that – especially in the chorus. From this moment, from this moment, I will never hear this song…
153. Drones (5.1/10): Interesting a capella experiment – especially at the end of an album. Bellamy’s vocals are top-notch, as usual, but just like if I were to claim I wish I knew the name of Donald Trump’s barber, I’d be lying if I said I ever listen to this song anymore.
152. Something Human (5.2/10): Has a nice, light feel, with decent lyrics and solid verses, but that damn chorus ruins it for me. It’s like a night of indescribable passion. The build-up is perfect. Everything seems to be going right, and then your partner decides to kill the mood by randomly doing the macarena. Yes, with the song playing in the background.
151. Prague (5.3/10): Nearly as monotonous as Ben Stein doing a robot impression, but doesn’t overstay its welcome quite as much as “Forced In.”
150. Backdoor (5.4/10): Speaking of demos, this may be the most demo-sounding demo in the history of demos. It’s instrumentally pretty solid, though. …at times.
149. Nishe (5.5/10): An instrumental which plays like elevator music in a haunted mansion. It’s a song I wouldn’t mind listening to in said elevator, but not if the elevator gets stuck and the song gets played on repeat.
148. Bedroom Acoustics (5.6/10): Another instrumental, but with more variety. To put it another way, it’s a polygamous instrumental, which is nice.
147. Execution Commentary (5.7/10): Great, hardcore-punk riffs, but Matt sounds like he’s attempting to impersonate a 4-month-old English baby learning Mandarin. Better as the outro to a live song than an actual song itself, but still fun regardless.
146. Overdue (Remastered) (5.8/10): Definitely my least favorite track off Showbiz. I like the instrumental component, for the most part, but it feels incomplete – like something’s missing, and the chorus could use a little work. In other words, the song is emblematic of most relationships: “I love you, but something feels like it’s missing. You really need to work on this. This. Oh, and this, this, and this. Did I forget about this? Yeah, you could work on that too. But it’s not you; it’s me.”
145. Save Me (5.9/10): Not a bad song, and I both respect Chris for opening up on his battle with alcoholism, and his bandmates providing him said outlet, but there’s very little variety in the track, and it isn’t real catchy, if I’m being completely honest. I’m not sure why I felt the need to add that. I mean, when someone says, “I’m gonna be honest,” what, does that then mean they hadn’t been honest previously? Whatever. Moving on…
144. Lithium (6/10): This was a pretty cool moment, as the band played this Nirvana classic live on the 20-year anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death. Having said that, the performance felt a little clunky in parts, and came across as more of a demo than Devo’s demo of “Whip It,” aptly titled “Strap It.”
143. Hyper Chondriac Music (6/10): Dark, depressing, and I don’t understand why it’s so damn popular amongst Musers, but I digress. Decent song, but I’ve got to be in quite the mood to listen to it. If you ever see me while I’m in said mood, I’d recommend either providing me with a lifetime supply of bourbon, backrubs, blow-pops, a combination of the three, or walking far, far away.
142. America (6.1/10): All I’m going to say is when I hear Muse doing West Side Story, I feel pretty; oh, so pretty; I feel pretty, and witty, and bright; and I pity; any girl who isn’t me tonight.
141. Man of Mystery (6.1/10): Here’s an interesting instrumental number which Ron Burgundy says “was a magical vision by this British band in the year 1963, for they envisioned the Oscar-worthy Austin Powers debut in 1997. If you do the math, that was a full 21 years later.”
140. Piano Thing (6.1/10): This may not be his best such work, but I love hearing Matt on the piano. He could be in a drunken stupor, play “Heart and Soul,” and I’d think it was a genius work. After saying that, I now have the sudden urge to see he and Dom recreate the piano-scene from Big. Make it happen, guys!
139. Falling Down (Remastered) (6.2/10): If the entire song were as good as the final 50 seconds, it could very well be one of my favorites, not only on “Showbiz,” but overall. Unfortunately, the first 3:40 doesn’t do much for me, other than make me want to skip ahead to the final 0:50. Then again, if the first 3:40 were like the final 0:50, would the final 0:50 stand out as much as it does with the original 3:40? This has been “Deep Thoughts” with Jack Handey.
138. Connect the Kettle Lead (6.3/10): Never heard this one? You’re not alone. It can only be found via the Newton Abbot demo sessions on the Origin of Muse boxset. While I can understand this one never making it onto a studio album, it is a fast, fun, rocking number – slightly reminiscent of other such tracks from that era, like “Agitated.” The lyrics are nothing to write home about, but wait, yeah, I guess that is the joke. I’ll be here all countdown, folks. Bear with me (or bare with me if you’re hot, clean, single, speak in complete sentences, and reside in the Columbus-metro area)…
137. Break It to Me (6.3/10): Catchy beat, and I love when Muse gets experimental, but I’m gonna break it to you - this project never really connected with me. It’s rather repetitive; I don’t care much for the vocal-effects; and that scratch-breakdown (or whatever one wants to call it) toward the end is over-the-top ridiculous, even by Muse’s lofty standards in the arena. It’s a fun track, but in the future, I hope they take their experimentation elsewhere.
136. Follow Me (6.4/10): This is what you get when you mix ‘80s new wave with Gloria Gaynor and dubstep. It’s interesting, sure, and somewhat catchy, but until I hear Ms. Gaynor and Robert Smith successfully team up for a duet of “I Will Survive: Dubstep Rendition,” I’ll likely steer clear of this one more times than not.
135. Dracula Mountain (6.4/10): A fun, up-tempo, even heavy at times instrumental cover. This rendition is actually faster than the original, which was ironically written by the band Lightning Bolt. So, if we want to get technical, Matt, Chris, and Dom play “Dracula Mountain” faster than 670 million mph.
134. Hyper Music (XX) (6.4/10): Here’s where approximately 74% of Musers deem me a wanker of bloody massive proportions. It saddens me to rank this song so low, as Chris’s bassline is one of the best in the band’s entire catalog, and the verses are fantastic as well. What do they build-up to, though? A riff and chorus which make me envision an angry clown at a carnival impersonating Gilbert Gottfried. May he rest in peace, but yeah, that doesn’t work for me.
133. Jimmy Kane (6.4/10): I’m a little surprised by the ardent dislike of this song by many Musers. The vocals are a bit much at times, and the chorus is nothing particularly enthralling, but the bass is pretty sick. The song has kind of a blues/jazz-rock sound and feel to it, which I kind of wish the band would experiment with more, but I digress. As a sidenote, I wonder what a bartender would say if I ordered a Jimmy Kane on the rocks. I’ll get back to you with the answer. …to be continued…
132. Twin (6.5/10): Very much sounds like a song for Showbiz. I’m actually surprised this and “Coma” didn’t make the cut. It is somewhat reminiscent of “Sober,” so I suppose that could be one reason why. In any case, if you like the band’s debut album, I’d reckon you’ll enjoy this tune. If you don’t like Showbiz, however, well, then I’m sorry to say there really is no hope for you, is there?
131. Rain (6.5/10): Here’s another song from the Newton Abbot demo sessions. This one has the feel of Weezer doing the blues. If this had been polished up a bit, I think it could have made a decent track on Showbiz, if not, at least a B-side. Regardless, it contains the lyrics, “And I’ll show you nothing special,” so obviously it was ripping off Radiohead’s “Creep”… :: holds up a sarcasm sign ::
130. Big Freeze (6.6/10): This song received an unfair amount of hate from the fanbase upon its release, in my opinion, but from what I’ve recently read in the threads, it now seems to be garnering a greater appreciation. I’m kind of in the middle, as I never hated this song, but have also never listened to it a great deal. Having said that, Matt’s vocals are exemplary here; it’s undeniably catchy; the chorus is solid; and the song has an almost U2-esque vibe to it. Good song, but not one of their best, for it’s about as unique as a Katherine Heigl-led Hollywood rom-com.
129. Undisclosed Desires (6.7/10): A catchy, sexy song, but the least desirable of the lot on The Resistance for me. Yep, I disclosed it. Sue me.
128. Endlessly (6.7/10): I never used to like this song, BUT it’s finally beginning to grow on me – not literally. With the liberal use of synths and lighter sound, part of me now wishes this could have replaced “Something Human” on Simulation Theory.
127. Futurism (XX) (6.7/10): First off, the XX rendition is vastly improved from the original. In fact, I’d argue that, along with “Megalomania” and “Space Dementia,” it was the most improved on said album. Even with that, though, I’m not crazy about the chorus. Perhaps I’ll change my mind in the future…
126. Spiral Static (Remastered) (6.7/10): I call this the Halloween-tunnel track, for it’s dark and haunting, yet the further you travel, the greater the semblance of light. Good song, but not one I listen to regularly – unless it’s October 31st at 7 pm and I’m already out of candy.
125. Revolt (6.7/10): Right after Drones was released, I noticed two constants on Muse messageboards: 1) “The Handler” was the shit, and 2) “Revolt” was cheesier than Pizza the Hutt telling a Papa John’s joke. While I agree with the former, I’ve never understood the hate for the latter. Sure, it may not rock like some of the other songs off the album, but it is catchy, and it’s hard not to tap your foot and sing along when you’re alone in the car and there are no other vehicles in sight.
124. Get Up and Fight (6.7/10): I think it’s safe to say, generally speaking, this is the least favorite song from Simulation Theory amongst Musers. Not me, though. While the song is fairly generic and derivative, and I could really do without the intro, the bridge and chorus are great, and fit the song perfectly. Matt sounds incredible in the song too – especially toward the tail-end. When it comes right down to it, this song could be divided into three: 1) The intro and first verse: “Lay Down and Snore,” 2) The bridge: “Sit Back and Stream,” and 3) The chorus: “Get Up and Fight.”
123. Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want (6.7/10): Might be one of my least favorite covers by Matt and the boys thus far, but it’s still pretty good, if that tells you anything. It’s like sex, pizza, or Nicolas Cage movies when you’re both high and drunk AF – even the worst one is still pretty damn good.
122. Where the Streets Have No Name (6.8/10): Like the aforementioned “Lithium,” this was a neat live moment for the band. A little over a decade ago at Glastonbury, U2 had to pull out due to Bono having back problems. So, the night after they had been originally scheduled to perform, U2 lead guitarist The Edge joined Matt and the boys on stage to perform this classic. Great song, great performance, and great moment, but I’m not the biggest U2 fan; I tend to enjoy Muse covers where they essentially make it their own song; and this one sounds too U2 to my liking. No offense…
121. Hungry Like the Wolf (6.8/10): Like “Where the Streets Have No Name,” this cover sounds very similar to the original, but it’s such a fun song, I’ll give it the slight edge over the U2 hit. If you’ve got a problem with that, why don’t you make like a wolf and bite me? Actually, on second thought, please don’t. I caught rabies from Elaine Benes once. I foam at the mouth just thinking about it…
120. The Gallery (6.8/10): Since this song is somewhat reminiscent of “The 2nd Law: Isolated System,” I’m going to petition that its title be aptly changed to “Isolated Fuzzy System (IFS).” We’ll see how that goes over…
119. Can’t Take My Eyes Off You (6.9/10): Great song and solid cover – especially the guitars in the pre-chorus and chorus sections, but at the end of the day, it’s still a cover, and I’d rather take my eyes off it and place them somewhere else.
118. Agitated (6.9/10): Solid central riff, great outro, and muffled vocals. In other words, if “Execution Commentary” is a 4-month-old English baby learning Mandarin, “Agitated” is its slightly more coherent older brother.
117. Soldier’s Poem (6.9/10): A short, relaxing, beautiful piece, which bears some resemblance to “Ave Maria.” Yes, if that mention of Franz Schubert’s classic made you want to hear Matt do a duet with Zach Galifianakis, you’re not alone!
116. Thoughts of a Dying Atheist (6.9/10): Probably one of the weakest tracks off Absolution, as the transitions aren’t the smoothest, and the chorus leaves something to be desired. Having said that, even atheists believe it’s better than 90% of the crap that gets released today.
115. Mercy (6.9/10): Many Musers unfavorably compare this song to “Starlight,” and given its similar sounding intro, I can see why. While it may well indeed by inferior to the Black Holes and Revelations hit, I don’t think it’s a bad song by any stretch of the imagination. It’s like that less-accomplished twin sister who graduated college with a 3.0 GPA; has a decent job; and is engaged to the former back-up quarterback of a high school football team. She’s young, smart, funny, attractive, and life seems to be going fairly well for her, BUT for as much as they may look alike, she’ll always be unfairly and unfavorably compared to her sister – you know, Ms. 4.0; is president of her company; and married to the former starting quarterback of the same high school football team.
114. Liquid State (6.9/10): Here’s the second Chris-led song on vocals. In my opinion, this is vastly superior to “Save Me,” as it possesses a strong intro; is at least semi-catchy; and allows one to bop their heads without feeling like complete idiots. The central riff comes across like a metal song from an ‘80s glam-rock band, before segueing to a more Muse-centric chorus. This is just a good, stripped down, rock song. Period.
113. Popcorn (7/10): This cover was apparently made popular in 1972 by a band called…wait for it… Hot Butter. No, that’s not a joke. Like popcorn, this song has “fun” written all over it. Not literally. It is an instrumental. Moving on…
112. Minimum (7/10): One of my favorite instrumentals by the band, if not my favorite. I honestly wish they’d replace “Nishe” with this in their sets. It’s moody as all hell, as it opens with a dark, haunting, midtempo feel, before transitioning to balls-out hard rock. Seriously, if this is “minimum,” I can’t wait to hear Maximum – as it’d likely make “Enter Sandman” come across as “Hallelujah.”
111. Guiding Light (7.1/10): Unpopular opinion: This is a beautiful song; isn’t the worst track on The Resistance; and has one of the best guitar solos on the album. Okay, so I guess that was plural - unpopular opinions. Whatever.
110. Fury (7.1/10): While I don’t feel as highly about this track as it seems many other Musers do, it is a good song – the chorus especially. Well, crap, I can’t think up any clever wordplay for this song at the moment. Makes me mad, furious almost.
109. New Kind of Kick (7.1/10): If you want to see how ridiculous Muse can be, watch this video. They (especially Matt) fully embrace their dorkdom. No matter how goofy the music video is, though, as the kids nowadays like to say, “This song slaps harder than a…” Okay, I’m going to stop right there. I guess the saying is just, “It slaps.” Good to know.
108. House of the Rising Sun (7.1/10): I don’t care for all the changes the band made to this song, but to Muse’s credit, they made it their own. Matt’s voice is soulful and powerful throughout, which takes it to a level it wouldn’t have otherwise gone. But enough about covers! Let’s get back to the originals, such as…
107. Feeling Good (7.1/10): Well, shit. We’ll have to wait another song. This tune has been covered so much, I’m going to call it the hypothermic nun. On that note, Muse’s hypothermic nun is superior to all others. Just sayin’.
106. Boredom (7.1/10): I always found it interesting Matt and the guys consistently listed Nirvana as one of their influences, for I never heard much resemblance between the two bands’ sound. That was until I reached this track off the Newton Abbot Demo sessions. Here it is, the one song Muse has done which reminds me a great deal of Nirvana. Even the song title sounds Nirvan-ny (just sound it out; I’m gonna go with it). Nirvana released “Dumb” in ’93, so Muse releasing “Boredom” in ’97 makes sense if we’re going to approach things from that nonsensical angle.
105. The Groove (7.1/10): There may not be a more apt title to a Muse song in existence. I’m not trying to be punny here, but seriously, the first time I heard that opening riff, the first word which came to mind was “groovy.”
104. Good News (7.1/10): Here is the best Newton Abbot Demos sessions track which never got released as at least a B-side (under the original or a different name), in my opinion. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, unless you’re like me and addicted to Muse like Dane Cook is addicted to telling hour-long jokes with punchlines which appear to have originated on Laffy-Taffy wrappers, chances are you won’t get to hear it. It kind of sounds like Muse’s take on old-school Green Day. When I say “old-school,” I don’t mean Dookie; I mean 1,039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours and Kerplunk. Yes, those albums exist; yes, I own them in disc form; yes, I’m old; and yes, I’m going to stop answering questions I wasn’t asked.
103. Map of Your Head (7.2/10): If there’s a lighter song in the Muse catalog, I’m not aware of it. That is, unless we want to take “lighter” literally. Would a map of your head or a newborn be lighter on average? These are the things a single father thinks about on a Friday night…
102. Explorers (7.2/10): It starts off like a lullaby; ends like a Christmas jingle (AKA a Jingle By Christ’s Lull); and is beautiful throughout. An underrated Muse track, which I find myself listening to more now than I did upon the album’s release.
101. Madness (7.2/10): Alongside “Uprising,” this is probably the band’s biggest hit in the U.S. thus far. While it’s a good song and the final third of it is arguably as dynamic and goosebump-inducing as any other portion of a Muse song, I never cared for it quite as much as the seeming vast majority. Yes, I suppose that makes me mad in the minds of many.
100. Do We Need This? (7.3/10): I don’t hear many refer to it as such, but this is a pretty prog-rocky number – especially for an early B-side. It starts off fairly slow and eerie, before continuing to build to a couple of head-bopping breakdowns. So, yeah, I think I answered the question. “Do We Need This?” Absolutely.
99. Shrinking Universe (7.3/10): A good song, but I personally don’t get why fans love it so much. If it weren’t for Matt’s incredible falsetto between 2:09 and 2:39, it’d just be an average, run-of-the-mill song, in my opinion. Sidenote: Some voices in my head have told me this is what body-building nymphomaniacs tend to say after years of steroid use: “My universe is shrinking!”
98. Megalomania (XX) (7.4/10): I was never much into the original, but the XX rendition made it pop for me like it never had previously – so much so, I now crave more organ-driven Muse songs. There’s also just something devilishly delicious about writing an organ-driven song which is anti-church. It’d be like a herd of elephants destroying the Republican Party – yes, a group of elephants toppling a bunch of dumbos…
97. Uno (Remastered) (7.4/10): Good riff and passionate vocals, but the mediocre chorus will prevent this tune from ever being number 1 in my book.
96. Coma (7.4/10): Leave it to Muse to write an upbeat song called “Coma.” Well done, mates. Well done.
95. Propaganda (7.4/10): 4+ years later, I’m still not sure how I feel about the repeated processed loop of “prop-prop-propaganda” (excuse me, “pwop-pwop-pwopaganda”), but generally speaking, the song is catchy AF. It’s like if Matt had a baby with Prince’s “Kiss.” Okay, that sounds weird. Moving on…
94. Exo-Politics (7.5/10): One of the weakest songs off Black Holes and Revelations, yet still underappreciated, if that tells you anything about how incredible said album is. It’s strong vocally, strong instrumentally, and interesting lyrically – just not as life-altering as most other songs on the album. If Muse lyrics became reality, however, this could very well be the most life-altering song in their entire catalog. Yeah, think about it (after consuming “medicinal” marijuana, of course)…
93. The 2nd Law: Unsustainable (7.5/10): As Yoda would say, “A doom-laden, dubsteppy, orchestral piece, this is.” We’re probably lucky this song is only 3 minutes 49 seconds in length, for if it were any longer, its panic-inducing vibe would be, yes, unsustainable. :: marks that off my bucket list ::
92. Supermassive Black Hole (7.5/10): Catchy, funky, kinda sexy, Matt sings in a pitch reminiscent of a teenage girl. If I were Phil Dunphy, now is the time when I’d replay the aforementioned line in my head and say to myself, “Ah, yes, I hear it now. What I meant was Matt sings like a little girl and it’s kinda sexy. I mean, if Matt were a girl of any age, he’d be sexy. Okay, I’m going to shut up now.” This is the point where his wife, Claire, would give him the ultimate death-stare. If you’ve never seen Modern Family, just pretend you never read this.
91. Dig Down (Acoustic Gospel) (7.5/10): When I first heard the original version of this song, I felt underwhelmed – like I had just listened to Matt Bellamy conjoin the band’s previous hit “Madness” with George Michael’s “Freedom.” I didn’t hate the song, but I was about as impressed as a guy getting charged $5 for a movie ticket at the Dollar Theater. After purchasing the Deluxe Edition of Simulation Theory and hearing the acoustic gospel rendition of the song, however, I started going to church again. Just kidding. No, I heard the song in a completely new and brighter light. I no longer heard “Madness,” nor “Freedom;” I just heard a soulful Muse song which would no longer get skipped more than hopscotch at a circus by a tap-dancer named Skippy.
90. Compliance (7.5/10): I initially didn’t know what to think of this song, and I think it had a lot to do with hype and expectation. After the band released “Won’t Stand Down” as its first single off Will of the People, and online music rags were making the yet-to-be-released album out to be nothing but metal, I’ll admit I got sucked into the premature excitement, and when I heard this song, my immediate reaction was, “What the pop?!?” Once I adjusted my mental expectations, however, I actually started to enjoy the song. It is quite catchy; the bass is excellent; there’s a fun solo; and in the extended version, Matt is able to show off his falsetto. Hell, even the lyrics aren’t bad – and no, they aren’t anti-vax/-mask. Muse is about as anti-vax/-mask as Al Bundy is a marathon-runner.
89. Bliss (XX) (7.6/10): Here’s another spot where I’m bound to receive some uber-sexy WTF-looks. Thank you, by the way. For the record, I like this song – especially the chorus. Having said that, though, I find it a little dull and repetitive compared to most of the other songs off Origin of Symmetry, and don’t listen to it a great deal. If this song brings you peace and joy, all the power to you. For me, though, it’s just a half-smile and a paused right hand, as I debate throughout it whether to skip to the next track or not.
88. Euphoria (7.6/10): Ever wanted to play a video game which combined: “Thought Contagion,” “Time Is Running Out,” “Crying Shame,” “Revolt,” “Get Up and Fight,” and “Blockades”? If so, this song is for you! Seriously, though, this is a fun track; should be a blast live; and perhaps best of all, is a cure for getting that wretched song out of your head, because I guarantee this one will take its place.
87. Ghosts (How Can I Move On) (7.7/10): A beautiful and touching song, inspired by those who lost loved ones during the COVID pandemic. It’s an extremely stripped-down track, as it’s just Matt and a piano, but honestly, I think that’s the only way it could have been produced. Matt’s vocals are especially effective here, as he presents them in an almost aching fashion, which perfectly melds with the mood and theme of the song. It feels kind of wrong to close this with a bad joke or pun, but… Nope, nope, can’t do it. …or can I? Ah, f*ck it, moving on…
86. Sign O’ the Times (7.8/10): I was tentative about this cover at first, as it’s fairly uncommon, perhaps even ballsy to try and cover a Prince song, but they pulled it off. From Matt’s added guitar licks, to the awesome chorus, to the beautiful falsetto at the song’s conclusion, the band released a song that I think Prince would even say didn’t totally suck – and that’s high praise coming from him.
85. Blackout (7.8/10): Here we have an exceptionally beautiful song I don’t listen to very much. What’s my problem? How much time do you have? Look, like with certain films, I have to be in the right mood to listen to this. Saturday night. The lights dimmed. A glass of champagne. Anyway, where was I? Moving onto #84 – yeah, that’s it…
84. Con-Science (7.8/10): In my opinion, this song gets an undue amount of hate. It may be technically simplistic, but it’s eerie AF – hauntingly beautiful or beautifully haunting, take your pick. At the very least, you have to give Muse credit for helping people correctly spell the word “conscience.” On that note, I hope they release the inevitable smash-hit “Their/They’re/There, Your/You’re, Then/Than, and To/Too/Two.”
83. Sober (Remastered) (7.8/10): Buzzed, drunk, or track title, the choruses are a bit much for these ears, but the verses are banging, and Dom’s insane work in the final verse is probably some of my favorite drumming in the band’s catalog.
82. Forameus (7.8/10): Okay, so I take back what I said about “Good News” being “the best Newton Abbot Demos sessions track which never got released as at least a B-side (under the original or a different name).” In my defense, though, this track was not on Origin of Muse, and I only found it because a little birdy named Larry told me. I also take back the notion that “Boredom” was the only heavily-inspired Nirvana song I’d heard from the band, for this fits that bill too. While I’m in the taking-things-back mood, I’d like to take back what I’m about to say, for it’s going to break the world-record for longest punctuated run-on sentence – like seriously, it’s going to be longer than an anaconda nicknamed Stretch, longer than a Murder She Wrote marathon at a bingo tournament, longer than my unit.
81. Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever) (7.9/10): I remember when this song was released, the Muse Christian-messageboard unanimously shouted, “What in the bloody f*cking hell is this Twilight-riddled bullshit?!?” Once the dust settled, however, it became a sinner’s delight. Proggy-pop at its finest right here. I’m not even being sarcastic. This is a genuinely catchy song that honestly has no business being as good as it is.
80. Lies (8/10): To be perfectly honest, while I had heard of the band CHVRCHES, I’d never listened to them. So, when I heard this cover, it was essentially the first time I’d ever listened to CHVRCHES in any capacity. I have no idea what the original version of this song is like, and honestly don’t care much – because it sounds like Muse. This is a catchy, upbeat, electronic-tinged track that comes across like something right out of The 2nd Law or Simulation Theory. Honest. No lies.
79. Yes Please (8/10): An early rockin’ number, which comes across as a hybrid of Rage Against the Machine and “Agitated.” Oh, and I found the perfect lead-in song to this – “The 2nd Law: Unsustainable.” If anyone were to ask me whether or not I’d like Muse to open a show with “Unsustainable” followed by this, I’d loudly respond, “YES, PLEASE!”
78. Easily (8.1/10): I had initially planned on just going with a stupid pun, like, “This is easily one of the band’s best B-sides,” but then I saw several Musers declare it as a top 5 or 10 song overall for them, so it may not make a whole lot of sense to utter such a bad pun for the #78-ranked song. Okay, I’m going to bookmark this one and get back to it. Please be patient.
77. Sing For Absolution (8.2/10): First off, while I prefer the original, the acoustic version is excellent as well – so if you haven’t had a chance to check it out, I’d do so. It starts off fairly slow, like “Endlessly,” before it transitions into an epic spacey beast (not Kevin). I’d say, of all the songs off Absolution, this one is probably growing on me the most in recent years, and it wouldn’t be at all surprising to see it continue to improve its standing.
76. Shine (Acoustic) (8.2/10): I think the acoustic blows the electric version right out of the water, figuratively speaking. Simply beautiful song. If you want a Muse song to fall asleep to, I’d probably go with “Explorers” or this one. “Dead Star” is another possibility, if you have only a few screws which aren’t loose.
75. Escape (Remastered) (8.2/10): I never much cared for this song until recently, and now I’m wondering why I skipped it so much previously. I think it’s one of their most underrated tracks off Showbiz. Pained vocals, a rocking solo, and a solid close make this a song I both want to escape with and don’t want to escape from, or something along those lines…
74. Screenager (XX) (8.2/10): I think this is, far and away, the most underrated track from Origin of Symmetry. It may be the slowest, softest song on the album, but that doesn’t make it any less powerful. If there were a direct link between volume and beauty, Fred Durst would be the Grace Kelly of music.
73. Recess (Alternate) (8.3/10): The original is good, but I much prefer the alternate version. From the opening piano to the post-chorus falsetto, it just comes across as more feelingful. Yeah, I’m going to stick with it. Trademark that shit.
72. Falling Away With You (8.3/10): We’ve apparently reached the underrated portion of the countdown, for I feel this is one of, if not the most underrated track off Absolution. It isn’t just underrated by fans, in my opinion, but also by the band – as this is one of just six album tracks to never get played live (The others being: “Blockades,” “Get Up and Fight,” “Big Freeze,” “Aftermath,” and “Creep” – okay, I wanted to see what the big fuss was in making a Radiohead joke. Much like the band, it’s an overrated experience).
71. The 2nd Law: Isolated System (8.3/10): A hauntingly beautiful, mostly instrumental track, that closes out The 2nd Law. It almost sounds like it could be part of a movie soundtrack. Oh, I’m being told that is actually the case. What was that? The Little Mermaid? Very funny… Oh, World War Z. Okay, that’s much more believable.
70. The Dark Side (8.4/10): A very good song, but overrated by the fan base, in my opinion. As the title should imply, it is indeed dark, but with an almost spacey, futuristic undertone. On the other hand, I wish the title would have implied that there was an alternate version of this song, where Matt places on a Star Wars mask and does his best/worst Darth Vader impression.
69. Survival (8.5/10): Grand guitars, an over-the-top finale, cheesy lyrics – yes, this sounds like the Olympics. I personally found it hilarious the Olympics chose to use this as their theme song, for I seriously believe the intent of it was to make fun of large sporting events, much like – wait for it - the Olympics. For their next such tune, I propose they write one about awards ceremonies, and call it “Bitch Slap.”
68. Dead Star (8.5/10): This is, without question, one of the heaviest songs in Muse’s canon. It even borders on :: gulp :: metal. It gets a bit repetitive, but is short, fun, and did I mention hard AF? For the grandmothers out there who are not familiar with the “AF” abbreviation, it means “as Frampton.”
67. Take a Bow (8.6/10): While a number of Muse songs could be accurately described as “epic,” if someone were to ask me, “What’s a Muse song which sounds larger than life?,” my immediate first reaction (as opposed to my immediate third or fourth reaction) would be this one. The title is apt, for whenever I hear it, I think to myself, “They deserve to take a bow after that godly performance.” Even though the song was written 16-17 years ago, the lyrics are as pertinent as ever: “Oh, our freedom’s consuming itself; What we’ve become; Is contrary to what we want; Take a bow.” So long as we have corrupt AF politicians, this song will remain relevant. Once again, to all the nuns out there, this translates to “corrupt as Frampton politicians.”
66. Unintended (Remastered) (8.6/10): This is probably one of my favorite vocal performances by Matt. The falsetto is incredible, not only sonically, but it genuinely feels sincere. In my opinion, it’s one of the most beautiful songs in the Muse arsenal, and although I rarely listen to it, every time I do, it emotionally impacts me. So, ladies, there you have it – the secret to making me cry. It’s either you place me in a roomful of cats, which will inevitably make me tear up due to allergies, or just play this song. I sincerely hope you choose the latter option.
65. Fillip (Remastered) (8.7/10): An interesting song, which I don’t hear get talked about much amongst Musers. It starts off with an urgent-sounding riff, kind of like “Sober,” but then transitions into a much stronger chorus than its fellow Showbiz track, before significantly slowing down, speeding up, and slowing down once again for the close. Okay, the way I described that sounds like part of an erotica novel (or so I’ve heard), so let’s move onto the next one, shall we?
64. Ashamed (8.7/10): There’s some pretty significant overlap between this, “Agitated,” and “Yes Please,” yet this is far and away my favorite of the three. The vocals are a bit muffled, which I don’t tend to care for, but I enjoy the bassline, distortion, and outro so much, I’m able to tolerate it more than is typical. I suppose you’re now expecting a bad “ashamed” pun. I hate to disappoint you, but that’s not going to happen, and I feel no shame in saying that.
63. Pink Ego Box (8.7/10): AOL, those were the days, right? The dial-up? The voice which would tell everyone, “You’ve got mail”? The instant messages? Remember those? Me neither. Okay, barely… Well, this song brings back all of those fond memories. Yes, this is the point where 84% of you think to yourselves, “Hot damn! How old is this guy?!?” Don’t worry about it. In my opinion, this song is fairly pedestrian for the most part, but, and this is a big BUT, that outro is one of my favorites, if not my favorite in the entire Muse canon. The way Matt screams the final lyrics, “You turn on me!,” and the guitars crank up – it almost sounds like doom metal. You’re now picturing the AOL voice going from “You’ve got mail” to “You turn on me!,” aren’t you? Okay, so I’m the only one. Carry on…
62. Psycho (8.7/10): It all started with a riff. Seriously, the central riff in this song had been played live by Matt since the late ‘90s, as an outro to other songs. For some reason, 15+ years later, the band said, “Hey, you know that crazy-ass-outro riff we’ve been playing live the past decade and a half? Yeah, let’s turn that into a song. F*ckin’ A!” For the record, I was just paraphrasing what the band said in my mind, so no lawsuits please. Anywho, I’m glad they decided to transform said riff into a complete song, because it’s a fun, hard-rocking track on Drones, and even if you don’t care much for the studio version, you have to at least admit it’s a blast to hear live. Oh, I should provide parents with a warning here: this song contains societally-deemed naughty words in it, so please f*cking keep that in mind before exposing your children to it. You’re welcome.
61. Crying Shame (8.8/10): I don’t hear many Musers talk about this tune, and that’s a crying shame, because it’s one of their better B-sides, in my opinion – a short, fun, almost surf-rocking tune, with an incredible falsetto by Matt at the very end of it. If you haven’t heard this yet, shame on you. Seriously, though, check it out. …or I may cry.
60. I Belong to You (+Mon Coeur S’ouvre A Ta Voix) (8.9/10): An upbeat, piano-driven track, where things slow down midway for Matt to sing in French, followed by a bass-clarinet solo? Um, yes please. Funny story - my father played clarinet in school band, so whenever we see a local cover band together, he’ll jokingly say, “You know what this band’s missing? A clarinet player.” Well, dad, here you go.
59. Nature_1 (9/10): This is one of my two favorites off Hullabaloo (The other will be mentioned later; oh, the suspense is killing you, isn’t it?). Here’s my conundrum with this song, though – the aforementioned album is technically a collection of B-sides, yet many Musers refer to said album as an LP. So, do I refer to this track as one of my favorite B-sides from the band, my favorite LP B-Side (LPB, perhaps), or just try to avoid the debate altogether by simply referring to it as a Hullabaloo-esque godsend? Anyway, good song.
58. Apocalypse Please (9/10): Oh, how I love it when Matt mocks religious fanatics. This track may have been released in 2003, but it’s just as relevant in 2022 – especially when it comes to the GOP in the U.S. It’s funny how the supposed “pro-life” party wants so badly for there to be an apocalypse. Hey, who said cults had to make sense?
57. Thought Contagion (9/10): This song receives an unfair amount of hate from Musers, in my opinion. With a Halloween-esque guitar riff, and a feel reminiscent of “Thriller,” this song immediately makes me want to moonwalk; transition into the “Thriller” dance; and end with a crotch-grab and an extremely high-registered “hee-hee” as I do so. But I get the feeling not everyone feels this way. To each their own.
56. Time Is Running Out (9.1/10): This was, at one time, one of my favorite Muse songs. Oh, but times change, and many songs have surpassed it with repeated listens. Even though I don’t care for this song quite as much as I did previously, I still say it has one of the best bridges in the band’s catalog. Fortunately, it’s not a bridge to nowhere, as Sarah Palin would have it, but a bridge to people jumping everywhere.
55. Supremacy (9.1/10): Here’s the best James Bond-theme song to never appear in a James Bond film. Whenever I hear the central riff, I picture Daniel Craig, Sean Connery, and Pierce Brosnan doing their thang. Not with each other. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
54. Host (9.1/10): I think this was the first B-side by the band I’d heard, so it’ll always mean a little something extra to me. It’s raw, emotional, and goes from 0 to 11 within seconds. For those of you who didn’t get the Spinal Tap reference, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it right now. Otherwise, you’ll never get to hear the masterpiece that is “Lick My Love Pump.”
53. Uprising (Extended) (9.1/10): We’ve all heard it. In fact, there was a time when we heard it played so much at sporting events, it nearly went the way of “Seven Nation Army” and became unlistenable. Fortunately, it wasn’t played THAT much, and after a few years of listening to it remotely, it’s started growing on me again. That’s especially the case with the extended-outro rendition. Oh, and for the anti-vaxxers, when Matt sings, “They will not force us; they will stop degrading us; they will not control us; we will be victorious,” it was released in 2009, so he’s not talking about your fight against COVID-vaccines. So, bugger off…
52. Plug In Baby (XX) (9.2/10): This song features one of the band’s most iconic riffs. It’s not just me saying that. The opening riff has been voted as the best of the 2000s and one of the best of all-time. It was, at one time, one of my favorites by the band, but like with “Time Is Running Out,” its staying power has decreased some in recent years. Still a great tune, and whenever I venture to Michigan and see a “PIB” sticker (Put-In-Bay), I always enjoy saying, “’Plug In Baby’? Hell yeah! I’m a Muser too!,” to which 99.4% of the time I receive a deer-in-headlights look in response.
51. The Globalist (9.2/10): Matt probably did this song a disservice when he previewed it as basically a sequel to “Citizen Erased” – a fan favorite. It’s not, but I can sort of see where he was coming from, with the progressive structure of this track. Having said that, this was one of the most difficult songs for me to rank, because I LOVE the first two sections of it – especially the middle portion. If the middle portion had been extended, and the song had ended there (I suppose thereby making it the end portion), this song could very well have been top 10 for me. The final section, however, just doesn’t do it for me. I don’t hate it or anything, but it just feels unnecessary, and slides this down from top 10 to top 50. Solid track, and I appreciate the experimentation, but it could have been a classic.
50. Invincible (9.3/10): Like a lot of Muse songs, I wasn’t overly ecstatic about this at first. I suppose that would imply I was at least partially ecstatic, but that wasn’t the case either. Okay, so I wasn’t ecstatic at all. Bite me. Now where was I? Ah, yes, anyway, through the years, this song has steadily grown on me, to the point where it’s gone from my second least favorite track off Black Holes and Revelations to a top 50 song overall. Between the military beats, the solo, and the song’s overall message, it’s a beautiful track, and vastly underrated, in my opinion.
49. Starlight (9.3/10): This is arguably the best pop-rock song in the band’s catalog. No matter how much I tried to dislike it in the past, I’ve finally fully embraced it. It’s sweet, catchy, and any time I hear it, I want to hold it in my arms, just want to hold it in my arms, just want to hold… Yeah, see what I mean?
48. Defector (9.3/10): This seems to be a rather divisive song amongst Musers, but I’ve always liked it. It starts with a grungy, almost Weezer-like vibe; finishes with a pair of great solos; and is solid in between. So, yeah, I’m defecting from the defectors on “Defector.”
47. Resistance (9.4/10): Very Queen-esque. Very Orwell-esque. In other words, it’s very (Brian) May, 1984-esque. The intro and outro are similarly dark and eerie, the chorus powerful, and even though the bridge may seem out of place at first, with each listen, it sounds progressively more apt. This may not be my favorite song off the album, but it’s a great title track, for it perfectly encapsulates the sound and mood of the album.
46. Hate This & I’ll Love You (Remastered) (9.4/10): This song starts off in such a soft fashion, you can hear crickets. Literally. Seriously, I don’t mean literally in the figurative sense, which seems to be so hip nowadays, but I find extremely annoying. No, you can LITERALLY hear crickets. Said softness doesn’t last forever, though, as the song quickly segues into a powerful, midtempo chorus, and adds a beautiful falsetto along the way. I think this track often gets overlooked due to how slowly it starts out, but I think it’s one of the most powerful, beautiful tracks off the band’s debut album. Unlike the title of the track would suggest, hate this and I’ll start to wonder about you…
45. Unnatural Selection (Extended) (9.5/10): It’s amazing what a 25-second addition can do for a song. While I like the original rendition of this piece, I think said addition in the extended version truly makes it feel complete – which is funny, considering the fact the original is nearly 7 minutes long. In it, some musical Queen-esque riffs bridge the gap between the organ-fused intro and the original riffs – which are fairly reminiscent to that of the band’s classic, “New Born.” Things slow down midway with some pretty wicked-sounding riffs, before picking back up with a kick-ass outro. I don’t care if it’s natural or unnatural, this song is one of the most rockin’ tracks off The Resistance.
44. Reapers (9.5/10): Ever thought to yourself, “You know what would sound great? Mixing Van Halen’s ‘Hot For Teacher’ intro with Madonna’s ‘Express Yourself’ chorus and Rage Against the Machine’s ‘Freedom’ riff for an outro”? Probably not, but Matt and the boys apparently did, because that’s essentially what this fun, hard-rockin’ tune sounds like. Don’t believe me? Check it out. You’ll be telling Eddie-Van-Halen-Madonna-and-Tom-Morello-walked-into-a-bar jokes in no time!
43. The Small Print (9.5/10): No ifs, ands, or buts about it; this is pure, straight up rock ‘n’ roll. It starts hard, goes harder, and finishes harderest. Nope, no need to look that up. It’s a word. My self-written Scrabble-dictionary says so. Yeah, so the cat’s out of the bag. Now you know what I do on Friday nights. Whoops.
42. Darkshines (XX) (9.5/10): It starts like a midtempo track off Showbiz, but then quickly turns into a brooding, piano-driven force in the chorus. Matt’s vocals are at their passion-peak here. The one-minute instrumental on the back-half is a thing of beauty – especially on the Origin RemiXX. Bellamy’s falsetto is a perfect close to arguably the most underrated track off Origin of Symmetry. Okay, I’m having trouble thinking of anything funny to say about this song, so I’ve been given permission to phone a friend. Alright, so Frank the Tank wasn’t home. He’s apparently off streaking again. F*ck it. Moving on…
41. In Your World (9.5/10): The intro to this song is probably one of my favorites in the Muse catalog. A haunting piano bit teases the listener, before it segues into a hard-rocking number which doesn’t waste any time. At only two and a half minutes, this song may not have much room to progress, but I seriously think it would be killer live. Come on, guys – can’t you spare two and a half minutes for this beast? Even those who have never heard the song before will be jumping up and down to it. In this world, no one is (body) surfing alone. In this world, no one is moshing alone.
40. United States of Eurasia (+Collateral Damage) (9.6/10): This could go down as the Queen-iest song ever written by a band other than Queen. When asked about it, legendary Queen guitarist Brian May said, “I love it. I think it’s great stuff. …and like us, they have their tongue in cheek a lot of the time.” What can I say? If Queen says Muse’s best Queen is royalty, it’s f*cking royalty! Cheers!
39. Muscle Museum (Remastered) (9.7/10): Here’s the proggiest song on the band’s debut, which is perhaps why it’s so popular among the fanbase. It kind of foreshadows what’s to come from the group’s sophomore effort, Origin of Symmetry. The song is multilayered; contains interesting shifts in sound; and ends in epic fashion. An interesting tidbit is Matt named this song as such after looking through a dictionary. The term which came immediately before “Muse” was “muscle” and the word which directly followed it was “museum.” This was in 1999. So, fast-forward 24 years, and let’s see what Matt would have titled the song if it were written today. :: goes to find “Muse” in the dictionary ::. Interesting… Okay, so if the song were written today and Matt went through the same process he did with it in ’99, it would be titled, :: clears throat :: “Musculoskeletal Museum.” If I wanted to refrain from any repeats, and moved to the word next to “museum,” the song would be called “Musculoskeletal Mush.” Okay, I think I like that one. It gets my vote.
38. Cave (Remastered) (9.8/10): If there were any song which could compete with “Muscle Museum” (or “Musculoskeletal Mush,” as it shall soon be known) for proggiest song on Showbiz, it’d be this one. It segues from a fairly upbeat, almost punk-rock intro, to a midtempo and piano-infused chorus, before ending with a beautiful piano-driven outro. Supposedly the main thematic influence of this song was the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, or as my dad once told me it was called, Men Love The Bars, Women Love The Penis. I may or may not be making that up…
37. Exogenesis: Symphony Pt. 1 (Overture) (9.8/10): Here’s the start of Muse’s 13-minute magnum opus. While I love each of the three segments to the song, this, to me, is the least memorable. Having said that, it sets the mood for the rest of the masterpiece. Without it, parts 2 and 3 wouldn’t be as beautiful, powerful, and goosebump-inducing as they are. So, if you think about it, “Overture” is the make-out session which eventually leads to coitus.
36. Ruled By Secrecy (9.8/10): Here’s another powerful piano piece, which starts off quite subdued, before kicking things into another gear just prior to the final chorus. Ever since this writing, the song has been rumored to be about when Matt, Chris, and Dom first met, and sought to become pantomimes who took over the world.
35. Hoodoo (9.9/10): Read the first sentence to #36. As Patrick Swayze once told Demi Moore in Ghost, after she said to him, “You’re the only man I could ever love,” he of course responded with, “Mostly ditto.” …or something like that.
34. Blockades (9.9/10): After the first run-through on Simulation Theory, this was definitely my favorite track. While it’s lost a little bit of its luster since the album’s release 4+ years ago, it’s still one of my favorite songs off the album. It starts off sounding like the theme song off a 1980s video game, before significantly slowing down during the bridge, and then segueing to a heart-pumping chorus. “Blockades,” in my mind, features the best guitar solo on the album, and it isn’t even close. Then again, it may have been the only solo on the album. Or not. Either way, I’m right, so suck it.
33. Pressure (UCLA Marching Band) (9.9/10): For 4 years I had claimed to have preferred the original version of this song. What in the hell was I smoking? While the original is a fun and catchy tune, it gets a little repetitive, and this rendition blows it right out of the stadium. Oh, and if my dad is reading this, no, I can’t confirm nor deny there being the presence of a clarinet.
32. Exogenesis: Symphony Pt. 3 (Redemption) (10/10): Here’s the perfect conclusion to Muse’s aforementioned magnum opus. While the song is essentially about the end of civilization, this final segment seems to, at least sonically, provide for a glimmer of hope. It’s like when you’ve had one of those rotten days, where nothing seems to go right, and then you find those Hot Pockets you didn’t know you had buried in the freezer. This song is those Hot Pockets.
31. Exogenesis: Symphony Pt. 2 (Cross-Pollination) (10/10): While all three portions of the song are outstanding, this, to me, is the pinnacle. It’s kind of where the three segments collide and climax, before fading into the pure bliss that is Hot Pockets.
*For the record, consuming “Exogenesis” is much easier on the stomach than consuming Hot Pockets. I’d highly recommend the former, not so much the latter (unless you’re Jim Gaffigan).
30. Eternally Missed (10/10): Here’s a song only die-hard Musers seem to know, and well, I’m here to say everyone else is eternally missing out. Seriously. The song starts with what sounds like Matt half-whispering with a music box playing in the background. The thumping drums and bass then come in and get the head bobbing, before Bellamy soulfully sings the chorus. The process repeats itself, with a few instrumental shifts – particularly in the breakdown, and a bone-chilling close. If you have the chance, grab some quality headphones and blast this one as loud as your ears can handle. Trust me; you’ll feel eternally blessed.
29. MK Ultra (10/10): Arguably the hardest rocker off The Resistance (“Unnatural Selection” would like a word, maybe six – “You think you’re better than me?!?”), this song is strong in almost every phase: a catchy, rockin’ intro, solid lyrics and vocals, and a pair of kickass breakdowns – including the outro. The only weakness, in my opinion, is the chorus. It lacks something – almost feels unfinished to me. Even so, all in all, this is my favorite song off the album, and I feel quite fortunate to have gotten to witness it live once – as that seems to be less common than Thom Yorke joyfully listening to the R.E.M. tune, “Shiny Happy People.”
28. Soaked (10/10): I’d heard a few Musers bring this track up here and there, and as is often the case, I had no idea what they were talking about. I looked it up and saw that, while the band had written it, they gave Adam Lambert the rights to sing and release it (as opposed to not sing and release it, sing and not release it, or all of the above). Well, as I was skimming through all of the band’s songs on MuseWiki recently, I stumbled upon this one again, and decided to see if there was a Muse-recorded rendition of it on YouTube. To my surprise, there was, and wow, is it ever a beautiful track! I guess the band decided against releasing it at around the time of The Resistance, as they thought it sounded too similar to another track from the album – “United States of Eurasia.” While there are some definite similarities between the two, I also hear quite a number of differences, and kind of wish the band had released it as a B-side. Regardless, gorgeous song. If you’re like me (and for your sake, I hope you aren’t) and hadn’t heard this hidden gem until 2022, I recommend you do so right…now!
27. Sunburn (Remastered) (10/10): I think it’s pretty safe to say this is one of the best piano-driven songs in the band’s arsenal. It provides an interesting mix of upbeat, dare I say happy piano chords with dark, almost eerie guitar tones throughout. Matt’s flexibility in vocal range on the song only exacerbates the shifts in mood and overall tension. Just from an audial perspective, the song comes across as a story where Matt starts with an angel on his shoulder during the verse; the devil accompanies him and the angel during the bridge; before the devil kicks the angel’s ass off the aforementioned shoulder during the chorus.
26. Dead Inside (10/10): The first time I heard the opening track off Drones, I had no idea what to think. My first response probably appeared like a hybrid of a deer staring at headlights and smelling a fart you didn’t rip on a first date. Ever since that time where I smelled a deer’s fart on a first date - or whatever in the hell that was, though, this song has quickly moved up my charts and become my second favorite track off the album. The vocals are top notch; the solo is one of, if not THE best on the album; and the close is climactic epic Muse.
25. Glorious (10/10): Here it is – my favorite Muse bonus track, which was actually featured on the Japanese version of Black Holes and Revelations. In all honesty, while I like “Soldier’s Poem,” if this song had replaced it, dare I say BHAR would have been THE perfect album. This track is better than singing “Gloria” next to a glory-hole, covered by old glory. In other words, it’s fricking “Glorious.”
24. Micro Cuts (10/10): Here’s a song I respected more than I liked at first. In other words, it was like my Tarantino of Muse songs (yeah, I said it; sue me, you Inglorious Basterds). Unlike with Quentin, though, this song has grown on me so much, it can now be classified as one of my all-time favorites from the band. Ever wanted to hear a metal-opera in just over three and a half minutes? Stupid question – of course you have. Well, this song is for you.
23. Hysteria (10/10): All I’ll say here is the Meghan Trainor hit, “All About That Bass,” was obviously in reference to this song. Just sayin’.
22. Animals (10/10): I think this is, without a doubt, the most hard-hitting song off The 2nd Law. Lyrically, it’s the strongest off said album, and perhaps one of the strongest in the band’s entire career. It focuses on the greedy at the top of the economic ladder; no quantity ever being enough; and what they’re willing to do to those below them to maintain their excessive means of wealth and material goods. The classic rock-sounding intro, the short but stellar solo, the angry and rockin’ outro, and Matt’s vocals shifting from almost a quiet whisper to a loud roar, the track’s sound perfectly encompasses its theme. In case you were wondering, if I were an animal, I’d choose to be a duck-billed flying monkey. I could evade predators via my wings or limbs. I could throw feces at people from both a tree and the sky. Not only that, if I got really pissed off, I’d also possess poison in the back of my legs to inflict pain on the worst of my enemies (like the Siamese scorpion-cat or giant humpback squirrel).
21. Will of the People (10/10): Yeah, have at me, haters! While this may sound like if Billie Joe Armstrong wrote a hybrid of Blue Cheer’s “Summertime Blues” and Marilyn Manson’s “The Beautiful People” sometime between 2004 and 2009, no one can deny it’s catchy AF (which stands for “Always Forever” of course…). I dare you to listen to this song for 5 seconds and not have “The will of the people, the will of the people, the will of the will of…” stuck in your head. It’s stuck in your head from just reading those few words, isn’t it? You’re welcome.
20. The Void (Acoustic) (10/10): A dark, eerie closing number off Simulation Theory, which integrates just about every sound-altering technique in Bellamy’s book – inevitably titled, 1,001 Sounds You Must Make Before You Die.
*That was the write-up I had for the original rendition of the song, which I had ranked at #70. Then, due to a Muse-Simulation Theory survivor series, I listened to this again and it suddenly hit me. After 4 years and probably only a handful of listens, it hit me, and now ranks in my top 20. What a beautiful and haunting track. I cannot avoid the fact a void has now been voided with “The Void.”
19. Liberation (10/10): In my opinion, this is the best Queen-inspired song to date for the band. It starts as a simple piano ballad, before kicking things up a couple of gears in a very Queen-like fashion for the chorus, and then settling down for a beautiful close. Matt said the song was largely inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement and protests – which will inevitably result in Trumpers protesting their shows by holding up signs which say, “All Songs About the Black Lives Matter Movement Matters!”
18. Verona (10/10): A spacey, yet gorgeous love song, which combines elements of Romeo & Juliet and Corona (no, not the beer, but that would be romantic AF). The sound progressively builds, but never truly climaxes, and honestly, that’s one reason why it’s so beautiful. Bellamy’s vocals here are top-notch. This may be one of my five favorite vocal performances by him thus far. The only downside? It seems all but inevitable The Knack will attempt to sue the band for stealing the chorus of their hit song, “My Verona! Muh muh muh, my my my, woo!”
17. Algorithm (10/10): Siri, what sounds futuristic, but ‘80s, is heavy on synths, and wouldn’t be out of place on a Revenge of the Nerds video game? “Algorithm.”
16. Stockholm Syndrome (10/10): This song is so hard and badass, it’d likely prompt Gandhi to attend The Jerry Springer Show and start throwing chairs at random people. The guy may have said “an eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind,” but he didn’t say shit about chairs.
15. Assassin (Grand Omega Bosses) (10/10): Believe It or not, when I first started working on this countdown many moons ago, I had “Assassin” (the studio version) ranked #64. While I always liked the main riff, the drumming, and thought of this as a fun, rocking, mid-tier song, it always felt as though something was missing. I didn’t know what it was, but to me, the song felt incomplete. Then, not too long ago, I was introduced to this rendition of the song, and guess what? The missing gaps of the jigsaw known as “Assassin” were filled. What was missing was the nearly 2-minute interlude mid-song added to this version. This song went from a three-and-a-half-minute mid-tier rocker to a nearly five-and-a-half-minute prog-rocker’s paradise. Never did I think a non-album rendition of a song could improve said track’s standing from #64 to #15, but I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. Yeah, baby, I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong.
14. Won’t Stand Down (10/10): These were my series of thoughts upon listening to this song for the first time: “WTF is this?!? Imagine Dragons?!? Okay, I see some potential here. Nice banging riffs. I hope that’s just a teaser. Ooh, I’m liking the chorus, or as my buddy Steve would drunkenly spout, ‘Me likey!’ Whoa, killer breakdown! I’m sold! My neck’s gonna get a workout here! That’s what she said. Who knew an anti-bullying song, which starts off like an Imagine Dragons track, could kick so much ass?!? Well done, boys! Well done! Now I gotta call my chiropractor…”
13. Knights of Cydonia (Man with a Harmonica) (10/10): While the studio version of this song is solid, it pales in comparison to the live rendition. There’s just something about Chris placing an instrument in his mouth, and moving it back and forth along his lips, which gives me goosebumps every time. Hmm, with that description, I may as well call this “Brokeback Knights of Cydonia.” Regardless, killer track, with an iconic riff.
12. You Make Me Feel Like It’s Halloween (10/10): Ever thought about walking through a haunted house conducted by Muse? Stupid question, of course you have. Well, you can officially check that off your bucket list after listening to this song. It’s probably the catchiest tune released by the band since “Panic Station,” maybe ever. It combines elements of spooky and silly, Michael Jackson and Rob Zombie, WTF and f*ck yeah, and I’m here for it.
11. Butterflies & Hurricanes (Additional Guitar) (10/10): This has to be one of the most hopeful-sounding tracks from the band’s first three albums. The additional guitars on the remix just adds to said vibe. Unpopular opinion: I think this would make the perfect live closer. Yeah, yeah, I know “Knights of Cydonia” is now viewed as the traditional closing track at concerts, but personally, I’d rather the show start with Chris on the harmonica and end with this hopeful number. Yeah, but that’s just me, and my imaginary friend, Category 5 Monarch.
10. New Born (XX) (10/10): This was my favorite song by the band for the longest time (well, not technically, as it isn’t anymore, but you get the point…maybe), but has since been surpassed by a handful of others. I think the main reason behind it being the long-time leader atop my chart was the intro – the transition between piano arpeggios and one of the most iconic riffs in the band’s canon. The main reason behind it moving down the leaderboard is the chorus. In my opinion, it just doesn’t match the exceptionalism of all the other song’s aspects. Okay, I suppose many mistaking Matt singing “birth squeeze” as “butt squeeze” may not constitute exceptionalism either, but I buttress – excuse me, digress.
9. Map of the Problematique (Rich Costey) (10/10): Here’s the track that started it all for me. It’s the song which introduced me to Muse, and I’ve been hooked ever since. While the original track is what I heard and fell in love with initially, I was recently told about the “Rich Costey Edit” rendition and think it’s even stronger than the studio version. The original is great, and will always hold a special place in my heart, since it’s what introduced me to my favorite band, but the “Rich Costey Edit” is less monotonous, and with that, the build-up is more prominent and impactful. Speaking of prominent and impactful, if Rich used the common nickname for Richard, in the phone book he’d be listed under “Costey Dick.”
8. Panic Station (10/10): Criticize the ranking all you want, but in my mind, this is THE catchiest song Muse has ever released. It sounds like if Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust” fornicated with Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition,” but with a Muse twist. Yes, I suppose “twist” could be viewed as ambiguous in this context, but yeah, switching subjects…
7. City of Delusion (10/10): Among Musers, I think this could very well be the most underrated track in the band’s catalog. I don’t often hear it classified as “prog rock,” but with all the subtle shifts which transpire within its four minutes and forty-eight seconds of sonic bliss, if it’s not to be labeled as such, then it’s the proggiest non-prog rock song in recent memory. The track includes trumpets, strings, a killer bassline, and one of the best choruses in the band’s history. It’s like my mama always said, “If loving this song is delusional, I don’t want to be…you know, the opposite of delusional.” Pure poetry right there. Mic drop.
6. The Handler (10/10): I just conducted a mental study which suggests science views this as THE standout track off Drones. Hey, it’s not me saying this; it’s science. From the first time I heard the opening riff, I knew it was going to be a killer track. Sonically, it harkens back to the band’s early days – somewhat reminiscent of “In Your World” and “Showbiz” in parts, but with a modern-day twist. The solo may be slightly too long, but in my opinion, it doesn’t diminish the song’s power nor aesthetic much, if at all. Again, that’s not me; it’s science, or something…
5. Showbiz (Remastered) (10/10): This song is so dark, the young girl from Airplane! would likely request coffee post-1999 with, “I take it black, like Showbiz.” This song is dark, heavy, features my favorite guitar solo in the band’s history thus far, and Bellamy’s falsetto toward the tail-end is the epitome of goosebump-inducing.
4. We Are F*cking F*cked (10/10): Heavy and darkly hilarious, this song has provided listeners with that secret desire to simultaneously head-bang ferociously and laugh hysterically. It comes across like an old-school B-side from the band, but with a modern twist, and it’s f*cking awesome as f*cked!
3. Space Dementia (XX) (10/10): A dark, beautiful, progressive, and haunting song, which I’ve always enjoyed, but went from very good on the studio album to classic on the anniversary remix release. The inclusion of strings was more brilliant than the internet, smartphone, and Dirk Diggler magnum condoms combined.
2. Citizen Erased (XX) (10/10): Generally speaking, this is arguably the favorite song of die-hard Musers, and I was right there with them until very recent. This is prog-rock at its finest. From the almost disturbing distortion at the song’s outset, to quite possibly the best chorus in the band’s catalog, to a top-notch guitar solo, to a beautiful, piano-driven outro, this is one of, if not THE best song Muse has ever released. While I desperately hope to one day hear this live, if Ticketmaster keeps reselling tickets for thousands of dollars, I’ll be forced to listen to it on my stereo, or else it’ll be savings erased for me.
1. Kill or Be Killed (10/10): I honestly thought no song would ever surpass “Citizen Erased” atop my leaderboard, but said miracle ensued once I first heard “Kill or Be Killed.” To me, it has become the quintessential Muse song. This is how perfectly “Muse” it is – MuseWiki compares it to the following songs by the band: “Cave,” “The Handler,” “New Born,” “Stockholm Syndrome,” “Assassin,” “Blockades,” “The Small Print,” “Invincible,” “Reapers,” “Dead Inside,” “Won’t Stand Down,” “The Globalist,” and “Break It to Me.” The band’s online encyclopedia has compared it to 13 other Muse songs, spanning 7 of the band’s 9 LPs (including Will of the People), from the years of 1999 through 2022. If that’s not the Musiest thing Muse has ever Mused, my real name is Jimmy Hoffa.
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