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Phony Comments on My New Book, "Back to the Failure"

I have no evidence to prove any of this, but a lot of people are saying my new book, Back to the Failure, has received the following reactions:

- "Well, it's not my daughter, so I don't want to hook up with it or anything." - Donald Trump

- "I've never been a 'yes-man,' but my wife, Mother, doesn't approve, so I don't approve." - Mike Pence

- "Now, I've tried this myself, so I know it works. If you chop the book up; inject half of it; and put the other half up your butt, you'll be cured of COVID." - RFK, Jr.

- "More unpatriotic than anything I've ever done. True story. You can quote me on that." - Tommy Tuberville

- "I've got four words for you: Hunter Biden!" - Marsha Blackburn

- "Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit vaping." - Lauren Boebert

- "It's all part of the deep-state. Obviously. I mean, are you kidding me? Words? Pages? Book things? He's just another one of those crazy, liberal, communist, socialist, Marxist, Hollywood, Satan-worshipping pedophiles in Ohio." - Q-bot

- "Even if this book were a hot 17-year-old girl, I wouldn't Venmo $4 for it!" - Matt Gaetz

- "Oh, dear me, Lady G does not approve of these filthy words that offends thee." - Lindsey Graham

- "This sh*t is f*cked up..." - Minister Mike Huckabee

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