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This week in Twitter hashtags

I had quite a bit of fun with trending hashtags on Twitter this past week. Here are my posts, ordered from the most popular to the least popular (all my tweets can be read here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):

1) "Deer world:

First off, I'm a grate riter. I rite the best litters, believe me. Hold on while I pore myself some soda. Their, that's better. Your all so braver then everyone else, bigly. What else? Oh yeah, covfefe.

Sinseerly,
President Trump"
#secondcivilwarletters
1,345 Likes, 268 Retweets

2) If Barack Obama grabbed a woman's crotch without her consent and then got caught bragging about it via an Access Hollywood tape, would you classify it as sexual assault?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
919 Likes, 217 Retweets

3) "Dear Resistance:

The war is over. We've won. About 30 seconds into our battle, the Trumpsters, as they were drinking moonshine & cleaning their loaded weapons with the muzzles facing them and shouting 'Guns don't kill!,' all shot and killed themselves."
#secondcivilwarletters
822 Likes, 161 Retweets

4) Did you know Robert Mueller is a Republican?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
495 Likes, 138 Retweets

5) "Dear heroes:

Thank you for your bravery. We would loved to have joined you, but were too busy battling bone spurs and crapping our pants. You understand.

Donald Trump and Ted Nugent"
#secondcivilwarletters
463 Likes, 76 Retweets

6) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, the term "fake news" can often times be defined as "news that's accurate, but you wish was fake, so you claim the latter in hopes that gullible idiots believe you."
417 Likes, 104 Retweets

7) "Dear soldiers:

Don't worry. I'm gonna do what I do best and get this war cancelled.

Love,
Roseanne"
#secondcivilwarletters
420 Likes, 50 Retweets

8) "Dear my fellow Trumpers:

We may have lost again, but even though we're now 0-2 in such wars, we will continue to be proud patriotic Americans by constantly celebrating the losing side and pretending we won.

Sincerely,
Brother-Cousin Joe"
#secondcivilwarletters
308 Likes, 61 Retweets

9) When you say "all lives matter," does this include any of the following: Muslims, blacks, women, liberals, Hispanics, the lower-class, the middle-class, atheists, students, DREAMers, the LGBT community, or fact-checkers?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
257 Likes, 98 Retweets

10) Trump: "Elizabeth Warren needs to take a DNA test to prove she's part Native American."

Donald Trump needs to take no such test to prove he's a lazy, idiotic, sexist, racist, xenophobic, corrupt liar, with hands the size of gnats.
#Pocahontas
259 Likes, 78 Retweets

11) "My fellow Americans:

Which side is Trump on again? Whichever it is, I won't be on that side. Just sayin'.

Sincerely,
Abraham Lincoln"
#secondcivilwarletters
269 Likes, 52 Retweets

12) Which do you prefer, Obamacare or the Affordable Care Act?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
191 Likes, 53 Retweets

13) If Trump shot a white baby on 5th Avenue, would you still vote for him?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
173 Likes, 57 Retweets

14) What's more offensive, a tan suit on Obama or a porn star on Trump while he's married to his third wife?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
157 Likes, 52 Retweets

15) Who do you fear more, dictators or scientists?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
135 Likes, 43 Retweets

16) "Dear Siri:

I'm being told there's a war. Where is it? What should I bring? What should I wear? Will there be a lot of people there? If I shake Kim Jong Un's hand again, will that end this war too?

Covfefeously yours,
Donald Trump"
#secondcivilwarletters
143 Likes, 32 Retweets

17) "Dear God:

It seems our only option for shelter is a #Walmart, but we've promised to boycott the place because they're selling 'Impeach 45' shirts of our other god. What do we do?

Faithfully,
Trumpanzees"
#secondcivilwarletters
144 Likes, 27 Retweets

18) If someone not named Donald Trump said, on national television, he wanted to bang his own daughter, what would your immediate reaction be?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
110 Likes, 46 Retweets

19) "Dear brave Trumptans:

'Fox & Friends' isn't on this morning, so I have no orders to give you for today. Take the day off and I'll let you know when the three wise men speak again.

Proudly,
Donald Trump"
#secondcivilwarletters
114 Likes, 30 Retweets

20) "Dear whomever:

What happened out there today? Yesterday? The day before? Who lived? Who died? Who traumatized the rest of the unit by texting a dick-pic of themselves? I do not recall.

Forgetfully,
Jeff Sessions"
#secondcivilwarletters
123 Likes, 18 Retweets

21) "Dear civil people:

Let's be civil, as civil as I always am at my rallies. So, yeah, beat the crap out of 'em, you know, civilly.

Lovingly,
Donald Trump"
#secondcivilwarletters
110 Likes, 18 Retweets

22) Dear diary:

"I met a guy at a cafe 15 miles from the battlefield, so like right next door. He was white, said his name was Obama, & claimed he had his birth certificate tattooed on his ass in the shape of Kenya. Was it really him?

Confused,
Jared Kushner"
#secondcivilwarletters
107 Likes, 19 Retweets

23) "To whom it may concern:

So, how do we rig this?

Sincerely,
Vladimir Putin"
#SecondCivilWarLetters
98 Likes, 17 Retweets

What would bother you more, Trump selling this country out to Russia or professional athletes protesting him selling this country out to Russia by taking a knee during the national anthem?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
90 Likes, 24 Retweets

24) "Dear wife/mother:

I've met many out here on the battlefield known as the Chick-fil-A drive-thru. They're telling me to call them brothers and sisters, but they're more like cousins, aunts, uncles, & grandparents. I'm so confused.

Husband/son,
Mike Pence"
#secondcivilwarletters
96 Likes, 15 Retweets

25) "My dearest wife:

Things are bad here. I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be able to survive. I think I'm in some kind of old Radio Shack and everything is gone. Nothing, I repeat nothing is here. We lost a lot of good smartphones today, honey."
#secondcivilwarletters
93 Likes, 14 Retweets

26) "Dear nation:

It appears as though the Trump supporters have conceded defeat, so...they've won! We repeat, the Trump supporters, of whom there are none left, have won the war.

Fox News"
#secondcivilwarletters
87 Likes, 17 Retweets

27) Trumpsters are boycotting #Walmart? Really? That'd be like:
- Kellyanne Conway boycotting "alternative facts"
- Fox News boycotting blondes
- Donald Trump boycotting rat-hair
- Donald Trump Jr. boycotting Doucheism
- Ben Carson boycotting Sleeptalkers Awareness Month
73 Likes, 27 Retweets

28) "Dear anyone:

So is this one for real or one of those reenactment things? If the latter, do you have any parts left? I'll take any. Also, ask if there are any agents. The first one who raises their hand I'll take. I need a job. Please.

James Woods"
#SecondCivilWarLetters
81 Likes, 9 Retweets

29) "Dear Americans:

Today I'm starting my campaign against war-bullying, war cyber-bullying, and civil bullies. As I've always said, 'When they go low, we go high.' Those were my words. Thank you.

Melania Trump"
#secondcivilwarletters
77 Likes, 7 Retweets

30) "Dear media:

The two sides started threatening to throw doughnuts at each other, before deciding to eat them instead. Now there's a lot of people blocking each other on Twitter and Facebook. Yeah, things are getting pretty nasty."
#secondcivilwarletters
69 Likes, 13 Retweets

31) "Dear people:

The only thing I can tell you is, if you feel in danger, like I did when allegedly held at gun-point at a Popeye's, just tell the person, 'Hey, I think you're looking for somebody else.'

Bravely yours,
Ben Carson"
#secondcivilwarletters
66 Likes, 11 Retweets

32) "Dear devoted followers:

No matter how tough things get out there, don't you worry. I've got a secret weapon. I've built a space force that's so big, so spacy, so invisible, it's unbelievable, believe me!

Donald Drumpf"
#secondcivilwarletters
61 Likes, 8 Retweets

33) "Dear diary:
I'm honestly not sure what's going on right now. The conservatives were watching 'Duck Dynasty.' The liberals got bored & started playing Pokemon Go. Then the conservatives started shouting, 'Pokemon Go? Build a wall! Pokemon No!'

Jake Tapper"
#secondcivilwarletters
52 Likes, 11 Retweets

34) "Dear fact-tellers:

Stop reporting the facts on us losing the war!

Hate,
Breitbart"
#secondcivilwarletters
52 Likes, 9 Retweets

35) "Get as many guns as you can. If you can have every firearm for yourself, do it! Don't share them with your brothers and sisters in combat. That's socialism. If you have a choice between dying and giving in to socialism, die.

Love,
Donald Trump Jr."
#secondcivilwarletters
43 Likes, 5 Retweets

36) As far as the popular vote goes, how many votes did Donald Trump lose by in the 2016 presidential election?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
39 Likes, 8 Retweets

37) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, Donald Trump's idea of "fixing" something is placing duct tape next to a broken desk and saying, "Done."
36 Likes, 10 Retweets

38) What more do you have to lose?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
28 Likes, 13 Retweets

39) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, it can't just be a coincidence that "Fox News" and "fake news" sound so similar...
30 Likes, 10 Retweets

39) What in the Sam Hill is "covfefe"?
#QuestionsForTrumpDefenders
34 Likes, 6 Retweets

41) "The Confederates lost,
Yet denial has overtaken them,
Buying BS from Cheeto Jesus,
Selling their souls to Putin.

A concerned friend,
Hallmark"
#SecondCivilWarLetters
25 Likes, 7 Retweets

42) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, it's surprising Trump and his minions haven't discussed deporting smart alecks and building a wall to keep them out of the country, for they seem to think sarcasm is a foreign language - understating it less than a newborn understands quantum physics.
25 Likes, 6 Retweets

43) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, the phrase "out of your league" tends to do a disservice to an individual's intelligence, sense of humor, work ethic, ambition, and (com)passion, for most times it solely focuses on a people's physical attractiveness.
24 Likes, 6 Retweets

44) "Dear cuz:

Can you hook me up with my camouflage wife-beaters? I think they might come in handy for me out here in a #Walmart parking lot.

Your hubby,
Billy-Bob Nutzferbrains"
#secondcivilwarletters
24 Likes, 1 Retweet

45) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, those who like to claim they've done everything by themselves, without the aid of anyone else ("I built that!") seem to forget they wouldn't be in existence if their parents didn't fornicate.
21 Likes, 3 Retweets

46) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, Cialis probably doesn't lead to two old people holding hands while outside, sitting in two different tubs.
21 Likes, 1 Retweet

47) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, most people seem to treat the first "r" in "February" like conspiracy theorists treat logic. They just pretend it doesn't exist.
18 Likes, 3 Retweets

48) "Dear America:

You see? I told you I'd make wars civil again. MWCA!

The Donald"
#secondcivilwarletters
18 Likes, 2 Retweets

49) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, baby shower attendees are, in a way, celebrating two people engaging in coitus.
16 Likes, 2 Retweets

50) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, Donald Trump is a mix of the following movie characters: Biff Tannen ("Back to the Future"), Tommy Callahan ("Tommy Boy"), President Camacho ("Idiocracy"), and Raymond Shaw ("The Manchurian Candidate").
12 Likes, 3 Retweets

51) "Dear country:

What in the heck is going on? I didn't like that show 'Cybill' as much as "Roseanne,' but is it really worth having a war over?

President Trump"
#secondcivilwarletters
14 Likes, 0 Retweets

52) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, to "expect the unexpected," the unexpected becomes expected, and if the unexpected is expected, it can no longer be said to be unexpected.
10 Likes, 2 Retweets

52) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, if every kiss does indeed begin with "Kay," we'd start sending hugs and kayisses to people.
11 Likes, 1 Retweet

54) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, restrooms should really be called piss and sh*t rooms.
7 Likes, 0 Retweets

55) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, Flonase commercials are pretty stupid. Of course 6 is greater than 1.
5 Likes, 0 Retweets

55) #IfYouStopAndThinkAboutIt, when taken literally, very few cliches actually make sense.
5 Likes, 0 Retweets

Totals: 8,942 Likes, 1,969 Retweets (Averages of 162.6 Likes, 35.2 Retweets)

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