I've had a good time with trending hashtags on Twitter over the past couple of weeks. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing how to work an umbrella.
4,800 Likes, 908 Retweets
2) Remember that time when Donald Trump questioned the authenticity of a white president's birth certificate or told a group of white women to go back to their home countries? Yeah, me neither...
#TrumpIsARacist #RacistInChief
4,500 Likes, 1,200 Retweets
3) "Love thy neighbor...unless they're a queer, pro-choice, Obama-loving non-white person who kneels before cloth with stars and stripes on it."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
3,800 Likes, 923 Retweets
4) "Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless it's with a porn star whose first name rhymes with 'Normy.'"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
2,500 Likes, 458 Retweets
5) #ObamaWasBetterAt not sleeping with porn stars named after weather forecasts while his wife was taking care of their baby and then paying the porn stars hush money to keep quiet about the affairs.
2,300 Likes, 384 Retweets
6) Trumpster: "#IStandWithTrump!"
Congratulations. That means you stand with the following: Sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, philandering, adultery, pathological lying, fraud, racism, sexism, xenophobia, narcissism, irresponsibility, anger, hatred, and cowardice.
1,900 Likes, 560 Retweets
7) "So I say unto you, make money off my name on a day in which you claim I was born but wasn't, to celebrate a religion of which I was never a part, and represent this day with a jolly old fat guy who always has children he doesn't know sitting on his lap."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
1,700 Likes, 388 Retweets
8) With #ClintonBodyCount and #MuellerHearingDisaster both trending, that can mean only one thing - Trump, Russia, and Trumpsters are scared sh*tless right now.
1,400 Likes, 319 Retweets
9) "I'm Jewish, was born in the Middle East, and constantly preach about giving to others while decked out in a robe and sandals, so of course I'm a white Christian capitalist."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
1,200 Likes, 263 Retweets
10) Considering 3 of the 4 women Trump was insulting in his earlier tweet were in fact born in this country, he's unintentionally right, for the government of their native land is a total catastrophe. After all, he's the one running it.
#RacistInChief
1,100 Likes, 306 Retweets
11) Trump: "Fake news equals enemy of the people!"
Well, considering you've lied 11,000+ times since entering office and are thereby a regular propagator of fake news, I guess that makes you the "bigliest" enemy of the people.
#EnemyOfThePeople
939 Likes, 272 Retweets
12) #ObamaWasBetterAt everything. Well, not lying. You've definitely got him beat there. Congratulations.
827 Likes, 161 Retweets
13) You might be a racist if you tell POC to go back to their home countries, find out they were born in the same country as you, and you then respond, "Yeah, but that's not where they're from originally." Yeah, actually, it is.
#RacistInChief
738 Likes, 222 Retweets
14) Trump: "Everyone should go back to the country where their ancestors came from!"
Okay, Natives, so I guess this country is now again yours.
#RacistInChief
626 Likes, 155 Retweets
15) "The only way to stop a bad guy with nails and a crown of thorns is a good guy with nails and a crown of thorns."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
536 Likes, 128 Retweets
16) "Whoever yells that they're a Christian loudest while committing a sin is obviously the best Christian."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
481 Likes, 113 Retweets
17) #IStandWithPresTrump when he decides to resign.
504 Likes, 60 Retweets
18) "There's nothing like the smell of gunpowder in the morning."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
390 Likes, 76 Retweets
19) "Rest assured, in a land which was discovered long before a geographically-challenged man mistook it for another country, in a land which essentially started with stealing, yeah, you're my chosen people. Murica, baby!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
313 Likes, 73 Retweets
20) Buck: "You didn't charge the president because he's innocent."
Mueller: "The OLC states you can't indict a sitting president."
Buck: "Not after he leaves office either, right?"
Mueller: "No"
Buck: "He would be charged?"
Mueller: "Yes"
Buck: "Well, sh*t."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
264 Likes, 72 Retweets
21) "I love all the children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in my sight. I love all the children of the world...to be in cages."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
263 Likes, 65 Retweets
22) "Nothing says I rose from the dead like a bunny, searching for eggs in a yard, and a basket of diabetes."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
256 Likes, 45 Retweets
23) Trump: "Those squad women need to go back to the countries in which they were born!"
Yeah, for three of those four, those "countries" are Ohio, New York, and Michigan, respectively.
#TrumpIsARacist #RacistInChief
240 Likes, 45 Retweets
24) It's sad that I saw #Commey trending and my first thought was, "Trump misspelled James Comey's name in a tweet?"
255 Likes, 23 Retweets
25) "I'm a very stable genius, like bigly. I know words; I have the best words. I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me. Covfefe."
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
223 Likes, 46 Retweets
26) So what if Robert Mueller came across like a 74-year-old man yesterday? He proved he can read, think before he speaks, and serve the country in war without faking a case of bone spurs - three things Donald Trump can't claim with any degree of accuracy.
#MuellerHearing
215 Likes, 50 Retweets
27) #IStandWithPresTrump only when he's in cuffs, being guided to prison.
218 Likes, 29 Retweets
28) Gaetz: "It seems like you're coming after Republicans, but not Democrats! Bias! What party affiliation are you again?"
Mueller: "Republican"
Gaetz: "That's what I thought! I rest my case, your honor. Where's my beer?"
#MuellerHearings #Snark
186 Likes, 38 Retweets
29) Is Trump's claim of no obstruction, no collusion correct?
Mueller: "No"
Fox News: "Well, this has been a disaster for Democrats."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
162 Likes, 61 Retweets
30) I love you to the Kremlin and back.
#TrumpGreetingCards
183 Likes, 39 Retweets
31) Johnson: "Didn't some of your fellow investigators support Hillary Clinton? Bias much?"
Mueller: "Look, I don't give one sh*t, let alone two what a person's political affiliation is. All I care about is how well they can do their job. :: Mic drop ::"
#MuellerHearing #Snark
174 Likes, 41 Retweets
32) "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also, and then beat the ever living hell out of them."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
174 Likes, 36 Retweets
33) I know words; I have the best words.
I'm not going to list them here, but believe me, they're pretty fantastic.
Happy Valentine's Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
166 Likes, 28 Retweets
34) Thanks for my $1 million allowance.
Happy Father's Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
146 Likes, 25 Retweets
35) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing the difference between their/there/they're, to/too/two, your/you're, then/than, and hamburger/hamberder.
145 Likes, 23 Retweets
36) "Let one without sin cast the first stone. Donald (Trump), go ahead..."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
137 Likes, 28 Retweets
37) "Thou shalt not steal, unless it's land from Native Americans."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
126 Likes, 38 Retweets
38) Steube: "So you're not gonna answer my asinine questions? What good are you then?"
Mueller: "Read the report, stupid."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
137 Likes, 26 Retweets
39) Cuomo: "Would you still support Trump if he admitted to being a racist?"
Kobach: "I don't know."
Who cares if he admits it or not? He is a racist. Period. If a person is caught on video murdering another, whether they admit it or not, they're a murderer.
#RacistGOP
135 Likes, 27 Retweets
40) Hey Trumpsters,
When you have to excuse the "president" of his racist comments and attempt to interpret what he meant with his words more times than a math major can count, guess what? The guy is a racist, "bigly."
#RacistPresident
133 Likes, 26 Retweets
41) Trump: "I don't have a racist bone in my body!"
Fine, but then every muscle, bit of water, fat, and connective tissue in your body is.
#RacistInChief #TrumpIsARacist
130 Likes, 23 Retweets
42) Jim Jordan: "I know more about your report than you do, so I'm gonna tell you all about it. No questions necessary."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
124 Likes, 23 Retweets
43) "If you've killed, but worship me, your life shall be eternal, but if you're gay, you can't be saved."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
126 Likes, 17 Retweets
44) Louie Gohmert is talking about credibility. No wisecrack necessary. That is the joke.
#MuellerHearing
121 Likes, 16 Retweets
45) Whenever a Trumpster declares that the Mueller hearing was a disaster due to its optics, just remember, they worship this guy... [Trump-bing-bing-bong-bong GIF]
#MuellerHearingDisaster
95 Likes, 35 Retweets
45) Nunes: "Would you believe it if I told you I love Russia?"
Mueller: "I can't speak to that."
Nunes: "I'll answer it for you. I love Russia. I want to make babies with it. Does that disturb you?"
Mueller: "Good for you. If you don't like it here, leave."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
104 Likes, 26 Retweets
47) #ObamaWasBetterAt not telling his doctor to alter his weight so that he wouldn't classify as obese according to the BMI.
102 Likes, 26 Retweets
48) Lesko: "Didn't you fully agree with everything William Barr wrote and said since he was born?"
Mueller: "That's inaccurate."
Lesko: "But here in this factual cartoon I just had a toddler draw, it says you did. I'd like to place this as evidence."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
99 Likes, 25 Retweets
49) Trump, decked out in a white hood and robe, tells POC to go back home.
GOP: "That's not racist. What's racist about that? He's not racist; you're racist!"
#RacistGOP #Snark
102 Likes, 21 Retweets
50) Dems: "Isn't this correct?"
Mueller: "Yes"
Reps: "Isn't this correct?"
Mueller: "No"
#MuellerHearing
90 Likes, 26 Retweets
51) Rep. Chabot: "Isn't this true?"
Mueller: "WTF are you talkin' about?"
Chabot: "Let me move onto something else but still ask the same question. Isn't THIS true?"
Mueller: "I still don't know WTF you're talkin' about."
Chabot: "I rest my case."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
92 Likes, 18 Retweets
52) Drumpf and his supporters:
No matter what you may want to believe, you're never going to make America great by making America white.
#RacistPresident
91 Likes, 18 Retweets
53) Lesko: "The Wash. Post & NY Times were mentioned 100+ times in your report, while Fox News was mentioned just 25 times. Doesn't that show your bias? As we all know, while the Post and NYT are fake news, Fox is the Bible of news? Just read Two Corinthians."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
73 Likes, 23 Retweets
54) Lesko: "Were you ever fired as Special Counsel?"
Mueller: "No"
Lesko: "So doesn't that mean Trump never wanted to fire you?"
Mueller: "I disagree with that, bigly."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
79 Likes, 16 Retweets
55) "Hamberder," "covfefe," "Two Corinthians," "alcaida," "smocking gun," "unpresidented," "wire tapp," "attaker," "hearby," "Secretary of Educatuon," "honered," etc.
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
80 Likes, 13 Retweets
56) Robert Mueller basically says Donald Trump is guilty of obstruction and perjury.
Trumpsters: "This was the worst day in history for the Democrats!"
What, so you're calling Trump a Democrat now? Look, I get why you're embarrassed, but you'll have to keep him.
#MuellerHearing
75 Likes, 15 Retweets
57) "Give 1% most of the food in the world and watch the other 99% be healthy, as an adequate quantity of crumbs trickle down to them."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
70 Likes, 19 Retweets
57) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing that Russia and America are two different countries.
70 Likes, 19 Retweets
59) Cline: "Answer this question..."
Mueller: "Okay, so..."
Cline: "Next question."
Mueller: "I was about to answer your first question."
Cline: "I have limited time."
Mueller: "Limited time?!? F*ck you! You're 47 and I'm 74!"
#MuellerHearing #Snark
80 Likes, 6 Retweets
60) "I stand with Trump!"
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
74 Likes, 11 Retweets
61) #ObamaWasBetterAt not hitting on his daughters.
71 Likes, 12 Retweets
62) Trumpsters: "The Mueller hearing was an optics disaster!"
Really?!? Trump speaking for 2 seconds in front of a camera is an optics disaster. Now just imagine him facing 7 hours of questioning under oath. We'd lose a lot of good eyeballs that day...
#MuellerHearing
67 Likes, 15 Retweets
63) Rep Buck: "Thank you for your service. Okay, now that I've got that out of the way, I'm gonna try to destroy your reputation."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
66 Likes, 15 Retweets
64) Trump: "Those four Democratic Congresswomen are like bigly unpopular!"
Hey, at least they won the popular vote.
#RacistInChief #RacistTrump
67 Likes, 12 Retweets
65) McClintock: "Isn't this debunked conspiracy theory true?"
Mueller: "No"
McClintock: "How do you feel about alternative facts?"
Mueller: "I'm against them."
McClintock: "So you're admitting you're biased against Trump! No further stupid questions."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
61 Likes, 17 Retweets
66) "With regard to sacrificing myself for all of mankind's sins, I changed my mind. Starting on this day, only the pre-born will be saved. If you're pre-born, you're safe. If you're not, you're f*cked."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
63 Likes, 14 Retweets
67) I just wanted to let you know I'm always thinking about you.
I love you more than life itself.
You're my life, my world, my Space Force.
Gohmert: "You and Comey were really good friends, right?"
Mueller: "Business associates"
Gohmert: "Had you talked to him in the 6 months before he got fired?"
Mueller: "No"
Gohmert: "Best friends. Didn't talk for 6 months. Witch-hunt!"
#MuellerHearing
67 Likes, 8 Retweets
68) From: Donald J. Trump
To: Donald J. Trump
#TrumpGreetingCards
60 Likes, 13 Retweets
69) Happy Anniversary to the third love of my life.
Until tomorrow, I vow to never f*ck anyone else.
#TrumpGreetingCards
63 Likes, 9 Retweets
70) Dear Douche Nunes:
(link: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/01/11/fusion-gps-interview-debunks-republican-russia-probe-conspiracy-theories-tom-nichols-column/1023938001/) usatoday.com/story/opinion/…
#MuellerHearing
51 Likes, 19 Retweets
71) #45isapuppet. There can be no debating that. My only question is, what in the hell does Putin use in place of strings?
60 Likes, 9 Retweets
71) "We're going to build a big, beautiful fence in the backyard and make our next-door neighbor pay for it."
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
61 Likes, 8 Retweets
73) "Love everyone, love one and all, but only after you build a big, beautiful wall."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
73) Hey, you can't spell "petulant racist ignoramus" without "Trump."
#RacistPresident
59 Likes, 8 Retweets
75) Nunes: "This whole Russia conspiracy theory started with...well, let me tell you about another conspiracy theory, one that's been debunked repeatedly and I continue to believe in..."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
53 Likes, 8 Retweets
76) Ratcliffe: "Trump didn't conspire or collude, right?"
Mueller: "We could not determine one way or another."
Ratcliffe: "So yes?"
Mueller: "I didn't say that."
Ratcliffe: "I'll take that as a yes."
Mueller: "No..."
Ratcliffe: "Next question..."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
47 Likes, 13 Retweets
77) #ObamaWasBetterAt speaking at higher than a 1st grade level.
43 Likes, 12 Retweets
77) Armstrong: "Isn't it true that the only way this would have been an unbiased investigation is if all of your fellow investigators wore MAGA hats 24/7, even while sleeping, working, or fornicating? No question. Mark that under unprovable fact."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
47 Likes, 8 Retweets
79) Trump: "Congresswomen from sh*thole countries really need to cut it out with their foul language and disgusting actions! If they don't cut it out, I'm gonna call on my rally attendees to knock the crap out of them right after I grab them by the pus*y."
#RacistInChief #Snark
43 Likes, 11 Retweets
79) "It's impossible to answer the question, 'Who's on first and what's on second?,' for like the Corinthians books should suggest, after 'first' comes 'two.'"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
51 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) Ratcliffe: "I know you're not going to answer my questions. They have to do with Mars, silly putty, drunken walruses, and the 'Fifty Shades...' movies. Whatever. I give up. Good day."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
45 Likes, 6 Retweets
82) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing how to actually read off a teleprompter.
46 Likes, 4 Retweets
83) Trump: "The mainstream media is the enemy of the people. Silent protesters should be banned. We need to build a wall to keep immigrants out. Oh, and those Muslims? We need to bar them until we figure out what in the hell is going on."
Hey, if you don't like it here, leave!
#EnemyOfThePeople
40 Likes, 9 Retweets
84) Happy Birthday, old friend.
From: Donald J. Trump
To Fredrick Douglas
#TrumpGreetingCards
42 Likes, 5 Retweets
85) "Even though I've never been in a locker room, talking about sexually assaulting women is just locker-room talk, believe me!"
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
36 Likes, 6 Retweets
85) #ObamaWasBetterAt not always looking like he just walked out of Chester Cheetah's Cheesy Factory.
39 Likes, 3 Retweets
87) Idiocracy (no change necessary)
#WhiteHouseCinema
38 Likes, 2 Retweets
87) Trump: "Hey, buddy, I just wanted to give you a head's up. I'm throwing you a surprise birthday party next Saturday at that bar Cocked and Loaded. You better be there, and remember, it's a surprise."
#ICEraid #Snark
38 Likes, 2 Retweets
89) #ObamaWasBetterAt winning the popular vote.
31 Likes, 5 Retweets
89) #ObamaWasBetterAt understanding that "anonymous" isn't a type of moose.
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
91) May this be a great, blessed day.
I hope you have several more like I did.
Happy Wedding Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
27 Likes, 8 Retweets
92) "If you truly believe in me and understand my teachings, you'll vote for a man that goes against everything I stand for, who once went by the name David Dennison."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
31 Likes, 3 Retweets
93) #ObamaWasBetterAt not telling a guy named Bush he liked grabbing women by the "pus*y."
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
94) Airplane!: Revolutionary War
#WhiteHouseCinema
29 Likes, 2 Retweets
95) Mr. Dotard Goes to Washington
#WhiteHouseCinema
26 Likes, 2 Retweets
96) Armstrong: "Couldn't we just substitute Trump's name with Hillary's in the report? Aren't they one and the same? This is why I love Trump, hate Clinton, think Donald should be worshipped, and Hillary should be imprisoned. Logic."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
23 Likes, 4 Retweets
97) Turner: "Don't take offense, but I'm gonna talk to you like a 5-year-old. I'm gonna hold up books, some newspapers, point at a screen, and now do a puppet show. 'What's this all mean?' 'Trump is innocent.' I agree with the puppet. Period."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
25 Likes, 1 Retweet
97) Dumbf*ck Millionaire
#WhiteHouseCinema
26 Likes, 0 Retweets
99) #ObamaWasBetterAt telling the truth more than 105 times out of 689 graded statements (15.2%).
19 Likes, 5 Retweets
100) Stewart: "I'm gonna spend all 5 minutes of my time talking about the one thing that every American wants to hear the two of us talk about - leaking. You're welcome, America."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
100) Lie Hard
#WhiteHouseCinema
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
100) Stefanik: "Christopher Steele's dossier. The Steele dossier. The dossier. Doss. Do. D."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
22 Likes, 1 Retweet
103) No Good Men
#WhiteHouseCinema
21 Likes, 1 Retweet
104) I may not have gotten you a present this year, but this is the best card. It's tremendous, fantastic, unbelievable. Look, I know more about cards than the Hallmarks do, believe me. Anyway, Happy Birthday. #BeBest.
#TrumpGreetingCards
18 Likes, 3 Retweets
104) If a society is to be judged by how we treat pregnant women whom allege they were victims of racism, we're in big trouble...
#IStandWithTerrenceKWilliams
18 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) "Teach comprehensive sex education, for as I am proof, children can only be born of virgins."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
17 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
School is stupid,
You are to.
#TrumpGreetingCards
18 Likes, 2 Retweets
108) #ObamaWasBetterAt covfefing, whatever in the hell that is.
14 Likes, 5 Retweets
108) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing Second Corinthians comes after First Corinthians.
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
108) Today is the first day of the rest of your life. May it be as prosperous as Trump Steaks and Vodka.
#TrumpGreetingCards
17 Likes, 2 Retweets
111) Dear GOPers:
(link: https://www.thedailybeast.com/free-beacon-first-funded-trump-dossier-research) thedailybeast.com/free-beacon-fi…
#MuellerHearing
13 Likes, 5 Retweets
111) The Lyin' King
#WhiteHouseCinema
18 Likes, 0 Retweets
113) Every end is a beginning...until you die.
Happy Graduashun.
#TrumpGreetingCards
16 Likes, 1 Retweet
114) All the President's Comrades
#WhiteHouseCinema
13 Likes, 3 Retweets
115) Report Minorities
#WhiteHouseCinema
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
116) I have a dream two.
It's that we stop black people from voting.
Happy MLK Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
12 Likes, 1 Retweet
116) What some in the media apparently anticipated from Robert Mueller today... [Chuck Norris GIF]
#MuellerHearing
12 Likes, 1 Retweet
118) As Good As It Gets...If You're F*cking Stupid
#WhiteHouseCinema
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) Casablanca? Who Is That?
#WhiteHouseCinema
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) #ObamaWasBetterAt dotting his i's and crossing his t's. Literally. Trump tends cross his i's and dot his t's.
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) Trump Tower Grill.
Let's taco bout it.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
#TrumpGreetingCards
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) Wenstrup: "Even though the term 'collusion' wasn't mentioned in your report because it's not a legal term, isn't it true you concluded Trump was not guilty of collusion in your report?"
#MuellerHearing #Snark
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
123) Coming to Murica
#WhiteHouseCinema
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
124) Old Fool
#WhiteHouseCinema
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
124) The Orange KkKlansman
#WhiteHouseCinema
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 38,236 Likes, 8,522 Retweets (Averages of 305.9 Likes, 68.2 Retweets)
1) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing how to work an umbrella.
4,800 Likes, 908 Retweets
2) Remember that time when Donald Trump questioned the authenticity of a white president's birth certificate or told a group of white women to go back to their home countries? Yeah, me neither...
#TrumpIsARacist #RacistInChief
4,500 Likes, 1,200 Retweets
3) "Love thy neighbor...unless they're a queer, pro-choice, Obama-loving non-white person who kneels before cloth with stars and stripes on it."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
3,800 Likes, 923 Retweets
4) "Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless it's with a porn star whose first name rhymes with 'Normy.'"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
2,500 Likes, 458 Retweets
5) #ObamaWasBetterAt not sleeping with porn stars named after weather forecasts while his wife was taking care of their baby and then paying the porn stars hush money to keep quiet about the affairs.
2,300 Likes, 384 Retweets
6) Trumpster: "#IStandWithTrump!"
Congratulations. That means you stand with the following: Sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, philandering, adultery, pathological lying, fraud, racism, sexism, xenophobia, narcissism, irresponsibility, anger, hatred, and cowardice.
1,900 Likes, 560 Retweets
7) "So I say unto you, make money off my name on a day in which you claim I was born but wasn't, to celebrate a religion of which I was never a part, and represent this day with a jolly old fat guy who always has children he doesn't know sitting on his lap."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
1,700 Likes, 388 Retweets
8) With #ClintonBodyCount and #MuellerHearingDisaster both trending, that can mean only one thing - Trump, Russia, and Trumpsters are scared sh*tless right now.
1,400 Likes, 319 Retweets
9) "I'm Jewish, was born in the Middle East, and constantly preach about giving to others while decked out in a robe and sandals, so of course I'm a white Christian capitalist."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
1,200 Likes, 263 Retweets
10) Considering 3 of the 4 women Trump was insulting in his earlier tweet were in fact born in this country, he's unintentionally right, for the government of their native land is a total catastrophe. After all, he's the one running it.
#RacistInChief
1,100 Likes, 306 Retweets
11) Trump: "Fake news equals enemy of the people!"
Well, considering you've lied 11,000+ times since entering office and are thereby a regular propagator of fake news, I guess that makes you the "bigliest" enemy of the people.
#EnemyOfThePeople
939 Likes, 272 Retweets
12) #ObamaWasBetterAt everything. Well, not lying. You've definitely got him beat there. Congratulations.
827 Likes, 161 Retweets
13) You might be a racist if you tell POC to go back to their home countries, find out they were born in the same country as you, and you then respond, "Yeah, but that's not where they're from originally." Yeah, actually, it is.
#RacistInChief
738 Likes, 222 Retweets
14) Trump: "Everyone should go back to the country where their ancestors came from!"
Okay, Natives, so I guess this country is now again yours.
#RacistInChief
626 Likes, 155 Retweets
15) "The only way to stop a bad guy with nails and a crown of thorns is a good guy with nails and a crown of thorns."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
536 Likes, 128 Retweets
16) "Whoever yells that they're a Christian loudest while committing a sin is obviously the best Christian."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
481 Likes, 113 Retweets
17) #IStandWithPresTrump when he decides to resign.
504 Likes, 60 Retweets
18) "There's nothing like the smell of gunpowder in the morning."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
390 Likes, 76 Retweets
19) "Rest assured, in a land which was discovered long before a geographically-challenged man mistook it for another country, in a land which essentially started with stealing, yeah, you're my chosen people. Murica, baby!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
313 Likes, 73 Retweets
20) Buck: "You didn't charge the president because he's innocent."
Mueller: "The OLC states you can't indict a sitting president."
Buck: "Not after he leaves office either, right?"
Mueller: "No"
Buck: "He would be charged?"
Mueller: "Yes"
Buck: "Well, sh*t."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
264 Likes, 72 Retweets
21) "I love all the children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in my sight. I love all the children of the world...to be in cages."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
263 Likes, 65 Retweets
22) "Nothing says I rose from the dead like a bunny, searching for eggs in a yard, and a basket of diabetes."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
256 Likes, 45 Retweets
23) Trump: "Those squad women need to go back to the countries in which they were born!"
Yeah, for three of those four, those "countries" are Ohio, New York, and Michigan, respectively.
#TrumpIsARacist #RacistInChief
240 Likes, 45 Retweets
24) It's sad that I saw #Commey trending and my first thought was, "Trump misspelled James Comey's name in a tweet?"
255 Likes, 23 Retweets
25) "I'm a very stable genius, like bigly. I know words; I have the best words. I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me. Covfefe."
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
223 Likes, 46 Retweets
26) So what if Robert Mueller came across like a 74-year-old man yesterday? He proved he can read, think before he speaks, and serve the country in war without faking a case of bone spurs - three things Donald Trump can't claim with any degree of accuracy.
#MuellerHearing
215 Likes, 50 Retweets
27) #IStandWithPresTrump only when he's in cuffs, being guided to prison.
218 Likes, 29 Retweets
28) Gaetz: "It seems like you're coming after Republicans, but not Democrats! Bias! What party affiliation are you again?"
Mueller: "Republican"
Gaetz: "That's what I thought! I rest my case, your honor. Where's my beer?"
#MuellerHearings #Snark
186 Likes, 38 Retweets
29) Is Trump's claim of no obstruction, no collusion correct?
Mueller: "No"
Fox News: "Well, this has been a disaster for Democrats."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
162 Likes, 61 Retweets
30) I love you to the Kremlin and back.
#TrumpGreetingCards
183 Likes, 39 Retweets
31) Johnson: "Didn't some of your fellow investigators support Hillary Clinton? Bias much?"
Mueller: "Look, I don't give one sh*t, let alone two what a person's political affiliation is. All I care about is how well they can do their job. :: Mic drop ::"
#MuellerHearing #Snark
174 Likes, 41 Retweets
32) "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also, and then beat the ever living hell out of them."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
174 Likes, 36 Retweets
33) I know words; I have the best words.
I'm not going to list them here, but believe me, they're pretty fantastic.
Happy Valentine's Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
166 Likes, 28 Retweets
34) Thanks for my $1 million allowance.
Happy Father's Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
146 Likes, 25 Retweets
35) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing the difference between their/there/they're, to/too/two, your/you're, then/than, and hamburger/hamberder.
145 Likes, 23 Retweets
36) "Let one without sin cast the first stone. Donald (Trump), go ahead..."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
137 Likes, 28 Retweets
37) "Thou shalt not steal, unless it's land from Native Americans."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
126 Likes, 38 Retweets
38) Steube: "So you're not gonna answer my asinine questions? What good are you then?"
Mueller: "Read the report, stupid."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
137 Likes, 26 Retweets
39) Cuomo: "Would you still support Trump if he admitted to being a racist?"
Kobach: "I don't know."
Who cares if he admits it or not? He is a racist. Period. If a person is caught on video murdering another, whether they admit it or not, they're a murderer.
#RacistGOP
135 Likes, 27 Retweets
40) Hey Trumpsters,
When you have to excuse the "president" of his racist comments and attempt to interpret what he meant with his words more times than a math major can count, guess what? The guy is a racist, "bigly."
#RacistPresident
133 Likes, 26 Retweets
41) Trump: "I don't have a racist bone in my body!"
Fine, but then every muscle, bit of water, fat, and connective tissue in your body is.
#RacistInChief #TrumpIsARacist
130 Likes, 23 Retweets
42) Jim Jordan: "I know more about your report than you do, so I'm gonna tell you all about it. No questions necessary."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
124 Likes, 23 Retweets
43) "If you've killed, but worship me, your life shall be eternal, but if you're gay, you can't be saved."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
126 Likes, 17 Retweets
44) Louie Gohmert is talking about credibility. No wisecrack necessary. That is the joke.
#MuellerHearing
121 Likes, 16 Retweets
45) Whenever a Trumpster declares that the Mueller hearing was a disaster due to its optics, just remember, they worship this guy... [Trump-bing-bing-bong-bong GIF]
#MuellerHearingDisaster
95 Likes, 35 Retweets
45) Nunes: "Would you believe it if I told you I love Russia?"
Mueller: "I can't speak to that."
Nunes: "I'll answer it for you. I love Russia. I want to make babies with it. Does that disturb you?"
Mueller: "Good for you. If you don't like it here, leave."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
104 Likes, 26 Retweets
47) #ObamaWasBetterAt not telling his doctor to alter his weight so that he wouldn't classify as obese according to the BMI.
102 Likes, 26 Retweets
48) Lesko: "Didn't you fully agree with everything William Barr wrote and said since he was born?"
Mueller: "That's inaccurate."
Lesko: "But here in this factual cartoon I just had a toddler draw, it says you did. I'd like to place this as evidence."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
99 Likes, 25 Retweets
49) Trump, decked out in a white hood and robe, tells POC to go back home.
GOP: "That's not racist. What's racist about that? He's not racist; you're racist!"
#RacistGOP #Snark
102 Likes, 21 Retweets
50) Dems: "Isn't this correct?"
Mueller: "Yes"
Reps: "Isn't this correct?"
Mueller: "No"
#MuellerHearing
90 Likes, 26 Retweets
51) Rep. Chabot: "Isn't this true?"
Mueller: "WTF are you talkin' about?"
Chabot: "Let me move onto something else but still ask the same question. Isn't THIS true?"
Mueller: "I still don't know WTF you're talkin' about."
Chabot: "I rest my case."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
92 Likes, 18 Retweets
52) Drumpf and his supporters:
No matter what you may want to believe, you're never going to make America great by making America white.
#RacistPresident
91 Likes, 18 Retweets
53) Lesko: "The Wash. Post & NY Times were mentioned 100+ times in your report, while Fox News was mentioned just 25 times. Doesn't that show your bias? As we all know, while the Post and NYT are fake news, Fox is the Bible of news? Just read Two Corinthians."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
73 Likes, 23 Retweets
54) Lesko: "Were you ever fired as Special Counsel?"
Mueller: "No"
Lesko: "So doesn't that mean Trump never wanted to fire you?"
Mueller: "I disagree with that, bigly."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
79 Likes, 16 Retweets
55) "Hamberder," "covfefe," "Two Corinthians," "alcaida," "smocking gun," "unpresidented," "wire tapp," "attaker," "hearby," "Secretary of Educatuon," "honered," etc.
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
80 Likes, 13 Retweets
56) Robert Mueller basically says Donald Trump is guilty of obstruction and perjury.
Trumpsters: "This was the worst day in history for the Democrats!"
What, so you're calling Trump a Democrat now? Look, I get why you're embarrassed, but you'll have to keep him.
#MuellerHearing
75 Likes, 15 Retweets
57) "Give 1% most of the food in the world and watch the other 99% be healthy, as an adequate quantity of crumbs trickle down to them."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
70 Likes, 19 Retweets
57) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing that Russia and America are two different countries.
70 Likes, 19 Retweets
59) Cline: "Answer this question..."
Mueller: "Okay, so..."
Cline: "Next question."
Mueller: "I was about to answer your first question."
Cline: "I have limited time."
Mueller: "Limited time?!? F*ck you! You're 47 and I'm 74!"
#MuellerHearing #Snark
80 Likes, 6 Retweets
60) "I stand with Trump!"
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
74 Likes, 11 Retweets
61) #ObamaWasBetterAt not hitting on his daughters.
71 Likes, 12 Retweets
62) Trumpsters: "The Mueller hearing was an optics disaster!"
Really?!? Trump speaking for 2 seconds in front of a camera is an optics disaster. Now just imagine him facing 7 hours of questioning under oath. We'd lose a lot of good eyeballs that day...
#MuellerHearing
67 Likes, 15 Retweets
63) Rep Buck: "Thank you for your service. Okay, now that I've got that out of the way, I'm gonna try to destroy your reputation."
#MuellerHearings #Snark
66 Likes, 15 Retweets
64) Trump: "Those four Democratic Congresswomen are like bigly unpopular!"
Hey, at least they won the popular vote.
#RacistInChief #RacistTrump
67 Likes, 12 Retweets
65) McClintock: "Isn't this debunked conspiracy theory true?"
Mueller: "No"
McClintock: "How do you feel about alternative facts?"
Mueller: "I'm against them."
McClintock: "So you're admitting you're biased against Trump! No further stupid questions."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
61 Likes, 17 Retweets
66) "With regard to sacrificing myself for all of mankind's sins, I changed my mind. Starting on this day, only the pre-born will be saved. If you're pre-born, you're safe. If you're not, you're f*cked."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
63 Likes, 14 Retweets
67) I just wanted to let you know I'm always thinking about you.
I love you more than life itself.
You're my life, my world, my Space Force.
Gohmert: "You and Comey were really good friends, right?"
Mueller: "Business associates"
Gohmert: "Had you talked to him in the 6 months before he got fired?"
Mueller: "No"
Gohmert: "Best friends. Didn't talk for 6 months. Witch-hunt!"
#MuellerHearing
67 Likes, 8 Retweets
68) From: Donald J. Trump
To: Donald J. Trump
#TrumpGreetingCards
60 Likes, 13 Retweets
69) Happy Anniversary to the third love of my life.
Until tomorrow, I vow to never f*ck anyone else.
#TrumpGreetingCards
63 Likes, 9 Retweets
70) Dear Douche Nunes:
(link: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/01/11/fusion-gps-interview-debunks-republican-russia-probe-conspiracy-theories-tom-nichols-column/1023938001/) usatoday.com/story/opinion/…
#MuellerHearing
51 Likes, 19 Retweets
71) #45isapuppet. There can be no debating that. My only question is, what in the hell does Putin use in place of strings?
60 Likes, 9 Retweets
71) "We're going to build a big, beautiful fence in the backyard and make our next-door neighbor pay for it."
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
61 Likes, 8 Retweets
73) "Love everyone, love one and all, but only after you build a big, beautiful wall."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
73) Hey, you can't spell "petulant racist ignoramus" without "Trump."
#RacistPresident
59 Likes, 8 Retweets
75) Nunes: "This whole Russia conspiracy theory started with...well, let me tell you about another conspiracy theory, one that's been debunked repeatedly and I continue to believe in..."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
53 Likes, 8 Retweets
76) Ratcliffe: "Trump didn't conspire or collude, right?"
Mueller: "We could not determine one way or another."
Ratcliffe: "So yes?"
Mueller: "I didn't say that."
Ratcliffe: "I'll take that as a yes."
Mueller: "No..."
Ratcliffe: "Next question..."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
47 Likes, 13 Retweets
77) #ObamaWasBetterAt speaking at higher than a 1st grade level.
43 Likes, 12 Retweets
77) Armstrong: "Isn't it true that the only way this would have been an unbiased investigation is if all of your fellow investigators wore MAGA hats 24/7, even while sleeping, working, or fornicating? No question. Mark that under unprovable fact."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
47 Likes, 8 Retweets
79) Trump: "Congresswomen from sh*thole countries really need to cut it out with their foul language and disgusting actions! If they don't cut it out, I'm gonna call on my rally attendees to knock the crap out of them right after I grab them by the pus*y."
#RacistInChief #Snark
43 Likes, 11 Retweets
79) "It's impossible to answer the question, 'Who's on first and what's on second?,' for like the Corinthians books should suggest, after 'first' comes 'two.'"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
51 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) Ratcliffe: "I know you're not going to answer my questions. They have to do with Mars, silly putty, drunken walruses, and the 'Fifty Shades...' movies. Whatever. I give up. Good day."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
45 Likes, 6 Retweets
82) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing how to actually read off a teleprompter.
46 Likes, 4 Retweets
83) Trump: "The mainstream media is the enemy of the people. Silent protesters should be banned. We need to build a wall to keep immigrants out. Oh, and those Muslims? We need to bar them until we figure out what in the hell is going on."
Hey, if you don't like it here, leave!
#EnemyOfThePeople
40 Likes, 9 Retweets
84) Happy Birthday, old friend.
From: Donald J. Trump
To Fredrick Douglas
#TrumpGreetingCards
42 Likes, 5 Retweets
85) "Even though I've never been in a locker room, talking about sexually assaulting women is just locker-room talk, believe me!"
#ThingsStupidPeopleSay
36 Likes, 6 Retweets
85) #ObamaWasBetterAt not always looking like he just walked out of Chester Cheetah's Cheesy Factory.
39 Likes, 3 Retweets
87) Idiocracy (no change necessary)
#WhiteHouseCinema
38 Likes, 2 Retweets
87) Trump: "Hey, buddy, I just wanted to give you a head's up. I'm throwing you a surprise birthday party next Saturday at that bar Cocked and Loaded. You better be there, and remember, it's a surprise."
#ICEraid #Snark
38 Likes, 2 Retweets
89) #ObamaWasBetterAt winning the popular vote.
31 Likes, 5 Retweets
89) #ObamaWasBetterAt understanding that "anonymous" isn't a type of moose.
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
91) May this be a great, blessed day.
I hope you have several more like I did.
Happy Wedding Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
27 Likes, 8 Retweets
92) "If you truly believe in me and understand my teachings, you'll vote for a man that goes against everything I stand for, who once went by the name David Dennison."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
31 Likes, 3 Retweets
93) #ObamaWasBetterAt not telling a guy named Bush he liked grabbing women by the "pus*y."
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
94) Airplane!: Revolutionary War
#WhiteHouseCinema
29 Likes, 2 Retweets
95) Mr. Dotard Goes to Washington
#WhiteHouseCinema
26 Likes, 2 Retweets
96) Armstrong: "Couldn't we just substitute Trump's name with Hillary's in the report? Aren't they one and the same? This is why I love Trump, hate Clinton, think Donald should be worshipped, and Hillary should be imprisoned. Logic."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
23 Likes, 4 Retweets
97) Turner: "Don't take offense, but I'm gonna talk to you like a 5-year-old. I'm gonna hold up books, some newspapers, point at a screen, and now do a puppet show. 'What's this all mean?' 'Trump is innocent.' I agree with the puppet. Period."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
25 Likes, 1 Retweet
97) Dumbf*ck Millionaire
#WhiteHouseCinema
26 Likes, 0 Retweets
99) #ObamaWasBetterAt telling the truth more than 105 times out of 689 graded statements (15.2%).
19 Likes, 5 Retweets
100) Stewart: "I'm gonna spend all 5 minutes of my time talking about the one thing that every American wants to hear the two of us talk about - leaking. You're welcome, America."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
100) Lie Hard
#WhiteHouseCinema
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
100) Stefanik: "Christopher Steele's dossier. The Steele dossier. The dossier. Doss. Do. D."
#MuellerHearing #Snark
22 Likes, 1 Retweet
103) No Good Men
#WhiteHouseCinema
21 Likes, 1 Retweet
104) I may not have gotten you a present this year, but this is the best card. It's tremendous, fantastic, unbelievable. Look, I know more about cards than the Hallmarks do, believe me. Anyway, Happy Birthday. #BeBest.
#TrumpGreetingCards
18 Likes, 3 Retweets
104) If a society is to be judged by how we treat pregnant women whom allege they were victims of racism, we're in big trouble...
#IStandWithTerrenceKWilliams
18 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) "Teach comprehensive sex education, for as I am proof, children can only be born of virgins."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
17 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
School is stupid,
You are to.
#TrumpGreetingCards
18 Likes, 2 Retweets
108) #ObamaWasBetterAt covfefing, whatever in the hell that is.
14 Likes, 5 Retweets
108) #ObamaWasBetterAt knowing Second Corinthians comes after First Corinthians.
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
108) Today is the first day of the rest of your life. May it be as prosperous as Trump Steaks and Vodka.
#TrumpGreetingCards
17 Likes, 2 Retweets
111) Dear GOPers:
(link: https://www.thedailybeast.com/free-beacon-first-funded-trump-dossier-research) thedailybeast.com/free-beacon-fi…
#MuellerHearing
13 Likes, 5 Retweets
111) The Lyin' King
#WhiteHouseCinema
18 Likes, 0 Retweets
113) Every end is a beginning...until you die.
Happy Graduashun.
#TrumpGreetingCards
16 Likes, 1 Retweet
114) All the President's Comrades
#WhiteHouseCinema
13 Likes, 3 Retweets
115) Report Minorities
#WhiteHouseCinema
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
116) I have a dream two.
It's that we stop black people from voting.
Happy MLK Day.
#TrumpGreetingCards
12 Likes, 1 Retweet
116) What some in the media apparently anticipated from Robert Mueller today... [Chuck Norris GIF]
#MuellerHearing
12 Likes, 1 Retweet
118) As Good As It Gets...If You're F*cking Stupid
#WhiteHouseCinema
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) Casablanca? Who Is That?
#WhiteHouseCinema
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) #ObamaWasBetterAt dotting his i's and crossing his t's. Literally. Trump tends cross his i's and dot his t's.
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) Trump Tower Grill.
Let's taco bout it.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
#TrumpGreetingCards
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
119) Wenstrup: "Even though the term 'collusion' wasn't mentioned in your report because it's not a legal term, isn't it true you concluded Trump was not guilty of collusion in your report?"
#MuellerHearing #Snark
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
123) Coming to Murica
#WhiteHouseCinema
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
124) Old Fool
#WhiteHouseCinema
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
124) The Orange KkKlansman
#WhiteHouseCinema
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 38,236 Likes, 8,522 Retweets (Averages of 305.9 Likes, 68.2 Retweets)
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