Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 165: "'Mikey's On Crack' (parody based on the Sir Mix-A-Lot song, 'Baby Got Back')" is now available!
Podcast: I Feel Snitty
Episode 165: "Mikey's On Crack" (parody based on the Sir Mix-A-Lot song, "Baby Got Back")
Premiere Date: 8/27/21
Length: 4:20 (693 words)
Transcript:
"Mikey's On Crack" (to the tune of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back")
OMG, Karen, look at his eyes
They are like so dilated
The pupils are like so round
They’re like those big, bouncy things - basketballs
I can’t look at him, ‘cause I’m scared
Like more scared than I was when I watched “Gremlins”
I mean, his eye things are so big
And not to be racist, but they’re like really black too
Like thick mol(e)-asses
He’s just so whacked
He smokes the rock and he always lies
His pillow, he hides it inside
When he goes to bed at night, he pulls it out and then
Tries to light up, but misses
His wig now on fire, he freaks out
‘Cause he thinks a rat’s in the house
He tells it to go away
‘Stead of pouring water its way
He starts throwing his pillows at it
And then screams, “Oh, sh*t!”
Thought rocks were still in the case
Even though they were in front of his face
So, what’s he do now?
Call Blue Lives Matter peeps for aid? Naw
He goes and lights up
Using his rat-hairpiece for help
It’s all good again
As things burn around him
He smiles, dials
An ex-dealer he calls “Luscious Lyle”
Lyle says, “Intervention”
Mikey says, “Insurrection?”
Lyle hangs up, because he don’t give a f*ck
Unpauses “Uncle Buck”
So, Mikey (What?), Mikey (What?)
Has your hairpiece disappeared? (Say what?)
Reach up and feel it (Feel what?), feel it (Feel what?)
Feel the balding head
Mikey’s on crack
Mikey’s on crack
He smokes ‘em high, and low
For when he hears some noises
He just can’t help himself; he hides beside a small table
Yells, “Going to jail!”
He curls into a ball
Repeats, “FREEDOM FOR ALL!”
Sirens blare in the distance
Or is that the air conditioning?
Mikey sure as hell doesn’t know
He’s in never-never land
Curing every cancer
With some kind of deadly ass poison
Seeing things that have never been there
Bears, and Trump winning Delaware
Well, he’s scared of da bears
So, he started saying a prayer
“Father, please save me, but more importantly, help Trump win”
“I can see that he did”
“I also see, what’s that? Triceratops-Unicorn?”
“Oh, yes! Thank you, lord!”
“That must be a sign! 4 more!”
“Why else would I hear that beast roar?”
Mikey said amen, then called “Fox & Friends”
For Kilmeade would want to know
‘Cause he’s dumb, really dumb
Dumber than a comatose tree stump
So, Mikey (Huh?), Mikey (Huh?)
Are you ready to sound really douchey? (Huh?)
Then open up, let them flap
Even Doocy’s gonna laugh
Mikey’s on crack
Mikey’s on crack
Yeah, Mikey, when it comes to crackheads
There really ain’t no competition, because, you see
Most crackheads don’t buy Trumpism
No matter how cheap you sellin’ it
His dealer becomes a dentist, leaving him to look on Craigslist
But Craigslist don’t have no searches for former crackhead dentists
His flapping lips need some cheap rock
Like “doodle-doo” needs cock
He’ll leap over hurdles and facts
He’ll even wear a mask
Just kidding; that was going too far
For a dumbass, crackhead traitor
Who always gets an itch
To be a giant Cheeto’s little b*tch
So, yeah, withdrawals suck
Less than MyPillow’s fluff
‘Cause they’re harder than rocks and are more useless
Than blind drunks standing to piss
To the friends and family of this loon
Whether real or no
Take his nasty ass out to get tests done
Some we know he won’t pass – not one
Don’t let him take them too fast
You don’t want him to hurry back
He may be fam, but you don’t know him
That’s what you tell all who ask ‘bout him
Loony bins, if you listenin’
Be forewarned about his presence
And don’t let him bring in no pillows
‘Cause he uses them to smoke
Mikey’s on crack
Mikey’s on crack
Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack
Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack
Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack
Mikey looks all whacked ‘cause he’s high on crack
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