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What I learned in Week 1 of the NFL season

In Week 1 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Aaron Rodgers is still all about the "Daily Doubles" - this time in the form of interceptions.

- ...Cleveland Browns head coach Kevin Stefanski needs to make just one adjustment for his team to become Super Bowl champions - have Scottish Hammer Jamie Gillan wear a kilt to practice until he learns how to catch snaps.

- ...Christopher Walken will soon be saying this about the Minnesota Vikings: "They've got a fever and the only description is COVID Cousins."

- ...Buffalo lost because the Bills Mafia didn't order enough hits on Ben Roethlisberger.

- ...even before his LASIK eye surgery, Jameis Winston could see Za'Darius Smith's hit on him wasn't a roughing the passer penalty.

- ...Daniel Jones's New Year's resolution of "handling balls better" has yet to come to fruition.

- ...Ryan Tannehill has joined the "Me Too" movement, after getting sacked by Chandler Jones five times.

- ..., given what happened to some fans at FedEd Field on Sunday and what typically occurs in Congress, it'd be a crime for the team's nickname to be anything other than the Washington Sewage Shit.

- ...Aaron Rodgers looks about as interested in playing football as Jim Cantore looks when reporting the weather from San Diego.

- ..., just one game into his NFL career, college football head-coaching legend Urban Meyer has showcased to the world he needs to go back to school, bigly.

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