What I learned in Week 3 of the NFL season

In Week 3 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., if Aaron Rodgers were part of a band, they'd inevitably be called Mullets of the Stone Age.

- ...Ben Roethlisberger has the grace of a drunken tree stump.

- ...we can now accurately determine what it is the Cleveland Browns defenders eat for breakfast - Justin Fields.

- ...the Jets and Giants are so bad, Frank Sinatra has risen from the grave to re-title his classic song as "Yorkie, Yorkie."

- ..., when describing Bill Belichick, even mimes say he's "a man of few words."

- ..., after Nebraska dominated and found a way to lose to Michigan State on Saturday night, with many suggesting it was the most ridiculous loss of the year, the Detroit Lions answered the call on Sunday by saying, "Hold our balls."

- ...DeSean Jackson was a cheetah in a present life.

- ...Derek Carr's pick-six was a blessing in disguise, for it was simply Jesus telling him that giving to the less fortunate will pay great dividends at the end of a football game.

- ...it's only a matter of time before Justin Tucker writes the book, "How to Kick Things 66 Yards in Your Mansion Bedroom to Spice Up Your Sex Life."

- ...the only thing cuter than a grumpy cat, puppy, or baby is a losing Tom Brady.