Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 168: "Karen Rodgers Has a Dream" is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 168: Karen Rodgers has a Dream

Premiere Date: 11/12/21

Length: 11:21 (1,868 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/karen-rodgers-has-a-dream/

Transcript: 

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 168, entitled, “Karen Rodgers Has a Dream.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

The latest anti-vaxxer-Karen is none other than Green Bay Packers quarterback and man desperately trying to star on the new show The Mullet vs. The Wild – Aaron Rodgers. On The Pat McAfee Show, Rodgers even went so far as to compare himself to Martin Luther King, saying, “The great MLK said, ‘You have a moral obligation to object to unjust rules and rules that made no sense.’” MLK didn’t actually say this. Rodgers substituted “laws” with “rules.” There is no law saying NFL players have to be vaccinated. King actually wrote those words from jail, where he was placed due to peaceful protesting of racism and segregation. So, yeah, white-free-from-jail Aaron Rodgers may want to stop equating his fight to stop the mandate of vaccines which save people’s lives to in-jail-from-fighting-for-equality Martin Luther King. Just a thought.

Having said that, I thought I’d poke a bit more at Rodgers’ ridiculous rhetoric by recreating MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech, only this time told by Aaron Rodgers during the pandemic.

Two score seconds ago, the best non-doctor doctor this side of YouTube provided me with indisputable video evidence on how to best treat COVID – which I caught, even though I was fully immunized. This genius video shared by Dr. Rogan will go on to save millions upon tens of lives – or, at the very least, make an individual feel better about lying to every single person in the world about his vaccination status. For that, I will never be able to thank the loud doctor non-doctor enough.

Here we are, 100 seconds later, and the white man is not free. Blacks may have been enslaved. Muslims may have been banned. Mexicans may have needed to climb over huge wind-unfriendly walls. But whites, we’ve had it worst, for our feelings are not spared when told that, without any detriment to our own health, we must be injected with a kind of medicine which will prevent others from dying, and if we don’t do this, we are unfairly branded as selfish. One hundred seconds later, the white man sees mean, typo-filled tweets shaming him. One hundred seconds later, the white man hears jokes thrown at his expense. One hundred seconds later…

…the white man is still living and privileged, but I regress. I did my research. I read each and every article on the professional, credible, well-renowned site LetsSeeWhatKindOfMoronsBelieveThis.com, and you know what I found? Doctors are trying to take control of the world. It’s been a long time coming, and their most dangerous weapon? Vaccines. Look it up. Sure, they like to tell us that polio isn’t around anymore because of vaccines, but that’s not true. The fact of the matter is polio isn’t around anymore because nobody is getting it. Period. These vaccines are dangerous. They’ve killed everyone they’ve come into contact with and we’ve all had one at some point in our lives or another, so you do the math. And this doesn’t just pertain to white men; it pertains to black men, brown men, even green and orange men – perhaps a few women too. What it all comes down to is the promise that we are all afforded liberty and the pursuit of happiness in a short life.

We can’t continue to sit around and allow the needle people to turn us into brainwashed zombies with a simple poke of the arm, finger, penis, or whatever. It’s like the famous poet Robert Frosty once wrote: “If they poke, we croak. If they don’t poke, we like, you know, don’t croak.” That has to be my favorite poem. Powerful stuff.

But we are not going to get poked and we are not going to croak!

America is the biggest, strongest, greatest country in the history of the galaxy. We have the healthiest obese population in the southwestern biosphere. We can beat COVID with our own human antonyms. Bigly.

This isn’t about Democrat vs. Republican, red vs. blue, or conservative vs. woke-mob cancel-culture stuff; it’s about genius American citizens vs. stupid science medical people thingies. They may have the books, but we have the brains, and big brains don’t need no books!

Now is the time to put dictator doctors in their rightful place, to beat them at their own game. Now is the time to put on our Halloween scrub costumes and get down to business. Now is the time…

…to throw any goggles we have lying around the house at doctors’ faces. Now is the time to walk straight up to these know-it-alls and diagnose them with stage 4 cases of stoopid.

If we don’t do this now, then when? When will you again have a dimwitted, scraggly-haired jock like me to lead you to the promised land? Doctors want this to be the end; I want this to be the beginning of the end. Doctors want to put things inside you; I don’t want to stick anything inside you. Doctors want safety; I want touchdowns.

This great nation will never come together if we don’t take control of the doctors who seek to rule. We will never get over this virus until everyone gets and possibly dies from it. I know the saying gets repeated so often, it’s now become almost cliché, but common sense ain’t so common anymore, and common sense tells us if you die from a virus, you will no longer get it.

We must not kill the doctors, though. Let’s be reasonable here. Unless you’re married and get offered a threesome with Halle Berry and Salma Hayek, two wrongs don’t make a right. Like I said earlier, just throw goggles at their faces and tell them they’ve come down with a serious case of the highly contagious and fatal disease of stoopid. Also, if need be, we may also need to incarcerate them until the aliens from Planet Cheesehead come down to offer us a trade before the deadline passes.

We must not succumb to the temptations of revenge in the form of physical violence. Throwing objects at people’s faces? Not physical violence. Harassing someone to their face? Not physical violence. Kidnapping? Not physical violence. Heck, smacking their butt extremely hard? Not physical violence. As a matter of fact, that’s a sign of endearment – likely meaning their tight end got in the way of something big and allowed for deep penetration in the end. Remember, it’s like what So-Crates once said: “Physical violence is to physical injuries what sex is to herpes – sometimes there’s a link, but not always, thank God!”

We can only be free when doctors cease to be, but not literally. Again, activities which induce physical harm are fine, but physical violence must not ever be tolerated! As typical, us white men may be in the minority here, but we are not alone. All of the hundreds of thousands of dead anti-vaxxers remain with us in spirit, and as the Bible strongly states in the book of Two Corinthians, “Death exhibits greater strength than those who have something stuck in them to survive.” Them’s God’s words right there. God’s words.

So, I get asked the question all the time: “When will you and all of the other anti-mask-wearing, anti-vaxxers be content?” We’ll only be content when we no longer have to wear masks inside rat-infested Wal-Marts; when we no longer have to wear seatbelts while drag-racing; when we no longer have to wear football helmets as we’re getting tackled by a 400 lb. gentleman named Bubba Kills.

No, we won’t be content until we can legally go drunken-hunting at the humane society.

Until our innocent, helpless children are free to drive motorcycles on the autobahn without helmets, we can’t, we won’t allow ourselves to be content. Until all is free, nothing is free.

Now, I know some of you skipped your daily Happy-Meal run to be here today. I’m cognizant some of you have recorded soap opera reruns to listen to me. I’m fully aware most of you set your alarm clocks early – around noon – to join me in this historic event. Keep doing what you’re doing. Eat those McProbablyNotRibs. Invest yourself in the affairs of fictional characters. Keep trying to transform into a vampire.

Don’t let me change you; let us change the world and shit.

So, even though we, as white men, may feel enslaved today, believe you me it will not last, for I have a dream. It’s a dream deeply rooted in the alternative universe we together know as home, and it goes a little something like this. I have a dream that one day all doctors will suffer the wrath known as karma, but not chameleon.

I have a dream that one day all of our arms, fingers, and penises will be needle-free.

I have a dream that one day we will all be able to stave off each and every disease with our own human antonyms.

I have a dream that one day I’ll be able to father children who can freely drive one of my many Ferraris, without seatbelts, when they reach the ripe old age of 16-months.

I have a dream that one day, regardless of skin color, we can all stand side by side and chant the powerful, magical words of, “No poke, no croak!”

I have a dream that one day the goggles we throw at doctors’ heads will finally knock some sense into them – the sense to say, “By God, everything they taught me in medical school was bunk! Time to watch TinFoilTommyAndBunkerBob on YouTube!”

You undoped dopes are my hope. Together we will air virtual protests. Together we will hold misspelled signs. Together will tweet ourselves into Twitmo. Together we will be free…from guilt and remorse, for we will have each other, and that’s what it’s really all about, isn’t it?

So, let us join hands, without masks, and sing closely into each other’s mouths these words: “You and me, have a disease, you affect me, you infect me, I’m affected, you’re addicted, you and me, you and me.”

Those are lyrics from a song by the band Bad Religion, but there’s no such thing as a bad religion when it’s called freedom. So let freedom ring. Let freedom ring in the ICU. Let freedom ring in the casket. Let freedom ring in the hospital bed. Oh, yes, let freedom ring.

We can’t be free with vaccines, and all of us have had vaccines, so none of us are free. Well, it’s time we change that. One day we will come together to build a time machine which will take us back to where we were as babies, at which point we’ll be able to deny vaccines; travel to the current time; and forever be free. At that time and only that time will we be able to rightly declare, “Free at last. Free at last. Thank Karen Rodgers, we are free at last.” It’ll be almost too easy.

That’s it for today’s episode. Until next time, you can check me out at Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.