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What I learned in Week 9 of the NFL season

In Week 9 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...every time a Josh Allen gets on a Josh Allen, a Scott Hanson gets his offs.

- ...the pick-six will 86 Sam Darnold from Carolina and deep-six his career.

- ...the Arizona Cardinals' beat-down of the San Francisco 49ers answered the question we'd all long been asking: "How long has Colt McCoy been retired?"

- ..., if team nicknames were perfectly apt, the Peach State representative would be called the Atlanta Cardiacs.

- ...the end-zone fade pass is less useful than a bathtub sailboat, caffeine-free Jolt Cola, and a Kenny G mosh-pit.

- ..., if Los Angeles Chargers head coach Brandon Staley played the game "Would You Ever?," his response would always be, "Go for it!"

- ...the Packers/Chiefs game was so ugly, a narcoleptic nymphomaniac wouldn't even sleep with it.

- ..., if you want younger people to get vaccinated, just tell them a side-effect of COVID is Aaron Rodgers' ugly mullet.

- ...someone needs to tell Karen Rodgers to get the discount double-vax (Shh, don't inform him it's free. Raggedy Aaron needs to feel "special.").

- ..., after defending Aaron Rodgers, State Farm will alter their company slogan to, "Like a super-spreader, State Farm is there."

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