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Trump v. Trump Debate

Since Trumpers are so confident about their dear orange leader's debating skills, I thought I'd have a little fun with it. Take 1, and action...

"Welcome to the 2024 Trump v. Trump debate. I'm your moderator, Jake Tapit. We'll start today with a question about debates. Why did you decide to debate today?"

Donald Trump: “The public knows who I am and what a successful presidency I had. I will therefore not be doing the debates.”

Jake Tapit: "But you are doing a debate. Interesting. Mr. Trump, your response?"

Donald Trump: "Just tell me when. Let's get ready to rumble!"

Tapit: "Now that's more like it! I'd like to follow that up with a question about our 44th President. What are your thoughts on Barack Obama?"

Trump: “I think President Obama has been the most ignorant president in our history…President Obama when he became president, he didn’t know anything. This guy didn’t know a thing. And honestly, today he knows less. Today, he knows less. He has done a terrible job.”

Tapit: "Wow, some strong words. ...and your reaction, Mr. Trump?"

Trump: “I have great respect…I very much look forward to dealing with the president in the future, including counsel. He explained some of the difficulties, some of the high-flying assets and some of the really great things that have been achieved.”

Tapit: "...and this is why we have debates, folks - two opinions which couldn't be further apart from one another. Early-voting has been a hot-button topic for many. How do you feel about it? Mr. Trump, we'll start with you."

Trump: “They had that long early voting in Florida. It’s so long, and so many things can go wrong when you have that long period of time, right?”

Trump: "Absentee voting, early voting, and election day voting are all good options.”

Tapit: "Okay, yeah, just jump right in there. Once again, very different perspectives. Fascinating. Let's keep with the election-theme, shall we? The electoral college, should we keep or abolish it?"

Trump: "The electoral college is a disaster for democracy."

Trump: “The electoral college is actually genius in that it brings all states, including the smaller ones, into play. Campaigning is much different!”

Tapit: "It's now on my bucket-list to get the two of you to agree on something, just once. Moving onto TikTok. Should it be banned?"

Trump: "As far as TikTok is concerned, we're banning them from the United States."

Trump: "There are a lot of people on TikTok that love it. There are a lot of young kids on TikTok who will go crazy without it."

Tapit: "Okay, well, if I can't get the two of you to agree on anything issue wise, I suppose I could just ask what your names are..."

Trump: "Donald Trump"

Trump: "Donald J. Trump"

Tapit: "Well, screw it. We already discussed President Obama. What are your thoughts on his healthcare plan, the Affordable Care Act?"

Trump: “It’s gotta go.”

Tapit: "Short, and not so sweet. Mr. Trump, over to you."

Trump: “I like those [the prohibition against insurers denying coverage because of patients’ existing conditions and a provision that allows parents to provide years of additional coverage for children on their insurance policies] very much.”

Tapit: "When it comes to undocumented immigrants..."

Trump: “We have at least 11 million people in the country that came in illegally. They will go out.”

Tapit: "I wasn't finished asking the question, but okay. Mr. Trump, care to chime in?"

Trump: “What we are going to do is get the people that are criminal and have criminal records-gang members, drug dealers. We have a lot of these people, probably two million; it could even be three million. We are getting them out of our country or we are going to incarcerate.”

Tapit: "Maybe a little bit of overlap there, but you're still on very different pages, as has been consistent throughout the debate to this point."

Trump: "Agree"

Trump: "Disagree"

Tapit: "My point exactly. Onto torture. Do you feel it's effective and/or ethical?"

Trump: “Torture works. OK, folks? You know, I have these guys-‘Torture doesn’t work!’-believe me, it works. And waterboarding is your minor form. Some people say it’s not actually torture. Let’s assume it is. But they asked me the question: What do you think of waterboarding? Absolutely fine. But we should go much stronger than waterboarding.”

Trump: “[Mattis] said, ‘I’ve never found it to be useful…Give me a pack of cigarettes and a couple of beers and I’ll do better.’ …and I was very impressed by that answer… [Torture is] not going to make the kind of difference that a lot of people are thinking.”

Tapit: "So, I've got one for torture and one against it. For the folks at home, the choices are clear. The differences between the two candidates could not be more stark. Just two more questions. First, do you believe in what is termed 'climate-change'?"

Trump: “I am not a great believer in man-made climate change.”

Trump: “I think there is some connectivity. Some, something.”

Tapit: "'Some, something.' Very eloquently put, sir. Okay, final question: Should abortion be legal, and if not, should there be legal repercussions for those involved in said procedure?"

Trump: “I’m very pro-choice. I hate the concept of abortion. I hate it. I hate everything it stands for. I cringe when I listen to people debating the subject. But you still – I just believe in choice.”

Trump: “For the woman? Yeah, there has to be some form. The answer is that there has to be some form of punishment (for abortion).”

Tapit: "...and there we have it, folks. I hope you got as much out of this as I did. Oh, and don't forget, to help control the MAGA population, have Trumpers spayed and neutered. Take care."
#TrumpClownShow #VoteBlue

https://washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/04/22/trump-tiktok-ban-reversal-biden/
https://theguardian.com/technology/2024/mar/11/donald-trump-tiktok-ban-biden
https://politico.com/story/2016/12/donald-trump-early-voting-232437
https://businessinsider.com/trump-backs-absentee-ballots-his-supporters-lost-faith-system-2024-4
https://reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-wont-take-part-republican-debates-2023-08-21/
https://bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-69017002
https://usnews.com/news/national-news/articles/quotes-comparing-trumps-stance-on-abortion-over-time
https://politico.com/magazine/story

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