No, I'm not talking about baseball. I'm talking about the concept of dating multiple people at once (not the same date...I don't think...).
I recently went on a kind-of date and although I'd like to think it went well, we had a difference of opinion on what we wanted to do next. I personally like to date one person at a time, take it one date at a time and if at some point, I think there's really no future for us, I can then let that be known and look elsewhere. However, I've never been one to date woman A on a Friday, woman B on a Saturday and woman C on a Sunday. I'm not saying that's necessarily wrong, but it's just not how I go about things. Upon this woman telling me she wanted to date around in order to find her "best" match (and telling me there was still the potential that I could be said match), I told her what my dating philosophy is and that it probably be best if we just be friends.
As always, I try to understand both mindsets with the before-mentioned situation. On the surface, I can understand the dating concept known as playing the field. It's playing the odds and suggests that with an increase in numbers played, there too will be an increase in the chance of finding a winning number. If person A only dates Person B, while Person C dates Persons D, E and F, person C then has a three times better shot of finding a winner than Person A. I'm into mathematics. I understand this formula and rationale. However, it's of my opinion that this formula doesn't really work when it comes to love/romance. Let me explain...
When I date, I'm not saying I want things to be serious from the start, but I want to give the woman I'm seeing my full attention. I think it'd be difficult for me to accomplish that if I were having to spread my attention around to multiple women at once. How would I be able to ultimately discover and attain one relationship's potential when I'd be spreading my time, energy and effort to other relationships as well? I just take things one date at a time. If date #1 goes splendidly with a woman, I'm not going to go on a date with another woman that following day and a third woman that next weekend. No, I'm going to go on date #2 with that first woman and see how things go. If they go well once again, I'll give date #3 a gander and continue this until one of two things happens - we decide that we're truly ready to take the next steps, deem us as "official" (whatever that really means) and become more serious on certain fronts OR we decide there really isn't much of a future there, so we should probably call it quits. If the latter occurs, I will then look to date someone else. Some may see this as a waste of time and the reason why you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak, however if the group of 12 eggs is representative of the relationships maximum potential and individually they represent one's time, energy and effort (and love, I suppose), how will a woman and I reach the 12 if I provide three women with 4 each? While some may say I'm tripling the chance of finding a winner, I think I'm decreasing the chance three times over of finding the ultimate potential with any one of those women.
That's the main reason I don't believe in playing the field. Another reason is that it complicates matters too much. Instead of listening intently to one woman and remembering all of the details she's filled me in on, I have to do this with multiple women. Instead of planning a weekend date with one woman, I have to really work around my schedule to date more than one women in a given week/weekend. It also makes it difficult on mental and emotional fronts. Instead of potentially liking a single person and progressing in whatever manner we see fit, I have to constantly compare the two (or more) and contemplate things like, "Gosh, I really like X about her, but she doesn't possess as much Y as the other one. The third lady seems the most balanced on these two fronts, but gosh, who do I choose?" It's enough to drive a person bonkers and they may eventually reach the point where they say, "Well, I guess I'm just not ready for a committed relationship. I think I'll just stay single." So instead of potentially hurting one person's feelings, which is hard enough as it is, two or more people's feelings will be hurt.
Again, I can understand some people's belief that it's better to play the odds in dating around in thinking it will increase the chance of finding something special, but I just don't agree with that. I may be in the minority on this one, but it's more important to me to find and attain the maximum potential with a woman than anything else and due to that, I'll only date one woman at a time.
I recently went on a kind-of date and although I'd like to think it went well, we had a difference of opinion on what we wanted to do next. I personally like to date one person at a time, take it one date at a time and if at some point, I think there's really no future for us, I can then let that be known and look elsewhere. However, I've never been one to date woman A on a Friday, woman B on a Saturday and woman C on a Sunday. I'm not saying that's necessarily wrong, but it's just not how I go about things. Upon this woman telling me she wanted to date around in order to find her "best" match (and telling me there was still the potential that I could be said match), I told her what my dating philosophy is and that it probably be best if we just be friends.
As always, I try to understand both mindsets with the before-mentioned situation. On the surface, I can understand the dating concept known as playing the field. It's playing the odds and suggests that with an increase in numbers played, there too will be an increase in the chance of finding a winning number. If person A only dates Person B, while Person C dates Persons D, E and F, person C then has a three times better shot of finding a winner than Person A. I'm into mathematics. I understand this formula and rationale. However, it's of my opinion that this formula doesn't really work when it comes to love/romance. Let me explain...
When I date, I'm not saying I want things to be serious from the start, but I want to give the woman I'm seeing my full attention. I think it'd be difficult for me to accomplish that if I were having to spread my attention around to multiple women at once. How would I be able to ultimately discover and attain one relationship's potential when I'd be spreading my time, energy and effort to other relationships as well? I just take things one date at a time. If date #1 goes splendidly with a woman, I'm not going to go on a date with another woman that following day and a third woman that next weekend. No, I'm going to go on date #2 with that first woman and see how things go. If they go well once again, I'll give date #3 a gander and continue this until one of two things happens - we decide that we're truly ready to take the next steps, deem us as "official" (whatever that really means) and become more serious on certain fronts OR we decide there really isn't much of a future there, so we should probably call it quits. If the latter occurs, I will then look to date someone else. Some may see this as a waste of time and the reason why you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak, however if the group of 12 eggs is representative of the relationships maximum potential and individually they represent one's time, energy and effort (and love, I suppose), how will a woman and I reach the 12 if I provide three women with 4 each? While some may say I'm tripling the chance of finding a winner, I think I'm decreasing the chance three times over of finding the ultimate potential with any one of those women.
That's the main reason I don't believe in playing the field. Another reason is that it complicates matters too much. Instead of listening intently to one woman and remembering all of the details she's filled me in on, I have to do this with multiple women. Instead of planning a weekend date with one woman, I have to really work around my schedule to date more than one women in a given week/weekend. It also makes it difficult on mental and emotional fronts. Instead of potentially liking a single person and progressing in whatever manner we see fit, I have to constantly compare the two (or more) and contemplate things like, "Gosh, I really like X about her, but she doesn't possess as much Y as the other one. The third lady seems the most balanced on these two fronts, but gosh, who do I choose?" It's enough to drive a person bonkers and they may eventually reach the point where they say, "Well, I guess I'm just not ready for a committed relationship. I think I'll just stay single." So instead of potentially hurting one person's feelings, which is hard enough as it is, two or more people's feelings will be hurt.
Again, I can understand some people's belief that it's better to play the odds in dating around in thinking it will increase the chance of finding something special, but I just don't agree with that. I may be in the minority on this one, but it's more important to me to find and attain the maximum potential with a woman than anything else and due to that, I'll only date one woman at a time.
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