PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has decided to take their message to Twitter. In a pair of tweets which have garnered some attention, the organization said this:
- "Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here's how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations."
- "Just as it became unacceptable to use racist, homophobic, or ableist language, phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals will vanish as more people begin to appreciate animals for who they are and start 'bringing home the bagels' instead of the bacon."
In addition to that cliché alteration, PETA recommends these:
Instead of "Kill two birds with one stone.," say "Feed two birds with one scone."
Instead of "Be the guinea pig.," say "Be the test tube."
Instead of "Beat a dead horse.," say "Feed a fed horse."
Instead of "Take the bull by the horns.," say "Take the flower by the thorns."
First, allow me to respond to all five of PETA's suggestions.
1) "Bringing home the bagels" in place of "Bringing home the bacon" - I'm sorry, but this just doesn't work. After returning home from work at 6 or 7 in the evening, what spouse/parent shouts out, "I'm home! Guess what I have? Bruegger's Bagels! Did you hear me?!? Bagels for dinner again!" Come up with a better recommendation, PETA, especially when you're attempting to replace bacon!
2) "Feed two birds with one scone" in place of "Kill two birds with one stone" - Depending on the size of the birds and the scone, isn't it possible a scone could kill two birds? Perhaps we can combine the two phrases to say "Kill two birds with one scone" or "Feed two birds with one stone." It seems that the common denominator in all four of these scenarios is dead birds. RIP.
3) "Be a test tube" in place of "Be a guinea pig" - I don't want to be either, thank you very much!
4) "Feed a fed horse" in place of "Beat a dead horse" - Really? Is feeding an already fed horse the kindest form of action? If a person chows down at an all-you-can-eat buffet, claims they're full up to their lower-lip, and you continue to feed him, the odds are high you'll soon be wearing what they were eating. Hell, it's possible to overeat oneself to death, so feeding a fed horse could wind up turning into feeding a dead horse.
5) "Take the flower by the thorns" instead of "Take the bull by the horns" - Neither scenario sounds very pleasurable. It sounds like a question in the game Would You Rather? "Would you rather literally grab a bull by the horns or literally grab a flower by the thorns?"
In addition to these ridiculously stupid anti-animal-phrase-alteration suggestions made by PETA, allow me to provide a few more. Please keep in mind I will be making up some of these anti-animal phrases. You're welcome.
Instead of: "He's hung like a horse!"
Say: "Penises should never face state-sponsored executions."
Instead of: "They eat like frickin' pigs!"
Say: "At least pigs use sporks."
Instead of: "Drink like a fish."
Say: "Eat like a Catholic during lent."
Instead of: "Lions led by donkeys."
Say: "Asses rule all!"
Instead of: "Raining cats and dogs."
Say: "It's raining Kibbles 'n' Bits."
Instead of: "Crapping like an elephant after eating Mexican."
Say: "I have a big announcement to make: I'm going to invest my fortune in the stocks of Imodium and Pepto Bismol."
Instead of: "Longer than a giraffe's neck after taking Viagra."
Say: "It's been four hours, doc, and I'm starting to see some spots."
Instead of: "You're prettier than a zebra fur coat."
Say: "I secretly want to f*ck zebras."
Wait, no... Okay, nothing else is coming to mind at the moment, so let's go with that.
Instead of: "Getting milked like a cow named Lactosia."
Say: "I am strong proponent of public breastfeeding."
Instead of: "Dumber than sheep."
Say: "At least actual sheep didn't vote for Trump."
https://www.kcrg.com/content/news/PETA-asks-people-to-stop-using-anti-animal-language-including-common-phrases-502067711.html
- "Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here's how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations."
- "Just as it became unacceptable to use racist, homophobic, or ableist language, phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals will vanish as more people begin to appreciate animals for who they are and start 'bringing home the bagels' instead of the bacon."
In addition to that cliché alteration, PETA recommends these:
Instead of "Kill two birds with one stone.," say "Feed two birds with one scone."
Instead of "Be the guinea pig.," say "Be the test tube."
Instead of "Beat a dead horse.," say "Feed a fed horse."
Instead of "Take the bull by the horns.," say "Take the flower by the thorns."
First, allow me to respond to all five of PETA's suggestions.
1) "Bringing home the bagels" in place of "Bringing home the bacon" - I'm sorry, but this just doesn't work. After returning home from work at 6 or 7 in the evening, what spouse/parent shouts out, "I'm home! Guess what I have? Bruegger's Bagels! Did you hear me?!? Bagels for dinner again!" Come up with a better recommendation, PETA, especially when you're attempting to replace bacon!
2) "Feed two birds with one scone" in place of "Kill two birds with one stone" - Depending on the size of the birds and the scone, isn't it possible a scone could kill two birds? Perhaps we can combine the two phrases to say "Kill two birds with one scone" or "Feed two birds with one stone." It seems that the common denominator in all four of these scenarios is dead birds. RIP.
3) "Be a test tube" in place of "Be a guinea pig" - I don't want to be either, thank you very much!
4) "Feed a fed horse" in place of "Beat a dead horse" - Really? Is feeding an already fed horse the kindest form of action? If a person chows down at an all-you-can-eat buffet, claims they're full up to their lower-lip, and you continue to feed him, the odds are high you'll soon be wearing what they were eating. Hell, it's possible to overeat oneself to death, so feeding a fed horse could wind up turning into feeding a dead horse.
5) "Take the flower by the thorns" instead of "Take the bull by the horns" - Neither scenario sounds very pleasurable. It sounds like a question in the game Would You Rather? "Would you rather literally grab a bull by the horns or literally grab a flower by the thorns?"
In addition to these ridiculously stupid anti-animal-phrase-alteration suggestions made by PETA, allow me to provide a few more. Please keep in mind I will be making up some of these anti-animal phrases. You're welcome.
Instead of: "He's hung like a horse!"
Say: "Penises should never face state-sponsored executions."
Instead of: "They eat like frickin' pigs!"
Say: "At least pigs use sporks."
Instead of: "Drink like a fish."
Say: "Eat like a Catholic during lent."
Instead of: "Lions led by donkeys."
Say: "Asses rule all!"
Instead of: "Raining cats and dogs."
Say: "It's raining Kibbles 'n' Bits."
Instead of: "Crapping like an elephant after eating Mexican."
Say: "I have a big announcement to make: I'm going to invest my fortune in the stocks of Imodium and Pepto Bismol."
Instead of: "Longer than a giraffe's neck after taking Viagra."
Say: "It's been four hours, doc, and I'm starting to see some spots."
Instead of: "You're prettier than a zebra fur coat."
Say: "I secretly want to f*ck zebras."
Wait, no... Okay, nothing else is coming to mind at the moment, so let's go with that.
Instead of: "Getting milked like a cow named Lactosia."
Say: "I am strong proponent of public breastfeeding."
Instead of: "Dumber than sheep."
Say: "At least actual sheep didn't vote for Trump."
https://www.kcrg.com/content/news/PETA-asks-people-to-stop-using-anti-animal-language-including-common-phrases-502067711.html
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