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What I learned in Week 16 of the NFL season

In Week 16 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Phil Collins wrote the song "Invisible Touch" as a psychic vision of Pittsburgh Steelers cornerback Joe Haden's pass interference calls on Sunday against the New Orleans Saints.

- ... Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin and Georgia head coach Kirby Smart will co-author the book, Faking Punts: For Dummies By Dummies.

- ...the FBI is currently investigating the Baltimore Ravens defense, for when asked about their diets, they all said, "Like Jeffrey Dahmer, human flesh!"

- ..., it's being reported that, once his playing days are done, Philadelphia Eagles tailback Darren Sproles will be the central figure on a Disney show entitled, The Little Shit That Could.

- ...Tony Romo loves football more than a jolly obese white guy in a red hat and coat, who apparently stole a bunch of material items to break into people's homes to share these stolen items, likes cookies.

- ...a double-rainbow is always possible if: A) There's a single-rainbow and B) Russell Wilson is throwing a deep pass.

- ...quarterbacks whine more than a Jon Cryer baby.

- ...Troy Aikman's eyes are so bloodshot, even Cheech and Chong are impressed.

- ...the Detroit Lions are as effective at defending the Hail Mary as Ben Carson is at defending a cashier when getting robbed at a Popeyes. 

- ...Hue Jackson and Baker Mayfield love each other like racist commies love Black Friday.

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