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What I learned in Week 14 of the NFL season

In Week 14 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the Derrick Henry stiff-arm will likely soon be outlawed in 22 states.

- ...either fat ladies don't sing there or no fat ladies are present in Miami.

- ...Rob Gronkowski will soon invest in Velcro shoes.

- ...it was on Pittsburgh Steelers place-kicker Chris Boswell's bucket list to one-up Mark Sanchez's butt-fumble with a butt-field goal.

- ..., given the awful officiating this season, the NFL will now require referees to possess at least 10/20 vision.

- ..., when in Oakland, Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin suffers from the rare disorder of sleep-coaching.

- ...the Los Angeles Rams enjoy cold-weather games about as much as George Costanza enjoys cold-watered pools.

- ...Troy Aikman's eyes are more blood-shot than Snoop Dogg's at a Pink Floyd concert on 4/20.

- ... Baltimore Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson drops more balls than a blind juggler suffering from narcolepsy.

- ...a solar eclipse may soon be referred to as a Rodgers pick, for the two occur at about the same rate.

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