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What I learned in Week 15 of the NFL season

In Week 15 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...95% of dogs immediately run into their backyards after hearing Tony Romo scream, thinking it was some kind of strange of animal.

- ..., even as a rotting corpse, Elvis Presley scores more than the New York Giants and Dallas Cowboys.

- ..., due to Aaron Rodgers throwing an interception, we will have to endure 3 more months of winter.

- ...Buffalo's so short on running backs, they're toying with the idea of placing a lineman in the Wildcat formation. They will call this the Wild Hippo.

- ..., after seeing them perform on Saturday night, it's all but inevitable that the Denver Broncos and Cleveland Browns will star in an off-season porno, entitled, Playing with Chubbs.

- ..., if talking produced babies, Philip Rivers would have closer to 9 trillion kids than 9.

- ...Los Angeles Chargers head coach Anthony Lynn has balls the size of Uranus.

- ...the Kansas City Chiefs will soon pen the book, Defending a 2-Point Conversion for Dummies."

- ..., after watching Denver Broncos quarterback Case Keenum's 20-second, 2-yard touchdown run, even sloths on Prozac were heard saying, "Was that slow-motion instant replay?"

- ..., when their playing days are done, Los Angeles Rams quarterback Jared Goff and I've-played-everywhere-quarterback Mark Sanchez will be sitting at a bar, reliving their memories from the NFL. Sanchez will at one point say, "Hey, at least you weren't known as Mr. Butt-Fumble!" Goff will then respond, "Oh, you think that's bad? I'm known as Mr. Butt-Pick!"
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