The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

In Week 3 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ...if Who Wants to Be the Unluckiest Millionaire? were a show, Miami Dolphins quarterback Josh Rosen would undoubtedly be the host. - ..., at some point this season, Jason Alexander will likely post a revised video clip of a famous scene from Seinfeld , where he goes from saying "Oh, yeah?!? Well, the Jerk Store called and they're running out of you!" to "Oh, yeah?!? Well, the '70s Porn Star called and they're running out of Gardner Minshew!" - ...Ohio Bobcats head coach Frank Solich is apparently calling 4th-and-9 plays in the 4th quarter for the Cleveland Browns. - ...the 3-0 Buffalo Bills are to undefeated teams what Chuck E. Cheese is to the entertainment industry. - ..., next week, Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin's going to ask his opponent for six mulligans. - ...Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll is going to start wearing pre-game helmets. - ..., even when attempt...

Here are my rankings from after the second round of Democratic debates ( https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/2019/08/democratic-candidate-rankings-post.html ). Here now are my rankings post-debate #3, with the change in their rankings noted in parentheses: 18) John Delaney (+6) 17) Wayne Messam (+5) 16) Steve Bullock (+4) 15) Marianne Williamson (+4) 14) Michael Bennet (+4) 13) Tom Steyer (+4) 12) Tulsi Gabbard (+1) 11) Tim Ryan (+/-0) 10) Beto O'Rourke (+4) 9) Julian Castro (-4) 8) Andrew Yang (+2) 7) Amy Klobuchar (+2) 6) Joe Biden (+2) 5) Bernie Sanders (+2) 4) Cory Booker (+/-0) 3) Pete Buttigieg (+/-0) 2) Elizabeth Warren (+/-0) 1) Kamala Harris (+/-0) Who should stay in? 1) Kamala Harris 2) Elizabeth Warren 3) Pete Buttigieg 4) Cory Booker 5) Bernie Sanders 6) Joe Biden 7) Amy Klobuchar 8) Andrew Yang 9) Julian Castro 10) Beto O'Rourke Who should get out? 1) John Delaney 2) Wayne Messam 3) Stev...

Here's how I rank the Democratic candidates' debate performances from debate 3: 10) Andrew Yang : After hearing Yang in interviews, I had high hopes he'd perform well on the debate stage. He's bright, witty, and has a great story. I mean, the guy's proposing to give each person $1,000 per month. What's not to like? Well, after his third debate, I think it's safe to say his performances on the debate stage. The guy hardly talks; seems to go with bad rehearsed jokes over his natural wit; and he comes across as gimmicky. I like him, but unless he ups his game on the debate stage, I can't see him challenging for the party's nomination. 9) Julian Castro : After two very strong debate performances, the former HUD secretary rubbed people the wrong way in the third debate, going after Vice President Biden's age. While I think many were too hard on Castro, I think he all but disqualified himself from contention for the party's nomination. I still ...

In Week 2 of the NFL Season, I learned that... - ...Superman (Cam Newton) now parks handicapped before taking flight at the airport. - ...when facing the Los Angeles Rams, the New Orleans Saints also square off against what's now known as the Curse of the Zebras. - ...the Dolphins are so bad, even SeaWorld is embarrassed by them. - ...Marvin Lewis is now saying, "Getting fired by the Cincinnati Bengals was the best career move I ever made." - ...Kirk Cousins is playing so poorly, he often gets mistaken for a Dolphin. - ...tackling will soon result in a 15-yard penalty, loss of down, six-figure fine, forfeit of a game, and minimum 30-day prison sentence at Leavenworth. - ...referees are now being referred to as the Oprahs of the NFL: "You get a flag! You get a flag! Every single one of you gets a flag!" - ...Doc Brown and Marty McFly have a new biggest fan - Adam Vinatieri. - ...for every touchdown he scores, Antonio Brown has...

I received this comment on episode 10 of my podcast, entitled, "More Random Than 3 AM Trump Tweets After He Snorts Adderall": "Awesome jokes, and I love the psychic, Biggie Fraud!" You can check out the episode at this link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/more-random-than-3-am-trump-tweets-after-he-snorts-adderall/

I received this comment on episode 9 of my podcast, entitled, "Don't Hate On SharpieGate": - "Hahaha! Too much good stuff in this one!" You can listen to the episode here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/dont-hate-on-sharpiegate/

I received these two comments on episode 8 of my podcast, entitled, "Don Didn't Build That!": - "You perfectly capture Trump's idiocy! 'Hamberders with a side of covfefe.' Ha!" - "Thanks for your humorous take on 45s latest idiotic rants." You can check out the episode at this link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/don-didnt-build-that/

I received the following comment on my podcast, "I Feel Snitty": "Enjoying it very much! Great content, funny, and I love your impression of 45!" You can check out all the episodes here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com

Due to a few tweets of mine, I got mentioned on the following websites: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2019/8/24/1881191/-surprise-TrumpGibberish-is-trending https://dailysoundandfury.com/surprise-trumpgibberish-is-trending/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/09/05/15-brilliant-takedowns-of-trump-using-signsyourenotthechosenone/2/ https://dailysoundandfury.com/trump-is-still-at-it-over-100-hours-now-and-he-still-insists-alabama-was-in-the-path-of-dorian/ https://www.politicalflare.com/2019/08/trump-facing-backlash-for-calling-rallygoer-fat-you-may-want-to-look-in-the-mirror/ To check out the rest of my tweets, go to this link:  https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

I had some fun with trending hashtags on Twitter over the past month or so. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed at this link: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki ): 1) Trump mocking somebody's weight is like Bill O'Reilly mocking someone for paying $30 million in sexual harassment lawsuits. #TrumpRally 2.4K Likes, 532 Retweets 2) Nine times out of ten, women make this face behind your back. #SignsYoureNotTheChosenOne 1.1K Likes, 278 Retweets 3) I just read that approximately 20 people showed up at the #StraightPrideParade. SAD! Then again, that's more than the number who showed up at the Don, Jr. speech the other day... 1.0K Likes, 174 Retweets 4) As soon as I saw #TrumpBedBugs trending, I immediately pictured him saying, "I know bed bugs; I have the best bed bugs, believe me!" 600 Likes, 157 Retweets 5) If Trump were a meteorologist: "Lots of rain, big rains in the Middle East - you know...

Episode 10 from my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "More Random Than 3 AM Trump Tweets After He Snorts Adderall," is now available! You can listen to it here:  https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/more-random-than-3-am-trump-tweets-after-he-snorts-adderall/ Here's a brief description of the episode: What do you get when you combine Trump-inspired light-bulb jokes; satire poking fun of Trump seeming to forget a son is his; having fun with Trump typos; roasting Trump for being jealous of Obama; future visions of other alleged run-ins Mike Pence will have with animals; and a Top Ten List of the absolute worst gangster nicknames? This episode! You're welcome. If you're curious to check out any of the other episodes, you may do so here:  https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/

I just received the following comment on episode 7 of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "Blue Crimes Matter": - "Thank you for speaking out for minorities. It means so much." You can check it out here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/blue-crimes-matter/

Negative people, negative influences can seem like weeds at times, as just when you think you've gotten rid of them, they come back. Then there typically comes a time when you think, "How much harm are they really doing? If I just stop initiating anything, perhaps they'll eventually just go away." When that doesn't work and they continue to call or text (the people, not the weeds), you then try to just ignore them, thinking they'll eventually get the hint. Some may eventually give up, but there's always that one extremely persistent weed. No matter what you spray on it, no matter how deep the root is you pull out, it peeks its ugly face at you the next time you venture out to your garden. I've run into just this situation a number of times, especially of late it seems, and I have to admit, it's sometimes difficult to remain persistent in fighting against these negative influences. When they realize they're on the verge of losing what they tho...

The latest episode of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), "Don't Hate On SharpieGate," is now available. To listen to it, just go to this link:  https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/dont-hate-on-sharpiegate/ Here's a brief description of the episode: Remember that time a grade school geography classmate of yours incorrectly identified Texas as Hawaii on a U.S. map test and then brought it back up to the teacher after he wrote "Hawaii" over "Texas" in a sharpie, claiming he was right all along? No? Me neither - well, not until this past week, when the so-called "President" of the United States - Donald Trump - did just that. In this episode, I rehash the ridiculousness of SharpieGate and then poke fun of the geography class flunky in the Oval Office via a Pop Quiz, Psychic Hotline, Top Ten List, and Satirical Forecast. Wanna know what Trump may do next in his never-ending mission to prove he wasn't wrong about Alabama getting struck by Hurr...

In Week 1 of the NFL season, I learned that... - ...even J. Lo is calling A.B. a diva. - ...regardless of position, if Ace Ventura tried out for the Miami Dolphins, he'd be a starter. - ...Baker Mayfield is bipigskinsexual, for when on a football field, the guy goes both ways. - ...Patrick Mahomes could even make a hungover Gary Busey look good. - ...it's only a matter of time before the NFL holds a Pay-Per-View shot-put competition between Lamar Jackson and Philip Rivers. - ...the Patriots nabbed Antonio Brown via a coffee shop meeting between Bill Belichick and A.B.'s actual agent, George Costanza. - ..., for how his team blew an 18-point 4th quarter lead against the Arizona Cardinals on Sunday, Detroit Lions head coach, Matt Patricia, should probably replace the pencil behind his ear with a pink slip. - ...Jameis Winston will likely start a petition to change what quarterbacks throw, so he's more comfortable and doesn't throw as many interceptions...

With regard to my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ) as a whole, I just received this comment: "I enjoyed the podcast on 'I Feel Snitty' too. Logical and hilarious." To listen to any of my 8 episodes, go to this link: http://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/

The same individual posted these two comments on the latest episode of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "Don Didn't Build That!": "I'm listening now, Craig! Thanks for the reminder: By the way, so far it sounds JUST GREAT & very professional! You REALLY DO capture #tRump's #IDIOCY & put out the real numbers. Thanks. Love it!" and "Damned GOOD listenin, y'all, especially where he deconstructs #tRump using the great figures Obama left us, juxtaposed with tRump's claims - rife & failures! Good work, CR!" You can check out the episode here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/don-didnt-build-that/

I received this comment on the latest episode of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "Don Didn't Build That!" "Spot-on debate snark, loved it!" If curious, you can check out this episode here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/don-didnt-build-that/

I just received the following comment on last week's episode of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "Blue Crimes Matter": "Great episode this week!" You can check out the episode here: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/blue-crimes-matter/

Actresses Dakota Fanning and Scarlett Johansson came under fire from the social media mob yesterday, and while I often times empathize and even agree with the PC (politically correct) police, I think they've gone too far in both these instances. First off, with regard to Dakota Fanning, she's being criticized for allegedly playing an Ethiopian Muslim woman in the upcoming film, Sweetness in the Belly . After reports of this emerged, the critical tweets became more ubiquitous than Donald Trump's stupid tweets (and that's saying something): "A white woman playing an Ethiopian Muslim? #Woke!," "Why not get a person of color or an actual Muslim to play the part?," "This is so wrong!" were just some of the responses. Psst, the film is based off a book, where Fanning's character, Lilly, is an orphaned British child that grows up to be a Muslim nurse (yes, she's white throughout). So let's cool it with the overreactions here... If ...

To the surprise of many, Pro Bowl Indianapolis Colts starting quarterback Andrew Luck recently announced his retirement, at the young age of 29 (he'll be 30 in a week). Upon hearing this, Indianapolis Colts fans started booing him. Sports commentator Doug Gottlieb tweeted, "Retiring cause rehabbing is 'too hard' is the most millennial thing ever #AndrewLuck." For only being 29 years old, Andrew Luck has sustained a number of awful injuries. It seems as though his love for the game was lost through this grueling cycle of injury and rehab. Not only has this been grueling for him physically, but also mentally. I love football. I honestly wish I didn't at times, because these grown men constantly put themselves in harm's way and place their short- and long-term health on the line just for our entertainment. Sure, they make millions of dollars, but at the end of the day, is that worth memory loss at a young age, a shorter lifespan, and excruciating pain aft...

I just received the following comment on the latest episode of my podcast ( I Feel Snitty ), entitled, "Don Didn't Build That!": "You perfectly capture Trump's idiocy! 'Hamberders with a side of covfefe.' Ha!" You can check out the episode at this link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/don-didnt-build-that/

My brother and I have both been questioned on why we may refer to our parents by their first names at times. I've heard some refer to it as "weird," "strange," and read others call it "rude," "disrespectful," and "just plain wrong." I find this to be interesting. We tend to alter how we refer to someone in just about every situation as we age. Parents go from calling their kids "little peanut" to their actual name to their full name if they're in trouble. Employees may refer to their employer as Mr./Mrs. Sasquatch, before eventually garnering the respect necessary to get away with calling them by their first name. If two people get close, they may start referring to one another by cute or funny inside joke-esque nicknames. Yet for some people, mom and dad should always be referred to as just that, mom and dad. Why? Now, I'm not going to say I'm against calling your parents mom and dad, far from it. Logicall...

The latest episode of my podcast, I Feel Snitty , entitled "Don Didn't Build That!," is now available! You can check it out here:  https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/don-didnt-build-that/ Here's a brief description of the episode: Remember that time everyone in the GOP and their pet tarantula named Teddy took President Obama out-of-context when he said, "You didn't build that!"? Fast-forward seven years and ironically, these same GOPers, led by Donald Trump, believe the current president has built this strong economy and everything pertaining to it all by his lonesome. In this episode, I'll debunk all of those claims, prove Trump is doing nothing but taking credit for Obama's accomplishments, and turn what the GOP see as the second-coming of Abraham Lincoln into a dumber version of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho (Psst, if you don't get the reference, watch Idiocracy, like now). If you're curious to check out any additio...