Podcast: I Feel Snitty
Episode 176: The Alien Envision
Premiere Date: 3/26/2022
Length: 16:39 (2,646 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-alien-s-envision/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 176, entitled, “The Alien Envision.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
On February 22nd – yes, 2/22/2022, Republican Florida Senator and alien ardently attempting to pass as human – Rick Scott, released what he of course called his “Rescue America” plan. The 11-point plan is so comical by itself there’s really no need for further comedic contributions, but I couldn’t resist.
Let us now dissect the alien’s envision.
Point 1: Education
Summary: “Our kids will say the pledge of allegiance, salute the Flag, learn that America is a great country, and choose the school that best fits them.”
Elaboration: “We will inspire patriotism and stop teaching revisionist history of the radical left; our kids will learn about the wisdom of the US Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the founding fathers. Public schools will focus on the 3 R’s, not indoctrinate children with critical race theory or any other political ideology.”
Scorvian Scott is off to a strong start. I do find it interesting that the Florida creature claims to oppose revisionist history, for the original pledge of allegiance didn’t include the words “under God.” Apparently the 3 R’s Sathar Scott is referring to are: revise, recycle, and repeat.
Point 2: Color Blind Equality
Summary: “Government will never again ask American citizens to disclose their race, ethnicity, or skin color on any government form.”
Elaboration: “We are going to eliminate racial politics in America. No government policy will be based on race. People ‘will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.’ We are all made in the image of God; to judge a person on the color of their epidermis is immoral.”
This would all sound well and good if we happened to live in a utopia, where racism was never present. Last I checked, though, that wasn’t the case. Sure, we can pretend all races are treated equally in the eyes of the law in this country, but hordes of evidence suggest otherwise. This reminds me of when I hear people say, “I don’t see color.” Um, yeah, you do. Simply observing a difference in skin tone between two people isn’t racist; seeing, believing, and treating an individual as inferior based on their skin color is. What Scwozzworts Scott is essentially saying is, “I don’t see color; people tell me I’m white because I disco-dance at Snoop Dogg concerts.” As an enlightened Jeff Foxworthy might say, “If you say you is color-blind but treat colored, I mean, color, or eh, you know, darker folks like bad, you might be a racist.”
Point 3: Safety and Crime
Summary: “The soft-on-crime days of coddling criminal behavior will end. We will re-fund and respect the police because, they, not the criminals, are the good guys.”
Elaboration: “We will enforce our laws, all of them, and increase penalties for theft and violent crime. We will clean up our cities and stop pretending that crime is OK. We have zero tolerance for ‘mostly peaceful protests’ that attack police officers, loot businesses, and burn down our cities.”
Oh, but attacking the U.S. Capitol, and in the process police officers, in an effort to essentially burn the Constitution is A-ok. Gotcha.
Point 4: Immigration
Summary: “We will secure our border, finish building the wall, and name it after President Donald Trump.”
Elaboration: “Nations have borders. We should give that a try. President Trump’s plan to build a wall was right. We welcome those who want to join us in building the American dream, immigrants who want to be Americans, not change America. We are a stronger nation because we are a nation of immigrants, but immigration without assimilation makes us weaker. Politicians from both parties talk big about border security and do nothing. We are done with that.”
Wow, this point is full of pointless drivel. Okay, let’s first look at a funny little thing called math. No matter what Trump and his cronies may spout, only about 40 miles of new wall construction was built during his four incredibly long years in office. Before Trump was even elected, he said we needed 1,000 miles of new wall construction built. So, let me bust out the calculator here. That’s 40 miles over 4 years, which equates to 10 miles per; 1,000 divided by 10 equals? 100. At the rate we’re currently going, the wall wouldn’t get completely built until the year 2117. So, I’ve got to hand it to Selkath Scott, for he might be onto something – a border wall it takes 100 years to build could very well be the short-term solution we’re seeking when it comes to immigration. Selay Scott also transitions from building Trump’s wall to building the American dream, making it sound as though that the American dream is set on building a wall. That’s just sloppy segueing right there. Lastly, as I so often do, I force myself to reread such statements regarding immigration from a Native American’s vantage point. Let’s read the elaboration again, but attempt to do so from a Native American’s perspective:
“Nations have borders. We should give that a try. The President’s plan to build a wall was right. We welcome those who want to join us in building the American dream, immigrants who want to be Americans, not change America. We are a stronger nation because we are a nation of immigrants, but immigration without assimilation makes us weaker. Politicians from both parties talk big about border security and do nothing. We are done with that.”
Is Silfen Scott a Native American? No, so he can STFU.
Point 5: Growth / Economy
Summary: “We will grow America’s economy, starve Washington’s economy, and stop Socialism.”
Elaboration: “Socialism is un-American and always leads to poverty and oppression. We will stop it. We will shrink the federal government, reduce the government workforce by 25% in 5 years, sell government buildings and assets, and get rid of the old, slow, closed, top-down, government-run-everything system we have today.”
It always simultaneously prompts laughter and confusion when a politician at the federal level talks about how awful the federal government is and promises to reduce government jobs at said level, all while claiming their ideas will lead to job creation.
What’s your goal in life?
“To destroy the federal government.”
Why?
“Because it’s evil!”
Where do you work?
“The federal government.”
Alright then. Have any other goals?
“Yes.”
“What are they?”
“Just one – to create jobs.”
…and how will you do that?
“Remove jobs.”
Brilliant… If Samaan Scott really wants to help the American people by shrinking the size of government, he can resign tomorrow, or better yet, today.
Point 6: Government Reform and Debt
Summary: “We will eliminate all federal programs that can be done locally, and enact term limits for federal bureaucrats and Congress.”
Elaboration: “Many government agencies should be either moved out of Washington or shuttered entirely. Yesterday’s old government is fundamentally incompatible with the digital era. The permanent ruling class in Washington is bankrupting us with inflation and debt, so they must be removed. For you to have more, Washington must have less.”
Okay, so Sholans Scott seems to be unfamiliar with the global COVID pandemic and its impact on supply-and-demand, jobs, and inflation, but I’ll give the guy a pass – it’s not like more than 5 or 6 people have heard of COVID over the past couple of years. All the masks you saw people wearing at the dance-clubs were simply fashion statements, and the seemingly ubiquitous injection sights? What can I say, there’s been a significant uptick in needle-fetishes since Biden was elected. With regard to his last line, I always say the federal government is kind of like the parents of adults. So how would that line work with regard to parents and their children? I’m going to think out loud for a second here. I apologize in advance. Let’s see, “For you to have more, Washington must have less.” Okay, so for children to have more, parents must have less. Wait a minute, so does that then mean the children are the ones providing for the parents? Is child-labor a thing again? No, no, that can’t be it. Come on, Craig, you can do this. In order for kids to get more money, the parents must have less money. Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Okay, let’s try this one more time. For children to have more, parents must have less. Have more what? We’ve already approached it from a money angle. What about kids? For children to have more kids of their own one day, parents must have less kids. But if the parents don’t have kids, there will be no kids to one day have kids. Ah, fuck it. I tried. There can be no rationalizing Snotlings Scott’s words. He’s simply full of shit.
Point 7: Fair Fraud-Free Elections
Summary: “We will protect the integrity of American Democracy and stop left-wing efforts to rig elections.”
Elaboration: “Today’s Democratic Party is trying to rig elections and pack the courts because they have given up on Democracy. They don’t believe they can win based on their ideas, so they want to game the system and legalize voter fraud and stay in power. In true Orwellian fashion, Democrats refer to their election rigging plans as ‘voting rights’. We won’t allow the radical left to destroy our democracy by institutionalizing dishonesty and fraud.”
Speaking of bullshit, here’s Skroderiders Scott again laying it down nice and thick. Every voter fraud case I’ve read about since the 2020 presidential election was committed by a Trump-loving Republican. Don’t believe me? Just ask Mark Meadows’ wife.
Also, let’s not beat around the Dubya here, Sontarans Scott is essentially saying Democrats are trying to destroy democracy by getting people to vote. I know, crazy, right?!? That’d be like claiming a conspiracy because Michael Jordan attempted to get a game going by inviting outsiders onto the court with him and a basketball.
Oh, and one more thing – every single election conspiracy was debunked. Close states counted, recounted, and sometimes counted 973 times with the same results. The results from the 2020 election were the most accurate in U.S. history. So, what did Species Scott and his ilk encourage and defend? A terrorist attack on the U.S. Capitol on January 6th of last year, when hundreds of Trumpanzees flooded the sacred building, in an attempt to overturn the results from a democratically-held election. The Republican Party was THIS close to destroying our republic and any semblance of democracy we ever had, but yeah, Democrats trying to get people to vote is what’s destroying democracy. Yes, if you could see me right now, my eyes got stuck because they rolled so far back, even Linda Blair would be impressed.
Sugarbellies Scott’s details for this “point” is nothing but projection. Let’s read it again, but with just a couple altered words:
“Today’s Republican Party is trying to rig elections and pack the courts because they have given up on Democracy. They don’t believe they can win based on their ideas, so they want to game the system and legalize voter fraud and stay in power. In true Orwellian fashion, Republicans refer to their election rigging plans as ‘voting rights’. We won’t allow the radical right to destroy our democracy by institutionalizing dishonesty and fraud.”
That sounds a whole hell of a lot more honest, doesn’t it?
Point 8: Family
Summary: “We will protect, defend, and promote the American family at all costs.”
Elaboration: “The nuclear family is crucial to civilization, it is God’s design for humanity, and it must be protected and celebrated. To say otherwise is to deny science. The fanatical left seeks to devalue and redefine the traditional family, as they undermine parents and attempt to replace them with government programs. We will not allow Socialism to place the needs of the state ahead of the family.”
If it’s God’s design for humanity, why are some straight couples unable to have children? Why are some straight couples terrible parents? Why do some straight couples abandon or disown their kids? If no single person is perfect, how can any single couple be perfect? Simple, they can’t. As the Beatles once said, “All you need is love.” It doesn’t matter if the child is cared for by a single mother, a single father, a gay couple, a straight couple, or what have you, if said caretaker or caretakers provide that child with love, that’s all that really matters. Of course, Sycorax Scott doesn’t know this, for he’s not human. Fucker.
Point 9: Gender, Life, Science
Summary: “Men are men, women are women, and unborn babies are babies. We believe in science.”
Elaboration: “Men and women are biologically different, ‘male and female He created them.’ Modern technology has confirmed that abortion takes a human life. Facts are facts, the earth is round, the sun is hot, there are two genders, and abortion stops a beating heart. To say otherwise is to deny science.”
No, no, you can’t do that! I’m all about consistency. If you’re going to try to be clever by noting a trend, you have to stick to said trend for any potential at being clever. So, allow me to revise Syreen Scott’s inconsistency in his summary: “Men are men, women are women, and babies are babies.” Okay, that’s much better.
I also have to wonder what scientific journals Serrakin Scott reads. My guess is it’s something called Pro-Life Not Science, but since “science” is in the title, he feels it’s a scientific journal. Psst, you may want to read a bit more on the science side of things when it comes to sex, gender, and abortion. It sounds like you have warmed up to climate-change, though, so that’s something.
Point 10: Religious Liberty and Big Tech
Summary: “Americans will be free to welcome God into all aspects of our lives.”
Elaboration: “We will stop all government efforts to deny our religious freedom and freedom of speech. The Democrat Party and their Big tech allies are not merely secular; they have virtually created a new religion of wokeness that is increasingly hostile toward people of faith, particularly Christians and Jews. They are determined to drive all mention of God out of public view. We will not be silenced, canceled, or told what words to use by the politically correct crowd.”
I will admit the “woke” crowd goes too far sometimes, but if you claim “religious freedom” when you reveal prejudice, that doesn’t guarantee you freedom from criticism. If you don’t understand that, you’re the antithesis of woke; you’re Rip Van Winkle.
Point 11: America First
Summary: “We are Americans, not globalists.”
Elaboration: “America will be dependent on NO other country. We will conduct no trade that takes away jobs or displaces American workers. Countries who oppose us at the UN will get zero financial help from us. We will be energy-independent and build supply chains that never rely on our adversaries. We will only help countries that are willing to defend themselves, like Israel.”
I love this elaboration so much. When you hear of a person allege another is being “political” or “playing politics,” this is exactly what they’re talking about. Ssvapi Scott goes on ad nauseum about how the U.S. will never be dependent on another country. I’m actually surprised he didn’t go the Elaine Benes route and include 45 exclamation points. He repeatedly declares the U.S. is independent; we’ll rely on nobody else; we are finally big boys now, before he ends it with, “Oh, except for Israel.” It seems Space Chickens Scott may need to wear the pull-ups for just a little while longer.
That’s it for today’s episode. Until next time, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, Facebook, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
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