Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 235: "'Griftin'' (parody based off the Clarence Carter song, 'Strokin'')" is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 235: "Griftin'" (parody based off the Clarence Carter song, "Strokin'")

Premiere Date: 7/13/2023

Length: 4:33 (427 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/griftin-parody-based-off-the-clarence-carter-song-strokin/

Transcript:

"Griftin'" (to the tune of Clarence Carter's "Strokin'")

When he’s not grabbing butts

And mute, judging stuff

He be griftin’

Morning, noon, insurrection

He be griftin’

He grifts from the living

And then he grifts from the dead

He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next

He be griftin’

He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’

How much money are you willing to give him?

Would you buy a quarter for a quarter-mill?

Would you give up your farm for a lifetime of Swiss cheese?

He’s ‘bout to sell you this

“Trade your cows for a gallon of milk”

He’s ‘bout to sell you this

“Give me 15 million and I’ll stop windmill cancer”

He ‘members when his mistress was diagnosed with windmill cancer

He started a GoFundMe; laughed; and said, “April Fool’s, y’all”

He’s griftin’, yeah, he always does, he be griftin’

He grifts from the living

And then he grifts from the dead

He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next

He be griftin’

He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’

Would you believe anything he tells ya?

That a knife was a sandwich?

Jesus was a white man?

A robe was a puppy?

Or how about that he and his wife are all cute and innocent?

‘Member, no puppy is full of that much sh*t

He spews it every which way

Yeah, he’s griftin’

He be griftin’

He grifts from the living

And then he grifts from the dead

He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t

He be griftin’

Now, when this guy starts dealin’, I mean stealin’

He doesn’t care who in the hell he’s hurtin’

Because a creepy smile appears when this happens

Whenever that creepy smile appears, we do start dealin’

We say, “Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas

Clarence Thomas, f*ck you, Clarence Thomas”

Other day: “Celebratin’ Christmas early!”

“Gonna get me a grift box and grift certificate”

Went to the store to screw people over

He held a box with a blank certificate

Said, “Hundredth donor gets the prize; you’ll be surprised as…” Woo!

He be griftin’… Cloak and dagger

He be griftin’

He grifts from the living

And then he grifts from the dead

He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t

He be griftin’

He be griftin’… Cloak and dagger

He be griftin’, oath

He be griftin’

And he grifts from the rich

And he grifts from the poor

He grifts from everyone

He even grifts from his whores, ooh

He be griftin’

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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