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Donald Trump recites poems on open mic night

Businessman, wannabe politician, and future president of Rat Hair Club For Men - Donald Trump - has always been loved by those with short-attention spans and small vocabularies, due to how condensed and limited his seem to be, and loathed by English and Critical Thinking professors for this very same reason. Even activist mimes are often times so flabbergasted by the billionaire's commentary, after hearing Trump speak, they typically blurt out, "You've got to be f**king kidding me!" Well, Trump's linguistic eloquence was on full display this past Friday night, as he stood up front and center on open mic night at the Manhattan poetry club, "Like So Poetic and Sh*t."

For the night, Donald Trump recited three poems. The first appeared to be an ode to both himself and the band the Divinyls, as the billionaire uttered these romantic words:

"I don't want anybody else,
When I think about me I touch myself,
I don't want anybody else,
Besides my three wives."

After receiving minimal applause for his first effort, Trump decided to turn things up a notch by decreasing the modesty and increasing the politics with his second poem, saying:

"I wrote this next one while I was on the toilet in my own private jet. I had just read crap about the Confederate flag and the homo flag and this is what I came up with...

Why'd the chicken cross the road?
To get a couple beers,
Raise the flag of Southern American hero people who lost the war,
And not that of the queers."

Not only were the cheers scarce for Trump following this poem, the boos were so loud, an activist mime even grabbed a mic and shouted, "Everyone quiet the f**k down!"

For his closing act, Trump decided to put his own little twist on an old poem, saying:

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You're fired."

This poem generated the loudest applause, mostly in the sarcastic form, but Trump never caught on to that. He smiled, blew kisses to people in every which direction, and then stepped back up to the mic and said, "If you want to make America great again, vote Trump 2016! I'm the best, the toughest, the greatest, and poetic as sh*t!"

Following his performance, Fox News' Brian Kilmeade had nothing but praise for Trump, saying, "Those poems were absolutely groundbreaking and breathtaking! He's like another one of those Ethan Allen Poe guys!"

Manhattan's own 6-year-old poet Timmy Kawasaki felt differently about Trump's performance, however, saying, "Was that guy for real? He should be fired or something."
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