I've had some fun with trending hashtags on Twitter over the past month. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be seen here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) The only 2020 Trump landslide will be this one. [GIF of a fat man sliding down a slide on land]
#Trump2020LandslideVictory
3,000 Likes, 393 Retweets
2) At the pace he's going, I'm predicting Donald Trump's head explodes at some point while speaking/tweeting today. My money's on 7:11 pm EST.
#TrumpPressConference #TrumpMeltdown
1,500 Likes, 313 Retweets
3) Trump: "Some people say what Schiff did was treason."
Some people = One person (the moron in the White House)
#TrumpPressConference
1,400 Likes, 313 Retweets
4) "If a whistleblower is credible, should there be an investigation into his or her claim?"
McGuire: "Yes"
"Is this whistleblower credible?"
McGuire: "Yes"
"So there should then be an investigation, right?"
McGuire: "No"
#WhistleblowerComplaint
772 Likes, 280 Retweets
5) Trump: "Ask the guy over here a question. Ask the President of Finland a question. You're being rude."
Reporter asks a question.
Trump: "Let me answer this for the gentleman to my right. You're stupid, corrupt, and rude, bigly!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
776 Likes, 258 Retweets
6) Civil War: Fought over a disagreement on slavery.
#CivilWar2: Trump wants it to be fought over a disagreement on whether or not he can be an above-the-law dictator.
The former was about moving the country forward. The latter is about saving one person's rotten, felonious ass.
749 Likes, 196 Retweets
7) One acts like a teenager, constantly mocking others, bullying them, thinking they know more than they do, yet are ignorant about the world around them. The other is 16-year-old Greta Thunberg.
#GretaThunbergOutdidTrump #GretaThunberg
715 Likes, 164 Retweets
8) For as awful as his Civil War threat may be, it also showcases how frightened #DonaldTrump is. His con is coming to an end and he knows it. He's: a coward, traitor, narcissist, lunatic, an ignoramus, and it's high past time Reps and Dems came together to remove him from office.
598 Likes, 162 Retweets
9) Trump: "Adam Schiff lied. That's treason. Just once. Just lying once is treason. Period. I've only lied 12,000 times. That's like nothing. It's like those Flonase commercials tell us, '1 is greater than 12,000.' That's basic math, folks, basic math."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
568 Likes, 160 Retweets
10) Can you imagine if it were a black man who mistook a white woman cop's apartment as his own and shot and killed her? He'd already be in the chair...
#AmberGuyger
502 Likes, 122 Retweets
11) Trump: "It's a witch-hunt! The spies who gave the whistleblower information should be killed for treason!"
Wait, so if you're referring to them as spies, are you basically saying their reported information is accurate? Who's guilty of treason again?
#WhistleblowerHearing
482 Likes, 125 Retweets
12) Over the past week, Donald Trump has threatened:
- The whistleblower
- Staff
- Media outlets
- Adam Schiff
- The country
The "man" is a menace to society and needs to be impeached and locked up before he does any more damage, "bigly."
#DonaldTrump #CivilWar #ImpeachmentNow
388 Likes, 162 Retweets
13) "Why should the American people not be troubled by a president asking a foreign country to dig dirt on a rival?"
Trump: "Hoax. Witch-hunt. Benghazi. 7-11 attacks. OJ did it. Hillary's emails. Obama's birth certificate. Caravans. Minivans. Period. Any questions?"
#TrumpPresser
438 Likes, 97 Retweets
14) Trump: "Shifty Schiff made up words, made up what I said. Treason!"
Psst, here's what preceded Schiff's quote of yours: "In not so many words, this is the essence of what the President communicates."
#TrumpResign
398 Likes, 113 Retweets
15) MAGAt Math: Ten counts of obstruction + Colluding with a foreign nation to influence our elections = Winning!
I see The Donald isn't the only one concocting Sharpie revisions...
#Trump2020LandslideVictory
439 Likes, 49 Retweets
16) President of Finland: :: in the middle of an answer ::
Trump: "People in Finland are so nice. You're all nice over there."
Donald Trump, making compliments rude again. Congratulations.
#TrumpPressConference
370 Likes, 77 Retweets
17) McGuire: "I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm only an acting director. What does this job even consist of? I don't know. Seriously, I'm asking you, who am I and what do I do? I do do all my own stunts, though, so that's something, right?"
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
316 Likes, 70 Retweets
18) The #TrumpMeltdown today was the worst since... [GIF of Alex Jones crying uncontrollably]
311 Likes, 73 Retweets
"It's alleged the president admitted in a phone call that he shot and killed someone on 5th Avenue. Is that correct?"
19) McGuire: "That's the president's personal business. I don't have an opinion on whether or not it should be investigated."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
287 Likes, 84 Retweets
20) What is with Trump referring to his phone call with the Ukrainian President as perfect? My dog is better schooled in English than he is. I can guarantee he's never engaged in a "perfect" conversation of any stripe.
#Whistleblower #TraitorTrump
288 Likes, 47 Retweets
21) He worked with a foreign adversary to undermine our election. He's tried to ban people based on their religion. He's wanted to silence the media. He threatened an ally if they didn't aid him in an election. Now he's threatening a Civil War. He is anti-American. #ImpeachmentNow
232 Likes, 74 Retweets
22) Trump: "I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize."
More like the Piece of Sh*t Prize...
#NobelPeacePrize
246 Likes, 46 Retweets
23) #Newt: "We led a legitimate impeachment over a president lying once to the American public!"
So then what's the punishment for a president who lies over 12,000 times to the American public?
#ImpeachmentNow #Snark
198 Likes, 73 Retweets
24) When a flag files a restraining order against him
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
227 Likes, 31 Retweets
25) MAGAts: Those who claim to want to make America great again, yet do so while defending a president who wants to undermine said country's "democracy."
#Trump2020LandslideVictory
212 Likes, 32 Retweets
26) Trump: "I like whistleblowers, but only when they're real. This whistleblower is faker than my wife, Melanie. Just sayin'. I'm just sayin', folks. I love you, baby."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
162 Likes, 33 Retweets
27) Trump: "Look, you can't argue with my great and unmatched wisdom. I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me. Which is why I'm going to destroy ISIS and then make them strong again."
#greatandunmatchedwisdom #Snark
153 Likes, 36 Retweets
28) Anyone defending Trump by saying he was joking is only kidding themselves. Drumpf doesn't joke. He doesn't know what a joke is.
Dad joke: "What rhymes with 'boo' and stinks? You!"
Donald joke: "I know a guy who rhymes words, lots of words, and smells funny."
#Impeachment #Snark
154 Likes, 31 Retweets
29) "Did you have sexual relations with that woman?"
Clinton: "What is 'is?'"
GOP: "Impeach him!"
Trump: "Yeah, I asked for foreign interference in a US election."
Dems: "Impeach him!"
GOP: "Hold on a minute. What is 'I asked for foreign interference in a US election?'"
#Impeachment
125 Likes, 53 Retweets
30) Over the past few hours
- An ad is aired which displays AOC's face burning
- A Republican state representative tweets a death threat to Beto
- Trump forgets the last name of his vice president
Here is the Republican Party of 2019, folks. #VoteBlue2020
116 Likes, 54 Retweets
31) "Amber Guyger broke down in tears on the stand." Really? You know who can no longer break down in tears? Botham Jean, the man she f*cking shot and killed in his own home.
#AmberGuyger
140 Likes, 28 Retweets
32) Wind advisories
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
145 Likes, 21 Retweets
32) FAKE POLL!!! SAD!!!
#ImpeachTrump
148 Likes, 18 Retweets
34) When younger, smarter, more attractive leaders make out with his favorite third wife right in front of him
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
135 Likes, 25 Retweets
35) McGuire: "No one, I repeat, no one is above the law! Period! More like exclamation point! Three of them!!!"
"Except the president?"
McGuire: "Well, obviously..."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
127 Likes, 27 Retweets
36) Trebek: "This is the most popular item sold at Burger King."
Trump: "What is hamberders?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
139 Likes, 12 Retweets
37) 1) Trump is a projectionist.
2) Trump suggested Schiff should be arrested for treason.
3) This means Trump should be arrested for treason.
#TreasonousTrump
121 Likes, 27 Retweets
38) Modern-day GOP thinking
Headline: "Republican Ted Bundy killed 30+ women"
GOP: "Wait, so how did they find out about this? Who leaked it? Hmm... That's troubling, like bigly."
#Whistleblowers
108 Likes, 35 Retweets
39) Then
Trump: "Democrats are so divisive!"
Now
Trump: "Civil War!!!"
#DonaldTrump #CivilWar
103 Likes, 39 Retweets
40) How much do you want to bet, in the redacted version of the whistleblower complaint, there will be a drawing of Alabama in Sharpie?
#WhistleblowerComplaint
123 Likes, 18 Retweets
41) McGuire: "That's an allegation."
"Trump basically admitted it. Did you hear that?"
McGuire: "Allegedly"
"Which part?"
McGuire: "Both, one, or neither"
"Which is it?"
McGuire: "Which is what?"
"Did you hear what Trump said?"
McGuire: "When?"
"Ugh!"
#WhistleblowerComplaint
110 Likes, 25 Retweets
42) Proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
113 Likes, 17 Retweets
43) It's pretty rich for Trump to refer to Congressional Democrats as #DONOTHINGDEMS, as all he seems to do is tweet that post and many others throughout the course of the day.
110 Likes, 17 Retweets
44) Trump: "When Obama said he'd be better able to negotiate with Russia after his election, that's the same exact thing as me saying I'd provide military funding to Ukraine in exchange for them interfering in an election. Same thing. Poh-teh-toe. Pizza."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
108 Likes, 15 Retweets
45) Dear Senator Patsy Graham:
I wasn't there when it happened, but I trust my sources who told me you once referred to Donald Trump as a "race-baiting, xenophobic bigot." Just sayin'.
#LindseyGraham #Whistleblower
97 Likes, 25 Retweets
46) "Officer, I was scared for my life. After I broke an entering, he came at me with a spoon and ice cream, I thought it was a gun, so I had to stand my ground. Yes, in another's home. Yes, he was unarmed."
...and the award for worst defense goes to...
#AmberGuyger #Snark
96 Likes, 20 Retweets
46) Isn't it sad that when I saw "discribing" trending, I knew it was a Trump tweet typo? I also see he doesn't know the difference between an apostrophe and a hyphen, nor how to properly use either. I guess Daniel Day-Lewis is really Daniel Day'Lewis.
#DonaldTrump
104 Likes, 12 Retweets
48) McGuire: "I don't know. I'm unaware. That's private. Executive privilege. That's his personal business. I was not informed. I'll refer you to someone else. I can't give my opinion on that. I hope that helps."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
87 Likes, 20 Retweets
49) Ramos: "How is your Democratic socialism different from what goes on in Venezuela?"
Sanders: "WTF is wrong with you?!?"
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
92 Likes, 13 Retweets
50) If what it takes to impeach Donald Trump is a secret vote in the Senate, I say have at it. Trump will then be out of the Oval Office and voters will see just how cowardly the GOP and its "leaders" are. Win-win as far as I'm concerned.
#ImpeachmentNow
93 Likes, 11 Retweets
51) Children who know how to work an umbrella
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
92 Likes, 9 Retweets
52) The popular vote
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
85 Likes, 14 Retweets
53) An actual call
"Hey, how's it going? How's the weather? So, like I killed a guy last night. I'll send you the video. Anyway, how's your wife? Good?"
A Trumpian transcript of the call:
"Made small talk. Asked about family matters. The end."
#Transcript #Snark
80 Likes, 17 Retweets
54) Trump: "In my great and unmatched wisdom, I have to say, the covfefe is strong in this one, bigly."
#greatandunmatchedwisdom #Snark
82 Likes, 14 Retweets
55) Trebek: "This is the person you want to bang the most."
Trump: "Who is Vlady? I mean, who is Ivanka? I mean, who is my third and favorite third beautiful wife, Melanie?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
79 Likes, 14 Retweets
56) If Trump & Pompeo mugged someone...
"Did you read the victim's statement?"
Pompeo: "Are you stupid? I've been f*cking busy!"
"What happened to your knuckles? They're all bloody."
"Birthmark"
"Why's the victim's name tattooed on your face?"
"Fake tattoo!"
#Pompeo #Snark
70 Likes, 18 Retweets
57) Harris: "Trump may talk big, but you know guys who always gotta talk big and talk about how big they are...have really small penises. I'm just sayin'. I'm just sayin'."
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
72 Likes, 15 Retweets
58) Any one of these ten candidates could not speak and still sound smarter than Trump.
#DemDebate
75 Likes, 10 Retweets
58) Harris: "Listen to me for a second, Donald... Now you can go back to watching Fox News."
Trump: "How does she know that? You see? Obama tapped my wires. This is proof, bigly!"
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
76 Likes, 9 Retweets
60) Words, the best words he can't accurately spell nor pronounce
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
77 Likes, 6 Retweets
61) Booker: "No! I'd like to translate that in Spanish: No!"
Trump: "Wait, what did he say? I don't speak Spanish..."
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
71 Likes, 11 Retweets
62) Trebek: "This is the capital of New Hampshire."
Trump: "What is covfefe?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
73 Likes, 8 Retweets
63) GOP: "Mr. McGuire, thank you for your service. You were in the navy for almost four decades. You're brilliant, strong, quite possibly the greatest person in history, other than Jesus, of course. Is that correct? No further questions."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
66 Likes, 8 Retweets
63) Trump: "Did you know the oran, orang, oranges of the word 'great and unmatched wisdom' was from me? It's true. Goo-Goo it."
#greatandunmatchedwisdom #Snark
66 Likes, 8 Retweets
65) Winners from "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
64 Likes, 7 Retweets
66) If Booker becomes the Democratic nominee, his campaign slogan will inevitably be, "Vote Booker 2020, Because Dagnabbit, Why Not?!?"
#DemDebate
62 Likes, 6 Retweets
67) Ladies and gentlemen, I have obtained an official, unredacted copy of the whistleblower complaint. Here it is...
#ImpeachmentNow #WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
54 Likes, 6 Retweets
68) Trebek: "This is the place or point where something begins."
Trump: "What is an oranges?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
55 Likes, 4 Retweets
68) The fact that First and Second Corinthians aren't nearly as good as Two Corinthians
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
56 Likes, 3 Retweets
70) Trebek: "This president has been responsible for all the bad things throughout American history."
Trump: "What is Obama? Who is Obama? What or who are Obama? Just Obama? One of those. Pick one, Alex."
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
49 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) GOP: "We are sorry our Democratic colleagues have accused you of crimes they didn't accuse you of. Nothing is worse than a person accusing you of something when they're not accusing you at all. With that, we yield our time."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
40 Likes, 10 Retweets
72) 90-year-old women who aren't 10s
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
45 Likes, 4 Retweets
73) Trebek: "This is the largest moose in North America."
Trump: "What is anomamoose, amonamoose, amonanomamoose?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
42 Likes, 6 Retweets
74) Stephanopoulos: "Okay, so I'm not trying to spark any fights here or anything, but Senator Klobuchar, who is the craziest person up on stage here tonight?"
#DemDebate
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
75) Trebek: "This is who you said was Melania's child together."
Trump: "I'd like to use all of my lifelines, Alex."
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
41 Likes, 1 Retweet
76) Whenever a Democratic candidate speaks Spanish...
Trump: [Confused look GIF]
#DemDebate
39 Likes, 2 Retweets
77) People who actually know what they're talking about
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
37 Likes, 1 Retweet
78) Incest laws
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
30 Likes, 4 Retweets
78) When meteorologists on The Weather Channel don't use a Sharpie
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
33 Likes, 1 Retweet
80) Yang: "I'm Asian, so I know a lot of doctors."
Trump: "Not my doctor - the best doctor in the world. Just look at him."
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
81) Legal immigrant wives
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
24 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) When Pinocchio tries showing him up by continually extending his nose
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
24 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) Stephanopoulos: "I'm being told there are more than three candidates on the stage tonight. Is that true? Raise your hand if you think that's true."
#DemDebate
25 Likes, 2 Retweets
84) When Vladimir Putin plays hard-to-get
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
26 Likes, 0 Retweets
85) Dem candidates: "HBCUs"
Trump: "Seriously?!? I won! Bingo!!!"
#DemDebate #Snark
22 Likes, 1 Retweet
86) Honesty, loyalty, history, fidelity
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
21 Likes, 1 Retweet
87) Morals and laws
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
20 Likes, 0 Retweets
88) Golfers who can find the hole
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
17 Likes, 0 Retweets
89) Facts, logic, and common sense
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
16 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Trump: "Putin-s hamberders are the best, be very best. There so good, I covfefe believe it. You know whom else is good? Catherine Zeta'Jones. I wander if she-s ever done that http://Ancestry.com thing and what her oranges are like, bigly."
#HyphenGate #Snark
14 Likes, 1 Retweet
90) Trying to figure out what LGBT stands for... His current theory is "Loving Great Blue Trucks."
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Carly Fiorina's face, I mean, persona - https://nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/carly-fiorina-responds-after-donald-trump-insults-her-looks-n424801
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
93) Spell-check
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
93) Whenever his son Eric beats him at Trivial Pursuit
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
14 Likes, 0 Retweets
95) Books, math, really any kind of word or number
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
96) Whenever he got his $1 million allowance taken from him due to misbehavior
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
97) Non-alternative reality
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
98) Booger: "Washington... 0-2, down 28-0. I don't think they're real happy right now."
Genius!
#MondayNightFootball
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
98) Booger: "I've been waiting to hear his name (Myles Garrett)."
Eh, you're the announcer here, buddy...
#MondayNightFootball
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 20,500 Likes, 4,391 Retweets (Averages of 207.1 Likes, 44.4 Retweets)
1) The only 2020 Trump landslide will be this one. [GIF of a fat man sliding down a slide on land]
#Trump2020LandslideVictory
3,000 Likes, 393 Retweets
2) At the pace he's going, I'm predicting Donald Trump's head explodes at some point while speaking/tweeting today. My money's on 7:11 pm EST.
#TrumpPressConference #TrumpMeltdown
1,500 Likes, 313 Retweets
3) Trump: "Some people say what Schiff did was treason."
Some people = One person (the moron in the White House)
#TrumpPressConference
1,400 Likes, 313 Retweets
4) "If a whistleblower is credible, should there be an investigation into his or her claim?"
McGuire: "Yes"
"Is this whistleblower credible?"
McGuire: "Yes"
"So there should then be an investigation, right?"
McGuire: "No"
#WhistleblowerComplaint
772 Likes, 280 Retweets
5) Trump: "Ask the guy over here a question. Ask the President of Finland a question. You're being rude."
Reporter asks a question.
Trump: "Let me answer this for the gentleman to my right. You're stupid, corrupt, and rude, bigly!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
776 Likes, 258 Retweets
6) Civil War: Fought over a disagreement on slavery.
#CivilWar2: Trump wants it to be fought over a disagreement on whether or not he can be an above-the-law dictator.
The former was about moving the country forward. The latter is about saving one person's rotten, felonious ass.
749 Likes, 196 Retweets
7) One acts like a teenager, constantly mocking others, bullying them, thinking they know more than they do, yet are ignorant about the world around them. The other is 16-year-old Greta Thunberg.
#GretaThunbergOutdidTrump #GretaThunberg
715 Likes, 164 Retweets
8) For as awful as his Civil War threat may be, it also showcases how frightened #DonaldTrump is. His con is coming to an end and he knows it. He's: a coward, traitor, narcissist, lunatic, an ignoramus, and it's high past time Reps and Dems came together to remove him from office.
598 Likes, 162 Retweets
9) Trump: "Adam Schiff lied. That's treason. Just once. Just lying once is treason. Period. I've only lied 12,000 times. That's like nothing. It's like those Flonase commercials tell us, '1 is greater than 12,000.' That's basic math, folks, basic math."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
568 Likes, 160 Retweets
10) Can you imagine if it were a black man who mistook a white woman cop's apartment as his own and shot and killed her? He'd already be in the chair...
#AmberGuyger
502 Likes, 122 Retweets
11) Trump: "It's a witch-hunt! The spies who gave the whistleblower information should be killed for treason!"
Wait, so if you're referring to them as spies, are you basically saying their reported information is accurate? Who's guilty of treason again?
#WhistleblowerHearing
482 Likes, 125 Retweets
12) Over the past week, Donald Trump has threatened:
- The whistleblower
- Staff
- Media outlets
- Adam Schiff
- The country
The "man" is a menace to society and needs to be impeached and locked up before he does any more damage, "bigly."
#DonaldTrump #CivilWar #ImpeachmentNow
388 Likes, 162 Retweets
13) "Why should the American people not be troubled by a president asking a foreign country to dig dirt on a rival?"
Trump: "Hoax. Witch-hunt. Benghazi. 7-11 attacks. OJ did it. Hillary's emails. Obama's birth certificate. Caravans. Minivans. Period. Any questions?"
#TrumpPresser
438 Likes, 97 Retweets
14) Trump: "Shifty Schiff made up words, made up what I said. Treason!"
Psst, here's what preceded Schiff's quote of yours: "In not so many words, this is the essence of what the President communicates."
#TrumpResign
398 Likes, 113 Retweets
15) MAGAt Math: Ten counts of obstruction + Colluding with a foreign nation to influence our elections = Winning!
I see The Donald isn't the only one concocting Sharpie revisions...
#Trump2020LandslideVictory
439 Likes, 49 Retweets
16) President of Finland: :: in the middle of an answer ::
Trump: "People in Finland are so nice. You're all nice over there."
Donald Trump, making compliments rude again. Congratulations.
#TrumpPressConference
370 Likes, 77 Retweets
17) McGuire: "I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm only an acting director. What does this job even consist of? I don't know. Seriously, I'm asking you, who am I and what do I do? I do do all my own stunts, though, so that's something, right?"
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
316 Likes, 70 Retweets
18) The #TrumpMeltdown today was the worst since... [GIF of Alex Jones crying uncontrollably]
311 Likes, 73 Retweets
"It's alleged the president admitted in a phone call that he shot and killed someone on 5th Avenue. Is that correct?"
19) McGuire: "That's the president's personal business. I don't have an opinion on whether or not it should be investigated."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
287 Likes, 84 Retweets
20) What is with Trump referring to his phone call with the Ukrainian President as perfect? My dog is better schooled in English than he is. I can guarantee he's never engaged in a "perfect" conversation of any stripe.
#Whistleblower #TraitorTrump
288 Likes, 47 Retweets
21) He worked with a foreign adversary to undermine our election. He's tried to ban people based on their religion. He's wanted to silence the media. He threatened an ally if they didn't aid him in an election. Now he's threatening a Civil War. He is anti-American. #ImpeachmentNow
232 Likes, 74 Retweets
22) Trump: "I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize."
More like the Piece of Sh*t Prize...
#NobelPeacePrize
246 Likes, 46 Retweets
23) #Newt: "We led a legitimate impeachment over a president lying once to the American public!"
So then what's the punishment for a president who lies over 12,000 times to the American public?
#ImpeachmentNow #Snark
198 Likes, 73 Retweets
24) When a flag files a restraining order against him
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
227 Likes, 31 Retweets
25) MAGAts: Those who claim to want to make America great again, yet do so while defending a president who wants to undermine said country's "democracy."
#Trump2020LandslideVictory
212 Likes, 32 Retweets
26) Trump: "I like whistleblowers, but only when they're real. This whistleblower is faker than my wife, Melanie. Just sayin'. I'm just sayin', folks. I love you, baby."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
162 Likes, 33 Retweets
27) Trump: "Look, you can't argue with my great and unmatched wisdom. I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me. Which is why I'm going to destroy ISIS and then make them strong again."
#greatandunmatchedwisdom #Snark
153 Likes, 36 Retweets
28) Anyone defending Trump by saying he was joking is only kidding themselves. Drumpf doesn't joke. He doesn't know what a joke is.
Dad joke: "What rhymes with 'boo' and stinks? You!"
Donald joke: "I know a guy who rhymes words, lots of words, and smells funny."
#Impeachment #Snark
154 Likes, 31 Retweets
29) "Did you have sexual relations with that woman?"
Clinton: "What is 'is?'"
GOP: "Impeach him!"
Trump: "Yeah, I asked for foreign interference in a US election."
Dems: "Impeach him!"
GOP: "Hold on a minute. What is 'I asked for foreign interference in a US election?'"
#Impeachment
125 Likes, 53 Retweets
30) Over the past few hours
- An ad is aired which displays AOC's face burning
- A Republican state representative tweets a death threat to Beto
- Trump forgets the last name of his vice president
Here is the Republican Party of 2019, folks. #VoteBlue2020
116 Likes, 54 Retweets
31) "Amber Guyger broke down in tears on the stand." Really? You know who can no longer break down in tears? Botham Jean, the man she f*cking shot and killed in his own home.
#AmberGuyger
140 Likes, 28 Retweets
32) Wind advisories
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
145 Likes, 21 Retweets
32) FAKE POLL!!! SAD!!!
#ImpeachTrump
148 Likes, 18 Retweets
34) When younger, smarter, more attractive leaders make out with his favorite third wife right in front of him
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
135 Likes, 25 Retweets
35) McGuire: "No one, I repeat, no one is above the law! Period! More like exclamation point! Three of them!!!"
"Except the president?"
McGuire: "Well, obviously..."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
127 Likes, 27 Retweets
36) Trebek: "This is the most popular item sold at Burger King."
Trump: "What is hamberders?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
139 Likes, 12 Retweets
37) 1) Trump is a projectionist.
2) Trump suggested Schiff should be arrested for treason.
3) This means Trump should be arrested for treason.
#TreasonousTrump
121 Likes, 27 Retweets
38) Modern-day GOP thinking
Headline: "Republican Ted Bundy killed 30+ women"
GOP: "Wait, so how did they find out about this? Who leaked it? Hmm... That's troubling, like bigly."
#Whistleblowers
108 Likes, 35 Retweets
39) Then
Trump: "Democrats are so divisive!"
Now
Trump: "Civil War!!!"
#DonaldTrump #CivilWar
103 Likes, 39 Retweets
40) How much do you want to bet, in the redacted version of the whistleblower complaint, there will be a drawing of Alabama in Sharpie?
#WhistleblowerComplaint
123 Likes, 18 Retweets
41) McGuire: "That's an allegation."
"Trump basically admitted it. Did you hear that?"
McGuire: "Allegedly"
"Which part?"
McGuire: "Both, one, or neither"
"Which is it?"
McGuire: "Which is what?"
"Did you hear what Trump said?"
McGuire: "When?"
"Ugh!"
#WhistleblowerComplaint
110 Likes, 25 Retweets
42) Proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
113 Likes, 17 Retweets
43) It's pretty rich for Trump to refer to Congressional Democrats as #DONOTHINGDEMS, as all he seems to do is tweet that post and many others throughout the course of the day.
110 Likes, 17 Retweets
44) Trump: "When Obama said he'd be better able to negotiate with Russia after his election, that's the same exact thing as me saying I'd provide military funding to Ukraine in exchange for them interfering in an election. Same thing. Poh-teh-toe. Pizza."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
108 Likes, 15 Retweets
45) Dear Senator Patsy Graham:
I wasn't there when it happened, but I trust my sources who told me you once referred to Donald Trump as a "race-baiting, xenophobic bigot." Just sayin'.
#LindseyGraham #Whistleblower
97 Likes, 25 Retweets
46) "Officer, I was scared for my life. After I broke an entering, he came at me with a spoon and ice cream, I thought it was a gun, so I had to stand my ground. Yes, in another's home. Yes, he was unarmed."
...and the award for worst defense goes to...
#AmberGuyger #Snark
96 Likes, 20 Retweets
46) Isn't it sad that when I saw "discribing" trending, I knew it was a Trump tweet typo? I also see he doesn't know the difference between an apostrophe and a hyphen, nor how to properly use either. I guess Daniel Day-Lewis is really Daniel Day'Lewis.
#DonaldTrump
104 Likes, 12 Retweets
48) McGuire: "I don't know. I'm unaware. That's private. Executive privilege. That's his personal business. I was not informed. I'll refer you to someone else. I can't give my opinion on that. I hope that helps."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
87 Likes, 20 Retweets
49) Ramos: "How is your Democratic socialism different from what goes on in Venezuela?"
Sanders: "WTF is wrong with you?!?"
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
92 Likes, 13 Retweets
50) If what it takes to impeach Donald Trump is a secret vote in the Senate, I say have at it. Trump will then be out of the Oval Office and voters will see just how cowardly the GOP and its "leaders" are. Win-win as far as I'm concerned.
#ImpeachmentNow
93 Likes, 11 Retweets
51) Children who know how to work an umbrella
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
92 Likes, 9 Retweets
52) The popular vote
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
85 Likes, 14 Retweets
53) An actual call
"Hey, how's it going? How's the weather? So, like I killed a guy last night. I'll send you the video. Anyway, how's your wife? Good?"
A Trumpian transcript of the call:
"Made small talk. Asked about family matters. The end."
#Transcript #Snark
80 Likes, 17 Retweets
54) Trump: "In my great and unmatched wisdom, I have to say, the covfefe is strong in this one, bigly."
#greatandunmatchedwisdom #Snark
82 Likes, 14 Retweets
55) Trebek: "This is the person you want to bang the most."
Trump: "Who is Vlady? I mean, who is Ivanka? I mean, who is my third and favorite third beautiful wife, Melanie?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
79 Likes, 14 Retweets
56) If Trump & Pompeo mugged someone...
"Did you read the victim's statement?"
Pompeo: "Are you stupid? I've been f*cking busy!"
"What happened to your knuckles? They're all bloody."
"Birthmark"
"Why's the victim's name tattooed on your face?"
"Fake tattoo!"
#Pompeo #Snark
70 Likes, 18 Retweets
57) Harris: "Trump may talk big, but you know guys who always gotta talk big and talk about how big they are...have really small penises. I'm just sayin'. I'm just sayin'."
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
72 Likes, 15 Retweets
58) Any one of these ten candidates could not speak and still sound smarter than Trump.
#DemDebate
75 Likes, 10 Retweets
58) Harris: "Listen to me for a second, Donald... Now you can go back to watching Fox News."
Trump: "How does she know that? You see? Obama tapped my wires. This is proof, bigly!"
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
76 Likes, 9 Retweets
60) Words, the best words he can't accurately spell nor pronounce
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
77 Likes, 6 Retweets
61) Booker: "No! I'd like to translate that in Spanish: No!"
Trump: "Wait, what did he say? I don't speak Spanish..."
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
71 Likes, 11 Retweets
62) Trebek: "This is the capital of New Hampshire."
Trump: "What is covfefe?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
73 Likes, 8 Retweets
63) GOP: "Mr. McGuire, thank you for your service. You were in the navy for almost four decades. You're brilliant, strong, quite possibly the greatest person in history, other than Jesus, of course. Is that correct? No further questions."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
66 Likes, 8 Retweets
63) Trump: "Did you know the oran, orang, oranges of the word 'great and unmatched wisdom' was from me? It's true. Goo-Goo it."
#greatandunmatchedwisdom #Snark
66 Likes, 8 Retweets
65) Winners from "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
64 Likes, 7 Retweets
66) If Booker becomes the Democratic nominee, his campaign slogan will inevitably be, "Vote Booker 2020, Because Dagnabbit, Why Not?!?"
#DemDebate
62 Likes, 6 Retweets
67) Ladies and gentlemen, I have obtained an official, unredacted copy of the whistleblower complaint. Here it is...
#ImpeachmentNow #WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
54 Likes, 6 Retweets
68) Trebek: "This is the place or point where something begins."
Trump: "What is an oranges?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
55 Likes, 4 Retweets
68) The fact that First and Second Corinthians aren't nearly as good as Two Corinthians
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
56 Likes, 3 Retweets
70) Trebek: "This president has been responsible for all the bad things throughout American history."
Trump: "What is Obama? Who is Obama? What or who are Obama? Just Obama? One of those. Pick one, Alex."
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
49 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) GOP: "We are sorry our Democratic colleagues have accused you of crimes they didn't accuse you of. Nothing is worse than a person accusing you of something when they're not accusing you at all. With that, we yield our time."
#WhistleblowerComplaint #Snark
40 Likes, 10 Retweets
72) 90-year-old women who aren't 10s
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
45 Likes, 4 Retweets
73) Trebek: "This is the largest moose in North America."
Trump: "What is anomamoose, amonamoose, amonanomamoose?"
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
42 Likes, 6 Retweets
74) Stephanopoulos: "Okay, so I'm not trying to spark any fights here or anything, but Senator Klobuchar, who is the craziest person up on stage here tonight?"
#DemDebate
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
75) Trebek: "This is who you said was Melania's child together."
Trump: "I'd like to use all of my lifelines, Alex."
#TrumpJeopardyAnswers
41 Likes, 1 Retweet
76) Whenever a Democratic candidate speaks Spanish...
Trump: [Confused look GIF]
#DemDebate
39 Likes, 2 Retweets
77) People who actually know what they're talking about
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
37 Likes, 1 Retweet
78) Incest laws
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
30 Likes, 4 Retweets
78) When meteorologists on The Weather Channel don't use a Sharpie
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
33 Likes, 1 Retweet
80) Yang: "I'm Asian, so I know a lot of doctors."
Trump: "Not my doctor - the best doctor in the world. Just look at him."
#DemocraticDebate #Snark
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
81) Legal immigrant wives
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
24 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) When Pinocchio tries showing him up by continually extending his nose
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
24 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) Stephanopoulos: "I'm being told there are more than three candidates on the stage tonight. Is that true? Raise your hand if you think that's true."
#DemDebate
25 Likes, 2 Retweets
84) When Vladimir Putin plays hard-to-get
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
26 Likes, 0 Retweets
85) Dem candidates: "HBCUs"
Trump: "Seriously?!? I won! Bingo!!!"
#DemDebate #Snark
22 Likes, 1 Retweet
86) Honesty, loyalty, history, fidelity
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
21 Likes, 1 Retweet
87) Morals and laws
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
20 Likes, 0 Retweets
88) Golfers who can find the hole
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
17 Likes, 0 Retweets
89) Facts, logic, and common sense
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
16 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Trump: "Putin-s hamberders are the best, be very best. There so good, I covfefe believe it. You know whom else is good? Catherine Zeta'Jones. I wander if she-s ever done that http://Ancestry.com thing and what her oranges are like, bigly."
#HyphenGate #Snark
14 Likes, 1 Retweet
90) Trying to figure out what LGBT stands for... His current theory is "Loving Great Blue Trucks."
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
90) Carly Fiorina's face, I mean, persona - https://nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/carly-fiorina-responds-after-donald-trump-insults-her-looks-n424801
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
15 Likes, 0 Retweets
93) Spell-check
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
93) Whenever his son Eric beats him at Trivial Pursuit
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
14 Likes, 0 Retweets
95) Books, math, really any kind of word or number
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
96) Whenever he got his $1 million allowance taken from him due to misbehavior
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
97) Non-alternative reality
#DonaldTrumpsPetPeeves
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
98) Booger: "Washington... 0-2, down 28-0. I don't think they're real happy right now."
Genius!
#MondayNightFootball
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
98) Booger: "I've been waiting to hear his name (Myles Garrett)."
Eh, you're the announcer here, buddy...
#MondayNightFootball
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 20,500 Likes, 4,391 Retweets (Averages of 207.1 Likes, 44.4 Retweets)
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