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What I learned in Week 4 of the NFL season

In Week 4 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Cleveland Browns tailback Nick Chubb's role model is obviously Forrest Gump: "I just started running!"

- ...refs know consistency like Pope Francis knows herpes.

- ..., due to how hard they're getting beat, Washington may want to change their nickname to the BlackAndBlueSkins.

- ..., no matter what object you look at, it could probably have played better defense than anyone on the LA Rams or Tampa Bay Buccaneers this past weekend. That paper airplane you see to your right? Yeah, that could have too.

- ...Cam Newton is suffering from a condition known as pussyfoot.

- ...the only thing more dangerous than Dr. Claw eyeing the nuclear button is the Chicago Bears defense.

- ...replays are as kind to the Detroit Lions as lightning is kind to Spectrum customers.

- ..., when asked about the new P.I.-challenge rule, Yoda reportedly said, "No f*cking idea, what pass interference is anymore, I have. Yes, hrrmmm."

- ..., after the season, it seems all but inevitable several NFL players will star in a porn, entitled, Hurdling Until Your Helmet Meets My Junk.

- ...the National Suicide Hotline number is now 1-800-BNGLSFN.

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