Skip to main content

What I learned in Week 5 of the NFL season...

In Week 5 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the Miami Dolphins really do look better on bye weeks.

- ...the Cincinnati Bengals are rumored to be writing the book, "101 Ways to Lose a Football Game."

- ..., after winning their game in London, Oakland head coach Jon Gruden is starting a petition to rename next year's team to the Las Vegas Bloody Wankers.

- ..., due to his brother getting fired by Washington, Little Chucky (Jon Gruden) is officially praying for Former Redskin Chucky.

- ...Baker Mayfield stares down his receivers like a drunk man nicknamed Creepy Craigsy stares down Sofia Vergara if she were a waitress at Hooters.

- ...the Atlanta Falcons give up touchdowns in their sleep. Seriously, the entire team has been diagnosed with noctasuckism.

- ..., given his lack of knowledge on just about everything, it's now being assumed "Monday Night Football" announcer Booger McFarland will soon replace Betsy DeVos as the Secretary of Education.

- ..., Christian McCaffrey will soon be the God of a cult, where he'll sacrifice his body throughout the week, only to score three days later. This day will be known as Good Sunday.

- ...Nick Bosa apparently eats Brownies for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack.

- ..., when picking NFL games this year, experts recommend the eeny-meeny-miny-moe method.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...

Trump's Lie Tally at the CNN Debate

1) "We had the greatest economy in the history of our country. We had never done so well. Every – everybody was amazed by it. Other countries were copying us." 2) "But the thing we never got the credit for, and we should have, is getting us out of that COVID mess." 3) "The only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants and bounceback jobs; they’re bounced back from the COVID." 4) "Not going to drive them higher. It’s just going to cause countries that have been ripping us off for years, like China and many others, in all fairness to China – it’s going to just force them to pay us a lot of money, reduce our deficit tremendously, and give us a lot of power for other things." (tariffs) 5) "He also said he inherited 9 percent inflation." 6) "No, he inherited almost no inflation and it stayed that way for 14 months. And then it blew up under his leadership, because they spent money like a bunch of people that didn’t know what t...