Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 82: "Nothing Plain About Savannah" is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 82: Nothing Plain About Savannah

Premiere Date: 10/21/20

Length: 8:10 (1,126 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/nothing-plain-about-savannah/

Transcript: 

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 82, entitled, “Nothing Plain About Savannah.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

 

Savannah Guthrie moderated a Trump town hall last Thursday on NBC and she received quite the reviews. Several journalists praised her performance, going so far as to declare she had just given America the interview it had been seeking for 4 years. Fox News decried Guthrie for being nasty, mean, and unfair, contending no journalist would ever treat Biden in such a manner. Then, of course, Saturday Night Live portrayed Guthrie literally wrestling with Trump, kicking his ass in the process. So, what did actually happen? Allow me to show you. Here it is – a reenactment of last week’s Trump town hall.

 

Guthrie: “Good evening and welcome to the first town hall of this election season with President and Republican nominee Donald Trump. Welcome, sir.”

 

Trump: “For what?”

 

Guthrie: “Welcome.”

 

Trump: “Yeah, I heard that. For what? I never said thank you. The only person I say thank you to is me and you’re not me; I can tell you that right now.”

 

Guthrie: “Thank you for being here.”

 

Trump: “Welcome.”

 

Guthrie: “So, tonight I will start with a few questions of my own and then proceed to members of the audience. Let’s begin. You’ve publicly stated that you feel your Nazi supporters are good people. These are self-described Nazis. Will you, tonight, in front of the entire world, denounce Adolf Hitler – the man who led Nazis to the genocide of Jews in the Holocaust?”

 

Trump: “Hitler? Never heard of him.”

 

Guthrie: “You’ve never heard of Adolf Hitler?”

 

Trump: “No. What kind of name is that? Adolf? Was he some kind of a dog or something?”

 

Guthrie: “No, I just explained who he was. Hitler. Adolf Hitler. Will you denounce him?”

 

Trump: “I don’t know anything about the guy. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The only thing I know about him is he wrote a book called Mine! Mine! Mine! and I like that.”

 

Guthrie: “I think you mean Mein Kampf.”

 

Trump: “Your what?”

 

Guthrie: “That’s the name of the book.”

 

Trump: “What is?”

 

Guthrie: “Mein Kampf”

 

Trump: “You can’t what?”

 

Guthrie: “Moving on…”

 

Trump: “You can’t do that. That’s not fair. You can’t do that. You can’t just say ‘I can’t’ and then not say what you can’t, you know?”

 

Guthrie: “I can’t believe I signed up for this.”

 

Trump: “See? Was that so hard?”

 

Guthrie: “In a right-wing chat room called ‘We Are All Emus on Planet Xenu,’ it’s being said that your Democratic opponent, Joe Biden, runs an underground gerbil-fighting ring and goes by the name Tiger Shit. Do you believe this to be true?”

 

Trump: “Maybe, but maybe not.”

 

Guthrie: “You’re not sure?”

 

Trump: “Are you?”

 

Guthrie: “I’m pretty sure it’s not true.”

 

Trump: “How can you be sure?”

 

Guthrie: “Common sense”

 

Trump: “That is not one of our one senses. It’s a fake sense, bigly!”

 

Guthrie: “Okay, so one more question from me and then we’ll move onto members of the audience. If a house were burning, what would you do to stop the fire from spreading and limit the damage?”

 

Trump: “Come on, Savannah. You can do better than that. That’s too easy.”

 

Guthrie: “Okay, so what would you do?”

 

Trump: “Add more fire! Duh!”

 

Guthrie: “You would stop a house from burning by burning it some more?”

 

Trump: “It’s like the saying goes, fight burns with burns.”

 

Guthrie: “I don’t think that’s how the saying goes. Anyway, our first question…”

 

Trump: “No, no, let me finish, Savannah. I think it’s only fair you let me make my point. If you ever get a rug burn, I know many doctors who say the only way to get rid of it is by rubbing it on more rugs.”

 

Guthrie: “No doctor would ever say that.”

 

Trump: “That’s like your opinion.”

 

Guthrie: “Agree to disagree?”

 

Trump: “Disagree.”

 

Guthrie: “I disagree with that disagreement.”

 

Trump: “So, then what?”

 

Guthrie: “We agree. Okay, the first question goes to LaKeisha Bobblehead. LaKeisha…”

 

Bobblehead: “You know that’s right.”

 

Trump: “What’s your question?”

 

Bobblehead: “Mm hmm, damn straight!”

 

Guthrie: “Do you have a question for the president?”

 

Bobblehead: “Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh”

 

Guthrie: “Okay, I think we can move onto the next question.”

 

Bobblehead: “Wait, one more thing.”

 

Guthrie: “What’s that?”

 

Bobblehead: “Hell yeah!”

 

Guthrie: “Very well. Our next question comes from Marsha Obrady. Marsha?”

 

Obrady: “How do you make your teeth look so good? Do you floss?”

 

Trump: “I knew somebody was going to ask that question. A gotcha question if I ever heard one. You’d never hear Biden get such a hard question. Next?”

 

Guthrie: “Um, okay, James Canherbeak, do you have a question for the president?”

 

Canherbeak: “Yes, do you happen to know the answer to the equation 7 x 7 / 7 + 7 – 7?”

 

Trump: “176”

 

Guthrie: “For the record, the answer is actually 7.”

 

Trump: “You can’t prove that.”

 

Guthrie: “Actually, I can.”

 

Trump: “With what, numbers?”

 

Guthrie: “Exactly.”

 

Trump: “Such a hoax.”

 

Guthrie: “Math is a hoax?”

 

Trump: “There’s no such thing.”

 

Guthrie: “As math, a hoax, or math being a hoax?”

 

Trump: “Both”

 

Guthrie: “There were three options.”

 

Trump: “Once again, hoax!”

 

Guthrie: “Unbelievable. Okay, moving on. Our next question comes from Pedro. Apparently he doesn’t have a last name. Pedro?”

 

Pedro: “Why is Joe Biden a horrible human person?”

 

Trump: “Because, and this is 100% true, he once said that he hates every single person in this country, especially black people, lesbos, and broads.”

 

Guthrie: “I’m going to have to cut in here and say that’s not true. Vice President Biden never said that.”

 

Trump: “I heard him, with my own two eyes.”

 

Guthrie: “I highly doubt that. We’re running out of time. Let’s just skip ahead to the last question.”

 

Trump: “Such a bitch.”

 

Guthrie: “Excuse me?!?”

 

Trump: “I said I had an itch by my brow, so I call it a bitch. You know, brow itch – bitch?”

 

Guthrie: “Sure, sure. So, our last question goes to David Dennison. David?”

 

Dennison: “Thanks, Savannah. May I just say you’re the handsomest man I’ve ever seen. I, I think I love you. I want to…”

 

Trump: “Cut his mic!”

 

Guthrie: “I thought you were against that.”

 

Trump: “Cut his mic! Cut his mic!”

 

Guthrie: “Fine. His mic has been cut. Actually, we’re thankfully out of time anyway, so it’s probably all for the best. Thanks to President Trump, our audience members, and all of you at home for participating in tonight’s ‘special’ event. I’m Savannah Guthrie. Goodnight.”

 

That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.