Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 83: "Science Is a Chinese Hoax" is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 83: Science Is a Chinese Hoax

Premiere Date: 10/26/20

Length: 5:26 (789 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/science-is-a-chinese-hoax/

Transcript: 

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 83, entitled, “Science is a Chinese Hoax.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

 

At an October 18^th campaign rally in Nevada, Donald Trump said this:

 

“If you vote for Biden, he will surrender your jobs to China. He will surrender your future to the virus. He’s going to lockdown. This guy wants a lockdown. He’ll listen to the scientists. If I listen totally to the scientists, we would right now have a country that would be in a massive depression instead of, we’re like a rocket ship, take a look at the numbers.”

 

There we have it, folks. According to the, I hate to say this, but the president of the United States, it’s a bad thing to heed the advice of scientists on things like, well, you know, science.

 

This is one of the things that drives me craziest about the modern-day Republican Party – they tend to look down on experts in their respective fields. Here are individuals who have dedicated their entire lives to educating themselves in a particular field; successfully transferred that education into a practice; and through all of that, attempted to make the world a better place. Yet they’re often derided by Republicans as being “elitists.” I don’t even get that insult. When an athlete is labeled as elite, eh, yeah, that’s a good thing. So, if someone were to call me “elitist,” I wouldn’t be too heartbroken about it, but I digress.

 

So, here is the latest example of that: “Sleepy Joe would listen to the scientists and yada yada yada.” First off, if Donald Trump had immediately listened to the scientists, we wouldn’t need to be talking about another nationwide lockdown; we wouldn’t have suffered over 230,000 deaths; and we wouldn’t be reporting over 70,000 new cases every day 8 months after the virus’s inception. But, as we all know, that didn’t happen. Donald Trump knew as early as January how dangerous the virus was; he ignored it; he lied to the American people; and look where we are today. Trump talks about the economy booming. Millions of people are still without a job; our unemployment is near 8%; and with cases rising again, it’s going to be incredibly difficult for those numbers to continue in a downward trajectory unless sufficient action is taken with regard to the virus. So, fake president Trump, the only reason a President Joe Biden would need to “totally” listen to the scientists is because you didn’t listen to them at all.

 

On that note, here are other bits of wisdom I expect Donald Trump to utter, with regard to experts, at some point in the future (if he hasn’t already):

 

Neurosurgeon

“Look, if you have one of those little brain tumor thingies, don’t listen to the Nero guy. He’ll just say you might die if you don’t let him do all this fancy stuff to, like, your brain. Listen, I know more about brains than even the brain people do, believe me. So, if you have a brain tumor thingy, just let it happen, let it spread, and then it’ll disappear, like a miracle.”

 

Dentist

“Teeth are like assholes – everyone’s got one. So, I mean, what makes your teeth so special that you need to get them cleaned by people with brushes, drills, and string cheese? If you have brushes, drills, and string cheese at home, you can be your own dentist. …and if you need braces, just put some Swiss cheese in your mouth. There. Done. You’re welcome.”

 

English Professor

“This is the stupidest job in history of the United Shtathes. If I had a hamberder every time one of these smocking covfefes failed to honer the best language ever, I wouldn’t be in as gooda shape as I am now. I mean, it’d be unpresidented My wife, Melanie, agrees. Her educatuon has really paid off, bigly.”

 

Historian

“What historians fail to realize is that history is whatever you make of it. If I say I married Jennifer Lopez two years ago, then that happened, okay? That’s history. Did you know I’ve been president for over 200 years. George Washington? Hoax. That’s history, folks. That’s history.”

 

Gynecologist

“I call these people the Carl Spacklers of the world. I mean, what’s different about them? They just look and fill up holes with sprinklers and bombs, like Bill Murray did in that golf movie, Cats ‘N’ Shacks or whatever. Anyone can do this. The best gyno-whatevers you can find are in backyards attacking moles and gophers. Fact.”

 

That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.