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What I learned in Week 7 of the NFL season

In Week 7 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., after the Denver quarterback's performance against the Cleveland Browns, Weird Al Yankovic will undoubtedly write the parody, "It's Over For Troubled Bridgewater."

- ..., if he continues to neglect his hair, Aaron Rodgers will one day star in the Outdoors Channel show, "The Mullet Makes the Man."

- ..., if Andy Reid attempted to sell the Kansas City Chiefs defense to The Dollar Store, The Dollar Store would adamantly respond, "We wouldn't even take that crap at half-off!"

- ..., if the Atlanta Falcons rookie tight end were to ever delve into politics, his slogan would likely be, "Kyle Pitts Is the Sh*ts."

- ...the Carolina Panthers offense without Christian McCaffrey is like a horror film void of stupid characters who somehow think it's a good idea to play Russian roulette with a fully-loaded firearm. It just doesn't work.

- ...it's now safe to say the New York Jets-Sam Darnold relationship was that of a double-sprayed skunk, for they both stunk.

- ...Davis Mills has finally put to rest the long-standing notion that long necks automatically equal big scores for a group of eleven men, wearing helmets and jerseys, running around on a large field with an oval-shaped ball made of pigskin against eleven other such men.

- ...Justin Fields has joined Urban Meyer in believing leaving Ohio State early was THE biggest mistake of his life.

- ...Jimmy Garoppolo has proven if you can't throw a ball during a Bay-area hurricane, you can't play in the NFL.

- ...the three signs of Byemageddon are: 1) 2/5 fewer mistakes by Scott Hanson on NFL RedZone, 2) starting Jan Brady at quarterback on your fantasy team, and 3) Stephen A. Smith going on ad nauseam about how pathetic it was for the Dallas Cowboys to not come out with a victory during their bye week.

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