Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 200: "Everything Is Bigger in Texas, Including Dumbassery," is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 200: Everything Is Bigger in Texas, Including Dumbassery

Premiere Date: 6/22/2022

Length: 43:59 (6,704 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/everything-is-bigger-in-texas-including-dumbassery/

Transcript: 

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 200, entitled, “Everything Is Bigger in Texas, Including Dumbassery.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

 

The Republican Party of Texas held its state convention in Houston this past weekend, for the first time in four years, and adopted a new 40-page resolution in the process. I decided to take a gander at this resolution to see just how close it came to Mike Judge’s satirical vision in Idiocracy, and with that, to provide my snarkometer with a field day.

 

The resolution starts with a hilariously unintentionally ironic preamble, which I will quote in full:

 

“Affirming our belief in God, we still hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Throughout the world, people dare to dream of freedom and opportunity. The Republican Party of Texas unequivocally defends that dream. We strive to preserve the freedom given to us by God, implemented by our Founding Fathers, and embodied in the Constitution. We recognize that human nature is immutable. We further recognize that the traditional family is the strength of our nation. It is our solemn duty to protect innocent life and develop responsible citizens. We understand that our economic success depends upon free market principles. If we fail to maintain our sovereignty, we risk losing the freedom to live these ideals.”

 

Why is this hilariously unintentionally ironic? Oh, you’ll see… Speaking of which, the hilarious unintentional irony continues with the resolution’s principles, which are:

 

1.     “’The laws of nature and nature’s God,’ and we support the strict adherence to the original language and intent of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitutions of the United States and of Texas.”

2.     “The sanctity of innocent human life, created in the image of God, which should be equally protected from fertilization to natural death.”

3.     “Preserving individual, Texan, and American sovereignty and freedom.”

4.     “Limiting government power to those items enumerated in the United States and Texas Constitutions.”

5.     “Personal accountability and responsibility.”

6.     “Self-sufficient families, founded on the traditional marriage of a natural man and a natural woman.”

7.     “Having an educated population, with parents having the freedom of choice for the education of their children.”

8.     “The inalienable right of all people to defend themselves and their property.”

9.     “A free enterprise society unencumbered by government interference or subsidies.”

10. “Honoring all of those that serve and protect our freedom.”

 

When it comes to Constitutional issues, Texas Republicans claim to believe in keeping an oath to the Constitution and limiting the power of the Supreme Court. The exception to this is of course if a presidential election doesn’t go the way in which they hoped – in that case, they believe state officials should ignore their Constitutional oaths and a Supreme Court of 9 should overrule a country of 330 million. But yeah, Texas Republicans are all about the Constitution – as much as Elvis Presley was about the cougars…

 

Now onto “Citizen Rights…”

 

In the resolution, Texas Republicans say:

 

-        “There should be a single age of majority upon which, when reached, all citizens will be guaranteed their rights, duties, and privileges.”

-        “We support prayer, the Bible, and the Ten Commandments being returned to our schools, courthouses, and other government buildings.”

 

So, let me get this straight – upon reaching a certain age, all persons shall be guaranteed their rights, duties, and privileges, except when it comes to religion? “This is the freest country in the world, but only if you believe in God!” Ooh, sign me up. Next…

 

Let’s move onto “State Sovereignty,” where the resolution reads:

 

“We urge lawmakers to enact legislation to abolish abortion by immediately securing the right to life and equal protection of the laws to all preborn children from the moment of fertilization, because abortion violates the US Constitution by denying such persons the equal protection of the law.”

 

It also says, “We urge lawmakers to enact legislation for: Gun reform, universal healthcare, equal pay for equal work, minimum wage increases, a wealth tax, increased education funding, and maternity/paternity leave.” Naw, I’m just playing. As comedy legend George Carlin once said about the GOP, “If you’re pre-born, you’re fine. If you’re preschool, you’re fucked.”

 

Now we move onto the “Energy and Environment” portion of the resolution.

-        “We oppose all efforts to classify carbon dioxide as a pollutant.”

-        “We oppose environmentalism that obstructs legitimate business interests and private property use, including the regulatory taking of property by government agencies. We oppose the abuse of the Endangered Species Act to confiscate and limit the use of personal property and to infringe on a property owner’s livelihood. We support the defunding of ‘climate justice’ initiatives, the abolition of the Environmental Protection Agency, and repeal of the Endangered Species Act, and we oppose the ‘America the Beautiful’ initiative, also known as the 30 x 30 program.”

 

So, in other words, the GOP is essentially saying, “Fuck the animals; fuck the earth; and fuck your futures, but let’s love, appreciate, and cherish God’s green earth as he created it.”

 

What do Texas Republicans have to say about “Markets and Regulation”? I’m so glad I asked…

 

“We believe that the following businesses should be minimally regulated at all levels.

Federal Laws:

a.     Repeal Minimum Wage Law and Prevailing Wage laws.

b.     Repeal Dodd-Frank.

c.     Repeal Sarbanes-Oxley.

d.     Repeal The Lacey Act.

State Laws:

a.     Eliminate Blue laws.

b.     Eliminate the three-tier alcohol system (production, distribution, and retail).

c.     Allow auto manufacturers to sell directly to consumers.

d.     Business licensing.

e.     Professional licensing.

f.       Purchase of edible products from small farms.

g.     Use of hemp as an agricultural commodity.

Local Municipal Laws:

a.     Minimum wage waws [laws].

b.     Blue laws.

c.     Mandatory sick/family leave.”

 

So, in a nutshell, Texas Republicans’ motto on business is: “Do any work stand or sit, no matter if you’re professionally or educationally fit, as regardless, we’re not gonna pay you shit.”

 

Now onto “Retirement, Savings, Unions”…

 

-        “We support privatization of the Social Security system.”

-        “We also encourage the adoption of a National Right to Work act.”

 

No, they don’t actually explain what privatizing Social Security would entail, nor what a National Right to Work act means. It’s not as good as it sounds. If, as a child, I referred to my allowance as a winning lottery ticket, sure, it’d sound great, but it’d only result in a few bucks every week or two.

 

What caught my eye in the “Transportation” section of the resolution was this:

 

-        “Taxpayer money should not fund or subsidize high speed rail, nor should eminent domain be used in the construction of high speed rail.”

 

How I read that was, “If we Texans want to travel by horse and carriage, goddamnit, we’re gonna travel by horse and carriage!” No offense to my Amish listeners out there…

 

Ooh, we’ve now reached the “COVID Response” portion of the resolution. This should be good…

 

-        “No government entity may require a business, via financial or legal coercion, to act as an enforcement arm of the state, such as the egregious action when local governments required businesses to enforce mask mandates or be fined or closed.”

 

Okay, so it wasn’t as exciting as I had hoped, but it’s still a load of horsecrap. The supposed “pro-life” party here is saying they don’t give a shit about human lives if it in any way compromises business. Apparently they’ve ceased to ask the age-old question, “What would Jesus do?” – that or they simply ask said question and almost always respond with, “Yeah, let’s do the opposite.”

 

Now we’re moving onto “Privacy, Information Freedom, Internet.” Here are a few quotes:

 

-        “We recommend the State Legislature consider modifying existing state law to take into account the implications of doxing that results in harm to one’s person or business, and Swatting, a criminal harassment tactic of deceiving an emergency service into sending a police or emergency response team to another person’s address.”

-        “We oppose efforts to implement net-neutrality on internet service providers.”

-        “We call on our Congressional Delegation to push for reform of Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act to limit the ability of online social media platforms to censor the speech of citizens in the new digital town square, which they currently control. We support Texas legislative efforts such as House Bill 20 that afford Texas residents the power to sue Big Tech companies for targeting and censorship.”

 

Oh, but they were all in favor of doxing when it came to state officials following the law and Constitution with regard to the 2020 presidential election results. So, they claim to oppose doxing, yet oppose censorship – including doxing when it comes to officials who didn’t break the law by siding with Donald Trump on his debunked election conspiracy theories. That makes about as much sense as windmills causing herpes.

 

Onto “Finance”…

 

-        “We support abolishing the following:

a.     Estate tax (commonly known as the Death Tax).

b.     Inventory taxes.

c.     Business franchise taxes.

d.     Taxes on phone and internet services.

e.     Affordable Care Act Home Sales Tax.

-        “We support a flat tax or the replacement of the income tax with a consumption tax that reduces the overall tax burden.”

-        “Freeze public spending on State higher education until waste and administrative costs are reduced.”

 

Yeah, we get it – Texas hates taxes. Tell us something we don’t know…

 

As far as “School Finance and Property Taxation” goes, Texas Republicans say:

 

-        “Any large city or county that cuts its police budget by more than 10 percent should be required to cut its property tax revenue by the same or greater percentage.”

-        “Bonds Create Bondage”

 

You heard it here – Texas Republicans believe that “units of corporate debt issued by companies and securitized as tradeable assets create a sexual practice that involves the tying up or restraining of one partner.”

 

Okay, onto something a bit less kinky – “Opposition to Market-Distorting Tax and Fiscal Subsidies”…

 

-        “We call upon the federal government to stop the following:

a.     Community Reinvestment Act.

b.     Funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

c.     Ownership of or insurance related to Federal National Mortgage Association, Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation, and SLM Corporation.”

-        “We urge the Texas Legislature to abolish the Special Events Trust Fund program, the Texas Enterprise Fund, and the Moving Image Industry Incentive Program.”

-        “Tax dollars should not be used to fund the building of stadiums for professional or semi-professional sports teams.”

 

Okay, so I’m used to hearing about Republicans saying “no taxes in Texas,” but “no sports in Texas”? That’s just nucking futs.

 

Moving onto “Transparency and Oversight”…

 

-        “We support abolishing the Federal Reserve. Until that is accomplished, we support additional accountability and transparency for the Federal Reserve System, including regular performance audits.”

-        “We support adding the following protection to the Texas Bill of Rights: The right of the people to own, hold, and use a mutually agreed upon medium of exchange, including cash, coin, bullion, digital currency, or scrip, when trading and contracting for goods and services shall not be infringed. No government shall prohibit or encumber the ownership or holding of any form or amount of money or other currency. This amendment shall not be construed to restrain the State of Texas from choosing the mediums of exchange it will accept or reject in payments to it.”

 

Texas Republicans now apparently believe the Second Amendment says, “The right to keep and bear arms and bitcoin shall not be infringed!”

 

Now we move onto “Education,” and more specifically, “Parents’ Rights”…

 

-        “We oppose any attempt to regulate homeschooling or the curriculum of private or religious schools.”

-        “We demand the State Legislature pass a law prohibiting the teaching of sex education, sexual health, or sexual choice or identity in any public school in any grade whatsoever, or disseminating or permitting the dissemination by any party of any material regarding the same. All school districts, individual schools, or charter schools are prohibited from contracting with or asking any payment to any third party for material concerning any of the above topics. Until this prohibition goes into effect, sexual education shall only utilize sexual risk avoidance programs and promote abstinence outside of marriage. Before a student may be provided with human sexuality or family planning instruction, the district must obtain the written consent of the student’s parent or guardian [Opt-In status].”

-        “We request that the Texas Legislature pass legislation that requires Texas schools and libraries to filter inappropriate and/or harmful content, such as pornography, for minors. Operators of adult sex entertainment businesses and venues, adult entertainment of any kind, including Drag Queen Story Hour, shall not be part of educational programming in public schools, libraries, or any other taxpayer-funded program for children. We support passage of a law more comprehensive than the Florida law that prohibits instruction in sexual orientation and gender identity in public schools. We advocate for those who violate any of the above to have their educator’s certification revoked and be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law where appropriate.”

-        “Legislators shall prohibit reproductive healthcare services, including counseling, referrals, and distribution of condoms and contraception through public schools. We support parents’ right to choose, without penalty, which medications are administered to their minor children. We support informed consent of parents before any school-based mental health assessments or interventions are performed.”

-        “We urge school administrators and officials not to infringe on Texas school students’ and staffs’ rights to pray and engage in religious speech, individually or in groups, on school property without government interference. We urge the Legislature to end censorship of discussion of religion in our founding documents and encourage discussing those documents, including the Bible as their basis. Students have the right to exhibit religious items on school property.”

 

Sweet dear baby Jebus, that’s a lot to unpack… Okay, so according to the Texas GOP, homeschool teachers are permitted to tell their students the injection of bleach can cure COVID, with the kids dying as a result of this misinformation, but public school teachers can’t inform kids about the potential repercussions of unprotected sex and provide students with protection to better decrease the odds of said repercussions, which would decrease unwanted pregnancies and abortions, even when they feel all abortions should be illegal? Okay then… I also have to wonder what drag shows Texas Republicans have been to in order to equate them with pornography. My guess is their wives caught them watching “Debbie Does Dallas,” and they responded with, “That damn PBS with their damn drag shows! Defund them all!”

 

Sticking with education, but now focusing our attention on “Curriculum,” Texas Republicans say the following:

 

-        “The educational system should focus on imparting essential academic knowledge, understanding why Texas and America are exceptional and have positively contributed to our world, and while doing so, also offer enrichment subjects that bless students’ lives. Curriculum of Instructional Excellence shall include the following:

a. Language arts, with phonics-based reading instruction, spelling, literature, and writing.

b. Civics, which includes passing the US Citizenship and Immigration Services test.

c. Mathematics, which has correct answers and focuses on how to arrive them.

d. Science.

e. Social Studies, including geography, economics, US and World History. Such instruction should focus on American exceptionalism and the benefits of the free-enterprise system and includes instruction on the consistent failures of socialism and communism.”

-        “We support a high school level curriculum (rather than 8^th grade level) for the study of American history (pre-1877) that is heavily weighted toward the study of original founding documents, including the Declaration of Independence, the United States Constitution, the Constitutional Convention, the Federalist Papers, and Founders’ writings.”

-        “We favor strengthening our common American identity, which includes the contribution and assimilation of diverse racial and ethnic groups. We reject Critical Race Theory as a post-Marxist ideology that seeks to undermine the system of law and order itself and to reduce individuals to their group identity alone. We support legislation to remove this ideology from government programs, including education involving race, discrimination, and racial awareness. To facilitate the appreciation of our American identity, the contrast between freedom and the tyrannical history of socialism/communism throughout history must be taught. Students shall pledge allegiance to the United States and Texas flags daily to instill patriotism. Students have the right to display patriotic items on school property. Schools should have the options to display the National Motto ‘In God We Trust.’”

-        “We encourage non-English-speaking students to transition, via best practices, to English within two years, allowing them to quickly assimilate and succeed in American society.”

-        “Texas students should learn about the Humanity of the Preborn Child, including life-affirming definitions of life and the study of life, life begins at fertilization, milestones of fetal development at two-week gestational intervals, use of fetal baby models, witnessing of a live ultrasound, viewing the Miracle of Life type video, and (for high school students) the contents of the Woman’s Right to Know booklet.”

 

In other words, Texas Republicans want to teach a partial history of the United States. They want to pretend it was always the land of equality and equal opportunity. They want to brainwash white kids into thinking that, in spite of the inevitably additional obstacles minorities have to hurdle to achieve any semblance of equality in this country, if they don’t attain said rights, it’s all on them.

 

Also, let’s get something straight here – Critical Race Theory isn’t taught in public schools. It’s taught in pre-law, as a means to study legislation throughout our country’s history, and how said laws have impacted minority demographics much more severely than the majority.

 

I find the concept of “patriotism” to be fascinating, for it’s not a universally agreed upon term. In many respects, it’s subjective. Now, I think most everyone can agree a soldier placing his or her life on the line in war, in an effort to protect us here at home, is patriotic. But, saluting the flag? Placing your hand over your heart in the process? Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance? Singing the national anthem? Wearing clothing which features the U.S. flag? Or just the flag itself? What makes any of these symbols or actions universally patriotic? Why is it deemed patriotic to stand and sing the national anthem, with your hand placed over your heart, but not to silently kneel during said anthem, as a silent protest against police brutality and oppression? Why is it viewed as patriotic to sport flag symbols on or around your body; seen as unpatriotic to burn the flag, even though the U.S. Flag Code specifically states the direct opposite in both cases are true? So, I’m curious to hear these Texas Republicans’ idea of what constitutes as “patriotic items.” Oh, I’m pretty sure I know, but just feel like mind-fucking with them.

 

Lastly, I find it kind of rich (I’ll use this in place of the prohibited “r-word”) that Texas Republicans want to lecture kids on the pre-born, yet prohibit the teaching of how to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and abortion of a pre-born. Psst, if you want fewer abortions of the pre-born, educate on how to prevent them from appearing in the first place. In this case, ignorance isn’t bliss; ignorance is too many unwanted kids.

 

We’ve now moved onto “Governance.” I can only imagine what Texas Republicans have to say about that. Let’s check it out for ourselves.

 

-        “Since education is not an enumerated power of the federal government, we believe the Department of Education should be abolished, and the transfer of any of its functions to any other federal agency should be prohibited.”

-        “We support the passage of a statute, which permits local law enforcement to provide handgun safety and proficiency training for all educators, and allows LTC (License to Carry) holders to carry a concealed firearm on the premises of Pre-K-12 schools for security and protection purposes.”

-        “The official position of the Texas schools shall be that there are only two genders: biological male and biological female. We oppose transgender normalizing curriculum and pronoun use. We hold that biological men shall compete against other biological men and biological women shall compete against other biological women in athletics in the public school system of Texas and at the collegiate level.”

 

Texas really is bass-ackwards. They want to abolish the Department of Education (surprise, surprise); give guns to teachers; and mix up “sex” with “gender.”

 

I’m going to just focus on the middle of the three. Teachers have enough on their plates. They went to school to teach. Their job is to teach. They’re fricking teachers for crying out loud. When asked what their number one reason was on wanting to become a teacher, none of them responded, “Because I want to one day become like fucking Rambo.”

 

Moving onto “Higher Education.” No, I don’t think this has anything to do with toking-and-learning.

 

-        “Fund and Support Western Civilization Instruction, Defund Political Correctness.”

a.     “Like Hillsdale College, we agree that state universities ‘should value the merit of each unique individual, rather than succumbing to the discriminatory trend of so-called social justice and multicultural diversity, which judges individuals not as individuals, but as members of a group which pits one group against other competing groups in divisive power struggles.”

b.     “We oppose any state formula funding or graduation requirements for divisive curricula inconsistent with the above, including Marxist, anti-American, Critical Race Theory, multiculturalism, or diversity-equity-inclusion courses.”

c.     “We oppose using public funds for homosexuality, transgender, or diversity-equity-inclusion centers.”

d.     “Public universities should be required to create a comprehensive program of instruction in Western Civilization, American Institutions, and free-market liberty principles, with centers and funding dedicated to that task.”

e.     “Public universities should be required to comply with the above before tuition or state appropriations are increased.”

-        “We urge the Texas Legislature to recognize the rights of those on college campuses to practice their faith and their right to free speech. We support withdrawal of public funding from any college or university within this state that actively or passively discriminates or permits discrimination against the free speech of either students or guest speakers. Student groups shall have the unfettered right to elect their leaders, choose their members, and set their organization’s mission, purpose, and standard of conduct.”

-        “We support abolishing the system of tenure in academia and advocate replacing it with a merit-based system for teacher retention.”

-        “All persons have the right of conscience and should be protected under Texas law if they conscientiously object to participate in practices that conflict with their moral or religious beliefs. This includes, but is not limited to, abortion, including any requirement for a medical resident or physician to perform an elective abortion on an Opt Out basis instead of an Opt In basis, the prescription for and dispensing of drugs with abortifacient potential, human cloning, embryonic stem cell research, eugenic screenings, genetic engineering, euthanasia, assisted suicide, harmful futile procedures, vaccines, and the withdrawal of nutrition and hydration.”

 

So, in other words, when it comes to higher education, the Texas GOP’s motto is this: “Let’s pretend for a moment every person in this great nation is treated like a rich, straight, white, Christian male, and if, in spite of all the evidence which may run contrary to this position, you have a problem with it, tough shit.”

 

Let’s now move onto “Health and Human Services,” or more specifically, “Mental Health.”

 

-        “We support parents’ right to choose or reject, with prior written informed consent and without penalty, each medication and mental health assessment or survey administered to their children.”

 

Translation: “So, even though we claim to be pro-life, if your child will die by not taking a recommended medication prescribed by a professional doctor, but said medication goes against your religious beliefs, you have every right to kill your child.”

 

Now we’re moving onto “Government-funded Health Programs.” Oh, I’m sure Texas Republicans are all “gun-ho” about them. Let’s check and see.

 

-        “We support the abolition of all federal welfare programs, as they are not an appropriate role of the federal government. Until such time, welfare reform should encourage partnerships with faith-based institutions, community, and business organizations to assist individuals in need. We encourage welfare reform in the following areas:

a.     Denying benefits to individuals who cannot prove citizenship.

b.     Reforming welfare programs to require recipients to work, learn, and train to move toward self-sufficiency.

c.     Reforming welfare programs to require recipients to remain substance-abuse free in exchange for temporary benefits not exceeding two years.

d.     Requiring all welfare recipients to submit to random drug testing in order to receive benefits.

e.     Requiring that money provided through the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) be used only for nutritious foods consistent with those included under the WIC program, and be released only with a photo ID of the approved user.

f.       Implementing a non-monetary-based assistance program for providing supplemental food benefits.

g.     Removing prisoners from welfare rolls.”

-        “We call for stronger and more stringent reviews of disability claims to ensure that assistance is provided only to those truly in need.”

-        “We support Medicaid block grants to the states and returning Medicaid to its original purpose to be a temporary assistance program. We oppose any further expansion of Medicaid.”

-        “We demand the immediate repeal of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, which we believe to be unconstitutional.”

-        “We call on the Texas Legislature to support Home and Community-Based Services (HCBS) as a pro-life alternative, and as an alternative for children and adults with disabilities.”

 

So, in Texas, if you’re a veteran who’s hobbled by PTSD, Texas Republicans’ answer for you is to just pray. How patriotic.

 

Now onto “Homosexuality and Gender Issues.” Yes, this should be a dandy. Okay, Texas GOPers, what’s your stance on these matters? Come on, surprise us…

 

-        “Homosexuality is an abnormal lifestyle choice. We believe there should be no granting of special legal entitlements or creation of special status for homosexual behavior, regardless of state of origin, and we oppose any criminal or civil penalties against those who oppose homosexuality out of faith, conviction, or belief in traditional values. No one should be granted special legal status based on their LGBTQ+ identification.”

-        “We oppose all efforts to validate transgender identity. For the purpose of attempting to affirm a person age 21 or under if their perception is inconsistent with their biological sex, no medical practitioner or provider may engage in the following practices:

a.     Intervene in any way to prevent natural progression of puberty.

b.     Administer or provide opposite sex hormones.

c.     Perform any surgery on healthy body parts of the underage person.”

-        “We oppose the use of taxpayer funds for any type of medical gender dysphoria treatments or sex change operations and/or treatments. This includes but is not limited to military personnel as well as inmates in federal, state, or local prisons or jails. Inmates must be housed according to their biological sex. No Federal, state, insurance, or probate monies may be allocated for the use of such treatment.”

-        “Therapists, psychologists, and counselors licensed with the State of Texas shall not be forbidden or penalized by any licensing board for practicing Reintegrative Therapy or other counseling methods when counseling clients of any age with gender dysphoria or unwanted same-sex attraction.”

 

Okay, so if you want to change who you are in order to conform with what Texas Republicans view as “normal,” said GOPers will be behind you all the way. However, if you want to alter your identity to what the Texas GOP brands as “abnormal,” that’s not going to fly with them. Yes, I’m noticing some inconsistencies too. But at least Texas Republicans aren’t shying away from their homophobia. Most closeted homophobes I know will say they don’t approve of homosexuals’ “lifestyle,” alluding that their sexuality is a choice, without just coming right out and saying it. Here, Texas Republicans come out and come out hard with their homophobia, as they refer to homosexuality as an “abnormal lifestyle choice.” In my opinion, obsessing over someone’s sexuality seems like an abnormal lifestyle choice, but who am I to judge? Next.

 

“Substance Abuse & Addiction”…

 

-        “We oppose legalization and decriminalization of illicit natural and/or illegal synthetic drugs, and we support the exercise of a zero-tolerance policy with maximum penalty for illegal drug manufacturers and distributors. We also oppose any needle exchange programs. Faith-based rehabilitation programs should be considered as a part of an overall rehabilitation program.”

 

Yes, because locking up non-violent offenders; overcrowding our prisons; and releasing violent offenders due to the overcrowding of our prisons has worked so well previously. I’ll trust a heroin addict being rehabilitated outside of prison more than I’d ever trust a Texas Republican recovering from his addiction to bullshit.

 

Up next is “Healthcare Independence.” With regard to it, Texas Republicans say:

-        “We call for an addition to the Texas Bill of Rights that explicitly states that Texans have the natural, inalienable right to refuse vaccination or other medical treatment. Therefore, the following are expressly forbidden even in an emergency or in a pandemic:

a.     Since informed consent is a basic human right, any attempt to mandate, force, or coerce any medical test, procedure, or product, including vaccines or masks.

b.     Our personal healthcare decisions are private; any attempt to use a citizen’s perceived health, infection recovery, or vaccination status as a condition to maintain or obtain housing or employment or employee benefits, attend school or childcare, or access state services.

c.     Any school, public or private, or any health care provider withholding from a parent or legal guardian information that is relevant to the physical or mental health of the minor, to include information related to a minor’s perception that his or her gender or sex is inconsistent with his or her biological sex.

d.     Any mandates by public, private, government, or medical entities for treatment, vaccination, vaccine passports, mask requirements, health insurance surcharges, or use of controlled substances of any kind.

e.     Any voluntary isolation or quarantine of anyone not experiencing an active contagious infection.

f.       Any withholding of the risks and benefits of a proposed intervention, including quantifiable adverse effects, that must be equally communicated and accessible to the patient or to a minor patient’s parents or guardian.

g.     Any prevention or visitation to the ill when risks are acknowledged and mitigated according to patient and visitor choice.

h.     Any Nuremberg Code violations-including but not limited to the requirement that use of experimental use medications must provide full knowledgeable consent and be free from any form of coercion or inducement.

i.       Any tracing of individuals by cell phones or another means for any reason without an individual court issued warrant. We ask that the Contact Tracing Program, Workforce and Center Programs agreement be rescinded.

j.       Any requirement that a nurse practitioner can only provide healthcare to Texans under a delegation agreement with a physician in the State of Texas.

k.     Any holding of an individual against their will (or that of their parent or guardian) in a hospital or residential care facility, or preventing an individual from changing their healthcare provider.”

 

In other words, if an individual’s choice affects them and no one else, Texas Republicans believe everyone should be informed. However, if said person’s choice affects them and potentially the lives of others, then the Texas GOP thinks that should be kept hush-hush.

 

“Oh, you’re gay? Yeah, we’re going to need to notify your parents.”

 

“So, you have a severe case of COVID? We won’t tell if you won’t. Now go out and kiss some people!”

 

When it comes to “Environmental Health,” here’s all Texas Republicans have to say in their resolution:

 

-        “We support the immediate implementation of the Toxic Exposure Research Act of 2015, which will ensure that the federal government will establish a database on all exposed veterans and their families.”

 

Okay, but what if these veterans seek welfare as a result of the exposure? Didn’t think that one through, did you? Next…

 

“Parental Rights”…

 

-        “We support the fundamental constitutional rights of parents to raise and educate their children, including their rights to direct the care, custody, control, upbringing, moral and religious training, and medical care of their children. Local, state, or federal laws, regulations, or policies that limit parental rights in the rearing of both biological and adopted children shall not be enacted. Parents have the God-given right and responsibility to direct and guide their children’s care and moral upbringing.”

 

Texas Republicans have an interesting perspective on rights. Before a child is born, he or she is afforded all rights, while the mother bearing the child has little to no rights. After the child is born, though, the tables are turned, as the parents possess all rights, and the child possesses none. This makes me wonder what they think of Jesus. Does this then mean “the Virgin Mary” was the benevolent one in the relationship until a certain age? If so, that negates the possibility of Jesus ever being benevolent, and thereby removing the possibility that he’s the savior. Wow, Texas Republicans unintentionally proved the Jesus-savior theory to be a hoax. Is your mind as blown as mine is right now?!? Okay, so moving on…

 

“Life-Affirming Health Care Concepts”? Texas GOP, what say you?

 

There’s some overlap with a few of these talking points, so I’ll bypass those and move onto new quotes, such as:

 

-        “We support legislation such as the Preborn Non-Discrimination Act (Pre-NDA) to close existing discriminatory loopholes that fail to protect preborn children suspected of having a ‘fetal anomaly’ or disability, and we support legislation to enact anti-discriminatory language to apply additional protections to preborn children at risk of being aborted because of their sex, race, disability, or age of gestation, in addition to providing families with information about life-affirming social and medical services available to them in Texas, such as perinatal palliative care.”

-        “We support completely eliminating complete elimination of public funding for, or contracts with, Planned Parenthood and any other abortion providers and all their affiliates. We oppose their digital or physical presence in our schools and other public institutions, as well as the expansion of their facilities in our neighborhoods. We call for a state law prohibiting governmental contracts with abortion providers and their affiliates.”

 

Once again, Texas Republicans are adamantly opposed to any form of discrimination pre-birth, but not so much post-birth. So, for 9 months of the roughly 80 years the average person has in life, the Texas GOP fights for your rights.

 

It’s quite something that Planned Parenthood has become the abortion bogeyman to the GOP. In actuality, just 3% of the procedures performed at these facilities are abortions – which means approximately 97% of their procedures attempt to prevent disease, unwanted pregnancies, and abortions. If the GOP fought for measures which statistically decrease the likelihood of unwanted pregnancies and abortions, that 3% could decrease to 0%, but I digress, or as the Texas GOP would behave, “regress.”

 

We’ve now reached the “Criminal and Civil Justice” portion of the resolution, “Family Law” more specifically.

 

Well, actually, and this is a first, I don’t see anything eye-grabbing enough in this section to mention. So let us now move onto “Law Enforcement.” I’m confident there will be a few attention-grabbers here.

 

-        “We express our gratitude and appreciation for police officers, firefighters, and other first responders. We support them in the exercise of their duties. To that end, we support proper funding for robust training programs that provide them with intensive and comprehensive physical and academic training in the classroom and on the ground. We also support funding of proper mental health care and encouragement for officers.”

 

Oh, I’ve just been handed breaking news. Apparently this wasn’t the first draft Texas Republicans wrote. The first draft added the words, “Exception: When domestic terrorists are attacking our nation’s Capitol in an effort to patriotically hijack the Constitution.”

 

We now move onto “Courts, Prosecutions, Restitution.”

 

-        “We support rule of law and enforcement of laws which maintain an ordered republic. We call for independent prosecutorial authority to prosecute crimes that maintain order (such as sedition, riot, official oppression, election integrity, etc.) to be delegated to a statewide officer such as the Attorney General. We oppose the December 2021 opinion of the Court of Criminal Appeals in State vs. Stephens, which was judicial activism, and encourage the Court to reconsider this ill-advised opinion. We call on the Legislature to ensure that election crimes will be promptly prosecuted, even in counties with progressive district attorneys.”

 

I hate to sound like a broken record here, but how can Texas Republicans support the rule of law, as well as order, and stand by Donald Trump? That’d be like chanting “Abstinence! Cleanliness! No sex!,” all while partaking in an event called “Orgy for Officers.”

 

Up next is “Rights and Protections”…

 

-        “We urge the complete repeal of the hate crime laws, since ample laws are currently in effect to punish criminal behavior towards other persons.”

-        “We believe religious institutions have the freedom to recognize and perform only those marriages that are consistent with their doctrine.”

-        “We support prohibiting fines or imprisonment of business owners for operating their business during pandemics and calls for the legislature to pass these protections into law.”

 

Wait, but don’t Texas Republicans essentially believe abortion is a crime, and that laws should be passed to prohibit what they term “discriminatory abortion”? So, aren’t they basically saying hate-crime laws should be passed for the preborn? Yeah, that’s what I thought…

 

Also, “marriages consistent with their doctrine”? What, so suddenly they want to legalize polygamy and mandating rape victims marry their rapists? Actually, I sadly wouldn’t put that past them…

 

The 2022 Texas Republicans’ resolution ends with these two, sure, I’ll be generous and call them points:

 

1.     “We believe that the 2020 election violated Article 1 and 2 of the US Constitution, that various secretaries of state illegally circumvented their state legislatures in conducting their elections in multiple ways, including by allowing ballots to be received after November 3, 2020. We believe that substantial election fraud in key metropolitan areas significantly affected the results in five key states in favor of Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. We reject the certified results of the 2020 Presidential election, and we hold that acting President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. was not legitimately elected by the people of the United States. We strongly urge all Republicans to work to ensure election integrity and to show up to vote in November of 2022, bring your family and friends, volunteer for your local Republicans, and overwhelm any possible fraud.”

 

2.     “Whereas those under 21 are most likely to be victims of violent crime and thus most likely to need to defend themselves. Whereas ‘red flag laws’ violate one’s right to due process and are a pre-crime punishment of people not adjudicated guilty. Whereas waiting periods on gun purchases harm those who need to acquire the means of self defense in emergencies such as riots. Whereas all gun control is a violation of the Second Amendment and our God given rights. We reject the so called ‘bipartisan gun agreement’, and we rebuke Senators John Cornyn (R-Texas), Thom Tillis (R-N.C.), Roy Blunt (R-Mo.), Bill Cassidy (R-La.), Susan Collins (R-Maine), Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), Rob Portman (R-Ohio), Mitt Romney (R-Utah) and Pat Toomey (R-Pa.).”

 

So, in other words, Texas Republicans only believe in the freedoms of those who agree with them. They only agree with the democratic process when the results coincide with whom they supported. They don’t believe in order and the rule of law. They simply believe in finding ways to skirt the rule of law to get what they want. Texas Republicans, just like their supposed leader Donald Trump, are nothing but frauds. Bigly.

 

That’s it for today’s episode. Until next time, you can find me on Podbean, Amazon, Twitter, Facebook, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty, with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.