This is how I picture a phone conversation between Donald Trump and RFK, Jr.
Trump: "Hello?"
Jr.: "Did you hear that?"
Trump: "Hear what?"
Jr.: "That voice. It was almost like it was speaking to me."
Trump: "That was me."
Jr.: "Who is this?"
Trump: "You called me."
Jr.: "What do I call you? I don't even know who you are."
Trump: "Donald Trump"
Jr.: "Oh, yeah, I've been meaning to call you."
Trump: "You just did."
Jr.: "When?"
Trump: "Just now"
Jr.: "But we've been on the phone for a couple of minutes."
Trump: "Okay, so a couple of minutes ago."
Jr.: "A couple of minutes ago what?"
Trump: "You called me."
Jr.: "Who are you again?"
Trump: "Donald Trump"
Jr.: "THE Donald Trump?"
Trump: "That's the one. I am he/him or whatever."
Jr.: "I thought you hated pronouns."
Trump: "I do."
Jr.: "Then what's with the he/him?"
Trump: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Jr.: "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about an endorsement."
Trump: "That would be fantastic, just unbelievable."
Jr.: "First, though, I need to know a couple of things."
Trump: "Shoot"
Jr.: "What are your thoughts on vaccines?"
Trump: "Probably the biggest accomplishment of my presidency. I created them with my own bare hands to fight the Jiiina Virus. Amazing, amazing stuff."
Jr.: "Yeah, we may have a problem."
Trump: "What? What problem? I don't have any problems. Look at me. I am quite the specimen, if I do say so myself."
Jr.: "You just did."
Trump: "That's what I'm saying. So what's the problem?"
Jr.: "Vaccines are on the verge of destroying the universe."
Trump: "I find that hard to believe."
Jr.: "It's true." :: texts Trump a meme, which just says, "Vaccines destroying the universe" ::
Trump: "Wow, that's some pretty serious stuff, very serious."
Jr.: "That's what I mean. I don't think I can endorse you if you champion vaccines, whether you made them or not."
Trump: "I hate vaccines. Vaccines are stupid. You can't spell 'vaccine' without 'stupid.' That's a fact. Goggle it."
Jr.: "Thank you. I've been saying that for as long as I can remember."
Trump: "How long is that?"
Jr.: "What day is this?"
Trump: "Saturday, I think"
Jr.: "Then it was earlier today."
Trump: "You've got a good memory. I wish I could remember that well."
Jr.: "Oh, you can. Three words: Heroin."
Trump: "I'll have to look into that. Wait, does that involve needles?"
Jr.: "Yes"
Trump: "So you got the jab?"
Jr.: "You could say that."
Trump: "I just did."
Jr.: "Touche"
Trump: "Two-what? What is that, Russian?"
Jr.: "Si"
Trump: "I don't know what you're talking about right now, but I need to end this. Do I have your endorsement or not?"
Jr.: "Oui, oui"
Trump: "Whatever. I do need to go to the bathroom, though, so thanks for the reminder."
Jr.: "ou'reyay elcomeway"
Trump: "You're weird."
Jr.: "You too, my good man. It's truly an honor to endorse you."
Trump: "Finally! Was that so hard?"
Jr.: "There's that voice again. Where is it coming from?"
Trump: "I hear it too. I better go before they get any more information from us."
Jr.: "Don't talk. Don't say another word. Just hang up."
Trump: "That's good thinking."
Jr.: "But you're talking."
Trump: "So are you"
Jr.: "No, I'm not. I'm not talking. Nobody is talking."
Trump: "I'm not talking either."
Jr.: "So who is talking?"
Trump: "I don't know."
Trump/Jr.: "Ahhhhhhhhh!!!" :: they simultaneously hang up ::
#TrumpIsALaughingStock #VoteBlue
I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
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