As I've mentioned before, I've joined a number of social networking sites and writers' communities in recent days and weeks to help spread word about my writing and in particular, my books. It's been a mixed bag thus far, but I've been fairly pleased overall. Up till yesterday morning, I had received just one negative review. It was with regard to a comedic excerpt from my most recent book(s), entitled "Girlfriend Application". It had been read by many people and everyone whom commented on it gave it glowing reviews, most of the reviewers being women. Even a 75-80-year old woman (she may actually be older than that) laughed pretty hard when reading the excerpt. BUT, one woman called me an a*shole and that the excerpt made me come across as an a*shole, rude and obnoxious. Yet, she said she didn't like it as much as she thought she did, which would thereby mean she liked it to a certain extent, right? I don't know. ::shrugs::. In any case, that was the only negative review I had received until yesterday.
I received two very nasty reviews yesterday of a poem I wrote recently, entitled "The Invisible Man". First, let me share the poem.
The Invisible Man
To thou whom I speak,
To thou whom I pray,
To thou whom I listen,
Every minute of every day,
When I rise in the morning,
Go to sleep at night,
I know you’re with me,
My guiding light,
I look to you for answers,
Look to you for love,
To look after my children,
Look after myself,
With me when I drive to work,
When I return home,
With me at every waking moment,
With me until I’m gone,
One day I will rise to be with you,
See my family and friends,
Be rewarded for my everlasting faith,
Be forever saved,
I’ve never seen your face,
Nor heard your voice,
Yet I adamantly declare,
To know of your presence,
I don’t believe in ghosts,
Yet hold no doubts of your existence,
Having never seen either,
Absent of any evidence,
The invisible man is coming,
Believe in him or else,
He will strike ye down to the fiery pit,
A ghost sending you to hell.
Let it be known for the record that I'm an agnostic. I have absolutely no qualms with people whom firmly believe in an organized religion and also have no problem with those whom don't believe. It's their right to believe as they so wish. I, however, don't believe there is enough evidence either way to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that there is or is not a higher power. Again, that's just my belief. It doesn't make me accurate on the matter or inaccurate even. But, as I respect others and their religious beliefs, I'd like to hope that others can hold that same respect for mine.
This poem was meant to illustrate the difficulties of a religious person showing such certitude in a entity with blind faith. I also tried to showcase the contradictions in philosophy of such people. Not all, of course, contradict one another in such matters, but many I know do and the character in this story fit such a mold.
I attempted to do this by slowly building up the notion that this individual was 100% certain of this higher power's existence and whose life and purpose in life seemed fully dependent upon the notion that this being was alive and well and would reward him/her with an afterlife in paradise. I then delved into the fact that this being could not be sensed in any manner. He/She could not be seen, heard, smelled, touched. I then brought about the idea that this faithful believer didn't believe in ghosts, another such "being" that couldn't be sensed in any manner. I attempted to blur the line between one invisible man (God) and another (a ghost), before closing the poem by saying a ghost would be punishing all whom didn't believe in him/her. The ghost was meant to symbolize the fact that like it, a higher power cannot be sensed and in a way, one is interchangeable with the other and that line attempted to show contradiction in this person's beliefs and many others like him/her.
The poem merely attempted to provoke thought. I can't prove there is no God. I can't prove there is a God. I attempted to illustrate this in the writing. I wasn't declaring that all should believe in God and I wasn't saying the opposite either. I was simply trying to look at the concept of blind faith and put a spin on it in order to provoke thought in the reader.
Okay, now that I've shared the poem and given my thorough explanation of it, here are the two comments I received yesterday:
"Sanctimonious, preachy, and unsophisticated. I have no problem with Christians and their beliefs, but this could not be taken seriously by anyone. It is barely literature, it is just another semi-literate Southerner preaching his Christian beliefs, and even going so far as threatening non-believers with being "(struck) down to the fiery pit/A ghost sending you to hell." And I find the fact that you would call this "poem" "The Invisible Man" more offensive than anything, as it sullies the name of the great author Ralph Ellison, who wrote a story that was groundbreaking, and meant something. This is merely the regurgitated sentiments of preachers expressed in extremely poor form, with no concern whatsoever to meter or rhythm. It lacks content and eloquence. Poetry does not need to contain rhyming. Few quality poems do. I am not making an attack on you or your beliefs, you are entitled to have them, however I deem this a poor quality piece of literature."
For the record, this was a 16-year old boy who wrote the critique. First off, I am not from the South. Secondly, I am not a Christian. Third, I was not threatening to send non-believers to hell. Fourth, it wasn't preachy. Fifth, this poem did not share my religious beliefs. Need I continue? A 16-year old boy completely misinterpreted my poem and seemed to do quite a bit of preaching himself. In all honesty, his critique made me laugh. It's quite humorous for an agnostic to hear (read in this case) that he's been preaching his Christian beliefs. I'd like to think the title of the poem, "The Invisible Man" would lead some people to believe upon reading it that it is not meant to be interpreted as something a Southern preacher may state on a Sunday morning. I have a gut feeling that this person is an atheist, agnostic or follower of a religion other than Christianity, because it seems as if the poem got under his skin a bit. He focused more on his assumption of my religious beliefs than anything else, which he couldn't have been more wrong about. Okay, next...
"Dude, if you really want to write good christian literature then do it with the teachings and moral principle in mind... not "spreading the word of christ"
Through my multitude of religious studies I can ask you, would Jesus want to convert people to a faith no different than government? or would he want you to teach the world how to become a better person, to live a morally good lifestyle as he taught?
Also, when writing poetry, be vague, be abstract, and try to relate it to a majority by emotions... Admittedly so, I do my own poetry that comes off as rants, but even those relate to people through feelings, not through a group association.
If you really do believe in the word of christ, do good and suggest what's morally right, or even write about the things you question in life, that's a subject in poetry that people will read.
However if you're doing this as a ironic or parody of the christian religion, perhaps you shouldn't be so blunt with the excessive part of their religion, you should try and convey a message, not simply spill flaming hateful phrases to scare people of the religion's excessive culture that surrounds it.
Also, even though this is free verse, some lines clash with others and sum stanzas have no ryhme scheme at all while others do, if you intend to have a rhyme scheme in the beginning, keep one throughout, it doesn't have to be the same one in every stanza, there's just gotta be one if you use one in the first place.
what I'm talking about with sentences clashing, take this stanza for example:
"I look to you for answers,
Look to you for love,
To look after my children,
Look after myself,"
by not keeping a rhyme scheme, you clash lines 4 and 3. kinda tired of going through with the rest of the constructive criticism of this poem, for probably it'll be ignored. But I hope you keep up writing :) just try to be more effective by not being so shallow with your poetry... also, try more structured poetry before you write free verse, it'll help with keeping a flow and your lines clashing."
Again, this guy, an 18-year old young adult, focused more on assuming I was preaching the word of The Bible than anything else, which again, he was wrong about. He went on and on too. They both did.
I later discovered these two individuals didn't just single me out for the attack(s). Who has now become my friend on the site (WritersCafe.org), she fell victim to this too. The author of the second mentioned comment posted a blog about her writing, saying that it didn't constitute as poetry. I had her back and these two gents received plenty of backlash the rest of the afternoon. I (and several others) have since blocked them.
I remember when I was that age, 16-18, thinking I was the coolest thing in the world, that I could do no wrong, that I was invincible. Yeah, I remember that time in my life. What I didn't do was act like I was the God of poetry and tear to shreds a poem of another on a writing set, while completely misinterpreting the poem. I find it to be pretty amazing that this 16- and 18-year old believe they are the greatest poets this world has had to offer. I read through some of their work. The second commenter had some decent material, but was pretty clumsy with his spelling and definitely not as great as he made himself out to be. The first commenter wrote short stories and I really wish they had been shorter. That's all I'll say about that. He may want to stick to getting his driver's license and pursue writing after he's accomplished that.
These two children were pretty funny, though. I love how the first guy tore my alleged religious beliefs to shreds, yet at the very end, said he wasn't attacking me or my religious beliefs. Huh. I wonder how that works... Then the second commenter did likewise, but then said to keep on writing, just to not write such shallow poetry.
It's really funny, because both insinuated (or directly stated) that the poem was unsophisticated, yet the fact they both grossly misinterpreted the poem, shows that the poem was quite a bit more sophisticated than they or their interpretations of it were. They also ignorantly seemed to illustrate the same certitude with regard to what my poem was attempting to convey (which it wasn't) as they believed I displayed with regard to my religious beliefs via the poem (which I wasn't).
Hopefully these two individuals learn how to constructively criticize another's work, as opposed to coming at the individual with an egotistically driven full-on assault. They're only 16 and 18, so I'd like to hope this can be done, but honestly don't see it happening in the near future. Perhaps a similar style attack on their work will be all they need, but it won't be me doing that, as I really have no care or wish to associate with them again.
Moral of the story: Understand someone before attacking them, for if the attacker simply misunderstood the receiver, that person will come across as a complete jerk and should feel that way.
I received two very nasty reviews yesterday of a poem I wrote recently, entitled "The Invisible Man". First, let me share the poem.
The Invisible Man
To thou whom I speak,
To thou whom I pray,
To thou whom I listen,
Every minute of every day,
When I rise in the morning,
Go to sleep at night,
I know you’re with me,
My guiding light,
I look to you for answers,
Look to you for love,
To look after my children,
Look after myself,
With me when I drive to work,
When I return home,
With me at every waking moment,
With me until I’m gone,
One day I will rise to be with you,
See my family and friends,
Be rewarded for my everlasting faith,
Be forever saved,
I’ve never seen your face,
Nor heard your voice,
Yet I adamantly declare,
To know of your presence,
I don’t believe in ghosts,
Yet hold no doubts of your existence,
Having never seen either,
Absent of any evidence,
The invisible man is coming,
Believe in him or else,
He will strike ye down to the fiery pit,
A ghost sending you to hell.
Let it be known for the record that I'm an agnostic. I have absolutely no qualms with people whom firmly believe in an organized religion and also have no problem with those whom don't believe. It's their right to believe as they so wish. I, however, don't believe there is enough evidence either way to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that there is or is not a higher power. Again, that's just my belief. It doesn't make me accurate on the matter or inaccurate even. But, as I respect others and their religious beliefs, I'd like to hope that others can hold that same respect for mine.
This poem was meant to illustrate the difficulties of a religious person showing such certitude in a entity with blind faith. I also tried to showcase the contradictions in philosophy of such people. Not all, of course, contradict one another in such matters, but many I know do and the character in this story fit such a mold.
I attempted to do this by slowly building up the notion that this individual was 100% certain of this higher power's existence and whose life and purpose in life seemed fully dependent upon the notion that this being was alive and well and would reward him/her with an afterlife in paradise. I then delved into the fact that this being could not be sensed in any manner. He/She could not be seen, heard, smelled, touched. I then brought about the idea that this faithful believer didn't believe in ghosts, another such "being" that couldn't be sensed in any manner. I attempted to blur the line between one invisible man (God) and another (a ghost), before closing the poem by saying a ghost would be punishing all whom didn't believe in him/her. The ghost was meant to symbolize the fact that like it, a higher power cannot be sensed and in a way, one is interchangeable with the other and that line attempted to show contradiction in this person's beliefs and many others like him/her.
The poem merely attempted to provoke thought. I can't prove there is no God. I can't prove there is a God. I attempted to illustrate this in the writing. I wasn't declaring that all should believe in God and I wasn't saying the opposite either. I was simply trying to look at the concept of blind faith and put a spin on it in order to provoke thought in the reader.
Okay, now that I've shared the poem and given my thorough explanation of it, here are the two comments I received yesterday:
"Sanctimonious, preachy, and unsophisticated. I have no problem with Christians and their beliefs, but this could not be taken seriously by anyone. It is barely literature, it is just another semi-literate Southerner preaching his Christian beliefs, and even going so far as threatening non-believers with being "(struck) down to the fiery pit/A ghost sending you to hell." And I find the fact that you would call this "poem" "The Invisible Man" more offensive than anything, as it sullies the name of the great author Ralph Ellison, who wrote a story that was groundbreaking, and meant something. This is merely the regurgitated sentiments of preachers expressed in extremely poor form, with no concern whatsoever to meter or rhythm. It lacks content and eloquence. Poetry does not need to contain rhyming. Few quality poems do. I am not making an attack on you or your beliefs, you are entitled to have them, however I deem this a poor quality piece of literature."
For the record, this was a 16-year old boy who wrote the critique. First off, I am not from the South. Secondly, I am not a Christian. Third, I was not threatening to send non-believers to hell. Fourth, it wasn't preachy. Fifth, this poem did not share my religious beliefs. Need I continue? A 16-year old boy completely misinterpreted my poem and seemed to do quite a bit of preaching himself. In all honesty, his critique made me laugh. It's quite humorous for an agnostic to hear (read in this case) that he's been preaching his Christian beliefs. I'd like to think the title of the poem, "The Invisible Man" would lead some people to believe upon reading it that it is not meant to be interpreted as something a Southern preacher may state on a Sunday morning. I have a gut feeling that this person is an atheist, agnostic or follower of a religion other than Christianity, because it seems as if the poem got under his skin a bit. He focused more on his assumption of my religious beliefs than anything else, which he couldn't have been more wrong about. Okay, next...
"Dude, if you really want to write good christian literature then do it with the teachings and moral principle in mind... not "spreading the word of christ"
Through my multitude of religious studies I can ask you, would Jesus want to convert people to a faith no different than government? or would he want you to teach the world how to become a better person, to live a morally good lifestyle as he taught?
Also, when writing poetry, be vague, be abstract, and try to relate it to a majority by emotions... Admittedly so, I do my own poetry that comes off as rants, but even those relate to people through feelings, not through a group association.
If you really do believe in the word of christ, do good and suggest what's morally right, or even write about the things you question in life, that's a subject in poetry that people will read.
However if you're doing this as a ironic or parody of the christian religion, perhaps you shouldn't be so blunt with the excessive part of their religion, you should try and convey a message, not simply spill flaming hateful phrases to scare people of the religion's excessive culture that surrounds it.
Also, even though this is free verse, some lines clash with others and sum stanzas have no ryhme scheme at all while others do, if you intend to have a rhyme scheme in the beginning, keep one throughout, it doesn't have to be the same one in every stanza, there's just gotta be one if you use one in the first place.
what I'm talking about with sentences clashing, take this stanza for example:
"I look to you for answers,
Look to you for love,
To look after my children,
Look after myself,"
by not keeping a rhyme scheme, you clash lines 4 and 3. kinda tired of going through with the rest of the constructive criticism of this poem, for probably it'll be ignored. But I hope you keep up writing :) just try to be more effective by not being so shallow with your poetry... also, try more structured poetry before you write free verse, it'll help with keeping a flow and your lines clashing."
Again, this guy, an 18-year old young adult, focused more on assuming I was preaching the word of The Bible than anything else, which again, he was wrong about. He went on and on too. They both did.
I later discovered these two individuals didn't just single me out for the attack(s). Who has now become my friend on the site (WritersCafe.org), she fell victim to this too. The author of the second mentioned comment posted a blog about her writing, saying that it didn't constitute as poetry. I had her back and these two gents received plenty of backlash the rest of the afternoon. I (and several others) have since blocked them.
I remember when I was that age, 16-18, thinking I was the coolest thing in the world, that I could do no wrong, that I was invincible. Yeah, I remember that time in my life. What I didn't do was act like I was the God of poetry and tear to shreds a poem of another on a writing set, while completely misinterpreting the poem. I find it to be pretty amazing that this 16- and 18-year old believe they are the greatest poets this world has had to offer. I read through some of their work. The second commenter had some decent material, but was pretty clumsy with his spelling and definitely not as great as he made himself out to be. The first commenter wrote short stories and I really wish they had been shorter. That's all I'll say about that. He may want to stick to getting his driver's license and pursue writing after he's accomplished that.
These two children were pretty funny, though. I love how the first guy tore my alleged religious beliefs to shreds, yet at the very end, said he wasn't attacking me or my religious beliefs. Huh. I wonder how that works... Then the second commenter did likewise, but then said to keep on writing, just to not write such shallow poetry.
It's really funny, because both insinuated (or directly stated) that the poem was unsophisticated, yet the fact they both grossly misinterpreted the poem, shows that the poem was quite a bit more sophisticated than they or their interpretations of it were. They also ignorantly seemed to illustrate the same certitude with regard to what my poem was attempting to convey (which it wasn't) as they believed I displayed with regard to my religious beliefs via the poem (which I wasn't).
Hopefully these two individuals learn how to constructively criticize another's work, as opposed to coming at the individual with an egotistically driven full-on assault. They're only 16 and 18, so I'd like to hope this can be done, but honestly don't see it happening in the near future. Perhaps a similar style attack on their work will be all they need, but it won't be me doing that, as I really have no care or wish to associate with them again.
Moral of the story: Understand someone before attacking them, for if the attacker simply misunderstood the receiver, that person will come across as a complete jerk and should feel that way.
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