The Number: Is there such a thing as too many sexual partners? Is it wrong for a person to judge another based on this number in any way? What does that number and/or judgment say? Is there a double-standard regarding the number and the gender to which it's applied? Why are some people bothered by the number? Does the number equate to if a person is "good" or "bad"?
So, I saw a question posted on a site not long ago which read, "If a girl/guy sleeps with 100 guys/girls, does that make her/him a bad person?" I then read some people's responses. Most of them said that no, it wouldn't necessarily make the person "bad," but that's when the agreement(s) came to an end. A few mentioned how gross it was and that these people had some serious personal problems to deal with. Others said they'd never date someone who had so many sexual partners. Those responses were in the minority, though. Most people took offense to the question(s). Many women said the double-standard was ridiculous - as when men sleep with many women, they're seen as studs and when a woman sleeps with many guys, she's seen as a slut. Some people said that experience is a good thing and shouldn't be looked down upon. Some said that those who were being judgmental of people who slept with more than 100 guys/gals were the ones with the problems and were just jealous that they couldn't get any. ...and yes, some admitted to having slept with more than 100 people or knowing another who had slept with more than that number.
I found it kind of funny that the most outspoken commentators were on the side that "100" isn't a big deal. I think this could very well have to do with denial, projection and self-convincing. Deep down, they know it's not necessarily right to sleep with so many people, yet if they repeat that it's alright to do such a thing time and time again and they receive positive feedback from at least one person, that will be all the justification they need. It'd be like if a person were addicted to smoking. His/Her doctors told this person if they didn't quit, there could be awful consequences. They could be shown hundreds of studies linking smoking to cancer. Yet if/when they read that one study which states there isn't a 100% link between the habit and cancer, he/she will then be convinced, "You see? I knew this wasn't the problem" and they can go back to living in their own illusion.
People can do as they so choose, but I too can choose what kind of person I want to date and perhaps spend the rest of my life with. Is it judgmental for me to not want to be with a woman who has slept with 100 guys? Is that immoral of me? Am I being close-minded? Am I merely jealous? No to all of the questions. I've been very particular throughout my life when it comes to sexual partners, because sex means something very sacred and special to me. Men and/or women don't have to think that way. That's their choice. However, if I'm talking to a woman whom claims to have slept with 100+ guys, it will illustrate to me that "sex" has a very different meaning to the two of us and I'd immediately lose interest in her as anything greater than a friend. It'd be like this for other things as well. I could get along with a woman very well, but if she confesses that she has a problem with cocaine, I'm going to lose interest in her as far as a potential dating prospect goes. I'm not saying she's a bad person, just that she's not my type as far as long-term relationships go. She's not what I'm looking for in that area of my life.
Now, I do think there is often times a double-standard with regard to the two genders when it comes to sex (sleeping around). However, in my mind, I don't treat the two sexes to this double-standard. Whether the person be male or female, if he/she sleeps around with 100+ people, I'll have the same thoughts/feelings with regard to them. I'm not going to high-five my male buddy if he confesses this to me. I'll ask, "Seriously? I hate to say this, but have you gotten tested?" I'd say the same thing to a female friend. If I were a woman and I discovered a guy I had taken a liking to had slept with over 100 women, I'd be completely turned off by that fact and my romantic interests would all but vanish right on the spot.
Don't we have a right to be picky? If a person is very serious about finding a long-term partner, shouldn't we be choosy? This is the person we'll be spending the rest of our lives with, isn't it? The person we fall asleep and wake up next to, the person we make love to, the person we raise our kids with, the person we go shopping with, the person we go out on dates with, the person who hopefully completes us as we do them and share a strong mutual love with one another. If a person is a male, then no offense, but I'm not going to be interested since I'm not gay. If a woman uses drugs, I'm not going to be interested. If she's slept with 100 guys, I'm not going to be interested. She may be a great person all-around, may make for a great friend, but as she chose to sleep with 100 guys, I choose not to be #101.
I found it kind of funny that the most outspoken commentators were on the side that "100" isn't a big deal. I think this could very well have to do with denial, projection and self-convincing. Deep down, they know it's not necessarily right to sleep with so many people, yet if they repeat that it's alright to do such a thing time and time again and they receive positive feedback from at least one person, that will be all the justification they need. It'd be like if a person were addicted to smoking. His/Her doctors told this person if they didn't quit, there could be awful consequences. They could be shown hundreds of studies linking smoking to cancer. Yet if/when they read that one study which states there isn't a 100% link between the habit and cancer, he/she will then be convinced, "You see? I knew this wasn't the problem" and they can go back to living in their own illusion.
People can do as they so choose, but I too can choose what kind of person I want to date and perhaps spend the rest of my life with. Is it judgmental for me to not want to be with a woman who has slept with 100 guys? Is that immoral of me? Am I being close-minded? Am I merely jealous? No to all of the questions. I've been very particular throughout my life when it comes to sexual partners, because sex means something very sacred and special to me. Men and/or women don't have to think that way. That's their choice. However, if I'm talking to a woman whom claims to have slept with 100+ guys, it will illustrate to me that "sex" has a very different meaning to the two of us and I'd immediately lose interest in her as anything greater than a friend. It'd be like this for other things as well. I could get along with a woman very well, but if she confesses that she has a problem with cocaine, I'm going to lose interest in her as far as a potential dating prospect goes. I'm not saying she's a bad person, just that she's not my type as far as long-term relationships go. She's not what I'm looking for in that area of my life.
Now, I do think there is often times a double-standard with regard to the two genders when it comes to sex (sleeping around). However, in my mind, I don't treat the two sexes to this double-standard. Whether the person be male or female, if he/she sleeps around with 100+ people, I'll have the same thoughts/feelings with regard to them. I'm not going to high-five my male buddy if he confesses this to me. I'll ask, "Seriously? I hate to say this, but have you gotten tested?" I'd say the same thing to a female friend. If I were a woman and I discovered a guy I had taken a liking to had slept with over 100 women, I'd be completely turned off by that fact and my romantic interests would all but vanish right on the spot.
Don't we have a right to be picky? If a person is very serious about finding a long-term partner, shouldn't we be choosy? This is the person we'll be spending the rest of our lives with, isn't it? The person we fall asleep and wake up next to, the person we make love to, the person we raise our kids with, the person we go shopping with, the person we go out on dates with, the person who hopefully completes us as we do them and share a strong mutual love with one another. If a person is a male, then no offense, but I'm not going to be interested since I'm not gay. If a woman uses drugs, I'm not going to be interested. If she's slept with 100 guys, I'm not going to be interested. She may be a great person all-around, may make for a great friend, but as she chose to sleep with 100 guys, I choose not to be #101.
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