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Seeking Motivation

I remember about four years ago, I looked at myself in the mirror after getting out of the shower and didn't like what I saw. On that day, I told myself I'd change my habits, lose some weight and one day be proud of what I saw in that same mirror. I did that. I lost 20-25 lbs. before becoming seriously ill for almost two years and being unable to work out at all. Fortunately, I stuck to my new lifestyle as far as eating habits and the like went, so I only gained about 5 lbs. in those two years. When I magically got to feeling better in late December of 2010, I found a motivation I had never felt before and went on to lose another 20-25 lbs. for a total weight loss of 45 lbs. It even got to the point where a few people said I was too thin. Then in July of last year, I underwent gall bladder surgery and it took a long time to get to the point where I was comfortable working out again. Unfortunately, I fell back into some of my bad habits during this time and wound up gaining 29 lbs. in the process. I've been better about things over the past month or so and have lost 7 lbs. back, but that's been mainly due to walking my dog a great deal and not eating junk anymore. It's been especially difficult finding motivation to work out consistently again this second go-round. Yeah, I'm 23 lbs. lighter than I was at this point four years ago when I started, but it's amazing how one step on the scale a month or so ago can damage a person's confidence, motivation and sense of accomplishment. I'm trying to find that motivation I felt initially four years ago, even half that I felt at this point last year. I don't even want to lose the other 22 lbs. However, I'm thinking another 5-10 would be nice and then work more on building muscle after that as opposed to losing more weight. I know I can do it. I've done it once already. I'm just going to have to dig deep down and find that inner-strength and focus I know are present, but haven't felt in some time. That shovel's gotta be around here somewhere. I'm going to keep looking until I find it and then go to work...
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