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Sometimes it's tough being a friend

I'm sure most people after a certain age have been through at least one occasion with a friend when they're stuck in not knowing what to do or say to them. It's a difficult situation to be in sometimes. What does a "real" friend do? Does a "real" friend always stand by and support their friend's decision, regardless if they agree with it or not? Does a "real" friend make his or her voice known if they don't agree with said friend's decision? Is it possible to find a middle ground between those two options? It's so difficult, because I don't think there's really a singular right way to go about it.

In the end, it's the other person making the decision. We, as friends, can say as much as we'd like and may very well wind up influencing a friend's final decision, yet in the end, they're the ones with the ultimate say. So is it really worth potentially damaging or losing a friendship by making your voice known, since it won't be your voice with the final say? On the other side, is it really a genuine friendship if there isn't that openness and honesty present, with the freedom to speak what's on one's mind and not worry about potential repercussions?

I've been through this several times. I've always been kind of the shrink in my circles of friends. I've been the person to go to when times are tough, when a person needs advice. I'm kind of that "moral" leader in many of their minds. Even if that's the case, though, it places me in a very difficult situation, because while I may be getting asked for my advice on a sticky situation and I may have a strong opinion on the matter, I don't want it to be me with the final say and I don't want to potentially damage a grand friendship.

Most of these situations involve love/marriage/relationships/dating. I remember a great friend of mine impregnating a woman and feeling pressured into marrying her, because he was working for her father at the time. He referred to it as his "midlife crisis". What was I to say? I thought they were making a mistake, marrying just because of the pregnancy, yet it felt like a no-win situation for me.

A friend of mine had gotten physically abused by her boyfriend and she came to me. I had an even stronger emotional (and verbal) reaction to this than the just before-mentioned story and put her and my friendship on the line to try and protect her health and well-being. She promised to never get back together with him, but did, time and time again. He'd abuse her time and time again and then come crawling back to me for support and guidance.

Friendship can be a very fine line to walk down and I really wish this wasn't the case. I've been confided in with information from people which could ultimately destroy between 5 and 10 marriages/relationships. It probably felt cathartic for these people to finally confess to what they had said and/or done, yet where does it leave me? What if I'm a partial friend to the other person in the relationship? Talk about a no-win situation. Is it truly being a friend by withholding honest information from one person regarding another's dishonesty/disloyalty, while being the direct opposite to the other? Is it being a real friend by coming forth with the information and allowing the two to work things out for themselves, with all the necessary information in front of them? I guess my gut instinct tells me that it's all about honesty. People should be honest with one another in relationships (and outside of them) and if that dishonesty/disloyalty comes back to bite them, then so be it. It's their own fault. Meanwhile, placing a "friend" into that difficult position is a rather selfish act, as all it serves is a cathartic release for themselves, while another possesses a feeling of guilt for possessing such touch and potentially damaging information. In the end, I'd rather be honest with whom I consider to be a friend and potentially lose them than to have a rather phony friendship and withhold my thoughts and feelings on a matter.

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