The Tale of Billy the Kid

Marilyn Milfus: "Billy, why did you take that?"

Billy Milfus: "Because it's mine! All mine!"

Marilyn: "No it's not. It's your father's. Now give it back."

Billy: "Make me!"

Marilyn: "Am I going to have to count to 10? 1...2...3...4...5...6..."

Billy: ::hands over the gun::

Marilyn: "There...that's better. Now apologize to Jerome for threatening to shoot him."

Billy: "No! Never!"

Marilyn: "That's it! Go to your room! When your father gets here..."

Billy: "No! It wasn't my fault! It was my friend, Jess!"

Marilyn: "Where's Jess at now?"

Billy: "He's right here. Can't you see him?"

Marilyn: "No... Is this that invisible friend of yours again, Billy?"

Billy: "He's not invisible. I can see him. He's the most powerful person in the world and forced me to point the gun at Jerome and say some things!"

Marilyn: "We really need to get you a new shrink. These past twelve just haven't been cutting it. ...or perhaps a girlfriend..."

Billy: "Ewww... Come on, mom. You know I think girls are gross!"

Marilyn: "Are you gay, my son? It's okay if..."

Billy: "No! That's the worst sin ever!"

Marilyn: "Worse than murder?"

Billy: "Yup. It says so in The Bible!"

Marilyn: "Where at exactly?"

Billy: "I don't know, but it's there... ...and Jess told me Jerome was gay, so that's why I threatened him, I mean why Jess forced me to threaten him."

Marilyn: "Jerome, is this true?"

Jerome Gspot: "No, ma'am. I only do it with chicks and think you're pretty hot."

Marilyn: "That's nice, sweetie. You see, Billy? He's not gay."

Billy: "Okay, but he's still a liberal, baby-killing, terrorist-sympathizing, hippie-like, socialist, Marxist, commie!"

Marilyn: "Is this true, Jerome?"

Jerome: "No. I don't even know what half those words mean."

Marilyn: "I don't think Billy does either."

Billy: "Yes I do! It's why I, I mean Jess made me point a gun at Jerome!"

Marilyn: "I thought it was because Jess told you Jerome was gay..."

Billy: "Yeah, but no, but..."

Marilyn: "You're not making any sense, Billy. Perhaps you should take a nap before you head out tonight to debate for that Republican Senate seat."

Billy: "Alright, fine..."

Marilyn: "I'll be sure to wake you up in plenty of time so that you can go and get ready. Also, while you're sleeping, I'll bring you back a McDonald's chicken nugget Happy Meal. I know how you've been collecting those little Teletubbies' figures. How does that sound?"

Billy: "Sounds great, mom! Thanks."

Marilyn: "Yeah, I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to the debate tonight. I'll be campaigning myself for a Democratic seat in the House. You certainly take after your father with your politics. Anyway, I'm really sorry I won't be able to go, so I thought the least I could do is provide my baby with a Happy Meal. Now go to sleep..."

Billy: "Okay. Goodnight, mom."

Marilyn: "Goodnight, honey."

Jerome: "I'll see you at the debate, Billy. I'm going to take you down!"

Billy: "Yeah, whatever. Just remember my dad can beat up your dad!"

Jerome: "Uh-huh. By the way, I've been doing your mom. Ready for me to fill you up with my own Happy Meal, Mrs. M.?"