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A hoodie-wearing Bill Belichick gets stopped and frisked for looking suspicious

It's being reported that New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick was stopped and frisked yesterday by police when walking his dog Gronknuts around the block.

Belichick allegedly resisted at first, saying, "I only raise my arms when we score a touchdown or when my wife asks if I'm 'sure,' as in that deodorant crap. What are you, a Ravens fan or something?"

The Patriots head coach then said, "Fine, go ahead - search away. As a matter of fact, I urge you to search all of my pockets." Upon doing this, Officer Francis Dick found his hands covered in dog treats and dog crap, before letting Belichick continue onward, snarling as he walked away, or smiling - it was difficult to tell which.

When asked why the Super Bowl-winning coach was stopped and frisked in the first place, Officer Dick said, "We received several calls from neighbors about a suspicious man in a hoodie with his hands in his pockets, so we had to promptly check out the situation. Of course, if the callers had specified that it was an old angry white man walking a dog, we would probably have bypassed this trip and gone on to more pressing matters, like waiting for a black kid to sell pot on the street, before the drug gets legalized nationwide."

Upon being asked about the incident at a press conference, Belichick mumbled something it appeared not even he understood.

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