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Cop shoots marathon runner as he crosses the finish line

Sadly, the New York City Marathon was cut short this year when David Nairobi of Kenya was tragically shot and killed by Sheriff Daniel Shihtferbrains as he crossed the finish line to win the race.

When asked to comment about the event, Sheriff Shihtferbrains said, "The guy was coming right at me, really fast too! His arms were violently swinging back and forth when he was running! Not only that, but he charged right through this banner looking deal, which I think was made of steel or bricks or something! In any case, I had no choice. The man appeared to be on a mission, like he was seriously going for something and nothing was going to stop him! I mean, what was I supposed to do, you know? Fortunately, I got that first one, because for whatever reason, tons more were about to follow him. After I shot him, though, and I'm still not sure why this happened, but everyone started running away from me. They should have been walking right up to me and thanking me. I mean, who knows how many lives I saved that day?"

In response to the event and the sheriff's comments, the New York Police Department union released a statement, saying, "We've yet to determine whether or not Mr. Nairobi stole a pack of chewing gum from a gas station when he was 7-years-old or whether or not he ever consumed any wine while in church. Due to all of these questions surrounding a black man's character, I mean, Mr. Nairobi's character, and the fact this was caught on tape with millions of witnesses, we believe Sheriff Shihterferbrains won't face any charges."
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