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Jesus' First Words Upon His Return

Gracefully dropping from the sky, held up by a funky looking parachute, Jesus made his long-awaited return to earth this past weekend. He was decked out in a robe, sandals, and shades that would even make CSI : Miami's Horatio Caine jealous. An incredible light surrounded him which can only be summed up in one word - sunlight. As his feet gently hit the ground, he remained quiet, as everyone started pointing small screens at him, from which they were just speaking into. Some even came up next to him and held up this very screen in front of the two of them while clicking a button of some kind and then walking away. Then the moment finally arrived - the one everyone had been waiting for since JC's demise and rise. Someone even started playing the Dave Matthews Band song, "What Would You Say?," before Jesus silenced them. He then looked from side to side, cleared his throat, grabbed a microphone that hadn't existed previously, and said, "WTF?!?" before snapping his fingers and vanishing.

It's unknown where Jesus went after that, but rumor has it he's been bar-hopping across the world and continually asking for the Three Wise Men.

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