As the 2016 presidential election begins to dominate the 24-hour cable news cycles, multiple Republican candidates have come forward in saying their decision to run for president was sparked by God calling on them to do so. In light of this, I asked TrippingAcid.com's own Rafael Reefer to catch up with God and ask him about these claims.
"Yeah, I called on them to run for president, all of them as a matter of fact. Actually, I've been calling on any and every Republican candidate to run for president since the year 2000," admitted God.
When asked by Reefer why this was the case, the all-mighty invisible creator responded:
"Look, I like comedy just as much as the next person, and frankly I've been getting sick and tired of what passes for comedy nowadays. I mean, Dane Cook? People worship my boy to be saved for all eternity and that's exactly how long one of his jokes seems to last! Adam Sandler? I've even heard stories where fetuses scream inside their mothers whenever being forced to listen to one of his films. It's true; it's science and in the Bible. Reality television? That's not real; that's not even funny. If people want to see real, watch a virgin give birth to a baby Jesus, and if you want to see funny, try explaining that to a doctor. So, I got tired of watching all of this crap and decided, what better way to spark constant laughter than to gather some of the craziest people in the world and have them debate one another? If there's such a thing as comedy gold, that's it. You're welcome, America!"
The reputable reporter Reefer then asked the allegedly omniscient, omnipotent, benevolent one if he had a favorite in the race, to which he replied with this:
"As far as running the country goes, no; they're all batsh*t crazy! As far as comedy goes, I'd have to say Ben Carson and Ted Cruz are my two early favorites. Mike Huckabee is a close third. Whenever he says something like, "God would say...," I want to stop him right there and finish his sentence for him, by saying, "...you're crazy." Now, if we could only get Ted Nugent to join this race, it'd be comedy heaven, not just from where I reside, but all across the world.
Lastly, when God was asked if he had any final words for the Republican Party, he said, "Reciting scientific studies, facts, and numbers aren't the equivalent to saying my name in vain, so stop treating them as such; the G-O-D is not down with the GOP; masturbation won't blind you, but prejudice and ignorance will; and you know that old 'That's what she said' joke'? Jesus started that."
After reading this article, it's being reported that Weird Al Yankovic will soon cover Naughty By Nature's song, "O.P.P." Weird Al's version will be entitled, "G.O.P.," where the chorus will go as follows:
"You down with the GOP? (Not G-O-D),
You down with the GOP? (Not G-O-D),
You down with the GOP? (Not G-O-D),
Who's down with the GOP? (No-frickin'-body)."
In response, every Republican candidate has blasted the song as blasphemy, all the while they pretend to speak for God on the campaign trail.
God is not an citizen, and if you dent that find his social security number, This may be illegal foreign campaign contributions.
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