John McClane; Jack Bauer; Rambo; Elmer Fudd; and Walker, Texas Ranger to join the GOP presidential race
It's been estimated that a child is born every 8 seconds in the United States, and in recent days, a similar statistic could likely be used to estimate the number of Republicans entering the 2016 presidential race. From Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina, to Mike Huckabee and Rand Paul, to Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, to likely candidates Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Chris Christie, and beyond, "Which Republicans aren't running for president in 2016?" may soon become an easier question to answer than, "Which Republicans are running for president in 2016?" That'll especially be the case now that five new Republican hopefuls have announced they too will be running for president in the 2016 election: John McClane; Jack Bauer; Rambo; Elmer Fudd; and Walker, Texas Ranger (AKA Cordell Walker). The five presidential hopefuls made their announcements earlier today, in front of dozens of supporters, aired on Fox News. While it'd be impossible to fully capture the magical aura about every one of these speeches, I'll attempt to at least showcase some highlights from each.
When it comes to John McClane, one thing is for certain - he knows how to pump up a crowd. He started his speech by saying, "Yeah, I got a deal for the Democrats. Crawl out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass!"
He also let it be known that he stands behind the NRA 100%, saying, "Look, hundreds of thousands of people get killed by cars every year in this country. So, I mean, so what if just four people die by guns, you know?" While Politifact.com has already given this claim a "Pants on Fire" grade, that still didn't phase the wildly applauding audience any.
McClane didn't shy away from the War on Christmas debate either, saying, "I'd like a regular, normal Christmas, eggnog, a f**kin' Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no - I gotta say 'Happy Holidays' to people while crawling around in this motherf**kin' tin can."
Since studies have shown that Republicans tend to be fear-based voters, Jack Bauer may be the early favorite among these five new presidential hopefuls. He started his speech off with a bang, saying, "I have killed two people since midnight. I also haven't slept in more than 24 hours. Not only that, but I haven't drank a bottle of scotch in two hours. So yeah, maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are right now." The audience, in a stunned silence after hearing this, soon stood up and provided Bauer with a standing ovation, slow-clap style.
Bauer didn't stop there, saying, "You probably don't think I can force this towel down any of your throats, do you? But trust me, I can - all the way. Except, I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end here. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out, and take your stomach lining with it. For most people, it would take about a week to die, and yes, it's very painful. I call it the pull-out method - works every time." This resulted in the second slow-clap standing ovation of his speech.
In one of his more light-hearted moments, Jack Bauer talked about how the Republican Party should never compromise, as he said:
"You can look the other way once, and it's no big deal. Except it makes you a pussy and makes it easier for you to compromise the next time. Before you know it, that's all you're doing - compromising, because that's the way you think things are done. You know those guys I busted? You think they were the bad guys? Because they weren't. They weren't bad guys; they were just like you and me. Except for one thing - they compromised...once. If you ever compromise with the Democrats, you too will get busted; I'll make certain of that!"
Rambo started his speech off well too, saying, "You know what I am to the Democrats? I'm their worst nightmare!" This got the audience cheering and chanting, "Vote Ram-bo!"
The presidential hopeful then decided to showcase his patriotism by enthusiastically spouting this: "I want, what they want, and every other guy who came over here and spilled his guts and gave everything he had, wants! For our country to love us as much as we love it! That's what I want! I also want you to want what I want! Who here wants what I want?" Some ladies up front then started singing their version of a Cheap Trick hit, "We want you to want us, Rambo!"
The only downside to Rambo's speech was toward the end when it appeared he was suffering from a flashback, as he went on the following tangent:
"Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my war! You asked me, I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win! But somebody wouldn't let us win! And I come back to the world and I see all those maggots at the airport, protesting me, spitting, calling me baby-killer and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me? Who are they? Unless they've been me and been there and know what the hell they're yelling about! Have they done what I do? Have they boxed Mr. T? No, so shut-up!"
Even after this crazy outburst, the audience did anything but shut-up, and gave Rambo a rousing and jubilant round of applause. It is unknown at this time if the "baby-killing" comment will hurt him among Christian voters.
Elmer Fudd was a man of few words at his speech, but his few words went a long ways with his audience. Fudd started his speech by saying, "Vote fow me. Don't twust the west of these wascally Wepublicans!"
He then joked with the audience, saying, "I'm a wed-hot spowtsman after wild game. What's that wild game? Modewates, libewals, and Democwats! Heh-heh-heh-heh." This resulted in the loudest laughter heard at any of the five speeches.
Fudd then put the joking aside to focus on foreign policy, saying, "I say we go to waw with Iwaq, Iwan, Sywia, and Nowth Kowea!"
At this point, the applause was so loud, Fudd simply dropped the mic and walked away.
Walker, Texas Ranger was a man of no words. After walking up on stage wearing a cowboy hat, sunglasses, with handguns in both hands, he fired a couple of shots at the ceiling, before walking off. As the audience sat in confusion, one such member rose up, and loudly stated, "Walker, Texas Ranger isn't a man of no words; there are no words that can describe Walker, Texas Ranger!" The audience then rose up and started cheering, firing their guns at the ceiling as well, until the police put an end to it, only arresting one unarmed black guy as a result.
Even after all five of these speeches were made, polls still show that Ben Carson and Ted Cruz are the two craziest Republican candidates and Mike Huckabee is the least believable one.
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0001752/quotes
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0009881/quotes
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0005265/quotes
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0029092/quotes
When it comes to John McClane, one thing is for certain - he knows how to pump up a crowd. He started his speech by saying, "Yeah, I got a deal for the Democrats. Crawl out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass!"
He also let it be known that he stands behind the NRA 100%, saying, "Look, hundreds of thousands of people get killed by cars every year in this country. So, I mean, so what if just four people die by guns, you know?" While Politifact.com has already given this claim a "Pants on Fire" grade, that still didn't phase the wildly applauding audience any.
McClane didn't shy away from the War on Christmas debate either, saying, "I'd like a regular, normal Christmas, eggnog, a f**kin' Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no - I gotta say 'Happy Holidays' to people while crawling around in this motherf**kin' tin can."
Since studies have shown that Republicans tend to be fear-based voters, Jack Bauer may be the early favorite among these five new presidential hopefuls. He started his speech off with a bang, saying, "I have killed two people since midnight. I also haven't slept in more than 24 hours. Not only that, but I haven't drank a bottle of scotch in two hours. So yeah, maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are right now." The audience, in a stunned silence after hearing this, soon stood up and provided Bauer with a standing ovation, slow-clap style.
Bauer didn't stop there, saying, "You probably don't think I can force this towel down any of your throats, do you? But trust me, I can - all the way. Except, I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end here. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out, and take your stomach lining with it. For most people, it would take about a week to die, and yes, it's very painful. I call it the pull-out method - works every time." This resulted in the second slow-clap standing ovation of his speech.
In one of his more light-hearted moments, Jack Bauer talked about how the Republican Party should never compromise, as he said:
"You can look the other way once, and it's no big deal. Except it makes you a pussy and makes it easier for you to compromise the next time. Before you know it, that's all you're doing - compromising, because that's the way you think things are done. You know those guys I busted? You think they were the bad guys? Because they weren't. They weren't bad guys; they were just like you and me. Except for one thing - they compromised...once. If you ever compromise with the Democrats, you too will get busted; I'll make certain of that!"
Rambo started his speech off well too, saying, "You know what I am to the Democrats? I'm their worst nightmare!" This got the audience cheering and chanting, "Vote Ram-bo!"
The presidential hopeful then decided to showcase his patriotism by enthusiastically spouting this: "I want, what they want, and every other guy who came over here and spilled his guts and gave everything he had, wants! For our country to love us as much as we love it! That's what I want! I also want you to want what I want! Who here wants what I want?" Some ladies up front then started singing their version of a Cheap Trick hit, "We want you to want us, Rambo!"
The only downside to Rambo's speech was toward the end when it appeared he was suffering from a flashback, as he went on the following tangent:
"Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my war! You asked me, I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win! But somebody wouldn't let us win! And I come back to the world and I see all those maggots at the airport, protesting me, spitting, calling me baby-killer and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me? Who are they? Unless they've been me and been there and know what the hell they're yelling about! Have they done what I do? Have they boxed Mr. T? No, so shut-up!"
Even after this crazy outburst, the audience did anything but shut-up, and gave Rambo a rousing and jubilant round of applause. It is unknown at this time if the "baby-killing" comment will hurt him among Christian voters.
Elmer Fudd was a man of few words at his speech, but his few words went a long ways with his audience. Fudd started his speech by saying, "Vote fow me. Don't twust the west of these wascally Wepublicans!"
He then joked with the audience, saying, "I'm a wed-hot spowtsman after wild game. What's that wild game? Modewates, libewals, and Democwats! Heh-heh-heh-heh." This resulted in the loudest laughter heard at any of the five speeches.
Fudd then put the joking aside to focus on foreign policy, saying, "I say we go to waw with Iwaq, Iwan, Sywia, and Nowth Kowea!"
At this point, the applause was so loud, Fudd simply dropped the mic and walked away.
Walker, Texas Ranger was a man of no words. After walking up on stage wearing a cowboy hat, sunglasses, with handguns in both hands, he fired a couple of shots at the ceiling, before walking off. As the audience sat in confusion, one such member rose up, and loudly stated, "Walker, Texas Ranger isn't a man of no words; there are no words that can describe Walker, Texas Ranger!" The audience then rose up and started cheering, firing their guns at the ceiling as well, until the police put an end to it, only arresting one unarmed black guy as a result.
Even after all five of these speeches were made, polls still show that Ben Carson and Ted Cruz are the two craziest Republican candidates and Mike Huckabee is the least believable one.
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0001752/quotes
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0009881/quotes
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0005265/quotes
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0029092/quotes
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