After the Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality on Friday morning, it was all but inevitable that far-right politicians and talking heads would fill the airwaves with lovely commentary. Here are ten of my favorites:
Canada: Some conservatives said, "If gay marriage is legalized here, we're moving to Canada!" First of all, why is it always Canada? I suppose it is our neighbor to the north, but still, whenever one threatens to move somewhere, it seems to always be Canada. Secondly, Canada legalized gay marriage in 2005, so it looks just a tad silly to move from one country, due to gay marriage being legalized, to another that's had it legalized for ten years. It reminds me of some conservatives' reaction to Obamacare. They said, "If Obamacare is passed, we're moving to Cuba!" Guess who has universal health care? That's right, Cuba. While these conservatives are at it, they should make the following threat: "If these gun control laws get passed, we're moving to Japan!"
God's judgment: Of course, several people have come forward, saying, "In light of this ruling, God's going to pass judgment on our country!" Right. God apparently didn't pass judgment on us stealing the land from the Natives ("Thou shalt not steal..."), killing many of them ("Thou shalt not kill..."), or enslaving Africans, but when it comes to legally allowing two men or two women whom are in love to marry one another, well, that's just crossing the line right there!
Armageddon: Some have even said this ruling means the end of times is near. Yes, God, not for one second, thought about bringing about the end of the world during the Holocaust, the Great Depression, or the Vietnam War. He thought to himself, "Yeah, things are bad, but not bad enough where I feel the need to butt in." Once gay marriage got legalized, though, that's when he said to himself, "Okay, that's it; it's time to take action. I can let all these wars go by the wayside, but gay marriage? I don't think so!"
Burn themselves: One pastor insinuated he was going to burn himself at the altar if gay marriage became legal. Of course, he backtracked after Friday's ruling, but it was still crazy for him to ever suggest such a thing. Does he really think before Justice Kennedy made his decision, he pondered to himself, "Well, I think love is the ultimate form of equality, but I don't want to run the risk of that crazy pastor following through with burning himself, so I'll continue to oppress millions of people's rights in the off-chance of saving one crazy person's life."? Oh, how I love narcissistic pastors...
Divorce: One Christian couple threatened to divorce if gay marriage became legal. Yes, once again, that's quite the narcissistic stand. It's also an incredibly stupid stand. Do they truly believe that their marriage can't be sacred if gay couples are allowed to be wed? What, if they loved the taste of pizza and courts made it legal for gay people to eat pizza, would this result in their taste buds no longer liking pizza? I don't think so. Like I said, stupid...
Sin/morality: The homosexuality-is-a-sin-and-immoral argument is a weak one as well, especially coming from many of the Republican politicians running for the 2016 presidential election. Sure, many of them befriended Josh Duggar, a self-admitted child molester, and received donations from Dylann Roof-inspired white supremacist Earl Holt, yet they still feel they can play the morality card when it comes to gay marriage? Fascinating...
Worse than segregation ruling: A conservative judge in Alabama, Roy Moore, said the recent Supreme Court ruling was worse than the one upholding segregation. Yes, providing equal rights for one group of people is worse than preventing another group of people from having equal rights. While he's at it, he might as well say, "Granting women the right to vote was worse than slavery!" Best of luck with that line of thinking, buddy!
Some of the darkest 24 hours in our history: Following the ruling, Texas Senator Ted Cruz said that these were some of the darkest 24 hours in our country's history. That's funny coming from the guy that shut the government down for 16 days and cost this country an estimated $24 billion in the process.
Tyranny: Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee referred to the Supreme Court ruling and the aftermath as tyranny. Equality is tyranny? Was it "tyranny" when slavery was abolished? Was it "tyranny" when women were granted the right to vote? Was the First Amendment a form of "tyranny"? It's no wonder such individuals often times refer to President Obama as a tyrant, because they apparently don't know what the word means...
Traditional/Biblical marriage: As is typical, some have decided to go the traditional/Biblical marriage route with their arguments. Ironically enough, Donald Trump was the latest to use this line of reasoning. I say that it's ironic because Mr. Trump seems to be such a big fan of traditional marriage, he's been traditionally married three times. Between him, Rush Limbaugh, and Newt Gingrich, the three conservatives have been traditionally married ten times. Congratulations!
Canada: Some conservatives said, "If gay marriage is legalized here, we're moving to Canada!" First of all, why is it always Canada? I suppose it is our neighbor to the north, but still, whenever one threatens to move somewhere, it seems to always be Canada. Secondly, Canada legalized gay marriage in 2005, so it looks just a tad silly to move from one country, due to gay marriage being legalized, to another that's had it legalized for ten years. It reminds me of some conservatives' reaction to Obamacare. They said, "If Obamacare is passed, we're moving to Cuba!" Guess who has universal health care? That's right, Cuba. While these conservatives are at it, they should make the following threat: "If these gun control laws get passed, we're moving to Japan!"
God's judgment: Of course, several people have come forward, saying, "In light of this ruling, God's going to pass judgment on our country!" Right. God apparently didn't pass judgment on us stealing the land from the Natives ("Thou shalt not steal..."), killing many of them ("Thou shalt not kill..."), or enslaving Africans, but when it comes to legally allowing two men or two women whom are in love to marry one another, well, that's just crossing the line right there!
Armageddon: Some have even said this ruling means the end of times is near. Yes, God, not for one second, thought about bringing about the end of the world during the Holocaust, the Great Depression, or the Vietnam War. He thought to himself, "Yeah, things are bad, but not bad enough where I feel the need to butt in." Once gay marriage got legalized, though, that's when he said to himself, "Okay, that's it; it's time to take action. I can let all these wars go by the wayside, but gay marriage? I don't think so!"
Burn themselves: One pastor insinuated he was going to burn himself at the altar if gay marriage became legal. Of course, he backtracked after Friday's ruling, but it was still crazy for him to ever suggest such a thing. Does he really think before Justice Kennedy made his decision, he pondered to himself, "Well, I think love is the ultimate form of equality, but I don't want to run the risk of that crazy pastor following through with burning himself, so I'll continue to oppress millions of people's rights in the off-chance of saving one crazy person's life."? Oh, how I love narcissistic pastors...
Divorce: One Christian couple threatened to divorce if gay marriage became legal. Yes, once again, that's quite the narcissistic stand. It's also an incredibly stupid stand. Do they truly believe that their marriage can't be sacred if gay couples are allowed to be wed? What, if they loved the taste of pizza and courts made it legal for gay people to eat pizza, would this result in their taste buds no longer liking pizza? I don't think so. Like I said, stupid...
Sin/morality: The homosexuality-is-a-sin-and-immoral argument is a weak one as well, especially coming from many of the Republican politicians running for the 2016 presidential election. Sure, many of them befriended Josh Duggar, a self-admitted child molester, and received donations from Dylann Roof-inspired white supremacist Earl Holt, yet they still feel they can play the morality card when it comes to gay marriage? Fascinating...
Worse than segregation ruling: A conservative judge in Alabama, Roy Moore, said the recent Supreme Court ruling was worse than the one upholding segregation. Yes, providing equal rights for one group of people is worse than preventing another group of people from having equal rights. While he's at it, he might as well say, "Granting women the right to vote was worse than slavery!" Best of luck with that line of thinking, buddy!
Some of the darkest 24 hours in our history: Following the ruling, Texas Senator Ted Cruz said that these were some of the darkest 24 hours in our country's history. That's funny coming from the guy that shut the government down for 16 days and cost this country an estimated $24 billion in the process.
Tyranny: Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee referred to the Supreme Court ruling and the aftermath as tyranny. Equality is tyranny? Was it "tyranny" when slavery was abolished? Was it "tyranny" when women were granted the right to vote? Was the First Amendment a form of "tyranny"? It's no wonder such individuals often times refer to President Obama as a tyrant, because they apparently don't know what the word means...
Traditional/Biblical marriage: As is typical, some have decided to go the traditional/Biblical marriage route with their arguments. Ironically enough, Donald Trump was the latest to use this line of reasoning. I say that it's ironic because Mr. Trump seems to be such a big fan of traditional marriage, he's been traditionally married three times. Between him, Rush Limbaugh, and Newt Gingrich, the three conservatives have been traditionally married ten times. Congratulations!
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