Okay, so perhaps that's just wishful thinking on my part, but in any case, it appears as if Donald Trump is going to run for president, joining the other 9,473 Republicans running for the highest office in the land. This has to thrill the likes of Jon Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Larry Wilmore, and the rest of the late-night talk show gang. Under comedy gold in the dictionary should be a picture of Donald Trump's "hairpiece" (or whatever that thing is), with the words "I'm running for president" directly underneath it. Yes, after hearing the news a few minutes ago, Jon Stewart was likely seen at his desk in deep contemplation, picking the petals off a daisy, as he recited lyrics to The Clash song, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" It's still unknown at this time whether the final petal signified that he should stay or go.
Segueing from that, I thought I'd have a little fun with some Donald Trump quotes. Keep in mind as you read these, yes, this man is seriously running for president.
"It's like in golf. A lot of people - I don't want to this to sound trivial - but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist."
Yes, heterosexuals become homosexuals much like golfers switch to long, unattractive putters, because they can't sink their putts anymore. So, according to Trump's analogy, straight men apparently go gay when they feel they can't attract women anymore. Interesting... Going with the opposite, more scientifically accurate homosexuality-is-inborn argument, according to Trump's analogy, some people were always long putters; they were just afraid to come out to the public about it due to fear of judgment and rejection. Yes, the more I try to elaborate on Trump's statement, the less sense it makes.
"I have a great relationship with the blacks."
Obviously...
"I will build you ... one of the great ballrooms of the world."
Is that going to be one of his campaign promises? That's a winning strategy right there, and it'd make for some great debate moments as well!
Hillary Clinton: "I will create more jobs, help close the pay gap in this country, and fight for the middle class! I will fight for equality for all! I will see war as the very last of options, so we can focus more time, attention, and money here at home than we do overseas!"
Donald Trump: "I will build you one of the great ballrooms in the world."
"I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful."
Women? Still opposed to gay marriage, though, right? Gotta love that family values theme! "Marriage is between one man and one woman, and I love my women. I have such beautiful women, the most beautiful women in the world!"
"In life you have to rely on the past, and that's called history."
Deep thoughts brought to you by Donald Trump...
"I'll tell you, it's Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it's Big Business..."
If there's one word to describe that quote, it's "not very smart."
"You know, it really doesn't matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."
Is Donald talking about his own ass being young and beautiful or young, beautiful women's rears? He may want to specify here. If it's the former, I think even blind people would adamantly reject that claim. If it's the latter, that may not go over very well with evangelicals.
"Look, I love God and I love Jesus, but what I love more than anything is a young, beautiful piece of ass."
"All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me -- consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."
After reading this, I can just envision Trump looking at an unconscious woman at a bar, tapping his buddy on the shoulder and saying, "You see that? She wants me."
"She really has become a monster ... I mean monster in the most positive way."
"No offense, baby, but you really are a raging, psychotic, b*tch sometimes, I don't mean any disrespect." No, of course not...
"My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body."
His hair, right?
"I'm not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I won't lost a penny."
That would be a winning campaign slogan right there: "I don't give a sh*t if this country goes to hell in a handbasket, because I'll still be rich! Vote Trump 2016!"
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/Donald-Trump/a/Donald-Trump-Quotes.htm
Segueing from that, I thought I'd have a little fun with some Donald Trump quotes. Keep in mind as you read these, yes, this man is seriously running for president.
"It's like in golf. A lot of people - I don't want to this to sound trivial - but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist."
Yes, heterosexuals become homosexuals much like golfers switch to long, unattractive putters, because they can't sink their putts anymore. So, according to Trump's analogy, straight men apparently go gay when they feel they can't attract women anymore. Interesting... Going with the opposite, more scientifically accurate homosexuality-is-inborn argument, according to Trump's analogy, some people were always long putters; they were just afraid to come out to the public about it due to fear of judgment and rejection. Yes, the more I try to elaborate on Trump's statement, the less sense it makes.
"I have a great relationship with the blacks."
Obviously...
"I will build you ... one of the great ballrooms of the world."
Is that going to be one of his campaign promises? That's a winning strategy right there, and it'd make for some great debate moments as well!
Hillary Clinton: "I will create more jobs, help close the pay gap in this country, and fight for the middle class! I will fight for equality for all! I will see war as the very last of options, so we can focus more time, attention, and money here at home than we do overseas!"
Donald Trump: "I will build you one of the great ballrooms in the world."
"I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful."
Women? Still opposed to gay marriage, though, right? Gotta love that family values theme! "Marriage is between one man and one woman, and I love my women. I have such beautiful women, the most beautiful women in the world!"
"In life you have to rely on the past, and that's called history."
Deep thoughts brought to you by Donald Trump...
"I'll tell you, it's Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it's Big Business..."
If there's one word to describe that quote, it's "not very smart."
"You know, it really doesn't matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."
Is Donald talking about his own ass being young and beautiful or young, beautiful women's rears? He may want to specify here. If it's the former, I think even blind people would adamantly reject that claim. If it's the latter, that may not go over very well with evangelicals.
"Look, I love God and I love Jesus, but what I love more than anything is a young, beautiful piece of ass."
"All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me -- consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."
After reading this, I can just envision Trump looking at an unconscious woman at a bar, tapping his buddy on the shoulder and saying, "You see that? She wants me."
"She really has become a monster ... I mean monster in the most positive way."
"No offense, baby, but you really are a raging, psychotic, b*tch sometimes, I don't mean any disrespect." No, of course not...
"My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body."
His hair, right?
"I'm not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I won't lost a penny."
That would be a winning campaign slogan right there: "I don't give a sh*t if this country goes to hell in a handbasket, because I'll still be rich! Vote Trump 2016!"
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/Donald-Trump/a/Donald-Trump-Quotes.htm
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